I hate geeks. I especially dislike comic geeks, the so called (by me) Babymen of America. Now I love comics as a craftsman, an artist. I love the medium and it’s history, but I don’t give a fuck about the fact Thor can kick the Hulk’s ass or that the Silver Beetle died without revealing his Bi-sexuality to the Atomic Chrysalis, how much Matter Master-eater Lad ate in issue 339. I don’t buy comics for stories, but I will for art. I can look at a poorly written comic for the art, but can’t read a comic story if I hate the art. I prefer both good art and story....but I digress. That hesitant, mouthbreather type, the yammering fanboy--too loud talking, spewing forth an constant dialogue of stupidity, It’s that corner of fandom I can’t abide for more than 30 seconds. Unfortunately much of the people left reading comics fall into this “mouth breathing” category.
Last weekend while hanging out on South Street in Philly with a pal visiting from out of town, we decided to venture into the comic shop a few doors down from Tower records.
I Was feeling pretty good, having swilled 3 pitchers of margaritas at the Coppa, across from Jim’s Steaks on South and 4th. My buzz was still in good effect as I walked up to the rack of new comics and proceed to find nothing worth buying, disgustingly flipping thru and the flopping back down the ugly, greasy-photoshop-rendered comics. Alas nothing worth spending beer money on. As I scanned the sheleves I was treated to the quintessential comic shop conversation. Quetin Tarantino couldn’t have written a better one himself. The conversation follows..
Comic geek: Do you have the trade where they bring back the new Green lantern?
Comic shop employee: You mean Silver-age Green lantern.
Comic geek: Yeah the real Green Lantern.
Comic shop employee: Well there is more than on real Lantern, you need to be more specific. The Silver-age Green lantern, he was always my favorite as he has the ultimate weapon.
Comic geek: Now way, Superman is the most powerful hero in the DCU.
Comic shop employee: Nope Green lantern is. He has the ultimate weapon as his ring is powered by his mind, so whatever his mind can imagine he can make happen. He could kill superman, he’s only limited by his willpower.
Comic geek: No way. He’s lame. He’s always making big shovels and stuff. Superman never has to rely on gimmicks like that. He could just move like the Flash and knock you out.
Comic shop employee: No that was the golden age Green Lantern and he was weaker because that just what his mind could think of. Big boxing gloves and clothespins. But the current Green Lantern could make all kinds of intricate and deadly weapons. And his weapons move at the sped of thought.
I could kill you in a blink if I had the Lantern’s ring. Oops sorry, I can’t because you are wearing a yellow t-shirt. Hahaha!
I had to get the fuck outta’ that place before my head exploded….