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Elder Dragons

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THE GREAT MONSTER HUNTER RANKING! Part 7

I’ll be upfront, mammals aren’t really my thing when it comes to monster design. It seems that when it happens, creature designers always default to the same primates/canines/felines/ursids or what not. An argument could be made about reptiles having the same issue, but you know, personal biases. HOWEVER, that doesn’t mean they CAN’T be cool. And this franchise knows (most of the time) exactly how to do that. We’re looking at the mammals…and the Wyverns that look like mammals!

Before we go on, I will say that there are certain sub-categories of mammal monster in this world. I’ll be starting with the most popular of them…because it’s a sad fact of life that we as a species are somewhat narcissistic. So OF COURSE the beasts based on monkeys and apes get a lot of popularity. Eh, at least they’re neat.

The Primate Fanged Beasts:

“Please laugh.”

We’re not exactly to a dignified start here. The Congalala and its smaller Conga followers look like a cartoon character as opposed to anything you’d expect from these games. They’re big pink gorillas with the heads of hippos…and they fight primarily by farting. Yes, this deadly razor-clawed combo of some very powerful African animals fights by eating mushrooms and producing enough flatulence to warrant deodorant should it hit.

It…bears mentioning that gorillas in real-life do indeed fart a lot. Perhaps Capcom was on to something. But it doesn’t make for an appealing monster. This thing is like a bad joke they couldn’t stop telling. And its STILL able to throttle hunters with its aforementioned gross-out humor and razor-sharp talons. Bleh. 4/10.

“What? Were you expecting a yeti or something?”

In contrast with its predecessor, the Blangonga and its troop of Blangos fairs far better on the eyes and during a fight. Despite its heft, this baboon-gorilla is exceptionally agile, and can run circles around you while its underlings harass you. However, should you break its fangs, the Blangos will abandon their leader, as big fangs are considered a major sign of power amongst these monkeys. That’s really neat! But aside form that, they’re really just big baboons and that’s it. Neat baboons, but still. 6/10.

“And this is to go EVEN FURTHER BEYOND!”

The Rajang is by and large the most feared Fanged Beast, and one of the most feared monsters period, that this world has to offer. I know I say that a lot, but it’s pretty amazing how those so-called Elder Dragons keep getting shown up by supposedly lesser monsters that won’t settle for waiting until the old-timers are gone. Raj here is already an intimidating sight, being a large gorilla-baboon with huge horns that make it look almost like a minotaur. But then it gets mad and/or takes a bite out of the horn of the Kirin (its favorite food). Then, it lights up with brilliant yellow stripes, lightning crackles all over its body, and before you know it, you’re facing an honest-to-God Super Saiyan, complete with fists that hit so hard they superheat and release steam as they glow an angry red. Oh, and it can fire beams of lightning from its mouth too. But like a Saiyan, you can remove this amazing power by severing the tail (unless you’re fighting a Furious Rajang, which has no tail but remains super anyway because screw the rules). The only thing that keeps this whole affair from being an unfair fight is that the Rajang has low health by its rank’s standards. Plus, its armor set is based on the very being that inspired Toriyama all those years ago: the legendary Monkey King called Sun Wukong.

Gotta say, go monkey, go. 8.5/10.

“What good is a fight if it isn’t fun?”

Just when you thought Primate Fanged Beasts were going to get old really fast, in swings the Kecha Wacha! First of all, just look at this and tell me it isn’t the weirdest and the most charming of the monkey crew we got going on here. It’s got the body of a monkey, the coloration of a fox, the face of an elephant, and the flaps of a flying squirrel to glide with. It’s also got some wicked talons to swipe at you with, and its big ears can cover its face to make it look like it’s wearing an intimidating mask. There’s just so much personality and creativity in this design! It makes me want to see more of it in future games, and why we haven’t seen that remains a mystery to me. 9/10

“I like to move it, move it! You like to beat it, beat it!”

The Kecha Wacha was an amazingly unique primate, but so too is the Bishaten. Personally, I see this beast as more of a giant lemur as opposed to a traditional ape. Though really, there’s nothing quite like this beaked, winged, crafty, beautifully colored simian! You might have noticed, but one of its more striking features is the hand-like tail it has that it can use to rear up and hit even harder than before…or get a better aim. You see, the Bishaten fights not just with fast reflexes and raw strength. It stores a lot of special fruit in its chest pouch, which it can then chuck at foes. These include fruits that flashblind and fruits that inflict poison. Though should the monkey be knocked back down to the ground, it will drop not just these fruits for the hunter to use instead, but also healing fruits. It makes for a fun fight, against an already fun monster. I should also note that the Yokai this Rise monster is based on is the Tengu, a being said to be like a bird-man, and oftentimes malicious and/or devious. I was hoping they’d make a Flying Wyvern out of the Tengu myth, but this works just as well! 8/10.

“My body is literally a temple.”

The Garangolm is…kind of underwhelming. It’s dubbed one of the Three Lords of the MH:R Sunbreak expansion, and it admittedly has the power to back that up. It looks like and is built like a living castle, and while it doesn’t usually attack people, it can destroy opponents with the ability to cover its arms in gauntlets of either magma or the moss it shares a symbiotic relationship with. The result is a lot of pain, and the ground being uprooted at all times. I should also note that it’s specifically based on the mythological golem, or being made of materials like clay. That, or Frankenstein’s Monster (which is technically a golem). But in terms of design and execution, I can’t help but feel that Garangolm is a little derivative. It’s just a big gorilla with armor. Not much more, not much less. 6/10.

Pop quiz, what’s the scariest mammal you can picture that isn’t a big cat? If you guessed bears, you’d be absolutely correct. However, because this a world where suped-up dinosaurs and living dragons exist, the mighty bear finds itself more than a bit outclassed, and thus most of these Fanged Beasts occupy the bottom end of the danger totem pole. That doesn’t mean you underestimate them totally, though!

The Ursid Fanged Beasts:

“Oh bother, I’m going to have to gut you for touching my honey pot.”

Again, monster bears are some of the least of our problems in these parts. That’s how ruthless this ecosystem can be. But that won’t stop the Arzuros from trying to beat you down for daring it interrupt its feeding on its favorite snack, honey. In fact, should you have some honey to put on the ground, it’ll drop everything its doing to dig in. Amusing, but I’d like to say that even as a monster meant to get bodied by beginners, it’s not bad. It’s basically a giant bear, but it’s got pretty colors, and its arms look like they’ve got spiked braces on them. A bear of character, this one is. 7/10.

“BIG, BIG, BIG CHU-no.”

Although its one of the three bears that kickstarted the Ursid line in the first place, the Lagombi looks more like a giant rabbit that slides around hitting everything with its momentum, or just flinging huge snowballs at foes. Of note in its design is how its face looks like an armored version or a wombat, or even the wombat’s giant prehistoric ancestor, the Diprotodon. It’s a very unique beast, and for that it already deserves a spot above its simple bear predecessor. 7.5/10.

“Rollin’, rollin’, shockin’”

The last in the bear trio, the Volvidon all but drops the ursid look in favor of being basically a crocodile-armadillo. That’s cool! And yes, it can roll around and hit you as a big ball. Oh, and it also has a long tongue that it can use to whip you, saliva that paralyzes you, and…the ability to fart really hard so that you need a deodorant. Not again. Well, at least this one sports a more dignified and vividly weird design than Mr. Pinkie McFartsalot from way earlier. So much so that I’ll let it completely slide. 7.5/10.

“Now bears are REALLY bad news!”

Out of all the bears that came before and even those that might be still to come, none are quite as big of a threat as the Goss Harag. To give you an idea of how intimidating this big ursine is, it was based explicitly off the Namahage, a Japanese bogeyman that lives in the mountains, wears a scary hannya mask, and wields knives to eat up misbehaving children. The Goss Harag fits that description near-perfectly. EVEN THE KNIFE BIT. This is because it can suck up cold air and expel it so that it either freezes prey or, failing that, instantly harden upon hitting itself, turning most of the time into a huge icy knife. And this monster is intelligent enough to use it well. To add to the demon motif, it spends a lot of combat on its hind legs, and its skin can turn a furious red whenever it gets really steamed.

I’m calling it, this is the best Ursid around for being a major love letter to Japanese folklore and just being so darned unique. 8.5/10.

We come to the end of our exclusive furry club, but at this point, the monsters get harder to sub-categorize. So, here are the mammals that are neither primate or bear.

The Other Fanged Beasts:

“THEY CALL ME, MI-STAR PIG!!!”

The Bulldrome is a giant boar. That’s really all there is to it. Granted, giant boars are no joking matter, even with the normally docile Bullfangos that this monster is a bigger version of. But other than having that wild haircut and a way bigger right tusk, there’s not much I can say. If you really like pigs, this is your guy, I guess. 5/10.

“Everyone’s taking the L-ephant”

The last of the Fated Four I’ll be covering, and sadly one of the most underutilized. You look at the others and you find that they’ve at least gotten some time to shine in the recent games. Not poor Gammoth. For some reason, this huge pachyderm has been shafted again and again. And to be fair, I kind of understand why. This elephant is HUGE, one of the biggest large monsters around. It’s nowhere near as fast as its peers, it takes up a lot of arena space, and the strategy to fight it begins and ends with hitting its legs until it falls over. But while all of that doesn’t make for the most engaging fight, that doesn’t mean Gammoth is a bad monster. In fact, it’s a great one! Capcom went all out with designing a huge fantastical Woolly Mammoth, giving it a really appealing color scheme of reds and blues, as well as a rather striking piece of head armor. And if you do some digging, you’ll find that this beast is every bit as honorable as most real-life elephants tend to be. It is said to sometimes live alongside herds of Popo, and valiantly protect them from its most hated enemy, the Tigrex. Also, every Gammoth we’ve seen so far is female, a nod to how elephant herds are led by a matriarch. Also, its theme music is appropriately grandoise and heavy-feeling. Love it! 8.5/10.

“Please stop calling me a four-legged dumpling.”

Our last Fanged Beast is a small one. The Bombadgy are the only major new small monsters in Rise, and they’re kinda gross-looking and pitiful. Look at that! It’s the size of a beach ball and just as bouncy. And they explode. Yes, the gasses within the very appropriately named Bombadgy are so volatile that if you were to hit it, it will go flying in whatever direction you’re facing, and deflate with the force of a bomb. Such absurdity is befitting of a creature based on the Tanuki, a Yokai that looks like a crafty racoon dog with…rather gifted lower regions. In fact, a Bombadgy sitting down kinda makes it look like…that. What a sad weirdo. 5.5/10.

And that’s the Fanged Beasts!

