Point A to Point B

 Salam.

I am back from Perlis. Perlis was surprisingly amazing, the place, the people, the food, the calmness. My 5 days stay there felt short, Insha Allah I will visit again to explore other places in Perlis. 

Ramadhan will be here in a month. I am excited because I have planned a few improvements to make my Ramadhan better than before, based on what I have gathered and learned at this point of my life. 

Obviously major overhaul is needed on some (many) of my habits and lifestyle. I have fallen out of love from a few of my favourite past times, because they no longer align with my priority now. Perhaps I was done exploring and now I am quite settled on which direction I am going to lead with my life, hence the attachments that weigh me down are ready to be left. It was tough and confusing at the beginning because maybe it was associated as part of my identity. But I am more aware now that I am accountable to my every decision and act, so detachment is really pivotal here. 

May Allah ease everything for us. Amin YRA. 

Humbled

 Salam.

I’ve read 13 books this year, one of it titled Humble written by Daryl Van Togeren. It came as a shock to me that I am not as humble as I assume I am, reflected upon reading this book. It is an interesting book, explaining the importance of being humble and exercise humility in daily life backed by science and research.

Not that I am not convinced on the importance of it by relying on my existing information gathered from my faith, Islam. But having more knowledge on the subject is like tighten the existing weave lines. Hence, the assurance make me more settled. In my line of work, we often reminded that we need to scrutinize on why certain things happened (especially on incident that produced undesirable outcome) by answering 5 whys. I guess having more knowledge on certain subject is like inquiring another layer of whys and as equally important for me to craft how I want to conduct my life. 

Approaching mid-life age, I found that the decision making process is easier. Not sure about others. The years I had lived before teach me to see things clearer, moulded a certain belief system and principles that aligned with my intrinsic value. With my time moving so consistently towards its finish line, I guess the phrase “You only Die Once” resonated at greater volume to me than the YOLO. 

Back to the book, one of my favourite key takeaways from it is being humble is about representing ourselves in actual size, not bigger to impress the audience and not smaller to fit the others. 

Libre

 Salam. 

My writing when I was unable to sleep :-

***

It was pitch black. Still, it was about sleep that was reluctant to come albeit the herbal tea.

New day come. Same routine but different minutiae every day. I wonder when will be the time I would enjoy my morning like TV commercial depicted, eyes closed and arms stretch to the sky and sideways with wide grin followed by small jump from the bed to kick start the day. It is always me dragging my feet with my eyes shut and hands searching for water from my bedside table.

I believe there are seasons in life and at the moment, I am at the better state than I was in couple of years ago, I am at Rabbi Inni Lima Anzalta Ilayya Min Khayrin Faqir state. Few years ago I was at the lowest phase where I questioned everything that happened to me as much as I complained why am  I not granted everything that I prayed or wished for. 

The season, impacted how I curated my reading list. I am not sure if it is directly caused by the maturity level but my preferred books at the moment is about faith, finding meaning in life and answering my curiosity at specific subject such as how brain works, why exercise is important and myths that needed to be debunked. 

Of late, I find certain things are trivial and sort of wasting my time and energy and I detached myself from that. I felt better and liberated because I can focus doing things that are more rewarding. 

Power

 Salam. 

I am an active ‘blocker’ and ‘reporter’ of those accounts without integrity, promoting their inapproriate products or contents. I think it is important to let them know that their good for nothing content, are impacting people in term of jeopardizing health, mental state and intellectual of the people. Since the enforcement by the authority is too loose or maybe it is there but I do not see that it was able to curb the progression of these bad contents and products, it is important for us to take action against them. The products involved could be food (the processed food and the sugar-laden one), the overclaimed magic pills (to lose weight or worse, to be fairer), the podcast or video to share uncertified information or anything bad. 

One thing for sure, all those bad contents and products above are profitable to the founders and those at loss are consumers. My genuine opinion for those consumers that consumed these bad products, is because the founders are aware on the loopholes that were there. First is the insecurity that people had to become someone so superficial-looking : thin, fair, and next is the instant gratification that our generation are well too familiar with, hence why the short videos are much more enticing compared to reading books or researching details information from experts on the subject,as well as people consuming overclaim slimming products to lose weight instead of adopting healthier diet and lifestyle. 

How to omit the loopholes, the insecurity within us? First, stay educated. Health is the crown that only sick people can see. Food is meant for its nutritious content, not for the entertainment nor distraction. The processed food gave a bit of comfort during one of those bad day, but sometimes the bad days prolonged, so having good diet as habit will help us during those prolonged bad days phase. 

