Fourteen years ago, Tameika Gentles was a heavy-set college student struggling to make it from one end of the campus to another. Today, she's ninety pounds lighter, showing off tight abs, toned arms and legs, and a bright smile in her Instagram selfies and training videos.
How did Gentles manage and maintain such a stunning transformation?
The wellness professional and fitness enthusiast had initially pursued weight loss in the way most people do—lose as much weight as possible and get the bikini body everyone talks about. But it was actually at her skinniest and lightest that she realized she needed more than that.
Courtesy of Tameika Gentles
"I got down to 120 pounds soaking wet, and I realized fulfillment wasn't there. I was so confused because I had done everything right. I lost the weight. I kept it off. I was a trainer. All the things I was supposed to do, I did. Yet there was so much vacancy and emptiness inside. That's when I really had to take a pause and look within and recognize that there was something deeper to this process than just the physical," Gentles explains.
So, Gentles shifted, reframing her entire approach to weight loss. Instead of obsessing over the number on the scale, she focused on how she felt. Rather than fretting about what she saw in the mirror, she put her attention on why being healthy and fit were so important to her. And with wellness—not weight loss—as her anchor, she transformed not just her body, but her entire life.
"Focusing on wellness has been paramount to the trajectory for the rest of my life. I've gotten divorced, moved internationally four times, quit my job, and started my own business, and now I'm dealing with the ups and downs of entrepreneurship. And at the core of it all, wellness has been my anchor."
Gentles has now guided thousands of women along the same journey, applying that same attention to wellness to her personal training clients and her traveling health retreat business, The Whole Experience, where she serves women of all ages, races, sizes, fitness levels, and cultural backgrounds.
I asked Gentles to share her advice for women eager to turn their fitness goals into real results. Here's what she said:
Always trust your gut.
Courtesy of Tameika Gentles
Between the billion-dollar industry promoting the 'ideal body type' and the social pressure to be slim here and thick there, it can be hard to figure out how to approach fitness in a way that's actually healthy. This gets especially tricky with the hundreds of IG fitness influencers selling you programs and advice. How do you know whose advice to follow? Gentles encourages women to develop a BS filter by trusting their gut.
"Our body and our intuition, especially as women, are just so on point," Gentles says. "Connect with those people who light up your soul with whatever they post. Whatever their messages are that resonate, follow that."
Gentles also advises women to do a really honest internal check-in as they start their fitness journeys with three key questions:
- Is the approach I'm planning sustainable for the next 1, 5, and 10 years?
- Will this approach be sustainable through all the seasons of my life (job changes, financial strain, starting a family, etc.)?
- And then what?
Gentle explains that the last question helps you get past the surface-level goals, like losing 10 pounds before a vacation, to think about why losing the weight is important to you in the long term, and how the approach you take contributes to that vision.
Don’t let society, or the scale, define your journey’s success.
Gentles notes that understanding the deeper reasons why losing weight matters to you will keep you pushing when you're feeling discouraged or overwhelmed by all the marketing that says you should look a certain way.
"We've got to connect to something deeper than just aesthetics or just the surface-level things society tells us we need to focus on. It almost becomes like this bulletproof vest that blocks all of society's pressures, and you become so grounded in it, that when you see the ads and stuff, you go, 'That's nice, but that's a by-product of what I really want for my life.'"
Of course, Gentles understands that you'll still have aesthetic goals of your own. But she maintains that the scale isn't your best bet. Instead, she recommends using progress photos or the way you feel in your clothes to see how your body is changing. You'll be able to recognize your results without the mental toll that constantly weighing yourself can take.
Start small for big changes.
Courtesy of Tameika Gentles
A self-professed former food addict, Gentles is careful about food, but she's not restrictive. She's not a fan of fad diets, not just because they're extreme and leave people feeling deprived, but because fad diets—which she defines as 'new, trendy, and unproven' approaches—just don't work. And studies agree with her. Instead, Gentles suggests making tiny improvements to your health habits every day with what she calls the '1% rule.'
"Look at where you are today and see how you can be 1% better and work on that practice day after day. If you ate 10 M&Ms today, eat 9 tomorrow, and 8 the next day. Before you know it, you're going to have these really small changes that make up a really big change, and it's going to feel seamless and integrated into your life," Gentles says.
Gentles also encourages the 80/20 rule for healthy eating, where 80% of meals are healthy and 20% are more fun. But she warns that 'fun foods' don't have to be really unhealthy.
"I really caveat that 80/20 rule with the fact that the 20 doesn't mean that we throw in the towel and feed our body with crap. So, my 20% isn't filled with fried foods and things that aren't going to serve me, because they actually just don't feel good," Gentles shares.
