What to Do If You Feel Like You're Walking on Eggshells in Your Relationship

Do you feel like you can't share anything with your partner because of how they might react? Are you constantly walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting them? It isn't always apparent that exchanges with your significant other leave you scared to approach them. However, if you’re often hesitant to respond or excessively mindful of your actions around your partner, this could mean that you tend to walk on eggshells around them.

Ideally, talking to your partner will be open and free of tension. After all, our partners are often our confidants and best friends, so very little is considered off-limits. Good communication is vital to any healthy relationship, but that doesn't mean it's always easy. If you feel like you have to tread lightly in every interaction, it's time to reassess the situation and figure out what to do about it.

In a healthy relationship, it isn't hard to predict your partner's moods and preferences. You're not afraid of their reactions or vice versa. Toxic dynamics are often marked by an inability to truly communicate. In such cases, you may feel like you have to monitor the situation carefully. You must manage what you say, how you say it, and how your partner feels before choosing your next words. It's an unhealthy relationship dynamic and a stressful and exhausting way to live.

What Does Walking on Eggshells Mean?

In the same way that an egg demands delicate treatment to avoid cracks in its frame, a person who walks on eggshells around their partner will observe considerable caution to avoid upsetting them. This upset could manifest in angry outbursts or talking down to a partner in response to a perceived slight. 

In this dynamic, one partner’s mood often swings from happy to mildly annoyed or even angry at the slightest shift in the other’s tone. The result? One partner is always on shaky ground. To cope with this instability, they bend over backward to avoid an imminent complaint or change in mood.

These complaints or mood changes may be spontaneous, excessive, and can stretch on for lengthy periods.

It is a sinister form of control, one that targets the psychological well-being of another while tending to subdue them.

Signs of Walking on Eggshells

Emotional abuse can be covert, making it an easy-to-miss form of intimate partner violence. However, there are stand-out behaviors where one partner tends to tread carefully around the other to avoid trouble.

These signs include:

• A partner that gets angry at the slightest provocation
• Angry outbursts and complaints that are often blown out of proportion
• Verbal disagreements or even assault become staples of the relationship
• One partner is placed on constant guard around the other
• Family and friends notice the abusive partner’s moods
• Fighting or physical blowouts become usual events in the relationship
• Abusive outbursts or treatments that are rarely followed by an apology
• The abusive partner refuses to take responsibility for the pain caused
• One partner feels genuine fear of the other
• Reduced confidence and sense of self in the partner being abused

Causing others to walk on eggshells is a red flag for toxic behavior and can lead to an endless cycle of mistreatment and abuse.

How to Deal With Walking on Eggshells

Beyond creating a tense atmosphere between partners, a relationship governed by excessive caution on one person’s part may also increase the risk of developing serious mental health disorders.

Effects of emotional abuse—including learning to fear your partner—may lead to conditions like depression and anxiety. Such abuse is often tied to problems with self-esteem. Loneliness is also common since emotional abuse can be very isolating. In this case, discussing the harm and pain endured in the relationship with others becomes too difficult or even embarrassing to bear.

If you are dealing with a partner who is a constant source of tension, the following are some ways to protect and safely extract yourself from the situation.

Communicate With Your Partner 

Maybe your partner used to be caring, communicative, and receptive to your needs. Recently, they may have shifted into being the reason you wake up tense and stressed. If this is a sudden shift in your dynamic, this change might need to be discussed as a couple.

This is particularly true if the behavior change is tied to some sort of stress in your life, like an upcoming promotion or perhaps family difficulties. Finding a calm moment to share how their reactions affect you and your relationship could help enforce a change.

If you've tried discussing your concerns with your partner but faced resistance or anger, it may be wise to contemplate ending the relationship.

Figure Out Your True Emotional Needs

It's important to spend some time thinking about your own emotional needs. You may have been so focused on placating your partner that you've lost touch with what's important to you.

Breaking things off with a partner—especially one who has been mistreating you can be very daunting. You might put it off because you're afraid of their reaction or of what comes next, but you absolutely need to put yourself first in this situation.

A partner whose presence doesn’t instill fear, one who can handle anger without directing it your way, eager to apologize when wrong, and who is above all kind to you, is a prospect worth pushing for the end of an abusive situation.

Speak to Friends and Family for Support

Because it can sometimes take a village, reach out to friends and family for support if you've decided to leave a toxic relationship.

Whether it’s for help with a place to stay after ending things or a shoulder to cry on during tough days, added strength from others can soften the strain and strengthen resolve.

Advise Your Partner to Get Professional Help

Remind yourself that you have zero obligation to try to fix your partner or solve their problem. They chose to become abusive. That's on them; you do not need to take on the burden or blame for what they've done.

Speak to a Therapist

The psychological scars left from an emotionally abusive relationship can run deep. Sometimes, support from friends and family may not be enough to aid you in your healing process.

Speaking with a professional can help with navigating the pain and trauma endured in an abusive relationship. In therapy, you can also address any other mental issues that have developed as a result of the trauma and learn healthy coping mechanisms.

Takeaways

Relationships can offer a safe, warm embrace from the craziness of the world. In some cases, however, these pairings can cause the most negative imbalances in your mental and physical well-being. Such situations are unhealthy and unsustainable for any relationship dynamic. If you find that you're in an unhealthy relationship dynamic, there's no shame in seeking therapy.