The insecurity on the look. Again, health is one of the highest form of gift from God. It is not worth it to compromise our health by consuming bad products to achieve that superficial look. 

Be self assured by staying educated with certified information from experts so that we will not be manipulated from these business owners and end up losing our health or self. Don’t give power to them, to influence us that we need their bad products to improve our life. Be grateful with our healthy body and convey our gratitude to God by keep praying we will be able to perform acts that He loved, demonstrate our gratitude by eat nutritious food, actively taking good care of our body and mental state. 

My writing today is stemmed from another bad products that recently were out, again manipulating insecurity of mass from uncertified people on the field. 

Calibrate

 Salam. 

The new norm that I am in now is so humbling. Yesterday, I did keep in touch with two of my close friends via separate call. They called me because they were worried about me and we haven’t keep in touch for a while, since my father had his operation.

Our father are all in their prime 60s. They were both crying listening to my details, which I initially were not because I am sort of done with the waterworks since last 3 weeks. But thing is, crying is a contagious act for me I really can’t see other people crying without me joining the party too, so in between the sobs we had our life updates. 

I am one sensitive soul despite the straight face I masked myself with, having friends and family who cared for me is humbling and touching. Maybe I am too long deprived from sad event, I really am humbled with the fact that they cried listening to me. I even cried writing this. Such a RAM (Queen of Tears AKA Ratu Air Mata). 

My father being unwell is one thing, but another bigger thing I observed during this plight are love and care surrounding my family and me. From my siblings, my mother’s family, from my friends, my colleague and even from new people that we got to know from our long stay in the hospital. Indeed Allah never leave us alone. He equipped us with the necessary tools & medium to brave the test. Alhamdulillah. 

Another thing I want to pen is the shifted life focus of mine after this event. It was almost abrupt that things that bother me so much before, is no longer lingered freely on my mind. I am still working, still will do my best but work is no longer everything. Apparently the phrase ‘work can wait’ resonated with me at the grander scale at the moment and I would like to add ‘work can wait but death is not’. Seeing my father so sick and weak make me realize that the fancy things I used to adore is sort of useless, why did I spend so much of my resources i.e time, energy, money there. 

Indeed, everyone is struggling, differently.

Hope everyone is well and blesssed with good health. Amin YRA. 

Derail

 Salam.

I have never been so clear about my life intention until now. My father is sick and today is his 15 days in hospital. My father is always cheerful so when he has suddenly fell ill, it completely caught us by surprise.

Post operation, I feel like God has given us life extension of my father. There is nothing more valuable than love. Having money and all is good but it is kind of meaningless if my loved ones are sick, unable to enjoy it and have no one to carry on life with (my family and loved ones).

I promised myself to utilize the borrowed time, better, especially to spend more quality time with my parent and to compensate whatever wrongdoings I have done before. 

Ultimately, life is a series of test and death is a phase before the real thing. 

Adventure of a Lifetime

 Salam.

I just back from Coldplay concert in Singapore and it was like dream come true. I have been dreaming to go to their concert since I was a teenager (not that I am no longer teenager now) and to be able to attend the concert with my siblings was cherry on top.

Back then, I used to reject the idea that I am lucky when my mother told to me to be more grateful because God has gifted a lot to me. In contrary, I thought that there are a lot more things or wishlist that I have yet to receive from Allah. Come to think again now, midlife phase, my mother was absolutely right. The biggest blessing in my life, was Islam. Being a Muslim and believe in God and the afterlife are constant reality check for me everytime I was feeling low. This too shall pass, the pain that I am enduring now will be greatly rewarded later, the anger that I am suppressing now will elevate me later. 

Second is family, my family - we are fairly close and everyone is the biggest supporter to each other - siblings for the reckless act and parent for the more matured theme. 

Third is health of course, when I was in my 20s, I used to feel like 30 is such a big number and I shall start doing anything that will benefit me during my retirement age consistently. That was fasting on Monday and Thursday. I have been delaying that act for few years now and I think I can no longer afford any delay, so I made a pact with my friend to do it too and may Allah ease everything. 

Forth, are my beloved friends. My sister said that most of my friends are a high quality one, reliable and kindhearted. Alhamdulillah, my friends are another blessing Allah gifted me. 

Fifth, is my chances and ability to learn new things when I want to. I started my pilates class a year ago and loving it and Insha Allah will try to consistently attend the class every week. I started learning French too and hopefully I will be able to speak the language in few years time. 

Bye.