Now, we come to a very interesting category. Initially, only one was in it, and it quickly rose to fame in a heartbeat. Now, there are several, and at first it may seem odd as to HOW they’re organized. Some look like mammals, but then some don’t. Well, there’s actually a simple explanation for that. These creatures are, in my opinion, Synapsids. That means mammal-like reptile, and it refers to a bunch of prehistoric creatures primarily from the Paleozoic Era that looked reptilian, but also have very distinctly mammalian characteristics. Thus, these Wyverns fit snugly into that description. So without further ado…

The Fanged Wyverns:

“Don’t lie, you’re thinking of the music right now.”

Some might say that the Zinogre is an overrated monster. But in my eyes, it earned the reputation it has. It’s a giant wolf, already the mark of something that will have mass appeal, but it’s also huge, has gauntlet-like fists with huge blades for claws, a vibrant color scheme, and a wide tail like that of mutant beaver. But Zinogre’s true power resides in its symbiotic relationship with Fulgurbugs, small insects that can generate obscene amounts of electricity. Living within small cavities in the monster’s horns and spikes, the bugs in exchange give the Zinogre the ability to channel electricity into its attacks for devastating damage. And this is on top of hitting hard with moves that make it almost look like its breakdancing. Such spectacle and biological wonder make for a monster that does indeed represent what makes these beasts so fascinating. And on top of that, it’s well-known for having a theme that incorporates an electric guitar on top of traditional eastern instruments (there was a version of this theme on Youtube that combined the MHW:I and MH:R themes, but I can’t find it). 9/10.

“GIT IN MAH BELLEH!”

A lot of people have bullied the Great Jagras for being a starter monster that gets its ass kicked by just about everything. But I find myself rather charmed by it. It’s basically a giant iguana, but I don’t mind the simplicity. It being an iguana brings to mind the Slurpasaurs of those old 50s movies that used iguanas to substitute for dinosaurs. That, and it just makes me think of the monster-sona of Shaggy from Scooby-Doo, right down to having the same voracious appetite. Oh yeah, it can swallow large herbivores whole. Still, I like this monster for what it is. 8.5/10.

“I’m a snaaake.”

The Great Girros isn’t quite as charming as the Jagras, but I still think people are needlessly mean to it. It’s a big lizard-cobra with cool colors and gills to help it breathe in its realm, the corpse-laden Rotten Vale. Most of the time, they just scavenge off of what falls into that putrid land, and fight with fangs capable of paralyzing foes. Again, not the greatest monster, but certainly not a painfully average one. 7/10.

“Reptilian ankle biters.”

The Shamos are an interesting breed. Like the Jagras and the Girros, they are small Fanged Wyverns that occupy a part of the New World, in this case the Coral Highlands. But unlike the other two, they don’t have a Great leader. They’re just weird little scamps that show up every now and then. Bit of a shame, really. A Great Shamos would be interesting to see. 5.5/10.

“Protect at all costs.”

The Dodogama all but captured the hearts of everyone who saw it. And I see the appeal! It’s a big rotund reptile colored with the appealing hues of a agamid lizard and a massive lower jaw that not only looks way less dumb than, say, the Uragaan’s, but also makes it look like it’s giving us all the biggest smile! Also, it sounds like a whale. But don’t think for a moment that the Dodogama is totally defenseless. Its saliva is incredibly volatile, and when mixed with the rocks it feasts on, they become explosive boulders that it can lob at foes. Gotta say, it’s rare you find a monster that manages to be cute and cool at the same time. 8.5/10.

“That’s not flying! It’s falling with style!”

Monsters that look like snakes are never not going to score big for me, but I really admire the direction they went with the Tobi-Kadachi. It’s got the head of a snake (complete with the brow of an eyelash pit viper), but the body plan of, of all things, a flying squirrel. Yes, it can glide. That’s already neat, but then you factor in how it can generate static electricity by rubbing itself against everything and then storing that static in special spines across its back. Once again, we have a Fanged Wyvern that goes all-in on out-there creativity, and I love it! 8/10.

“I SMELL BACON!!!”

The deadliest predator in the Rotten Vale that isn’t an Elder Dragon, the Odogaron looks like the sort of thing you’d expect in a particularly harrowing tale about eastern demons. It certainly has the look of one, with its tail studded with teeth-like spikes, two sets of claws used to lacerate prey, and mouth full of razor-sharp teeth. All on top of a hide that looks like exposed skin. Yup, it’s a demon Gorgonopsid, alright. I should also note that I’ve always been personally unnerved by how it sounds like a psychotic hound on top of everything. It’s fierce, it’s fast, it was my first major roadblock while playing World. Props to the homicidal slim jim! 8.5/10.

“And yes, they indeed don’t care.”

Once again, we have small Fanged Wyverns without a leader. And what’s worse is that I LIKE the small ones here, so I’m wondering where the big guy went off to even more. The Wulgs occupy Hoarfrost Reach, and the best way to describe them is “badger wolves”. With scythe-like spurs on their front legs. And they can coil around hunters. Yeah, these guys don’t let their smallness get in the way of being proficient predators. Should they ever come back, I NEED to see a Great Wulg. It would be awesome, I know it! 7/10.

“Samur-aye aye aye”

The flagship of Rise…how do I feel about Magnamalo? Well, I do like the concept. A massive cat with the horns and fighting style of a dark samurai that produces a deadly purple flame capable of detonating whenever it stays in place for too long. This flame, known as Hellfire, is actually volatile gas produced by the monster’s rampant metabolism, and it can be used in a variety of ways. My favorite tactic comes from how the Magnamalo uses its flexible spear-like tail. It can literally wave it around like a wand, summoning homing balls of Hellfire, or even concentrating it all into a quick and huge BLAST of it. The fire itself is based on the Hitodama, which are lights said to surround ghosts in Japanese mythology. But aside from all of that, as well as a pretty cool theme music, Magnamalo isn’t really an 8 because I find its design to be maybe just a bit too try-hard and edgy. Plus, it doesn’t really affect the plot as much as it would like to say it does. 7/10.

“AH! A wild furry!”

At first, the Lunagaron appears to be totally unimpressive. It’s literally just a big wolf with scaly armor and ice powers…until it gets mad. Then, its armor violently extends, it covers its claws and hide with ice, and it rears up on its hind legs. Suddenly, you realize in what way this thing was based on the myth of the werewolf. There’s a world of a difference between how striking the Lunagaron is in its base mode and its empowered form, which can slice you to pieces with lightning fast claw strikes. For that, the big dog avoids being average in a big way! 7.5/10.

Well folks, we’re on our way to reaching the end here. Our final part will cover the most powerful monsters of all…the Elder Dragons.

Index:

Fanged Beasts, Fanged Wyverns

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THE GREAT MONSTER HUNTER RANKING! Part 6

Now for the Wyverns that are, when you think about it, some of the easiest to categorize. All of them follow a basic pattern. Namely, they’re all huge theropod dinosaurs souped up in one way or another. They tend to think with their muscles over their brains, and as a result they hit hard. And almost all of them are awesome in their own way.

The Brute Wyverns:

“Here’s mud in your everything!”

It’s been said before, but the Barroth gets a lot of its charm from resembling the kind of monster that you’d expect an Ultraman to fight, especially with that unusual head. The way its armored on its arms and feet is also pretty neat. But then there’s the way it fights. Once again, we have a monster that fights dirty in the literal sense. This beast is often seen near or even in bodies of muddy water, and it actually breathes through those horn-like growths on its head, kind of like a huge snorkel. Upon leaving the mud, all of that dirt and grime hardens and becomes armor. But aside from that, it can just shake it off and fling it at hunters. And there’s something very satisfying about how they animate the shaking. Solid introduction to this monster type! 7.5/10.

“[Insert Jay Leno joke here]”

However, not all big dino monsters are winners in my eyes. The Uragaan is unique…but that’s it. I just cannot take that stupid head seriously at all. It’s got a chin the size of Texas, and its mouth is mostly filled with human-like molars. It’s…not appealing at all. At the very least, it does fulfill an interesting ecological niche. This wyvern is a literal rock biter, eating at volcanic minerals and inadvertently getting its underside covered in them. It’s ridiculous chin is a mighty bludgeoning weapon, and I will admit there’s a satisfying way it just SLAMS its chin into the ground to either hit you or scatter the volcano rocks on it around the place. Oh, and those rocks explode. Plus, its locomotion is quite zany, as the protrusions on its back enable it to curl up and roll all around to get from one place to another. So yeah, Uragaan is not my favorite Brute to look at, but at least it tries to be interesting. 5.5/10.

“The world is your buffet.”

At least once I have heard the most apt description of one of the most dreaded monsters in the entire franchise. Said description is, to paraphrase, a child’s idea. It’s a T-rex, but it’s the biggest and hungriest T-Rex ever. That’s precisely what the Deviljho is. This enormous spiny pickle with more teeth than sense is of a nomadic nature, meaning it became infamous for barging into quests that have nothing to do with it, all because it needs to satiate a horrifyingly short metabolism that renders it eternally hungry. And it will eat ANYTHING. Smaller monsters, big monsters, bigger monsters, it’s own tail, nothing is off the menu if it tastes even a little like meat. And even worse, if it gets mad enough during an already tumultuous fight, its skin will literally split open to reveal pulsating red muscle as it unleashes its full power, including the ability to inexplicably fire smokey breath that contains the dreaded Dragon element. Which, need I remind you, is mostly restricted to the Elder Dragons. Oh, and if given the chance, it will grab smaller monsters and try to bludgeon you with them.

But honestly, I feel bad for this beast to some extent. It’s boundless hunger ensures that it can NEVER have an unsuccessful hunt. If it does, it will burn through its finite energy even faster than usual, and die. I don’t even know when these things could possibly find the time to do things like sleep or mate or just anything that isn’t hunting. Maybe the comparisons to Godzilla aren’t that skin-deep. After all, such monsters are tragic beings. 8.5/10.

“A rolling monster gathers an awful lot of moss.”

Just because Brutes are based on Theropods doesn’t mean they have to totally look like them. No one illustrated this quite as well back then as the Duramboros did. Instead of looking like a fierce predatory dinosaur, it looks more like a fantastical bipedal yak with the back of a stony camel and a club covered in mushroom-like armor. Very big Earth motifs are at play here, and as a whole, it’s a neat monster. But its signature move causes it to veer off into amusing absurdity. That’s because it can SPIN! Yes, it can twirl around in place to smack you with that tail. It can spin so well, it ACTUALLY FLOATS IN THE AIR LIKE A HELICOPTER before coming down on you. That…NEEDS to be in the next game. It’s just so out there you can’t help but smile even if it hits you. 7.5/10.

“This Punch-Out DLC is going to be controller-smashingly hard, I know it.”

Brachydios is a little overrated. There, I said it.

Don’t get me wrong. “Overrated” doesn’t mean “bad”. In fact, this unusual monster wins points for creativity. Unlike other Brutes, its arms are the complete opposite of tiny, sporting a pompadour-like head crest and tonfa-like talons that produce a unique slime mold that superheats upon hitting its target and explodes! You gotta give it points for standing out amongst its peers! That being said, what knocks this monster down a point for me is the face. I don’t know, the way its outer jaws are designed and that horn on its nose makes the whole head appear too dog-like for me to get into. I will say this much, its theme music is alright, though the one they gave to its larger and more destructive variant, the Raging Brachydios, is one of the best tracks in the games. 7/10.