One solution she offers is using Google to find recipes to make your more fatty and calorie-dense favorites into healthier versions like she does with the Jamaican food she grew up loving.
There’s more than one road to fitness.
A lot of women struggle with weight loss because, let's face it, the gym isn't always the greatest place to be. But Gentles notes that it's far from the only way to get fit. In fact, she says that if you hate the gym, there are tons of alternatives you can choose from.
"I fell into the bucket of being a 'gym head' and feeling like it's the only thing I could do. But if you hate the gym, don't go to the gym. Go for a walk. Go to a Zumba class. Go pole dancing. Whatever tickles your fancy."
For those who want to get the toning the gym provides, Gentles recommends four exercises you can do right from the comfort of your home: push-ups, squats, pull-ups, and planks. She notes that these exercises target several muscles and can be effective with just 15-30 minutes of movement every day.
Ultimately, Gentles' advice to women eager to see their bodies transform is to enjoy the journey. Because as someone who's spent fourteen years changing herself and thousands of others, she knows that the journey is a life-long one.
"Commit to the positive feelings of the process," Gentles continues. "And make sure the process is something you love."
For more of Tameika, follow her on Instagram.
Featured image courtesy of Tameika Gentles
RELATED
The Black hair industry has definitely blossomed in the last decade with a wave of new stylists and salons popping up all over the place. As much as I love that for us, many of these stylists have become the subjects of viral TikTok and Instagram tirades because of their alleged questionable behavior and bizarre rules.
Excessive policies, strange fees, long wait times, poor performance, and the infamous “Hey boo” texts. Beauty is pain, they say… xoNecole got to the root of these issues with luxury hair extensionist Dee Michelle, who’s been in the hair game for 20 years and runs a seven-figure business - all while being a mom of four.
Antonio Livingston
“I started my business with my career in the hair industry [at] very, very young age when I was maybe like eight...So, over the years, I've just built a very successful seven-figure business very quickly just by offering high-end services and creating great experiences for my clients, many of whom are high-profile professionals,” she said. “I'm also a mother of four, including a set of triplets, which inspires me daily to show what's possible with my hard work and focus.”
Dee’s business has gone viral on social media because of what many call outrageous prices for her invisible K-Tip installs.
“When I developed my invisible K-tip extensions technique, I made sure that it wasn't just about the hair or the style, but about providing a high-end experience from start to finish. So, my clients just aren't paying for the extensions or just the style itself, but they're investing into my meticulous, seamless craft and premium hair sourced from the best suppliers…I've spent so many hours mastering my craft, creating this seamless method that gives my clients long-lasting natural results, and my pricing just reflects that - the value of my expertise and the exclusivity of the service.”
The K-tip specialist stands on business when it comes to catering to her clients and giving them an experience worth the cost.
“And it's just important for me to also say that my clients are high-profile individuals who value quality, their privacy, and their time. They want a service that fits into their lifestyle and their time. They want things that deliver perfection. And I deliver that every single time.”
I’m sure we’ve all seen the various TikTok rants about people’s nightmare experiences with stylists and uttered a silent “FELT!” We asked Dee her opinion on a few nightmare scenarios that beg the response, “please be so forreal."
On stylists charging extra to wash clients’ hair:
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
On ‘deposits’ that don’t go towards the cost of the service:
“I think that's kind of weird, too, for deposits to not be like a part of the service. I've seen people have booking fees and I just don't understand it, to be honest. I disagree with that kind of policy…By all means, people should do what works for them, but to me, it doesn't make sense. Why does somebody have to pay a fee just to book an appointment with you? I don't get it. It feels like exploitation.”
On stylists charging extra to style (straighten/curl) wigs, sew-ins etc., after installing:
“I don't get it. Clients come to us to get their hair done, to get it styled. So why is it extra for you to style it? If you're going to charge extra, just increase your price. I feel like it could be just a lack of confidence in those stylists, feeling like people won't pay a certain price for certain things, or just their lack of professionalism as well, because people are coming to us to get styled.”
On the infamous “Hey boo” text stylists send to clients when they need to cancel/reschedule:
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
We know all too well what kinds of things will keep us from ever gracing certain hairstylists’ chairs with our butts again. So, what should hairstylists do to provide a good service to their clients? What is good hairstylist etiquette?
