Things will never be the same again..

Took the leap. And I thought i'll be happy. Turned out that I was more miserable than ever.Crying myself to sleep is like a bi-weekly routine. It got worse last month when it became a daily routine. Well, sometimes I did find happiness in it. But most of the time, the happiness was just temporary. If i could go back, i would choose the path differently because now, things will never go back to where they were.

Crossroads

It has been a rough couple of months since Chinese New Year. 

I quit my job in an auditing firm, after almost 3 years and joined one of the local banks' internal audit department because I thought I'd try out something different , and well of course,because they offered me a 15% pay rise. Well, it's not much but the fact that they would give me a pay rise despite the fact that I have no banking/financial services experience has prompted me to give it a try. Plus, I can't wait to get out of my job in the audit firm as I foresee another vicious cycles of late nights and weekends sacrificed due to the ever-tightening reporting datelines as the years go by.

But now,I have joined the unemployment line yet again when I quit the IA job last week. I thought I was going to be happier there, but much to my horror, I was even more miserable than before. I wouldn't divulge much on the details here, but let's just say that I don't fit into culture, where office politics are quite prevalent. Lotsa "wayang kulits" have been taking place and they were giving the new joiners a lot of negativity on a daily basis. Hence, I got out while I still have the chance.

So now, here I am, at a crossroad of my quarter life. I have somewhat decided to go back to my previous firm, because surprisingly, I got used to the culture there. My manager once told me that the firm was a great place to work. And she would not leave unless she got offered elsewhere overseas. Well, I didn't believe her back then because she tendered the day after we have our talk. However, she came back one week before my last day in the firm. Hmm, such an irony right? Well now, I finally realised that my firm actually provided me the things I needed, in terms of study support, as I still have one more paper pending.

But the question is.. which department should I join? Part of me wanted to try out Advisory but part of me wanted to go back to my old dept as I'm used to the people and the way things worked there. 

I have consulted a few people regarding this, all are in favour of trying out new things, except for one setback for me. I might be offered as a first year senior again, and hence may progressed slower than my supposed timeline if I hadn't quit. Also, what if I don't like this new dept??? Do I quit again? And some family and friends said that the title shouldn't matter, because it's the number of experience that counts. Well, I think it's easier said than done.

Another option that I have been contemplating is to try out opportunities in Singapore, but then again, I'm afraid that I might not be able to cope with adapting to a whole new environment while I juggle working and studying for my last paper at the same time.

Aihz, such hard decision to make. Well, actually I think I have already decided. What's holding me back? I guess I just need a little support and reassurance :) But then again, nobody could help me decide except myself. 

p.s. If you have read this post, I appreciate that you would be discreet about this till I have decided on my next move. Other than that, I would welcome some words of encouragement :p

Sometimes..

Things might not go your way, but the best way to take it is to look at it positively.

I always believe that things happened for a reason, a good reason in fact :)

If it wasn't meant for you in the first place, then maybe there are always better plans waiting ahead.

So, if you're at a dead end now, and you happened to stumbled upon my blog..Always take a step back and try to look at the bigger picture.. Because we always tend to get too caught up with the situation at hand, we forgot about everything else that might help us solve the problem.

Sometimes it's okay if we don't have a plan B.

And as the saying goes.. God won't give us anything we can't handle.

Also, remember that the best feeling in the world is doing things that people say you cannot do :)

Here It Comes Again...

So the exam season has arrived and self-doubting is practically the name of the game. Constant reassurance is much needed right now.


Seeing that this unholy season has caused many students (in fact, a friend of mine) into a state of "paranoia", a very important words of encouragement to all (haha a principle that I strongly swore by it) : Stay Cool,Calm & Collected! Panicking will get you no where!

And If you think you can do it, you probably will :)

Till then, best of luck to all :)

xoxo

Strangers, Again

So I've recently watched an indie video that a lot of people were posting on Facebook.. So to satisfy the "kepochi" in me, I click played and moments later,I had a revelation..

The video is about how couples had gone through many stages until one day, they fell out of love with each other. Although I'm not in a relationship right now, but the stages described in the video, rang so true... in terms of my friendship with others.

It's a little sad to see that we used to hang out every Friday to not hanging out at all now. Of cos, I'm kindda comfortable with what I have right now.. but I do missed our sessions. Quite a bit.

And it's even sadder when we bumped into each other in office, but we seldom talked. I think it's partly due to myself, because of the things that were said and done, I sorta have this judgement formed and I couldn't help but to think lesser of her/him.

It's sad to see that we all have drifted apart, and it's even sadder to think that we used to have a blast together, but we acted almost like we don't know each other now. I really missed the night when we all first met, where we talked about anything, before the group proceed to the room for a game of murderer, which was such a blast!