“Like a knife through butter!”

To all Brute Wyverns out there and those that are still to come…you’re beat. None of you will come even close to the sheer unbridled aura-farming spectacle that is the Glavenus.

Easily one of my favorite monsters in the franchise, it secures its spot because…well, LOOK AT IT! It’s a heavily armored, beautifully-colored Carnotaurus with roar like a blade grinding against metal, and a massive godforsaken GREATSWORD for a tail!!!

Oh, and that big knife-tail is where the fun begins. That right there is, obviously, its primary weapon. It’s so sharp and tough that it can slice through just about anything. However, it dulls easily. But the Glavenus has a simple yet vivid solution for that. It sharpens the blade either by (reasonably) grinding it against special rocks, or (not so reasonably) using its own armored mouth to do the sharpening instead. And the little bits of hot debris that get caught in said mouth drop into a special organ located in its throat called a Bursa, where they get converted into a fiery molten substance that it can spit at foes like it was fire (though the glowing throat is an obvious weakness).

And as if it weren’t awesome enough, the way it actually FIGHTS with that blade deserves mention. There are the standard moves where it swings it downward, but give it enough time to sharpen it, and it gets to the point where the tail is so hot that it glows a vibrant red-yellow. Then there’s its special attack, in which it holds its tail in its jaws and, like a samurai performing Iaijutsu, releases it with enough momentum to swing around in a swift yet powerful motion guaranteed to down any hunter that doesn’t dodge in time.

Literally my only complaint is that it has the weakest theme out of the Fated Four it’s a part of. That’s it.

SOLID 10/10.

I’d also like to give a big shout-out to its subspecies, the Acidic Glavenus, which trades the greatsword for a longsword that it can wield with unusual flexibility. And instead of getting red-hot, it gets coated in a corrosive mucus that instantly crystalizes. Makes me wonder if there are versions that cover all of the major weapon types (Lord help us if there’s one with a bowgun tail).

“Look at me, I’m a big stinky Flying Wyvern, aren’t I something?!”

The Anjanath isn’t terribly striking…at first. Because at first glance, it looks a little ugly. I appreciate the feathery look it has as if to honor our new understanding of most Theropod dinosaurs (though most agree that the bigger ones didn’t have such big coats), but the vulture-like look is more than a bit off-putting. Then the bells and whistles are unveiled, and suddenly the Anjanath raises some interesting insights regarding the evolution of Brute Wyverns as a whole. Because somehow, this beast has a pair of wing-like fins that extend from its back whenever it gets mad (it also produces a neat proboscis). The purpose of these things is uncertain, but in my opinion, it lends credence to the fact that Brute Wyverns are direct ancestors of the bigger Flying Wyverns. Perhaps Anjanath is a walking throwback of sorts. It CAN produce a fiery mucus that it either uses to breathe fire or produce a stream of fire from its nose (brilliantly creative, BTW), after all. 7/10.

“Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones!”

The Radobaan suffers from the same problem Jyuratodus does, albeit to a much lesser degree. It’s basically a reskinned Uragaan, which is already a point not in its favor. You copied the least interesting Brute Wyvern, man. BUT, I will say it’s a bit less dull. I say this mostly because instead of rock, this guy opted to cover himself with BONES. With a special black tar-like substance it secretes, the Radobaan can cover itself in the bones scattered throughout its habitat, the Rotten Vale, and form it into armor. And yes, it can roll too. So I dare say that this is the one case where an obvious clone has a leg up on its predecessor, albeit just a slight one. It’s still got those weird human teeth and that dumb chin (nice bone coverings on there, but still). 6/10.

“Time to go va-moose!”

As a successor to the Duramboros, the Banbaro is more than worthy. Someone outta give a raise to whomever came up with “big dino-moose”. Because what could be more of a threat to all living things than the most dangerous land predator combined with the most dangerous forest herbivore? It makes for a very memorable design! The way it fights is pretty cool too. It can use its huge horns to scoop up all manner of forest debris, including but not limited to large snowballs and entire trees! All the more to crush you for daring to interrupt its day. There’s also a noticeable viking motif in not only its look and armor, but its behavior. Like the ancient would-be conquerors of old, it goes from place to place no matter how ill-fitted it is the environment. In a way, it’s a benign version of the Deviljho’s invasive lifestyle.

Also, minor detail, but when its face flares up, it unveils a small nasal horn that looks like that of the extinct ungulate Synthetoceras. It’s the little things you enjoy the most sometimes. 8.5/10.

Next are the monsters of the more mammalian persuasion. The Fanged Beasts and the Fanged Wyverns!

Index:

Brute Wyverns

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THE GREAT MONSTER HUNTER RANKING! Part 5

For this part, we’re going to be getting our feet more than a little wet. We’re looking at the monsters best suited for the water! And it turns out there are more than a few of them across separate categories. We’ll start with the very first monsters with a more aquatic affinity.

The Piscine Wyverns:

“Everything seems a little flat to you, doesn’t it?”

The Cephadrome (and its smaller version, the Cephalos) are a neat way to introduce our water-dwellers. Though it’s more accurate to say that this one would rather be in the deserts. Yes, our swimmers don’t have to be in the water exclusively. You can swim through sand in this world, too! It’s a starter monster, so it’s not that powerful, but I like how, of all things, they looked to the prehistoric amphibian known as Diplocaulus for inspiration. You can tell by that funny head shape it has. Just a super-charming look for a monster that sadly keeps getting tossed to the side. 7/10.

“Get hip or die!”

The face of the Piscine Wyverns is the Plesioth. And I must say, it’s one of neater-looking ones! With a body full of iridescent scales and a head like a shark, it’s just so striking! Plus, it can swim with a good amount of grace. However, most people remember the Plesioth for its infamously broken hit box due to its unusual size, especially regarding its hip check move. In fact, the franchise seems perfectly aware that this monster came out a bit on the glitched side of things, and has embraced that to some extent. But honestly, I think if people talk more about how broken your monster is, that should be more of a cause for alarm. Questionable gameplay issues aside, I like where they went with this monster design-wise. 8/10.

“Yip yip yip!”

The Delex are rather small Piscine Wyverns, but they’ve got their charm. They’re big fish with the faces of gharials that swim through the sand. Heck, they kind of remind me of Ichthyosaurs as they were designed when paleontology first became a thing. Gotta love some good retrosaur action! 6/10.

“It’s like a hot sauna in here!”

The last Frontier immigrant (for now, at least) is the Lavasioth, which can best be summed up as a big coelacanth on legs. And it can swim through the lava. That’s really neat! Coelacanths don’t get nearly the amount of love they deserve in paleo-circles, which is weird considering how they got their reputation from being literal living fossils. Now, there’s a big beast shaped like one that swims through lava and FIRES lava as well! Just an awesome monster, all around. 7.5/10.

“Everyone feels filthy, and so should you.”

…Jyuratodus is a waste of everyone’s time and effort. It’s LITERALLY the Lavasioth except it traded lava for mud and dirt. They’re so alike, I dare call this a variant that didn’t want to be called a variant. Or, simply put, a reskin. Plus, it’s not fun to fight. It’s only saved from a lower ranking because it DOES allow people to fight a giant coelacanth monster outside of volcanic areas, but they could have at least TRIED to not make it near-identical. Alas…3/10.

“Frozen fish sticks!”

AH! You see that, Jyuratodus?! THAT’S how you make a new Piscine Wyvern without copying someone’s homework! Anyway, while Beotodus isn’t winning any power-scaling competitions anytime soon, it wins points for standing out. It’s got some surprisingly vibrant color patterns for a creature that lives in the tundra, and that huge honking horn on its head brings to mind the design philosophy for certain Japanese Kaiju. I like it! 7.5/10.

And that’s that for the Piscines! Yeah, not a whole lot, but I encourage Capcom to experiment in the future. However, there’s a category that’s somehow even smaller, though it’s steadily gaining traction with each new game. And that’s good, because there’s a lot of potential to be found in the reptiles’ biological opposites.

The Amphibians:

“Hop Pop’s gone mad!”

Tetsucabra is our first ever Amphibian, and you know what, it being just a giant frog is fair. But it’s not totally “just a giant frog”. It’s got a club-like tail, and those monstrous tusks can be used to shovel the earth into boulders all the better to crush you with. And it fights like a sumo occasionally. But what really catapults this guy a rank up is how in Rise, though it’s not fought, there’s a character that rides atop a baby about the size of a large dog, and it’s so adorable! Imagine raising such a cute thing into the beast you see before you! Hope that pair appears again. 6/10.

“Jaws 9: Ribbit.”

Zamtrios (and its smaller brood of Zamites) could not have possibly been conceived under normal circumstances. SOMEONE was thinking on an ascended mind when the phrase “giant frog that is a shark that uses ice powers for armor” crossed their mind. Even without the armor, Zam here is intimidating. It’s a big blue frog with the face of a great white. You really think you’d want to cross that? Well, then it goes from threatening to dangerously hilarious when it unveils its secret weapon…the ability to suck in air and immediately cater to inflation fans everywhere. Sure, you’re going to giggle at least once seeing this thing bounce around, but then it squashes you and you’re one cart less. But should it not be feeling so silly, the Zamtrios will use its deadly ice breath to cover itself in a ridiculously awesome coat of frozen armor (pictured above). What’s there not to love about this amazingly creative land shark? 8.5/10.

“A frog-platypus? TERRY THE FROG-PLATYPUS?!”

One of the first new monsters unveiled for Rise was the Tetranodon, and for me, this was one of the more striking newcomers! It’s a frog that fights like a sumo, has the shell of a turtle, and has the head of an armored platypus! Can you get more creative than that?! Well turns out, you can. It’s primary inspiration is not just some out-there animals, but the mythological Kappa. This Yokai looks almost the same, right down to them both having a bowl-like top on their heads. But thankfully this monster doesn’t lurk in bodies of water to remove a fictional organ from childrens’…um, lower ends…it just waits in the water to eat pretty much whatever it can get its gob around. And it’s pretty fun to fight, too! Let’s give this big beast some love, ‘kay? 8.5/10.

And now, we are at the meat of our fifth chapter. The monsters that dominate the water almost more than they do the land. Most of them have the same body type, but why fix what isn’t broken, eh?

The Leviathans:

“It Came from Beneath the Sink”

The Royal Ludroth has a bit of a neat concept, but it’s just not my thing in execution. it’s a big lizard built for the water, with a harem of smaller females at its beck and call, and there’s also a huge sponge-like growth on its neck that gives it the ability to use water powers. It’s weird, yes, but I don’t know. Once again, this mostly boils down to a “yellow and gold aren’t my color” gripe. Fine for what it is, but not necessarily a monster I look forward to hunting. 5/10.

