Wednesdays...

This will be quick because I need to be on my way out the door to YW. Actually, I need to grab an entertaining movie and the DVD player in the hopes that it will keep the children entertained while the Laurels learn about Scripture study from the RS president. This should be interesting. It is funny how even though the primary worry about me having this calling was that Marc deploys so frequently it turns out that he has been out flying almost every Wednesday since being home from his deployment. I guess that just makes Wednesday evenings a little more exciting. Not to mention that I have to worry about the safety of my children because of the rogue youths who just wander around the chapel with nowhere to go and no one who is responsible for them. Yikes! I guess that tonight I really don't have anything too entertaining to write about except that time seems to be moving very slowly along. I don't know what is wrong with me lately, but I have felt it difficult to be motivated to do the things that I normally do without so much as a thought. Today I considered writing a chore list for myself in case I found myself staring into space wondering what comes next. Life can be funny at times!

Conflicts

I am certain that in every organization conflicts are bound to arise. Some events are supposed to be scheduled a year in advance so that entities within the organization can plan their own meetings and events with the organization as a whole in mind and without conflicting with those already planned events. So, what do you do when the leadership at the top has failed to plan an important training meeting a year in advance and informs you of it only nine days in advance when the lower entity has already planned something? You write off the other one and tell them to plan better next time! I just had to inform someone that their lack of planning was going to negate our entire branch of the organization from attending their training that was supposed to be planned and placed on a calendar a year in advance. I am a little bit worried about the backlash just because I know some of the people involved and they are nit-picky. I suppose that I am used to nice invitations being mailed a month in advance informing me of the important event and it not conflicting with things already in the works. Ugh. While I wish that everyone would do things how they are supposed to be done, I need to have patience with others because I certainly screw up things pretty good on my own sometimes.
In other news....One of the youth I work with told me that she just doesn't feel like attending our meetings. That's it??!!?? You just don't FEEL like doing something? What kind of adult will she be if she just writes things off because she doesn't feel like doing things? What would the world be like if any of us with any responsibility just decided that we didn't FEEL like taking care of those things entrusted to our care? I am regretting not firing back at her with those comments. Instead I simply said, "You have your agency, but you are making a poor decision." Her mom had already talked to her about not attending and then returned to her own class. Week after week it is the same thing with this mother and daughter. Maybe soon they will FEEL like doing the right thing, but hopefully before it is too late.

What is the use of non-competitive sports?

Okay, I just got a call from John's last soccer coach while he was enrolled to play at the YMCA telling us of an upcoming game this Saturday. I had to break the news to him that he would not be playing at the Y anymore. I neglected to tell him why, but it is simply because of the noncompetitive nature of the entire program. I understand that it is because they want everyone to feel good about playing and learning sports, but it is ridiculous to not teach kids how to win and lose appropriately. When John did t-ball this past spring, it was an absolute joke. John didn't even enjoy it because his coach didn't feel the necessity of teaching the kids the rules of the game because they weren't ever going to keep score and everyone had a turn for every game. We have vowed never to be in that league again for t-ball. We were also irritated when we attended a meeting for the YMCA soccer. We found out that because the league is so small, the teams play the same teams over and over. This brought back memories of t-ball. How are children ever going to learn how to lose and not be devastated? If they win all of the time and everyone is good, the desire to achieve will be squashed and advancement will cease. Thankfully, John will be in the league he was in last year which actually inspired confidence!

For Our Day

So, do you remember that song from the Seminary music entitled, "For our day"? Well, I am discovering new lessons from the Book of Mormon that are more poignant in my life than ever before. Today after reading, in fact, a while after reading, a scripture from Alma came to my mind. "...because of the exceedingly great length of the war between the Nephites and the Lamanites many had become hardened, because of the exceedingly great length of the war; and many were softened because of their afflictions, insomuch that they did humble themselves before God, even in the depth of humility" Alma 62:41. I realized that I have been on the road to becoming hardened because of this war and the situation that I often find myself in. Now, I do not by any means reliquish my right to question, probe and investigate the general situation of the policies surrounding the war, but I find myself changed. Coincidentally this discovery occurred on the same day that I FINALLY finished reading Anna Karenina, a book that I found terribly full of inane details but fascinating at the same time. In the conclusion one of the main characters, Levin, finds himself tormented as he searches various philosophies for the meaning of life and finds no peace. When he finally gives himself over to God and becomes a believer, he finds the peace that he so desparately searched for and realizes that the change of heart will gradually change the rest of his life and the relationships he has with those around him. I now know that I need to search the Book of Mormon more deeply to understand how to humble myself in these trying times. I think that coming to face the reality of sending Marc to war has hit me head on this time, something that has not happened in all of the previous deployments. Now that I have awakened to see things as they really are I need to hold on to what is most important and do what I can to strengthen our family and seek to understand how to best face this situation. Yes, with all of the wars in the Book of Mormon, my testimony of it being written for me right now has been greatly strengthened. Happy reading!