“For one, being on time is an important rule for stylist etiquette. It's just not okay to require your clients to be on time, and you're not on time. Also, communication. Being able to communicate clearly, respectfully, and professionally, whether that's in person, via text, or on social media. Style is etiquette. Appearance matters. So just maintaining a clean, polished, and professional look. Clients respect you more whenever your appearance reflects your work. There's just so many things, but another thing I would say is active listening. So, being able to pay close attention to what your client wants and also clarifying any questions that they might have. Just to ensure that they feel heard and to minimize any misunderstandings.”
Dee also shared some red flags to look out for when considering a new stylist.
“Even me as a client, if I'm booking somebody and they have a long list of rules, I don't even book with them. That's, for one, just such a huge turn-off. Also, stylists who have inconsistent or unclear pricing, that's a red flag. People who change their rates too much without an explanation. Poor communication. So, if a stylist is responding very slow or responding unprofessionally, or giving vague answers to questions, that can make clients question whether or not they are respecting their time and their needs.
Another red flag - an inconsistent or low quality portfolio. And I feel like, I see this a lot with stylists stealing other people's work, and their portfolio on social media is just very inconsistent.”
We couldn’t let Dee go without getting the tea on what styles she predicts will trend in 2025.
“I feel like people are going back to natural-looking styles. So, a lot of people are ditching the wigs, the lace fronts, things like that. People are still wearing them, of course, but it is becoming more of a trend to embrace your natural hair and something that's not looking too fake. That’s one thing that we're going to be seeing a lot. I would say a lot of layers are coming back, heavy layers. Those are becoming really, really trendy. And people are leaning more towards platinum-colored hair. I've been seeing lots of like blondes coming out. Also, jet black is always going to be a trend. But I would say more like natural colors, but natural colors that are still making a statement.”
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Feature image by Antonio Livingston.
This is an intro, so I don’t have a lot of time to get into why marrying someone who has been married before will absolutely never be an option for me (unless they are a widow) and honestly, because neither one of them has yet to jump a broom, I think that’s why there is still a part of us who romanticizes the notion that life may someday cultivate another chance for us. I don’t know — I’ve been humbled enough by his fineness and our undeniable chemistry to not pull a Brandy and “never say never” anymore (some of y’all will catch that later — LOL).
For now, I’ll just say that I’m only sharing all of this because of something that he — and many other men in my world over the course of my life — has said to me before: “I’ve only really loved you and one other woman”…and trust me, there have been MANY, so that statement is…something.
That’s why the man’s first love theory, something that has been generating quite a bit of chatter on social media these past few months, has intrigued me so. Because, even as a woman, I believe that men don’t “fall in love with love” that often. Not only that but, contrary to a lot of rambling gibberish that I oftentimes see on TikTok and Instagram, I also believe that when easily 80 percent of men genuinely love a woman, they take it far more seriously than they are given credit for.
Y’all don’t have to take my word for it, though. Let’s first unpack what the “theory” is all about and then hear what 10 men have to say about it all.
*Middle names are always used in my interview pieces so that people can speak freely*
First, What Is the “Man’s First Love” Theory?
@jayoffline♬ original sound - JB
Honestly, what this guy just said pretty much covers the theory in a nutshell: once a man has experienced true love for the first time, it’s hard for him to ever fully shake it. Okay, but what intel is there to support this notion beyond his post?
Well, a USA Today article on the topic said that this could be true due to the fact that since men are typically not encouraged to process their emotions in the same way that women are, that could be why their first love oftentimes has such a lasting impact on them. Beyond that, I once watched a social media post where a man said that since men are called to provide and protect and women expect men to do that, men love women like they do their daughters while women love men like they do their fathers — and since fathers are (mentally and emotionally) expected to die before daughters, that’s why men and women process love differently in the sense that women can see love ending and surviving it while men? Not so much. Pretty deep, right?
And I mean, the mere fact that 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women? That may help to prove that perspective to be pretty accurate (just sayin’). There’s also scientific research that says women tend to experience love more than men and that women tend to “fall out of love” before men do, although, interestingly enough, men reportedly “fall in love” faster than women and say “I love you” three times quicker (bet y’all didn’t see that last part coming).
What do I think personally? Well, I do think that women are oftentimes more relationship-minded and driven than men which makes sense when you think about the fact that we have a strong nurturing gene within us — and because of that, we’re probably more intentional about having a serious relationship and even more resilient should said-relationship come to an end.
On the flip side, I have talked to so many men about this topic over time that I will stand 10 toes down that I think that when it comes to real, genuine, and lasting love, most men probably have three of those max: their first love, their wife and perhaps someone in between or after (should the marriage end).