“Good feeling’s gone.”

On the flipside, there’s a Leviathan quite unlike any in its class. The Gobul is a neat take on a giant terrestrial deep-sea angler fish. It’s got the classic lure, as well as big whiskers it can use as pretend plants as it waits below the sand for an easy meal. Also, it’s got retractable spikes. But unless those spikes are out, it’s as flat as a pancake. I’m not exactly clear as to why they haven’t brought this intriguing monster back, but it might be because a lot of its fight back then depended on underwater combat, and it lacks the more amphibious qualities its relatives have. Sorry Gobul, you may be neat, but until Capcom figures out how to make you more viable on land, you might want to stick to waiting in the sand. 6.5/10.

“A shockingly serpentine swim.”

Just as the Rathalos dominates the air and land, the Lagiacrus rules the sea. This huge Leviathan has been touted as the toughest and coolest swimmer around. And to be honest, I can see where they’re coming from. Its design incorporates elements of crocodiles, cobras, and the sea serpents of old, as well as an appealing color scheme. But Lagi’s greatest asset is the spikes on its back being able to help it conduct electricity. And while I have to wonder how this thing doesn’t end up killing everything for a wide radius in the water with that power (its a literal living electrical device being dropped into the water, do the math), it’s cool in practice. It’s a pity then that, for some reason, Capcom is really hesitant when it comes to bringing it into the recent games. All of these new Leviathans and not once does their OG get invited. It’s tough to be Lagiacrus. 8/10.

“Snap, snap, that’s a wrap!”

Agnaktor is like the Lagiacrus, except it’s right at home in volcanic biomes. Design-wise, while I don’t like it nearly as much as I thought I would, it’s still cool with its Spinosaurid-like head and big fins. It’s kind of like if Titanosaurus from the Godzilla franchise was a Leviathan, albeit it replaced that shrill roar with some neat snap-snapping sounds it makes with its jaws. Unfortunately, despite its young, the Uroktors, getting to be in Rise, it instead got replaced by a subspecies of Almudron NOBODY ASKED FOR! It must suck for Agnaktor to have a niche clearly built for it be taken by some unwanted upstart. But here we are. I want to see it come back if only so I can form a better opinion on it. For now, 6.5/10.

“No! I’m the biggest loser on the beach! They buried me in the sand and forgot about me.”

Just from the name, you can tell that no one was taking the Nibelsnarf seriously during production. And I can’t do so, either. It’s unique, don’t get me wrong. Its armored hide conceals a rather vibrant color scheme, and I like how its eyes are directly on top of its head like a flat fish. But fighting this thing is SUCH A CHORE. At the point where most hunters are at, almost every weapon bounces off of its armor, and it absolutely refuses to let you hit it most of the time before ducking into the sand to bite at you with that big mouth. Sure, you can bait it into eating bombs, but you don’t get to carry that many, and you’re sometimes expected to try and fish it out of the sand instead of hunting it like a normal fight entails.

Nibelsnarf is a bad joke with a far too gimmicky fight for my comfort due to the jank of previous games. 4.5/10.

“Shall we dance?”

I may not always like when mammals get used as a design basis, but I believe they really cooked with the Mizitsune, otherwise known as the bubble fox. Yes, this monster fights prominently with bubbles. And even more surprisingly, while these bubbles are made to slow you down most of the time, some can actually give you special bonuses. And that’s not even getting into how graceful this thing moves as it tries to hit you. Be warned, the Mizitsune may look beautiful with its flower-like fins and pretty colors, but it can hit hard with its burly tail and wipe you out with a beam of pressurized water. Also, its theme music is as bouncy and cool as its fight is. But more importantly, BUBBLES! 8/10.

“…I’m so lonely.”

YES, I AM AWARE THAT THIS MONSTER IS IN A SEPARATE CLASS. The Snake Wyverns, more specifically. But…c'mon, that category hasn’t been updated in forever, and most Leviathans have the exact same body type. And with that, I declare Najarala a honorary Leviathan. I will say, I dig the obvious inspirations this thing gets from the legendary Aztec God, Quetzalcoatl. It too is a huge serpent that almost looks like it has wings with those huge scales on its back. And speaking of scales, it can fire them from its neat paddle-like tail. Those scales hit with enough force to rattle so loudly they stun prey. And then the scales blow up on the Najarala’s volition. Sounds an awful lot like a more advanced version of what the Bazelgeuse would implement. Still, I admire this monster no matter what category it goes into. Maybe someday we’ll see more Snake Wyverns. But as it stands, it’s sort of obvious that they’re Leviathans that got lost. 7/10.

“You’re getting sleepy…very sleepy.”

You might think I’d be put off by the uncannily humanish face of the Somnacanth, but you’d be wrong. It’s SUPPOSED to be spooky, and the rest of the body looks great! Those long claws and the flowing purple fins make for a striking design. Also, the human-like face makes sense when you consider that this monster is based on the Ningyo, a Japanese mermaid that isn’t exactly easy on the eyes either. As the name of this Leviathan would imply, the Somnacanth’s main strategy is to utilize a special gas that dulls the senses and make prey sleep. But should any hunter know to avoid that (I for one don’t ever remember falling for it), it will switch to a tactic that I find exceptionally charming. Not only is this beast a fish-reptile, it’s also got the habits of sea otters. More specifically, it’ll whip out a clam from the water, and start beating on it while doing the backstrokes until it either blows up or causes some other special effect (including unintentionally healing its foe). They must have had a lot of fun making this monster! 8.5/10.

“Allow me to introduce myself, my name is MUD.”

It took them a bit, but it was only a matter of time before we got a Leviathan that looks almost exactly like a traditional eastern dragon. We just couldn’t ever predict how. Thus, the Almudron makes the scene. And I do like how it embraces those draconic features, ON TOP OF having a tail based on that of a lobster. That’s cool! But then there’s its deceptive intellect. Almudron, as you might have guessed from its name, fights mostly with mud. But not just by chucking it. It can make whole structures of mud with the intent of boxing you in and perhaps even crushing you with its signature move of making a massive mud ball with its tail. And if there’s no natural mud around, it can secrete a yellow acid that makes dirt into mud. That’s why people say it’s based off the Dorotabo, a Yokai made of mud. But in terms of appearance and even its intro cutscene, it has the energy of a grumpy old man telling you to get off its turf. Love it! 8.5/10.

And that’s that again! Next, we look at some dino-might in the form of the Brute Wyverns!

Index:

Piscine Wyverns, Amphibians, Leviathans

monster hunter monhun monster hunter world monster hunter rise monster hunter wilds ramblings

THE GREAT MONSTER HUNTER RANKING! Part 4

For this part, we get to what have been referred to as rites of passage for up and coming hunters. The definitive Wyverns of this world. The Flying Wyverns. They are, for the most part, what you might think of when you hear “wyvern”. Big draconic beasts with big wings and occasionally the ability to breathe fire.

But for this ranking part, we’re going to skip a generation for a bit. You see, the second generation split the Flying Wyverns into two groups. The True Flying Wyverns, and the Pseudo Flying Wyverns, the latter of which we will look at right now. They’re “flyers” that don’t do a lot of flying. They look like they could, but they either can’t or just choose not to most of the time, instead going for a more terrestrial lifestyle. That doesn’t make them any less powerful. If anything, some are way stronger than their flying counterparts…

The Pseudo Flying Wyverns:

“He screm.”

We start with one Hell of a monster. Tigrex is exactly what its title implies: A T-Rex with stripes like a tiger and it’s also a ground-dwelling wyvern. I can appreciate it for how in-your-face badass its concept is. I particularly like how they keep animating its signature move, which is just it charging at you again and again. Something about the way its forelimbs SLAM into the ground with each step as it barrels at you at full speed and ready to bite/spin around scratches an itch in my head. But its OTHER signature move deserves attention, too. It can roar so loudly that anyone close to it gets immediately damaged. The only thing that brings it down for me a bit is that fighting this lightning bruiser…isn’t always that fun. Most of the fight I feel is spent running for your life while getting tossed around by almost every attack. Still, it’s a fight that can be won with enough effort, and I can understand why this thing’s nickname is “Absolute Power”. 7.5/10.

“Hey, I don’t remember this part of ‘The Jungle Book’!”

Nargacuga is like the Tigrex, except it traded its raw strength for pure finesse and agility. It’s already a fun concept, being a panther/dragon/parrot beast that’s also a ninja/shinobi, but then there’s its fighting style. Narg strikes fast with its blade-like wings, spike-like scales on its barbed tail (that it can fire from a distance, no less), and of course, some charging. Also, its eyes glow red whenever it gets enraged. There’s a lot to like here, and I dare say Narg’s a lot more interesting (and less of a chore to fight) than Tigrex. AND it got one of the better theme music glow-ups in Rise. Those vocals go a long way. 8.5/10.

“Joe vs. the Volcano 2: The Volcano is Alive Now”

The generation that gave us Pseudo Flying Wyverns threw in a positively absurd monkey wrench in the works with two HUGE additions similar in build/power, but very different in locale. Yes, this monstrous tusked titan known as the Akantor is a “Flying Wyvern”, despite not even having anything close to wings for arms! It’s kind of frustrating, really. I mean, this beast and his frosty foil (we’ll get to him next) have power comparable to Elder Dragons, so what made them chicken out?!

Well, maybe it could fly at some point before evolution stepped in. But for now, this guy okay. He’s trying a little too hard to be cool, and those tusks are kind of distracting for me. But he’s got the size and cool armored hide to make up for it. Also, he’s got a bit in common with the Tigrex with his preference for charge attacks, and even having a roar so loud it acts as a sort of concentrated beam of sound that can spell doom for long-range hunters. I can see why people call this thing the Black God. 7/10.

“Ladies and gentlemen…Shovel Chin.”

Akantor is the demonic beast of fire. Ukanlos is the ethereal being of ice. That being said, while Akantor has those big tusks as a rather distracting aspect for me, the Ukanlos has a chin almost perfectly shaped like a spade. Despite this, I vibe with the snow beast a bit more. There’s something surprisingly satisfying how it doesn’t need so many bells and whistles all over its body compared to the fire guy, and it’s got some cool ice powers on top of being so huge (and yes, it too can hurt people with its roar). Also, its theme music is superior to that of its counterpart. The way it begins sends chills (HA!) every time. 7.5/10.

“Can’t make heads or tails of this abomination.”

There’s a True Flying Wyvern that came before this one, and to this day, no one can tell if it’s more disturbing than the Gigginox. How this thing isn’t more popular in the community is a mystery to me. Yeah sure, it’s not a sight for sore eyes, but it’s just so unique! It’s got the crawling abilities of a gecko, cool glowing purple eyes adorned with white markings, and at each end is a mouth like a leech, with the posterior mouth constantly laying eggs that hatch into smaller blood-sucking Gigi. Okay, all of that sounds a little disgusting, especially since this creature can swallow you whole while producing poison, but it’s the kind of disgusting that segues into weirdness you can’t take your eyes off of. Less Khezu and more Gigginox, please! 8/10.

