ILLOGICAL CONTRAPTION PODCAST FOR 4/28/13 – CIALIS IN WONDERLAND!

Cobras plays a metal fest in the forest.
Cory and Erik see Prince.
Comedians Amy Miller and Ivan Hernandez drop by.
Tripped out psych band Carlton Melton talk music.

 
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APOCRYPHON/FABRICANT SPLIT EP NOW AVAILABLE FOR PRE-ORDER VIA HORROR PAIN GORE DEATH PRODUCTIONS

via HPGD Productions:

"Making their HPGD debut are two of the Bay Area's most promising new death metal bands, joining forces for a 5-song EP of jarring, psychedelic, grinding dissonance culled from the very darkest bowels of the human psyche!

Apocryphon hails from both San Francisco and the Oakland area, and have established themselves as one of the most sought-after metal acts in the area since the release of their 6-song, self-titled demo in 2011. Incorporating electronic noise, strange samples, insane drumming, and angular riffs into their overall sound, Apocryphon has quickly gained a reputation as both brutal and bizarre. The two songs present on this EP were some of the last to be completed by legendary engineer Jeff "Leppard" Davis before his untimely death in June of 2012, and stand as a testament to both his talent and integrity. For fans of: early Cryptopsy, Death, and ayahuasca vision-quests.

Fabricant hails from the sleepy town of Lafayette, California, and display a flair for all things weird, technical, and ugly. Light-speed blastbeats, odd time signatures, and off-the-wall chord structures are all hallmarks of this young and hungry band, whose innovative 4-song, 2010 demo became a quick favorite in forward-thinking death metal circles. Still at the precipice of great and terrible things, Fabricant remain an unpredictable force to be reckoned with in the Bay Area metal scene, and promise unmatched imagination and brutality in the years to come. For fans of: Demilich, late-era Gorguts, and all manner of gruesome, dissonant deathgrind."

Track listing:

1) Apocryphon: "Cydonian Enigmas/Berzerker"
2) Fabricant: "Impotent Creed"
3) Fabricant: "Terror Gland"
4) Fabricant: "Craving"

OFFICIAL RELEASE DATE FOR THIS RECORDING IS 3/19/13, BUT YOU CLOWNS CAN ORDER IT NOW, RIGHT HERE ($8, FREE SHIPPING!):

BOOM.


U GONNA GET EAR-RAEPED


Sample the brutality here:





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Total Summertime Superdistorto Good Time Destruction

So, a few beers deep last night, Cobras and I got into a trans-continental bout of posting a bunch of 70s protometal summer jams on Facebook.  I figured I could share some of that and put up a mix of shit like that I made a month or two ago for partying purposes.  It ain't comprehensive, it's poorly researched, and ignores things that most people like.  So yeah.  Just a smattering of proto-metal, meathead, scuzz rock fuzzbombs from the golden age of quaaludes and tube amps. 

1. Lucifer's Friend - Ride In The Sky
Best thing this fucking band ever did.  It's like if Zeppelin decided to skip the eunuch Viking war cry on "Immigrant Song" and throw on some bleating horns and Hammond organ. 

2. Randy Holden - Guitar Song
I decided to skip some of the bigger names in this style (Sabbath, Blue Cheer, etc.), and while Holden was a member of Blue Cheer for one album it'd be a mistake to overlook this one.  The question I have regarding this song relates to the title.  Aren't ALL Randy Holden songs guitar songs?  Least descriptive title ever.  Might as well have called it fucking "Music Song" or "Song With Structure" or something.


3. Cool Feet - Burning Desire
Fucking sick album from Luxembourg circa '76.  Apparently only 200 were pressed, so good luck ever finding an actual copy of this that doesn't cost about the same as a downpayment on a house in a respectable neighborhood with good schools and curbside recycling.  It's got everything though: tinny mid-fi production, harmonized guitars, broken English lyrics.  If you hate this you're an asshole.


4. Stray - Jericho
I love ANY song with a galloping beat.

5. Frijid Pink - Crying Shame
This band had a balance between gnarly overdriven fuzz stomp and some sorta-corny-but-sorta awesome AOR boogie slop.  Gotta love any heavy band that genuinely uses the phrase "golly gee" in the lyrics. 

