Leicester University

 

I was taking some sweet time to scrutinize my storage box before finalizing my hand carry. Found my few external hard drives and tadaaa, banyak sungguh la gambar dari zaman tok kadok - while I was still in the UK. 

Dated from 2005. Zaman camera phone super cikai and digital camera pun sangatlah limited MP nya. But hey, the images are still stimulating my core memory.

Above was my small apartment room in Leicester back then. Shared unit with maybe another 3 or 4 foreign students kalau tak silap..

Kudos to me, I made my room look cozy for that era. Kan? Siap gigih beli keyboard kat sana. Ada teddy bear sebesar manusia beli kat car boot market. Another 1 white giant teddy belum wujud lagi masa ni.

Oh what a free life it was. Struggling with study, tetapi tetap la hidup dengan penuh keyakinan dan berjoli hahahaha.

Done mengimbau kenangan. Shall hit the sack early!

~ Opal Court ~

Spring-ing

Spring is here.

In Japan, cherry had blossomed well and coming to their end at certain districts mostly sparing the north.

And at a side note, the first 4 GPs were done. This weekend is Jeddah's. Bahrain was the toughest on Max. Kasihan. But the season just began.

Anyhu, begs are re-packed and we are ready to go!

IST, soon.

~  nah bunga 💐 ~

Marriage and Divorce

Recently, I have been the ears to listen to some heartbreaking story of divorced couples.

Subhanallah memang patut Islam membenci perceraian. Tidaklah haram. Namun, the impact it has on many sides is way beyond comprehension.

Betul lah, choosing a life partner is your next biggest task after maintaining your tauhid dan akidah. 

Seumur hidup itu lama - yes, semua orang bercita-cita to be married forever. Nonetheless, tidak semua dapat rezeki for such smooth sailing in marriage. Berantakan tengah jalan, porak peranda anak beranak. For so many reasons, for so many factors - from petty to unimaginable causes. 

But all in all, apabila sudah tiada ihsan dalam hubungan, tiada kesepakatan dalam mempertahankan apa yang pernah ada, couples go separate ways. Paling sedihnya apabila ada anak-anak yang akan terkesan sama.

Saat manis berkasih sayang, semua nampak indah, semua dikata mudah. Saat dah berpisah, isu sekecil-kecilnya jadi ungkitan, jadi sesalan, jadi bualan.

Jadi yang dahulu dipertahanakan, tidak ikhlas kah? Bukan dahulu dihadap daripada rasa kasih kah? Kenapa yang dahulu mampu diterima, tiba-tiba diungkap menjadi punca?

Wallahi, marriage scares me. Deep inside, I know I can love with all my might. But love alone is never enough for a sustainable marriage. It is never just about love. It comes with its whole package - hard work, effort, passion etc you name it all. Semua kena ada.

They say with the right person, things will be easy, it goes without forcing. Yet kenapa apabila berpisah, kebanyakannya jadi haru biru? Aint we got married to the person we once thought was our right person? 

Honesly in my dumb opinion, to maintain a marriage, at times, we need force too. The force to keep it going. 

Memaksa diri masing-masing untuk menjadi lebih saling memahami saat rasa cinta semakin mendatar. Saling menerima saat segala ujian terasa mengkhianati rasa. 

Demi terus untuk bertolak ansur dan akhirnya terus berkasih sayang. Really, it is a hard work for both ends.

Senjata terkuat kita, tetaplah agama dan iman kita. Berpaksilah kepada titik sebenar mengikut ajaran Islam - may Allah make it easy, for He and only Him could ease everything.

~ t = -6 ~

My Closure

My closure is this. -
I will never know 
If i did mean anything to you
If your love was real? And if so, how could you be so cruel to me?
I will never know how you did it
I kept asking how why how and why
Till it drove me crazy but 
I came to peace that 
I will never know 
But i will always know 
My love was real
My heart was real 
My affection 
My gentleness
My sincerity was real 
I will always know what i felt was real 
Regardless of how it ended. 
How you acted.
I was real.
That’s my closure. 
 
- Metanoia

~ i was real ~

Natural Body Odour

Do you still recall your favourite person's body smell? Not their perfume scent, but their natural body odour.

Could you recall how the smell made you feel each time they get close to you? 

It aint fetish of any sort, but it is our cognitive way of recalling our memory, especially our loved ones. The smell makes the memory more vivid.

~ could you recall mine? 😅 ~

Turkey

In 2 weeks time, I will be flying off to Turkey, InshaAllah. May Allah ease. May Allah shower me with His peace, finding solitude within His endless amazing creations. Cant wait for the adventure to begin.

~ life is too short to mourn just about you ~

It Is Okay

If you’ve accepted that it’s over and still miss them, know that it’s okay. Healing isn’t about forgetting; it’s about learning to live with the memories without letting them control you. You can miss someone and still know they weren’t meant to stay. You can look back on what you had with love, even if it ended in pain. Missing them doesn’t mean you’re weak, and it doesn’t mean you should go back—it simply means they were a part of your story, and letting go takes time.  

But remember this: missing them is just a feeling, not a reason to reopen a closed door. You are allowed to feel, but don’t let nostalgia trick you into rewriting the past. There’s a reason it ended, and there’s a future waiting for you beyond what was. Let yourself miss them, but also remind yourself that you deserve a love that stays, grows, and chooses you every single day. Keep moving forward—one day, missing them won’t feel so heavy anymore.

— Balt Rodriguez