“Huh, 'Ice Age 10’ veered off into an unexpected direction.”

The Barioth exists to remind me what I love so much about this franchise. The wholesale embracing of prehistory to create new and unique monsters to terrorize the player. In this case, the inspiration should be pretty obvious. It’s a Smilodon-dragon! With sabres colored like amber! And it’s just as nimble as the Nargacuga it’s related to. I also love the way its armor is designed, with that spiked tail and those spiked wings (which help it maintain balance on the ground) and man is this thing cool or what?! Plus, it can summon blizzard tornadoes. It’s almost absurd how much this cat dragon kicks ass. 8.5/10.

NOW, we can get to the meat of this part. The flyers that actually, you know, fly for more than five seconds at best.

The True Flying Wyverns:

“Malewife and girlboss, together at last.”

Ah, the mascot of the entire franchise, the Rathalos. And his female counterpart, the Rathian. I put them together because they’re basically the same breed, just with some very noticeable sexual dimorphism.

I must say, there’s a reason the red guy is the face of these games. It’s imposing, it’s vibrant, and it gives you a good idea of the majority of beasts you’ll be up against. For me, the most striking aspect of this monster is the black markings on its wings that almost look like some sort of tribal paint. It evokes the image of a great warrior, at least in my opinion.

Rathian is a more land-based fighter, though she can very much fly. Anyone who’s played one or two of the games can tell you about her infamous “fitness grand pacer test” move, in which she charges, pauses, and charges again, rinse wash and repeat. But like her mate, she likes to use poison, and lots of it. Her design has a few noticeable differences. She traded the wing patterns for a spike-goatee and sharp protofeathers on her body. That’s neat!

All in all, I feel that these two shouldn’t be talked about separately. They’re a package that feels incomplete without one or the other. Rathalos rules the skies while rearing the kids, Rathian patrols the land for food and intruders. It’s great! 8/10.

“This is the best theme music ever!”

Remember the Gigginox from earlier? Yeah, meet its more popular predecessor. The Khezu is infamous for being one of the most unsettling monsters, nay, THINGS, to come from this franchise. Its skin is pale and at times looks like exposed flesh, its extendable neck terminates in an eyeless mouth like a lamprey’s, and it can crawl on walls while utilizing electrical powers. But if you want my honest opinion, this thing is at its most unsettling when it doesn’t open its mouth. Its lips are curved in just the right way that it looks to have an unsettling smile on its face at all times (though it’s maybe a little cute when it starts to sniff around). Oh, and there’s no music when you fight it. Just the eerie silence occasionally broken by its alarmingly wrathful roar. Altogether, it’s a memorable one, but not necessarily because you want to be around it for very long. 7/10.

(And YES, I know what its head looks like. NO, you don’t have to tell me!)

“Notice me…please…”

I recall saying that absence makes the heart go yonder when it comes to monsters getting their reappearances stalled. The Monoblos is a special case, in which it hasn’t come back precisely because there’s something out there that can do its job but better. And that sucks because it’s by no means a bad monster. It’s a great monster! The concept of using Ceratopsians as the basis for monsters is a brilliant one. And this guy got a really unique basis in the form of the one-horned Styracosaurus. It’s also got a club like an Ankylosaur for good measure. And while it’s called a Flying Wyvern and even looks the part, it prefers to fly through the sand and attack foes from below. A neat monster, for sure! 7/10.

“Temper-ceratops”

The monster that kicked Monoblos to the side is its harder, more savage relative. The Diablos. That name is already awesome, but there’s more to this guy than that. It has the same body build as the Mono, albeit its head is that of a sharp-toothed Triceratops, and its club is way bulkier. And the funny thing is, despite having all those sharp teeth, it feasts on nothing more than cacti. Raw cacti. A tough-as-nails meal for a tough-as-nails beast. What make the Diablos so notable for me isn’t its looks, but its roar. This guy has my favorite roar in the entire franchise for how much wrath and ferocity it conveys in a unique way. Other than that, like its predecessor, it’s a mostly standard bullfight boss with a design that certainly doesn’t pound sand (though it can very much do that).

NOW, usually I don’t talk about Subspecies/Variants/Deviants or whatever. I see them as mostly just reskins/recolors that are occasionally fun to fight. It’s just that Diablos has a particular Deviant that stands out compared to the rest (the Black variant is just a female going into violent heat, which is still interesting).

This edgelord mistake of nature is the Bloodbath Diablos (or it’s way better Japanese title, the Massacre Demon Diablos). It got that way because of, I kid you not, a lousy childhood. When Diablos are juveniles, losing a horn so early is a death sentence. But such a thing can only happen if a human hunter does it. Should a Diablos survive this, it has the chance to let its rage and violent hatred of humans completely take over, malforming its healed horn and empowering it to the point where its body can superheat and create steam with enough fury. Those blue highlights? That’s dried-up blood from its near-mindless rampages. And it’ll add more to itself the moment it even suspects that humans are nearby, taking them out with a much more fast-paced and psychotic take on the typical Diablos fighting style.

Sheesh.

8/10.

“It’s not just a boulder…it’s a rock!”

Once again, we have two monsters that are really just a part of the same species. In this case, it’s what happens when you don’t account for the kid you picked on in school once. Basarios is the dumpy odd-faced juvenile at the top. And it fights by rolling around and spraying either fire or sleeping/poison gas from its underside. Its camouflage as a big boulder is nice…but it’s just sort of dumb-looking overall.

THEN it grows up, and turns into the bigger, sturdier, and much more imposing Gravios. It too can emit those gasses, but it also has a wicked hide studded with spikes, it’s one of the heaviest Flying Wyverns around, and it can even fire a beam of concentrated heat from its mouth. And yes, it can fly, but only for short intervals. In fact, it’ll take advantage of this by flying upwards…and then plummeting down like a rock to squash you flat.

I can’t even deduct a point for how AWFUL it was to have my weapons bounce off its hide all the time in Generations: Ultimate. Gravios is an alright fellow. 7/10.

“What is this? PINE-CONES!”

I’m not gonna lie, Seregios didn’t quite grab me at first. It’s a flyer that’s way smaller than the average big wyvern, gold just isn’t my color, and it has a bad habit of becoming an invasive species on a whim. But it’s a unique beast, I’ll give it that. It fights with razor-sharp talons, a razor-sharp beak/horn, and most prominently, it can fire its razor-sharp scales at foes and inflict the Bleed status ailment. But I don’t know, I just think I’d like this monster a lot more if that imposing head wasn’t stuck to such a tiny body almost specifically modeled after a chicken of all things, complete with stubby wingspan. Plus, I feel bad for every Rathian this species seems to love to antagonize. 6/10.

“You’re gonna need a bigger bug net.”

You probably remember me grousing about how this franchise keeps shirking the chance to include more large insect monsters. Well, turns out most of my big bug needs have been met by a Flying Wyvern of all things.

The Astalos is, hands down, one of the coolest monsters in the whole franchise. It’s a near-perfect blend of reptilian might and insectoid weirdness all rolled into one beautiful package. More specifically, it’s based on the glasswing butterfly, as evidenced by its translucent wings. Those beautiful glowing wings, bug-like legs, and that tail ending with a pair of scissor-like mandibles make for one unique image! But Astalos doesn’t just get by with amazing looks. You see, this wyvern is so insanely aggressive that it can pulsate its headcrest and wings to the point where they generate an obscene amount of green electricity. This electricity empowers the beast so that it can fire electric energy balls, summon pillars of lightning, and slam its wings into the ground like they were fists in a violent electric flurry of punches. The drawbacks are that the most supercharged body parts are extra-vulnerable, and Astalos is a glass cannon overall, dealing lots of damage but not necessarily taking a whole lot. I say that makes for a fair but still intense fight!

Oh, and its theme music is one of the few to incorporate an electric guitar. And it’s awesome!

What else can I say? 10/10.

“I think this guy ate some poison oak before taking off.”

Even when some monsters aren’t my cup of tea, I can greatly admire them for the creativity on display. Case in point, the Paolumu. When I first saw this unusual thing, my first thought went to “giant tent-making bat”. And that’s just what it looks like. A giant flying tent-making bat with the tail of a beaver that can puff itself up like a balloon. That intro cutscene almost had me bursting out laughing at how it just looks like a floating orb with a pouty face at first…before it unveils its nasty teeth. And that floating? It’s perfect for gaining air and slamming into the ground to flatten foes. And it makes for good protection if something gets its jaws around the neck. Not my favorite, but I love how out of the box it is. 7/10.

“NOT. SINGING. THE OVERDONE. DISNEY SONG.”

Sigh…Legiana could have been one of the greats. An ice-based flyer with talons like a raven and cool frills that are based on, of all things, the Glaucus Atalanticus, an incredibly unusual yet beautiful type of sea slug with many other aliases (that’s also poisonous, so fair warning). And you can see that here, too! But my problem is that they didn’t go all the way with it. The head looks more like a hawk, and while its back is colored like its inspiration, its front is instead an unappealing yellowish brown. If it had been white or literally some other vibrant color, I would have let it slide. But that and its head shape just make me think of the wasted potential. A flying sea slug wyvern would have been a slam dunk for a 10/10. Sadly, the disappointment knocks this otherwise okay wyvern to a 5/10.

“Sound the alarm! Wait, IT IS THE ALARM!”

Up to World, players would have to worry about an invasive monster known as the Deviljho popping up out of nowhere to ruin their quests. But at least that guy couldn’t fly…but this nomadic invader sure can!

The Bazelgeuse is a knock-out monster, I’ll say! It’s entire motif is split between that of a lion (the face, the “mane” that makes up most of its head, its armor set) and a bomber plane. Yes, a bomber plane. And like such, its roar sounds like a bass-boosted air raid siren, and it carpet bombs wherever it goes. How? Well, those “scales” dangling from the underside of its head and tail aren’t actually scales. They’re a volatile substance the beast secretes that hardens into the shape of scales upon being exposed to the atmosphere, which then drop to the ground and blow up after a good few seconds and/or if something touches them. And like an absolute madman, the Bazelgeuse will coat the land in these scales before detonating them itself by CRASH-LANDING STRAIGHT INTO WHERE IT LAID THEM. Make no mistake, this is a monster that lives for the fight. And we love it for that. Plus, its theme music sounds like something you’d hear in a film about planes fighting each other in a war (with Rise providing the best version, of course). 9/10.

“….WAKE!!! UP!!!”