6. Grannie - Saga of the Sad Jester
Apparently the Grannie LP is one of the most valuable records in the world.  Even the fucking repress sells for a cool hundo.  Can't say I get it.  A lot of it sounds like an anemic Wishbone Ash.  But this song is pretty cool, like an anemic Wishbone Ash in a good way.

7. the Scorpions - It All Depends
I know I said I was gonna stay away from bigger names, but this doesn't count.  The Scorpions circa the early '70s were a totally different beast than what they'd become later.  Even though it's the same members, it might as well be a separate fucking band.  This album and it's successor are killer.  Shame what they'd become.

8. Flower Travellin' Band - Kamikaze
The Japanese Sabbath, if one were inclined towards clumsy cross-cultural analogies that fall short of their intended purpose.  Most people would go with the "Satori" album, with good reason.  But this one sounds like it could've been an out-take from that record, so fuck it.  Excruciatingly goddamn killer band. 

9. Råg I Ryggen - Det Kan Väl Inte Vara Farligt
Fuck man these Swedes kill it.  This is for all the people (like me) who, when they hear the term "prog rock", just assume its gonna be a bunch of Guitar Center employees with 37-string guitars and pony tails. Definitely intricate musically, but that doesn't undermine the heaviness.

10. Titanic - Macumba
Same deal as the last song.  Yeah, it's proggy, but it's also got some heft to it.  And it's catchy as a motherfucker.  It would surprise me if this DIDN'T turn up sampled on a Kanye West song.

11. Captain Beyond - Raging River Of Fear
This album is fucking perfect.  More technically sophisticated than most heavy bands of the era, heavier than most technically sophisticated bands.  Proto-prog-metal with more than a small amount of Southern rock thrown in.

12. Baby Grandmothers - Somebody Keeps Calling My Name
Apparently, this band's claim to fame was supporting Hendrix during his '68 Swedish tour.  But pretty much every burnout old rock dude from this era has some story about opening for Hendrix, or learning some licks from him, or buying drugs for him.  So you know, grain of salt.  Still a good record.  It can get a little jammy, but they manage to tie it all together, feng shui-ing their shit with some weird-ass vocals.

13. Cindy Und Bert - Der Hund Von Baskerville
This totally fucking happened.
                                                                                
 Fuzz Bomb Apocalypse Summer Jam Series Vol. 1

ALAIN GORAGUER - LA PLANETE SAUVAGE/FANTASTIC PLANET SOUNDTRACK (1973) (+OTHER STUFF)

Okay, everybody just fucking chill out.

Are you chill? How chill are you? I'm afraid that's not chill enough. You're gonna need to bring it down a couple notches. Right now you're at "chill as a polar bear's toenails", but I need you to go even further. I'm talking only the chillest of chills. I'm talking Fantastic Planet chill.
Now before you get all sassy and point out that our long-lost chillbro Seanford posted this album as a footnote to his French workout-disco post HERE, I'd like to remind you that a) it has since been deleted from the great Mediafire Septic Tank in the Sky, and b) if ever there was a movie soundtrack fully deserving of its own post, it is this mellow gem, swan song of French pianist/composer/Gainsbourg collaborator Alain Goraguer. So here it is again. If you didn't jump on this thing before, now is the time.
SMOKE WEED EVERY DAY AND LISTEN TO THE FANTASTIC PLANET OST. THIS IS SOLID ADVICE FROM ONE CHILL-ASS DUDE TO ANOTHER. PLEASE CHILL RESPONSIBLY.

Download HERE
Purchase HERE

PS: This sucker has been sampled by Big Pun, Madlib/Quasimoto, and J Dilla, for those of you keeping track of that kind of stuff.



ALSO OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE:

DEAD CONGREGATION
GRAVE MIASMA
ANHEDONIST
VASTUM
MORTUOUS
APOCRYPHON

This is TONIGHT at the Oakland Metro Opera House! Get there early (7pm) to see Apocryphon and Cobras my drummer will buy you a beer. This show will be one for the fucking ages!

But that's not all!