That’s just my thoughts on all of this, though. And so, I decided to actually ask 10 guys — guys with different relationship statuses — to share with me what they think about the man’s first love theory…based on what they believe and how they now feel about their own first love.
Here’s what they had to say.
Giphy1. Elijah. 29. Single.
“I was late to the game when it comes to love. My first love was in college and she almost ruined my life. Not because she was a bad person — I just had never felt that way about anyone, so it was hard for me to focus on school, I was thinking about changing my plans to follow her around the country and I was even losing some of who I was to make the relationship work. Social media will have you thinking that men don’t know how to love when the truth is that when we fall, we fall hard and if it was painful, we’re just not in a rush to do it again. We’re capable. We just don’t want to be martyrs.”
2. Ian. 30. Engaged.
“My first love was my high school sweetheart. It wasn’t until I got with my fiancée now that I realized that I really did compare every woman after [my first love]to her. That wasn’t fair or even healthy but until her, I had never really seen women on such an ‘all in’ way and, since she broke up with me, it’s not like I had wanted the love to end. Men don’t just not forget their first love, the way that they look at other women is influenced by her. Guys who deny that are lying.”
Giphy3. Yosef. 25. Dating.
“The timing of this conversation is strange because I’m wondering if I’m about to have a first love now. I’ve been seeing someone for a few months and even though it’s not serious and there is no title, I can’t get her off of my mind. In high school, there was nothing serious. In college, things stayed casual because I was focused on getting out. Now, I’m ready to consider a relationship and this girl has me seeing women really differently. It’s wonderful and terrifying at the same time. Is that what having a first love is like?”
4. Claude. 45. Married.
“My first love experience is something that I still try to figure out because my actual first love and my wife are very different women — and when I met my wife, it made me wonder if my first love was the real thing. It’s not because I don’t think that my first love experience wasn’t real or even valid but the way I feel about my wife is so much more. I guess what I will say is, if nothing else, men will always be impacted by their first love — and if it was a good situation, they will be grateful that it happened.”
Giphy5. Mykal. 33. Single.
“I totally agree with the theory that men don’t fall in love often. For what? What women don’t think about is, once we love you, we don’t have plans to leave. That’s why many men have stories of things that they put up with, too often and too long, because what comes with our love is loyalty. First loves can make or break us — that’s how crucial they are. Only women would challenge that. Guys know.”
6. Jackai. 37. In a Serious Relationship.
“My first love broke my heart and that had me on the war path for a long time. I don’t think women get that once we love you, we see you as perfection and don’t even consider that you will do something that will change that. Once it happens, it shakes us to where either we avoid relationships or we keep things very shallow and surface. While y’all are talking about all we think about is sex, what usually is happening is a guy who is still trying to get over his ex.”
Giphy7. Dorian. 39. Dating.
“Funny, because I just talked to my first love recently. Whenever either one of us makes a big life decision, we reach out to update each other. I think it’s because, when we were together, we consulted each other a lot. Anyway, I think that answers your question: men are connected to their first love, one way or another. It’s a space that no one can really compete with. That’s just the way it is.”
8. Franklin. 28. Single.
“Whenever I think about my first love, I’m pissed. She cheated on me and I never saw that coming. It has taken me a long time to believe that all women aren’t like her because when you tell a woman that you love her and she says it back, you don’t even comprehend that she could hurt you. Women don’t get how serious men are about love when it happens…that’s why it doesn’t happen a lot.”
lee daniels GIF by Empire FOX - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphy9. Cael. 42. Married.
“I’m lucky to say that I married my first love. It took us forever to get to that point because we’ve known each other since our freshman year in college. We dated for a year and broke up. After graduation, she moved away and got engaged while I dated someone for a few years. We always stayed in touch and when she ended her engagement, we talked more often. I always compared other women to her because she’s my favorite person. We’ve been married for eight years now. Marrying your first love is a pure experience.”
10. Westyn. 30. In a Serious Relationship.
“Your first introduction to anything is going to make up the fabric of who you are. How much you allow that to change you is a choice. A lot about how we love is a choice. But to say that a first love isn’t in the top five as far as life-altering matters? How could it not be? It teaches you about love for the first time. I don’t think any human, not just men, can forget something like that.”
____
You know what I appreciated so much about these answers? It’s because each man expressed that, yes, love is a very real thing to and for them, and their first time learning about it in a romantic way, it did indeed transform them on some level.
And that’s why, personally, I don’t think that the man’s first love theory is a mere theory at all. Men do love — and they love pretty hard whenever it happens. Especially when it transpires for the first time.
As you just saw.
“Theory” proven.
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Featured image by Daniel de la Hoz/Getty Images