And once again, we have ourselves an immigrant from Frontier, a little while after its servers closed down forever. And not too surprisingly, it’s one of the more grounded designs. Espinas, at first, appears to be a typical Flying Wyvern, albeit one covered in a vibrant array of thorn-like spikes that contribute to a major rose motif. But aside from neat aesthetics, its charm comes from its nature. Every Espinas quest begins with you finding the beast…and it’s fast asleep. Yup, this is a huge monster that would prefer to doze off and ignore the chaos of the world around it (so it’s the most relatable monster to date). Alas, if you want to beat it, you gotta wake it up. This can take a number of hits before the Espinas finally decides to make short work of the thing keeping it from its beauty sleep (though I heard that it was funnier in Frontier in that it STILL would ignore attacking hunters for a while after waking up). And boy howdy, most creatures regret pissing off this gentle giant so much. It is unique in how it’s a double threat: it can spit fireballs that inflict burning damage AND poison at the same time. In fact, the poison that supposedly tips its thorns ensures that if something pricks itself on them while its snoring, it can wake up to a free paralyzed meal. Plus, an awake Espinas is powerful enough to stand against Elder Dragons and drive them off! And suddenly, it becomes obvious why few Frontier monsters make it to the mainline games. That lineup is complete insanity for the most part, and Espinas is somehow the tamest of them all for the most part. 8/10.

And there go the Flying Wyverns! Next up, we take a look at the creatures best suited for the water in the form of the Piscine Wyverns, Amphibians, and the Leviathans!

Index:

Flying Wyverns

monster hunter monhun monster hunter world monster hunter rise monster hunter wilds ramblings

THE GREAT MONSTER HUNTER RANKING! Part 3

For this part, we’re finally starting to look at the bulk of MH’s monsters, the Wyverns. To start, the ones that bear the closest relation/resemblance to birds. In truth, they are divided into two sub-categories: the Theropod Bird Wyverns, and the True Bird Wyverns.

Little side-note before I go on, but one thing I’ve always found to be a little amusing is how almost every big monster is called a “Wyvern”, despite most not looking anything the typical image of winged dragons with only wings and legs. My theory is that because Wyverns have only four limbs, so do all the monsters here named after them. Makes sense, right?

We’ll look at the first one now. To sum up, these are basically raptors. No strings attached, these are big, JP-style raptors. Since this is a fantasy world, I’m more than willing to let some paleo-inaccuracy slide (though this franchise has ways of surprising me pleasantly). That said, I believe it was a major power move to label the most raptor-like of monsters as birds back during the time when there were still people in furious denial about real-life prehistoric raptors being the most bird-like of dinosaurs.

The Theropod Bird Wyverns:

“Get ‘em, boys!”

Most of the Theropod Bird Wyverns all operate the same. A bunch of small raptors led by a really big one. And the hilarious thing is, the smaller raptors don’t do jack diddly squat to impede any hunter who has even the slightest idea of what they’re doing. The beginner hunters they’re meant to fight could literally pretend the minions don’t exist and it wouldn’t make much of a difference. Still, it’s nice as a part of their ecology, so I let it slide.

ANYWAY, the first one is the Velocidrome and its underlings, the Velociprey. For a starter, I love it mainly for its color scheme. The bright hues, especially the blood-orange claws, contrasting with the black stripes make this a visual treat, and there’s something intriguing about how its hands are shaped almost like demonic rakes. Impressive for the first “large” monster ever fought in the franchise. 8/10.

(Coughing up sand) “Get 'em, boys!”

The Gendrome and its Genprey are the desert raptors, and they’re not quite as interesting visually as their inland relatives. They fight by inflicting paralysis via their long fangs. Cool, but those fangs kinda make it look like they’re wearing a mustache from a distance. Just not my thing, these guys are, especially when there are more interesting alternatives. 5/10.

“GeT 'Em bOys!”

Now here’s a monster that got beaten with the ugly stick one too many times. The Iodrome and the Ioprey occupy the swamplands, and they’ve got some rather unusual designs to match their supposedly unpleasant abode. With heads shaped like hatchets and the ability to spit poison, they’re definitely memorable for just how weird they are compared to their compatriots. Oh, and despite having to keep moist most of the time, they can inhabit volcanoes for some reason. Maybe that fact about the moistness is more of a “because they can” thing. I dunno, they just look so sickly, it’s hard to look at them. But points for standing out in a crowd. 6/10.

“Assault the others, compatriots.”

Giadrome is just a re-skinned Velocidrome with ice powers. Not impressed. 2/10.

“Tear 'em up, guys!”

The Great Jaggi marks a turning point in these types of monster. The Dromes all but got replaced by these bulkier, almost deadlier breeds. This guy may not be as vibrant as the Velocidrome he replaced, but he’s a standout for just how much abuse his kind keeps inviting upon itself. Jaggi are described as being to larger monsters what chihuahuas are to bigger dogs. In that they will bark and taunt anything and anyone with no heed to the consequences. That might explain why Jaggis were such a punching bag in the series for the longest time, to the point where they’ve all but retired the big one while the little ones remain. It’s a shame, as I like that streak of white hair and the very clearly JP Dilophosaurus-inspired frill on its head. Bring back the Great Jaggi, Capcom! He’s a boisterous weakling, but he’s our boisterous weakling! 7/10.

“Shhh…tear 'em up, guys.”

On the flipside, the Great Baggi and the next Bird Wyvern here managed to escape being stuck in previous generations. Though if I’m being honest, looks aren’t what make the Baggi neat. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a nice design with that horn almost looking like a pompadour haircut, but their trump card is the power in their spit. You see, it contains a sort of sleeping agent that makes its prey drowsy and unable to fight back. So the Baggi’s prey could be peacefully sleeping as it’s ripped limb from limb by the predator and its underlings. That’s all kinds of messed up! Thankfully, it doesn’t do enough to down a hunter that badly, but it sure is something to think about. 6/10.

“TEaR 'Em uP, gUYs!”

Just as the Iodrome was the resident raptor swamp freak, so too is the Great Wroggi. I’ll admit, I’m a little put-off by the weird almost pig-like snout it has on top of its bloated neck sac that helps it produce the poisonous gasses it lobs at foes. But I like how its skin looks like that of a frog’s, and I don’t know if anyone’s pointed this out, but I find myself fascinated by how its tails is shaped like that of a leaf. Just a neat little detail that goes a long way. 7/10.

“Aye, let’s tear 'em up, party dudes!”

Because Great Jaggi got put on sabbatical, his replacement was the equally powerful (not saying much) Great Maccao. However, unlike the Jaggi, it’s no team player, as these raptors are cowardly in nature and will often abandon one another if the going gets tough. That already means the Jaggi has one over them. Then again, I admire how their designs bring to mind how raptors were very much feathered, and it makes for some gorgeous plumage. Plus, I like how they fight by balancing on their tails and kicking like a reptilian kangaroo. It makes for a frantic and interesting fight. Still, I’ll take the foolish resolve of the Jaggi over the good-looking cowardice of the Maccao. 6/10.

“Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine-”

Monster Hunter: World all but replaced the Theropod Bird Wyvern’s signature mob tactics most likely due to giving that strategy to some Fanged Wyverns instead. So, the two new ones introduced go at it solo. The Kulu-Ya-Ku is notable for just how…well, it’s got the head of a dodo bird, what do you want me to say? This thing isn’t intimidating in the slightest. And it isn’t supposed to be. This overgrown plucked turkey spends most of its time using its specially-designed hands to grab and run off with eggs, like how many used to perceive the Oviraptor of real-life prehistory. What’s amusing is that if one attacks the arms while it’s holding an object, it will comically drop it to the ground and break whatever it was holding, be it an egg or even pots and rocks it attacks the hunter with. Points for having character over my preferred aesthetics. 6/10.

And yes, I’m aware of that one incident in which one got its hands on a crystal from FF:XIV. The sheer absurdity of seeing this joke of a Wyvern get that big and one-shot HR hunters was certainly an experience.

“SOLAR FLARE!”

Another far less funny solo Bird Wyvern is the Tzizi-Ya-Ku. It has the same build, except it has a darker color scheme, and it’s head looks like a perpetually angry Dilophosaurus. But then there’s its trump card, a pair of fish-like fins that open up and literally flashblind any creature unlucky enough to be in its way. This works on hunters and even large monsters, which makes them accidentally helpful on several occasions. It’s a fun design overall, and a pretty amusing gameplay feature when it’s not trying to flashbang you. 8/10.

“Karera o hikisaite kudasai, min'na!”

Monster Hunter: Rise would see a return to the pack-hunting Bird Wyverns in the form of the Great Izuchi. Already, we have ourselves a banger, with a raptor covered in feather-like fur and with a head not unlike the cunning weasel it’s based off of. Yes, this monster is based on a Japanese weasel of myth known as the Kamaitachi. The catch is that this Yokai weasel was said to wield scythes on its feet to cut travelers with. It was a means of explaining the cutting pain of cold winds in the mountains, but here, it’s better explained by the blade-like end of the Izuchi’s tail. And it can swing that blade around to the point where you almost forget that it’s meant to be a beginner’s monster. But being a beginner monster doesn’t take away from how neat it is. 8/10.

“Gwaaaaaahhhhh….!”

The Sunbreak expansion of Rise would give us a new Bird Wyvern…with no leader. Which is a shame, because the Boggi have so much charm put into them! If you couldn’t tell by the big ears and manic expressions, they’re basically goblins if they were also raptors. But alas, they’re relegated to common small enemies, with no Great Boggi in sight. But why not?! I can’t get enough of the little guys’ dopey expressions, imagine what a bigger one would look like! Either way, show these obscure buggers some love, why don’t you? 7.5/10.

Now that we’ve seen the Theropods, we can now move on to the second type of Bird Wyvern, the ones that actually try to look and act like birds, that is.

The True Bird Wyverns:

“You think I’m funny? Thanks!”

Admittedly, the first “True Bird Wyvern” only looks like a bird thanks to its head. Other than that, The Yian-Kut-Ku looks like a typical Wyvern. Though by typical, we mean “kinda goofy”. That head looks like a mix between a parrot and a pelican, complete with big frill “ears”. Actually, it kinda looks like the sort of thing that would pop up in a bestiary of medieval beasts. And that’s what makes it so charming, on top of having a vibrant color scheme. I also like how its head is shaped like that specifically because it can swallow Konchus even when they’re rolled up. 7/10.

“You think I’m funny? HOW DO YOU THINK I’M FUNNY?!”

On the other hand, the Yian-Kut-Ku has a larger, and far less approachable cousin. The Yian Garuga feels like what would happen if its smaller kin got sick and tired of being the butt of everyone’s jokes, and became as edgy and vicious as possible. You’d think that’d make it several steps up for me, but it sort of loses the scrappy charm of the Yian-Kut-Ku in the process. Still, you got to admire this thing’s tenacity. It’s so ill-tempered and bloodthirsty, it’ll attack monsters many times its size and still be able to walk out of the fight if it can’t win. Plus, it’s got a metallic-sounding roar that can stun said large monsters too. So yeah, a bit on the edgy side, but at least this guy wears that on its sleeve. 7.5/10.