Even the 99% of you that don't live in or around the San Francisco Bay Area still have a shot at IllCon-flavored goodness! If you can't fall gently asleep to the dulcet tones of our Grecian pals Dead Congregation, you might as well settle for the drunken babblings of our uber-buds Cory, Erik del Tigre, and Aloysius T. Yothers over at Illogical Contraption Radio! Shit goes live on FCCFreeRadio.com at 10pm, and, as always, phone lines will be open to you, the undeserving public! (415) 829-2980.

EPISODE 39: HIGH NOON AT MAGIC MOUNTAIN

Let's rock.

HEAVY METAL ALBUM COVERS RE-CREATED IN MS PAINT (A Retrospective)

As a direct result of Nothing Left Inside's post Saturday about shitty album art, I present you today with yet another rabbit hole, namely the short-lived trend of extreme-metal album covers being redrawn in MS Paint. Thanks to a re-posting of NLI's IllCon piece on Facebook (courtesy of internet-radio giants WMFU), the Bad Album Art thread spread far and wide, ultimately resulting in virtual Uroborous that leads right back to good 'ol IC Classic.

Our FB pal Aaron Neighbors hipped us to a shit-ton of his very own artwork (namely of the MS Paint variety) originally from a thread over on Nuclear War Now's message board (which in turn was spawned from earlier incarnations on DFFD and The Board That Shall Not Be Named), which blossomed, like the proverbial Corpse Flower, nearly overnight--eventually resulting in a stagnant pool of some of the most retardedly brilliant metal art I've ever seen. Out of respect for his diligence and hard work, we'll start with 25 of Mr. Neighbors' own designs, eventually moving on to another gallery of 25 greats from a further assortment of Nuclear War Now contributors.

This collection needs no further introduction. I believe the art speaks for itself.

When drawing goes wrong pt1

You may have seen those worst album cover lists going round on all the other, slightly less cool websites? Well I have been collecting my own bad album artwork for some time now and would like to present my findings in the first of not so often series. Despite a lot of these being anatomically incorrect I believe there is a certain charm present.

Its pretty easy to poke fun at metal art like this. Lets move on.

Bitches Sin showing a complete lack of respect for art history.

What makes this one so bad is the look of puzzlement on the barbarian's face. Or maybe its the sudden realisation of the situation he's in. Or the terrible font choice.

I spent 5 years at art college. The first lesson they ever taught us was that smudging is no substitute for shading. Druid's artist buddy obviously never attended art college.

I always feel bad about ragging on Pantera ( which I often do) but then I think of this cover and the feeling passes.

More recently we have this monstrosity. You would think with the obvious money this band have available for artwork and design they would try and avoid the "Amiga 500 game artwork" vibe the artist seemed to be going for.

I love Vision Of Disorder. But this cover still blows to this day. I have tried to work out what the theme was or how it links with the music. Always drawn a blank.

I sort of like this one. I don't know if its the homeless, crackhead criminal with his tattered shirt or the young lady enjoying the sunset unawares that does it for me.

This album actually contains some pretty sweet, pump up, montage-esque, Miami Vice jams. Sadly I don't know anyone that would want Russ Ballard leaping at them in 3D or even in real life. You didn't even get 3D glasses with it.

I can just imagine the brief for this one "The devil emerging from his cave/lava pit and trying to grab a flying horse." Pretty specific and I am pretty sure that's what they got by the look of this. This is actually my desktop background now.

Obviously there is nothing slightly wimpy about this cover other than the ink started running out as they where finishing the nude dude's torso shading.

All that is missing are the obvious lines on the A4 paper it was drawn on.

I had this written of as some terrible 7th generation nu-metal band going of this cover. Sadly, during this research I found out its a German Avenged Sevenfold covers band. I would like to think they have some concept of why a Werewolf is dressed like one of The Blues Brothers and running along the highway in the rain. But I really doubt that.

What makes this bad is the fact its got the Waking The Cadaver font at the top. Otherwise this would be a pretty sweet image. But the sudden association with terrible gore/slam/death malarky means it is relegated to bad artwork corner

Every one's favourite industrial elf surely knew this was a stinker from the get go. I don't know if this has any relation the the film/TV series of the same name or why he has chosen to show himself floating with a glowing aura. Completely unrelated, I remember hearing a story about Mortiis trying to hail a cab outside his record companies office when this album was out. They wouldn't stop so he was forced to walk the streets in full costume.