I guess the reason that we stopped hanging out is because work got in the way and none of us actually took the initiative to call each other. Of cos, there are gatherings among batch mates, but from our so-called closed-knitted group, it was usually me or one other person who attended. It was never full attendance from the group.

I guess we lose some and we gained some other friends as we grow older.

And since I'm not really good with goodbyes and sayonaras, normally we would never keep in touch..But in hindsight, I'm lucky to have my friends who are very dear to me, whom I can relied upon, no matter what. And I hope that we would never have to reach the stage where we would be strangers again.

Growing Up

It has been a year since I last posted anything here. Haha, might as well shut it down after all right?

But part of me is thinking that I should leave it as it is.. So, I could just re-visit the good ol' times and see how much I have grown as a person. It's funny to look back at my old posts because I couldn't believe that I have actually posted such topics at that time. Hahaha

Can't believe age is getting the better of me. Not that I'm old (although normally people said I looked older than my age) but the things that are happening around me make me feel like I should really grow up.I'm actually 1 year short of reaching the quarter-life-crisis age.. Hmm, what a stressful thought.. Like I should start making plans for my future. Sigh, I know I should.. but I think I just wanna live a carefree life as of now. You know like Bruce Willis' "LIVE FREE and DIE HARD" .. Muahahahah

Didn't people say the twenties is the time you really explore everything? Like falling madly in love and out of love , travelling around the world, doing everything without consequences. I just wanna do that... Period.

On a different note, March 16 marks my 2-years anniversary with the Firm. Wow, can't believe I can actually survive. Albeit having 2-years experience, how come I still feel like a new joiner? My manager once told me that no matter at what level , you will still have that kind of feeling because you are always learning and hence you will feel like you're inadequate..but in actual fact, you have actually grown quite a lot.It's just that we didn't realised it ourselves. For a split second, she actually inspired me to work harder and put in more effort in my work.Not that I did a half past six job.. But I knew I could have done it better.

Sometimes I questioned whether am I choosing the right job? Other people are getting better pay, doing the job they actually enjoyed and getting less shitty job than my industry. But then again, I would say I'm quite lucky in the sense that generally I got less shittier engagements and my team mates are generally fun to hang out with. I think it's actually the team that is vital to keep you going. Also, I feel I'm quite sheltered as an associate, which can be a good and bad thing. As of now, my main focus is to finish up my papers and then I'll decide.. Uggh!!decisions, decisions, decisions..

Till then, ciao.

p.s. Congrats to one of my dear friend who has just purchased a house!

Speechless

My obsession du jour: Speechless by Lady GaGa.

Fell in love with the version that she collaborated with Sir Elton John's Your Song at the recent Grammys :)

Speaking of being speechless, I was totally dumbfounded when my colleague told me that her dad has colon cancer. I seriously do not know what to say to comfort her. You see, I'm the kind that's not so good with words. It's hard to tell her that it's gonna be okay when the reality is not. If I'm in her shoes, I would definitely cry. I kindda admire her because she seemed so strong, but I guessed she cried too....just not in front of us.

Oh did I also mentioned that she got the shittier job, even though we're under the same engagement...And according to her, her next engagement is gonna be shitty too..

All I can do is ask her to be positive. But I know it's kindda hard for her because everything seems like they're falling apart ...

The only positive way to look at it is : "God won't throw us anything he thinks we can't handle."

So, girl.. Hang in there ok.. And remember.. What didn't kill you, will only make you stronger!

The Anniversary

OMG!! Can't believe this is my first post of 2010.. Geez where have I been for the past 2 months eh?? Time really fliesss....... Seriously.. Been with the Firm for a year already!!!! And I can't believe that I survived for this long :)

Not officially an AA1 until the promo in June, but I think we're expected to act like one already?!

Sadly to say, I still feel like a newbie >.<

Feel as if the PD trip has just occurred yesterday.

Oh, and the murderer game that we played till the wee hours in the morning reminded me of college. Such fun we had that night ;-p

I used to have scary thoughts of being an AA1.. thanks to one senior who once told me that, " You're on your own when u're 9 months with firm" . That totally sends chills down my spine.

But all I can is that I'm quite lucky in a sense that I get pretty interesting jobs (sometimes) and I get to work with some really cool people, which makes my stay with the Firm quite a pleasant one.

The best part was definitely the Perth stock count trip that I got to go by myself .. I mean seriously, how effffiiiing cool is that???!!!!

But I do get my fair share of unpleasant experience when I first started. Some really nasty clients that really tested my patience, which thanks to them, I have learnt to be a very good actress :D

Well, before I'm calling it a night, here's a shout out to all my batch mates who have survived in the Firm!!

WE"VE MADE IT!

Adios!