“Gobble, gobble, mofo”

Gypceros is…well, he’s not winning any popularity contests soon. For one thing, the more you learn about its design, the worse it gets. It’s skin is made of a material similar to rubber, it’s tail can extend like a worm somehow, and it loves nothing more than to blind prey with the odd hammer-like head crest on its unfathomably stupid face. Oh, and in previous generations, it could rob you of items. And to top off this living pile of spite and unease, its favorite trick is to pretend to be dead near the end of its fight, only to spring to life and hit hard.

So yeah, not a big fan of this oversized plucked turkey. As far as I’m concerned, they belong in a Nerscylla’s wardrobe. 3/10.

“Could someone help me out here? I got lost.”

Hypnocatrice is an odd case. It’s actually an immigrant from the MMO Monster Hunter: Frontier. But it somehow got to be in Freedom Unite…and that’s it. It’s a shame too, because out of all the Bird Wyverns, this one might actually be the most bird-like. With a head like a stork and some pretty feather patterns, Hypno here certainly catches the eye. But other than that, there’s nothing terribly special about it, other than its pacifistic attitude and the ability to lob drowsiness-inducing spit. It has its fans, and I don’t blame them. After all, absence makes any being seem more appealing. 5.5/10.

“NOOT NOOT!”

Now here’s one of the more OUT THERE Bird Wyverns! Qurupeco is just the right blend of intriguing and ridiculous I look for in early-game monsters. It has some of the prettiest plumage out of this monster type, with pretty greens, blues, and red adorning its body. It also looks like a cross between a duck, a pterosaur, and as you might have noticed from that large red throat sac, a frigate bird. But that sac isn’t just for attracting mates. The Qurupeco’s ace in the hole is the ability to mimic other bigger monsters’ sounds, and amplify them with that sac and the odd trumpet-like thing at the top of its beak. And rather infamously, its bag of tricks includes the call of the dreaded Deviljho (which, nine times out of ten, screws over both it AND the hunter it sicced the monstrous pickle on). But without its backup ability, it still has some other cool moves, like the combustible mucus it can spit at foes, or cover its flint-like wing-claws with so that they create a small explosion when slammed together.

My God, what is this thing doing stuck in the third generation?! It’s flowing with vibrancy and creativity! Bring it back, Capcom! I don’t care if it summons a monster leagues above my ability. I can take it (I most definitely cannot)! 8.5/10.

“Wenk, wenk.”

Yeah, Gargwa are labeled as True Bird Wyverns, but they’re not large monsters. If anything, they exist to serve the same purpose as everything in the Herbivore type of monster. That being tasty canon fodder for everything around them. That’s not to say they aren’t appealing, being comically round emu-geese. I like them, they look like something from a fantastical fountain park. 6/10.

“They kicked me out of Ga'Hoole, said my magic act was…too intense. What do they know?!”

So it seems that anytime we get a new True Bird Wyvern, the designers at Capcom pull out all the stops to make it as unique as possible. Thus, we now have our first owl-based monster. And about time, too. Owls have massive potential as monster designs. The Malfestio here just has so much presence. You can’t tell from the image, but the insides of its wings are so such beautiful shades of blue…with a dark secret. You see, this jester-like owl has the unique ability to inflict the Confusion status ailment with the scales on its wings that dissipate into a golden mist with enough force…which it then can blow straight at you. Getting hit by this causes the controls to invert for a while. That’s really neat, and makes for a unique fight! Plus, it’s a man-sized owl. That’s just cool. 8/10.

“Oogly boogly!!!”

At first, one might be put off by a name that sounds like “pukey pukey”, especially when you learn that this thing vomits globs of poison (and fires it out of the tip of its tail). But the Pukei Pukei more than makes up for it by being a very pretty, if somewhat bizarre, bird. Okay, “bird” is stretching it a bit, but this is the same type that invited the Gypceros in. At least this one has feathers. The fact that it combines those features with those seen in geckos only adds to the neat factor. While its tendency to attack smaller monsters while running from bigger ones paints it in a sort of bully image, a certain crossover event quest from World shows that they’re not all that bad. 7.5/10.

“Wings of - thwack!-regret!”

Rise is one of my favorite inductions in this franchise mostly because a lot of the newcomers wear their mythological inspirations on their sleeves. In this case, the Aknosom is based on the Karakasa, a living parasol with a face and one leg to hop on. This beast’s intro cutscene does just that (though why is unclear), and it adds a boatload of charm. Aside from that one stance, the wings are designed to look just like an umbrella, and if you look closely, the center of its vibrant head-frill looks an awful lot like an eye. This is on top of just being so unique as a monster based on a Japanese crane. The only reason I don’t rank it higher is because I’m a little put off by how it has a distinct lack of body feathers, giving it an unsettlingly naked look (or, based on its fire powers, that of a burnt chicken). Still, it’s a winner in my book! 8/10.

And there go the Bird Wyverns! Next up, the stars of the franchise known as the Flying Wyverns!

Index:

Bird Wyverns

monster hunter monhun monster hunter world monster hunter rise monster hunter wilds ramblings

The GREAT MONSTER HUNTER RANKING! Part 2

And now we start to get to the beasts that are actively trying to kill you.

This part is dedicated to the invertebrates of the monster-hunting world. The Neopterons (big bugs), Carapaceons (big crabs), and the Temnocerans (big spiders).

Now, I’ll be real here. If there was ever a case of this franchise just leaving money on the table, it would be how they’ve handled Neopterons, the single most underrated monster type in my opinion. There are thousands of bugs in the world, and how many large monsters does this franchise have based on them, as of now? A grand total of two. That’s…it. Granted, there are plenty of other monsters that take cues from insects, but it’s not the same, I tell you!

But enough grousing about “shoulda, coulda, woulda”, what big bugs do we have? Well, before we get into that, let’s look at the small ones (“small” being relative, most of these guys are about as big as dogs).

The Neopterons:

“NO NOT THE WASPS! NOT THE WASPS! AAAAAGHGHGHGH!!!”

Vespoids are, as the name would imply, really gnarly-looking wasps. They have heads almost shaped like lizards, and they used to be absolute Hell on any hunter trying to carve/gather in peace. But other than that…they’re just annoying. It is neat though how in earlier games you could attract a Vespoid queen, which is about twice as big as a man. But they don’t do that anymore. Darn. 3.5/10.

“I think I stepped on a bug.”

Hornetaurs are the more interesting small neopterons by virtue of being based mostly on Hercules beetles. Neat little buggers, but that’s all they are. They can barely even fight back despite being the size of small dogs. 5/10.

“It’s-OW-so-OW-pretty-OW!”

Bnahabra were something of a successor to the Vespoids during the third generation, and really, they were superior. That weird alien-looking head adds so much character to what could have just been another flying nuisance. It kind of reminds me of the spiny orb-weaver spider’s abdomen, so that’s a plus. 6/10.

“Not so ant-isocial.”

Altaroths are this world’s answer to ants. More specifically, honeypot ants. Those gnarly mandibles, that odd crest, and the fact that their abdomens change color based on what their recent food was make this more than a worthy successor to the Hornetaurs. It does make me wonder what an Altaroth queen looks like, though. 6/10.

“Rolly pollie, holy cannoli”

The Konchu may not be getting any fans based on how they affect hunts (armoring monsters on top of knocking hunters over makes for a nasty pest), but they’ve got some neat looks at least. They’re pill bugs mixed with the sensibilities of trilobites, and that’s just cool. Also, I’d like to note that when they latch onto larger monsters, they’re not doing that to be nice. That’s them sucking their blood like parasites. Think on that for a bit. 7/10.

“And I’ll form the he-PLEASE FREE ME FROM THIS HELL!”

NOW we can talk about really big bugs. There are only two large Neopterons as of now, and they’re both really cool! Case in point, the Seltas/Seltas Queen. And yes, the queen is the larger monster in that pic. You see, these beetles have a rather…twisted sexual dimorphism going on. The male is a person-sized flying terror that isn’t terribly hard to kill by monster standards, but the female is beast that’s as big as and even looks like a tank. The queen releases a pheromone that attracts the male, which is then snatched up by that gnarly tail and essentially brainwashed into fighting by the big lady’s side, acting as a sort of biological combining mecha. And if the Seltas can’t fight, his involuntary mate smashes and eats him.

Yikes.

Putting aside that horrific biology, the Seltas wins points for its appealing colors and its mecha motif, complete with mechanical sounds and even weaponized exhaust that inflicts Soiled status. Even the armor set you craft from it seems to have been inspired by more than a few robot animes. 8/10. Would have been a 9, but I just feel THAT bad for the small Seltas. And you thought mantids had a hard time monkeying around with love. Speaking of…

“THAT INSECT MADE THIS IN A DUNE!!! WITH A BUNCH OF SCRAP!”

Ironically, for a type so underutilized, the Neopterons had the honor of one of their own being the True Final Boss of Monster Hunter: Generations Ultimate. And sure enough, they brought in their best.

Ahtal-Ka is already a winner by virtue of being a giant mantis. ANY mantis monster would be in the top ten for me. Once again Capcom, GIVE US MORE NEOPTERONS PLEASE! Anyhow, it’s not just a cool bug, but it’s also got a neat Egyptian motif with its color scheme and ornate head crest based on what the Pharaohs wore back then. Gold isn’t really my color, but I like what they were going for. The purple eyes help it stand out even more.

And as it turns out, there’s a reason you outta fear this bug like it was a Pharaoh. You see, by itself, it’s already a strong beast. It’s main asset is being able to create sticky webs that it can use to lasso debris straight into your face. This includes, but is definitely not limited to, ENTIRE WHOLE DRAGONATORS (which are basically huge pointy weapons typically used against Elder Dragons). But nothing compares to its secret weapon: its intellect. The Ahtal-Ka is, at its heart, a tinkerer of all things. And it has laid entire human settlements to waste with its magnum opus.

That.

This is the Empress’ Throne, named so because the Ahtal-Ka made it from its web and whatever scraps it could find. And it’s about the size of a building. The monster uses its webs to pilot it from the inside, manipulating its limbs like a puppeteer on crack. And if certain descriptions are to be believed, this isn’t even the biggest this bug can make its creations.

So yeah, the smartest monster around is a giant Egyptian mantis that goes grocery shopping in ruined civilizations so that it can make giant robots generations ahead of whatever we’re lunking around. 9.5/10. That is all.

And now, we move on to a type that’s literally just “giant enemy crab”. And you do indeed have to attack their weak points for massive damage.

(Funnily enough, there are Carapaceons in MH: Frontier that take cues from arachnids, but this isn’t a Frontier ranking, is it?)

The Carapaceons:

“Hunter, me boy, just want you to know that I’ll be pickin’ you out of me teeth! Ag, agagagagag!”