TO BE CONTINUED......

Deconstructing Disney Part 2, Tonight on IllCon Radio!

The art shown above was done by THIS GUY. Go buy his stuff please.
What's up, buttholes?
Not a Hell of a lot of time to nourish your brains today, let it just be quickly said that IllCon Radio is going to be fucking awesome tonight, as we are completing our 2-part 'Deconstructing Disney' series. Here's what Cory sez:

"We are very honored to have legendary Disney Imagineer Rolly Crump speak with us. Rolly worked very closely with Walt himself starting as an animator and eventually becoming a lead designer for Disneyland on such projects as The Haunted Mansion, It’s A Small World and The Enchanted Tiki Room. Rolly will give us a behind the scenes look at the crazy creative process and hidden backstage stories of the old days at Disney.

Also joining us LIVE in the studio is Leonard Kinsey, author of The Dark Side Of Disney, described as “The Anarchist Cookbook” of Disney travel guides. Leonard will give us the lowdown on how to have “adult” adventures at Walt Disney World. Yes, you too can have a vacation full of sex, drugs and rock n roll which truly makes it the happiest place on Earth."

Sounds like quite a show, but alas, there will be no Taco Bell Dorito Taco Locos Supreme featured this evening. Sorry.
Tune in here at 10pm, and don't be afraid to give us a call with your own psychedelic Disney stories at (415) 829-2980.

PS: I hinted at big things coming up on the podcast recently, and I'm now ready to release just a few:

1) Yes, the rumors are true. Gwar will be on the show in the very near future.
2) Yes, Municipal Waste will be on the show in the very near future.
3) Yes, my personal hero Sam McPheeters of Vice Magazine/Born Against/Wrangler Brutes/Men's Recovery Project/The Loom of Ruin will be on the show in the very near future.

That's seriously just the tip of the iceberg. More HUGE developments to be announced soon.
Buttholes.

FLUX INFORMATION SCIENCES - PRIVATE/PUBLIC (2001)

Flux Information Sciences were a quasi-No Wave artsy-fartsy Brooklyn band formed in the mid-90's by a Portugese/Brazilian guy and a Malagasy/French guy. Friend-of-the-blog Jumanji introduced me to their weird, twisted world some years ago via this very album, but the full impact of their off-kilter, Idiot-Flesh/Sleepytime brand of minimalist electro-punk didn't fully sink in until just recently.
Signed to Michael Gira (above right, who you might know from Swans AND a near-future episode of Illogical Contraption Radio)'s label Young God Records, F.I.S. quickly made a name for themselves in the hoity-toity art scene of millenia's-end NYC with both their chaotic live shows and fiercely primitive compositions, leaving bewildered onlookers to draw disparate comparisons to other loose cannons like Foetus, Ministry, Gang of Four, Einstürzende Neubauten, and Cop Shoot Cop. Undeniably, this is some bewildering, brain-melting shit, deserving of only your most intense and immediate attention.
PS: Rumor has it, Private/Public was recorded before a live audience who were required to stand before the band naked and blindfolded. So, uh, there's that too.

Download HERE
Purchase HERE

Flux Information Sciences on Last.FM

"Parking/Shopping":

TOO MUCH FUCKIN VUH

LOL @ this picture

I was re-watching Herzog's Nosferatu (yes, AGAIN) just the other night, and, once again, I was completely bowled over not just by the dismal/beautiful cinematography and natural wonder of the whole goddamn thing, but by the creepy, hypnotic score contributed by everyone's favorite Teutonic prog-jockeys Popol Vuh. As usual, brief ponderance morphed into lingering obsession, and today, I present you with two more droning Vuh/Herzog collabos, namely 1972's Aguirre, The Wrath of God and 1982's Fitzcarraldo. If you are looking to be utterly bummed/mind-blown by either a movie or a movie soundtrack, I can heartily suggest each of these entries--both films are super crushing in a depressive yet visually stunning way, and the swirling Vuh tapestries which accompany them are their perfect audio marriage.
Forget what you know about these two flicks. Forget Klaus Kinski completely losing his shit and driving everyone on set nuts with each successive role. Forget Herzog accidentally killing off, like, half of his crew with each movie he made from 1970-1985. Forget the fucking critical acclaim and forget the jungle diseases and forget that episode of Metalocalypse where they go all "Dethcarraldo" on the Amazonian natives.
Just soak in the dark, bummer vibes Popol Vuh is laying down for you on this rainy Tuesday afternoon, and thank sweet, sweet Odin that Hollywood still hasn't started on Aguirre 2: Pizarro's Revenge (starring Tom Hanks!) just yet... Nor Fitzcarraldo, Shot In 3D!
Some things are still sacred.


