god i need my tits played with so badly. to feel my nipples pinched, kneaded, and sucked until i feel em grow hard and wet in someone’s mouth. i’d treat em like they were giving me head, holding their head down for a few seconds before pulling it back to see that dazed look, all while cooing in their ear about how good they’re taking me, how they make mommy feel good every time their tongue rolls and flicks over my nipple and their teeth graze against it as they suck. i could probably come close to cumming from that alone.

I warned you. I told you what would happen if you didn’t listen, if you kept squirming, kept whining, kept pushing when I told you to behave. But you just don’t know how to be good, do you?

So now you’re here. Facedown, arms pinned behind your back, my hand tangled in your hair, my body pressing you into the mattress until you have nowhere to run.

“You wanted my attention, baby?” I purr, breath hot against your ear. “Well, now you have it.”

My husband’s job primarily employs adult men but there is one (1) teenage girl and my husband said originally he worried she might be a bit of an outcast but instead every man on the crew was like “huh guess I am a dad/older brother now.”

She was in a car crash on the way to work one morning and called my husband to let him know she’d be late and he was like wtf guess I’m gonna be late too because I’m coming to pick you up and then he told his team and they were like I think you mean WE are coming.

Imagine you are a teenage girl probably rushing to get to work and you crash your probably new car and feel absolutely miserable and now you’ll be late to work but then suddenly in the distance a car full of all the adult men you work with just pulls up and is like “we came all the way here to pick you up” the mental image right now is fr.

Apparently she tried to call her dad but it was 3am and he was obviously sleeping so she called my husband and he not only came to find her but fished her glasses out of the hood of the car (she’d dropped them while looking inside), drove her to the hospital, and told her to take the day off. She insisted on coming back to work so he used his lunch break to watch TV with her to make sure she didn’t doze off (concussion risk).

You’ve heard of the Mom friend but my husband is very much the Dad friend. He said when he answered the phone she said “hey please don’t be mad” and he’s never felt such powerful Fatherhood energy in his life.

Girl: *calls for aid*

Every single dad packed into the car:

This is possibly my favorite response to this post

This girls father: Thanks for helping my daughter out guys

Your husband and all his coworkers:

@girl-detector

feminine urge to take a picture in the mirror with their arms around my waist

one day <3

if i don’t get eaten out soon i’m going to go insane

sick of these job applications man

*Scrolls past*

*reluctant sigh*

*scrolls back up*

*rebogs*

This is your captain speaking and yeah we’re not landing. I just feel like we’ve got a really good thing up here and I don’t want to ruin it. This is my home and you are my people

We never have to go back

in the mood to be fully dressed while a naked femme unzips my jeans and pulls my strap out, desperately sucking on it while she looks up at me with her pretty doe eyes. my hand fisting in her hair as she chokes. covering it thickly in saliva so when she climbs on my lap it eases right in. fuck.

fuck the way i wanna be fucked like the eager slut that i am for a pretty girl, up against a wall or up on a desk, taking their strap, just being foggy minded and not thinking of anything else but how full i am, listening to their praises and moans and pants, offering my neck for them to mark, whimpering as they bite into me, back arching as they play with my nipples, begging to cum, to be claimed, how i just wanna be theirs, nails clawing their shoulders, pleading for harder faster rougher, i-

hte real april foule… was you.

for thinkjghing I did not care abou you.

who doesn't love a ball toy pit?

ever wondered how many crabs might fit in a confined space? what number of horses might go into a padded pool? what quantity of paws might populate a pit typically filled with colorful plastic balls? well, you’re in luck.

for no reason at all, we have decided to make you do some math: we have filled a ball pit measuring exactly 32” x 8" with some true tumblr icons. more pics below (including, of course, a banana for scale). you have 24 hours to guess how many of each toy appears. good luck!

but that's not all—we have more polls for your guessing pleasure:

poll 1: how many crabs have infested the pool? poll 2: what number of mini horse friends? poll 3: how many tiny toe beans are contained within?

happy voting!