To start, there is the Daimyo Hermitaur. It’s pretty much the standard for Carapaceons going forward. And what a standard it is. That being a huge hermit crab that eschews the typical shell and instead uses the skulls of larger, deadlier monsters. That’s cool AND naturalistic! In Daimyo’s case, its a Monoblos skull (which seems to exist these days as a grim reminder that Mono ain’t going to feature in the new games, lol). This, combined with that terrifying face shaped to look like a mouthful of teeth, make for a strong first-impression! And a side-note, but whenever it gets mad, I just love how it makes an odd “come at me, bro” gesture before attacking.

Also, it shoots beams of pressurized water from its mouth. You’d better believe how lethal that is. 8/10.

“It slices, it dices, and makes unmarked graves of you all!”

If the Daimyo is the heavy-hitting shield, the Shogun Ceanataur is the blood-soaked blade. It’s positively wicked look owes its lot to the ridiculously long raptorial limbs it has. They’re apparently so sharp, they can cut through even the toughest of armor sets. Sure enough, fighting one and getting hit by Shogun’s unsheathed blades will win you the bleed status ailment. And while most Shoguns wear a Gravios skull for a shell, there’s one deviant that uses the skull of a Glavenus, and even fights like one! Daimyo may be imposing like a fortress, but Shogun is the sort of fast-striking warrior that I argue leaves more of a lasting impression. The only reason I don’t rank it higher is because I was…not happy to find out that it’s not shooting concentrated beams of water at you. That’s pee…yeah. 8/10.

“Horrors on stilts!”

We’ve seen crabs rob the corpses of big monsters to empower themselves. But none have taken it to such ridiculously huge literal heights like Shen Gaoren. Even to this day, this is the largest non-Elder Dragon monster in the franchise. It’s so tall that hunters can barely come up to the first segment of one of its legs. Sure, it doesn’t do a whole lot of fighting, but it doesn’t have to. It’s main fortification on top of an already well-armored body is the skull of a Lao Shan-Lung. In other words, an Elder Dragon. And it can even shoot concentrated balls of acid from that skull’s mouth! It’s safe to say this big crab has a major amount of presence, helped in no small part by its design being mostly based on the spider crab. Bring it back in the next game, please! 9/10.

And finally for this part, we come to the giant spiders. A type that, surprisingly, has been steadily getting bigger with each new generation. There’s even a new one coming in Wilds. But for now, let’s look at the two we’ve seen so far.

The Temnocerans:

“So…what shall I wear today? The one that died screaming, or the one who never saw it coming?”

It’s safe to say that the first Temnoceran ever seen came in literally swinging. Nerscylla is already a threatening monster by virtue of being a giant spider. But then you factor in those huge purple spikes, its ability to swing all over the place, a pair of extendable serrated mandibles all the better to slice you with, and a minor detail about it WEARING THE SKIN OF ITS FAVORITE PREY. Specifically, the Gypceros. And for those who fought that Bird Wyvern in previous games, it would be cathartic if it weren’t so horrific. Still, it makes for cool monster, so there’s that! 7/10.

“Every day is Take Your Kids to Work Day”

Nerscylla may be a good standard giant spider, but in my opinion, we may never beat Rakna-Kadaki. This is easily one of the most creative giant spiders I’ve ever seen in a piece of media. I say this due to how they went and designed its head. Because the mad geniuses at Capcom decided to base this monster off of the pelican spider.

Yup, it’s real. And it ain’t the one getting lifted.

These spiders are characterized by having small bodies yet surprisingly long necks and/or fangs. The Rakna-Kadaki also has that, albeit its body is positively huge. And what’s more, the head attached to that long neck looks less like an arachnid and more a demon out of Hell. Sure enough, its main inspiration was the yokai (a Japanese spirit/demon) known as the Jorogumo, which is a demonic spider that pretends to be a beautiful maiden to seduce prey. Rakna doesn’t need to rely on seduction (though it might have done that before eating its mates). Instead, it utilizes its own explosive breeding habits to create enough loyal young known as Rachnoids that it can use mostly as grapplers to move more quickly across the ground. Oh, and IT BREATHES FIRE AND COMBUSTIBLE GAS. I don’t know about you, but this might be the most metal giant spider ever conceived. And it’s just so fascinating to even think about. Whoever proposed “monster pelican spider” deserves a raise. Let’s do an ant-mimic spider next! 9.5/10!

Next up, the Bird Wyverns!

Index:

Neopterons, Carapaceans, Temnocerans

monster hunter monhun monster hunter world monster hunter rise monster hunter wilds ramblings

The GREAT MONSTER HUNTER RANKING! PART 1

Of all the video game franchises out there, none have captured my imagination or just in general really hooked me as much as the Monster Hunter series has.

It’s funny, really. I remember picking up the first game in 2004 when I was just six, only to not get anywhere because back then I couldn’t figure out any game that didn’t explicitly tell me what to do/where to go (which might be why I played so many licensed games back then).

Then, more than a decade later, I played Monster Hunter: World. And by that point, I was well beyond needing everything and everyone to hold my hand. Now, I could appreciate this series for what it was: a world where you could fight a massive array of diverse creatures inspired by myth and nature, craft equally varied weapons and armor from parts harvested from each hunt, and in my case, fall in love with an ecosystem of fantastical proportions.

So naturally, Wilds is my most anticipated game of the year. And in celebration, I’m taking a look at almost every monster, and giving my thoughts on their looks and, if applicable, how it feels to fight them (fair warning, I’ve only played World, Generations Ultimate, and Rise).

So, let’s get started with the monsters that debuted in the one that started it all:

The Herbivores:

Here we have all the plant-eating monsters at the thorough bottom of the food chain. Even the smallest meat-eaters stand more than a chance of taking them down. Still, that doesn’t make them any less fascinating.

“So beautiful…I’m gonna eat it!”

The Aptonoth is the first monster any player will encounter, and it’s a great way to communicate how this fantasy world takes a plethora of cues from prehistory as opposed to just sticking to the typical tropes. It’s a very appealing design, being a Parasaurolophus with the tail of an Ankylosaur. It almost makes me wish it were in the fossil record. Definitely an 8/10.

“Here, the monsters dine on turtle soup!”

The Apceros is a desert-brand herbivore, and with the fortification to match. This time, the Ankylosaur features extend to the entirety of the body. It’s not quite as creative as Aptonoth, but it’s still got that prehistoric charm. 5.5/10.

Really, I’d just like to note how the first two herbivores would be near-unstoppable in the real world. Any person would have all their bones broken by a pissed-off specimen of either species. But that just tells you how brutal the world of MH can be that they’re still at the bottom of the pecking order.

“Oh, deer…”

Kelbi are…not all that fascinating. While it’s amusing to hear how they may have inspired Unicorn-like myths in this world, there’s a certain mono-horned horse that fits that bill way better later on. These guys are just…deer. Though I find it a little weird/amusing that the recent games don’t allow you to kill them. Wonder why? 2/10.

“A most plant-based porker”

Now, HERE’S a less dull mammal herbivore right here! The Mosswine carries that prehistoric influence with that rather odd Pachycephalosaur-like dome on its head, as well as the neat symbiosis with moss that gives it its name. Sure, it’s just an average-sized pig other than that, but it still has its charm. And yes, I am aware of the giant Mosswine quest. That’s just hilarious. 5/10.

“So nice and floofy!”

First of all, Popo is such a cute name. And these are some cute animals, too! They look like little mammoths crossed with musk oxen, complete with big honking tusks. But its those stumpy noses with the hair hiding their eyes that just exudes adorable charm! Out of all the herbivores we’ve seen in the wild, these are the ones I’d want to hug the most (though they are a bit aggressive). 8/10.

“The reindeer Santa doesn’t talk about”

Anteka are a lot like the Kelbi, in that they’re fairly standard forest ungulates with a couple fantastical features, in this case being moose-elk. But they have a couple things over their mainland counterparts. For one thing, they fight back, they have an almost comical combo of a mustache and goatee (HA!), and those horns sure look ornate! Among herbivores, bigger is indeed better. 6/10.

“Could have sworn I saw something like this in Scotland”

The Epioth is, by far, one of my favorite Herbivore designs as of this writing. There’s just something very eye-catching about it being a plesiosaur with distinctly koi fish-like details, right down to the appealing patterns. It really does feel like the kind of creature I could watch swim in an aquarium for hours and never get tired of how serene it all is. It’s a shame they’re stuck in the third generation due ot being inseperable from the water combat that dominated those games. Yeah, that’s never coming back, not with how janky it was. Sure, I’m open to miracles, but I just don’t see it working. At least we have no reason to hurt these beautiful monsters. 9/10.

“There’s a brick wall with your name on it!”

On the other side of the spectrum, we have the Rhenoplos, which seems to take all our dated depictions of ceratopsians and roll them into one animal. Not the most interesting design, it’s a little too much on the rhino side of things (plus they charge at EVERYONE), though the big ears are a nice flourish to indicate a sense it uses to compensate for terrible sight. 5/10.

“It’s not a hippo if it’s not obliterating anything it sees and hears.”

Slagtoths get a leg-up on the Rhenoplos for merit of originality. Sure, that huge droopy flap of skin is doing most of the heavy lifting, but the hippo-like look and that subtle ceratopsian crest on its head come together to make a stand-out herbivore. Plus, it’s heightened aggression is a nice nod to how hippos are the embodiment of zero chill. 6/10.

“The Great Valley is THAT way.”

I really want to like the Larinoth, and I do, but something about it frustrates me nowadays. It’s a sauropod, but its almost just as much of a pushover as the rest of the herbivores. For me, that just fits the absurd idea that Sauropods were cannon fodder for the neighboring predators, completely ignoring how they were nature’s living kaiju during their time. But as monsters isolated from their pitiful spot on the food chain, they’re a fun design for a fictional Sauropod. 8/10.

You’ll run out of excuses one day, Capcom. Soon, you’ll have an Elder Dragon that looks like a Brachiosaurus on steroids.

“Our heads hurt.”

The Kestodon are basically souped-up Pachycephalosaurs. Nice headgear, but that’s really it. 4/10.

“Keep attacking! ALWAYS KEEP ATTACKING!”

Meanwhile, Gastodon is a much more interesting design than its predecessor. They too look like Pachycephalosaurs, but instead of a bony dome on their heads, they have huge plumes of feathers in the shape of a dome, with small horns on each side of it. In practice, it makes them look almost part-bison. This, combined with their borderline-suicidal tendencies to mob hunters that slightly ticked them off, make them a solid win. 7/10.

“The big monsters got their goat.”

Gowngoats are a fun concept. Not only does their fur look like a gown, as per the name, but it also kind of looks like an anteater’s hairbrush-like tail. Not at all imposing, but definitely cute. I’d pet one for a fee. 6/10.

Next up, Neopterons, Carapaceans, and Temnocerans!

Index:

Herbivores