AGUIRRE OST (1972)

Download HERE
Purchase HERE




FITZCARRALDO OST (1982)

Download HERE
Purchase HERE



Also, LOL @ guy playing one ride cymbal

Popol Vuh Last.FM

ALL HAIL THE ANDROMEDA COUNCIL

May the Gods bless our protectors over at The Andromeda Council. These guys work day in and day out to protect us from the combined Draco-Reptilian/Orion-Grey 4th Dimensional forces that are constantly seeking to infiltrate our government and consciousness, and news has just surfaced that they've struck what is possibly the greatest blow in known history to the alien forces just last month, as reported over at Exopolitics.

To quote the official story: In an exclusive ExopoliticsTV interview by Alfred Lambremont Webre with a human representative-contactee of the extraterrestrial governance council known as the Andromeda Council it has been revealed that the war of liberation against a 4th dimensional Orion grey and Draco reptilian alliance has been won by the forces of the Andromeda Council as of the 3rd quarter of 2011. The attempted the occupation of Earth, our moon and Mars by this grey-Reptilian alliance is over. The defeated grey-reptilian forces have been sent via stargate into the far reaches of our universe.
The Andromeda Council representative states in his ExopoliticsTV interview that the forces of the 4th dimensional Orion grey and Draco reptilian forces that remain on Earth consist of small pockets of isolated forces around such as Washington, DC.



According to the Andromeda Council representative, the defeat of the Orion grey and Reptilian occupation force on Earth, moon and Mars has the effect of leaving the Illuminati and Annunaki power structure on Earth, moon and Mars without any effective 4th dimensional back-up. Any attempt by the remaining grey and reptilian forces to assist Illuminati “false flag ET invasion” will be defeated, and any false flag ET invasion will fail.

The entire interview can be seen HERE!



Praise Odin!

As you've probably noticed, all the seismic activity and intergalactic intrigue reported above happened back in August of last year. But it is my distinct honor to announce that The Andromeda Council won another major battle the day after Valentine's Day this year, and it looks as if the very last of the Draco-Reptilian/Orion-Grey agents have been banished, once and for all, back to the 4th Dimension!
Rejoice!

The video shown below should sum it all up nicely:



Speaking of reptilian overlords:


Pool Party Radio Episode 48: Reptilian Overlords, featuring none other than yours truly, Dr. Shelby "Razorblades" Cobras, is now available for your perusal. Get it off the PP blog in raw mp3 form (link above), or just find Pool Party right here on the 'ol iTunes. Subscribe to them forthwith, because they are great dudes with large penises. Subject matter covered by Parker, Frisbie, and myself includes high candy prices at the movie theater, sea lions staging Occupy protests in the streets of SF, Adele's cannibalism, JuggaloBook, and Julian Sands (again). Not to mention, you know, the reptilians and what have you...

SPEAKING of podcasts and large penises, IllCon Radio (Episode 26!) goes live once again this evening from 10pm-midnight over at FCCFreeRadio.com, where we will be joined by THIS esteemed co-host:

Call in at (415)829-2980 and provide us with sex advice!

Speaking of which, our esteemed co-host was interviewed over at our best Bro JGD's spot The Living Doorway earlier today, so go check that out. Speaking of which, JGD will be calling into the show as well. Incestuous enough for you yet? I feel sorry for the poor sap that'll have to mop up the jizz in Studio 1A after this particular stroke-fest!

Speaking of IC Radio and rampant incest, we have some really amazing guests, interviews, events, and random wackiness approaching in the near future. Nothing I'm authorized to "officially" speak about yet, though. So stay tuned...

Until then, enjoy this awesome video of everyone's favorite Hessian Ryan Adams playing a heartfelt cover of "Wasted Years":