War Burdens

They say that those of us who stay on the homefront while we send our loved ones to war do a great service to our families and our country. Everyone always asks, "How do you do it?" as if it is an unsurmountable task that few can manage. Honestly, I have been wondering for the past few weeks how I am even functioning. Tonight is a night that I need desparately to write out my feelings as a form of therapy for my heart and soul. I am almost at a loss tonight after trying so hard to be kind and patient with my children and then feeling like a total louse after speaking quite sternly to my middle one for wetting herself for the second time today. In addition to everything I am feeling, she needs me to accompany her to the bathroom every time she needs to go. While I am usually willing to humor her, sometimes there are things that I must tend to, like getting the youngest to bed. Then, while saying our goodnight prayers, I almost broke down crying as I pleaded that our burdens would be lightened. I cannot do it all. You would think that after I don't know how many deployments that I would be able to handle this better. Haven't I learned anything? This is the first deployment that I have been exhausted for. Most of the time by the time the kids are in bed I fall into bed or on the couch in complete exhaustion. I have managed to read more than I normally do which is a novelty in my life. In fact, I may even finish Anna Karenina. Anyway, before I digress more....I am livid about this war and pray every day for it to end and for all of our servicemen and women to return home to their families. So many of us have already sacrificed so much and I wonder for what. I am feeling the strain right now and I know that prayers will be heard and divine help will be given because I want to be a better support for my husband and a kinder, more patient mother to our children.

Temper Tantrums in Wal Mart

This morning I took John to school because he prefers to be a car rider and I like to indulge him once in a while. On the way home I needed to stop by our new Wal Mart which is very conveniently located right around the corner from our neighborhood for two things. Now, I had the girls with me and I thought for sure that this would be a painless event. I was wrong, very, very wrong. As I quickly grabbed what I needed, Abi saw the Bonne Bell lip gloss and asked if she could get some. I have been trying to teach our children the importance of work and earning privileges, so I told her that she could clean her room when we got home and then I would bring her back to choose a "make-up." This approach failed. Unfortunately she was determined to have the make-up during this visit to the store and was going to make my life miserable until I gave in. Thankfully for as strong-willed as she is, I am stubborn and stuck to my guns. Not giving in meant that I ended up carrying a kicking and screaming three-year-old to the checkout while pushing the cart with Emma in it smiling away and loving life. When we arrived at the checkout Abi refused to stand and threw herself on the floor kicking and screaming. When the ever-friendly greeter made an attempt to appease her with a smiley-face sticker, she almost took him out with a kick. We finally made it to the car where she continued her rantings. Did I mention that she did all this while having dressed herself and wearing red polka-dotted stretch pants, a lime-green swaeter, royal blue socks and black Sunday shoes?? It was quite a sight to see.

Now I am faced with the dillemma of dealing with these all too frequest tantrums. I am beginning to think that one of us needs therapy. I have decided that she will watch no TV this week in an effort to see if it is having a negative impact. Unfortunately this behavior is nothing new. I need to find a good book or get some better advice than I have had in the past.

Maintaining Integrity

Abi has just begun dance lessons and is absolutely adorable! For the most part she just stands around and observes everything that is going on around her which is frustrating to a parent who is paying good money for her outfits and the lessons themselves. However, it is worth it when she comes home and practices nonstop until her next lesson! On the first day of classes we found out that their spring recital is on a Sunday--ugh. Here we go starting the uphill battle of not attending functions on Sundays. This is not the first incident, nor do I predict it to be the last. When I approached her teacher to let her know that we could attend the practice, but not the recital because it was on a Sunday she immediately asked if it was a church "thing." When I told her "yes" she said that she had three other students who would also not be attending and asked if I know them. Happily I did and my heart filled with gratitude that these other members of the Church had chosen to do what was right. It is tough sometimes to make these decisions, and although I know that it is worth it, it helps to know that there are other people out there who are also willing to take a stand and remain true to our standards!