The Funny Papers

Jack Ohman, Rick McKee, Dave Whamond, Pedro X Molina, Michael de Adder, Ann Telnaes, Max Espinoza, Christian Adams, JD Crowe, Fergus Boylan, Nick Anderson, Gary Huck

Why Is It ...

... that people need to know that, while I might be annoying, at least MY lock screen isn’t a selfie.

… that when I was younger and my parents told me not to come home late, I always came home early … the next morning.

… that I miss the old days back in 1955 when I didn’t exist.

… that the fact that I have more clothes to sleep in than I do to go out in says a lot about who I am as a person.

… that I want to join the cicadas this summer and just scream for six weeks straight.

… that when a social media post includes “I bet none of my friends will share this” you can rest assured I won’t.

… that when I know my social media page is being watched I post things on purpose, just to ruffle your feathers.

… that sometimes the best place to be is nowhere to be found.

… that no one  or nothing has had a bigger glow up in the last ten years than cauliflower. It went from being nasty ashy broccoli to being the Mystique of vegetables, always coming at you with a new shape. You want rice? Mashed potatoes? Pasta? Cheese? Pizza? Low cost housing? A man? Make it from cauliflower.

I Didn't Say It ...

David Archuleta, former American Idol contestant and out Mormon singer, on how trans people helped him come out:

“When I was still a shy 16 yr-old teenager living in Utah, entering the public view on American idol it was daunting because I didn’t know if people were going to see parts of me I was working so hard to bury deep down. I was just a scared queer kid that didn’t understand himself but still trying to do my best in a singing competition viewed by millions, to make my family, home state, faith community, and the idol audience proud. There were a lot of reasons I was nervous but one of the biggest was feeling so exposed when I still didn’t understand myself and feared being outed for something I didn’t know whether I was or not as gay or queer … Adore Delano [RuPaul’s Drag Race contestant] was on my same season of idol and just a year older than me. Even though I wasn’t out yet I felt safe with her. Whatever in me that I so despised and was ashamed [of] went away for a bit when I [was] hanging and laughing with her or having talks. She was the first person from the LGBTQIA+ community I ever had an open conversation with about someone in their queer experience and coming out. I was surprised to see someone openly figuring themselves out and not feeling ashamed or embarrassed or a need to hide. Even though I didn’t realize where I was on my journey, by knowing her and befriending her I became a little less afraid of myself. I’m so proud of her to see her continuing to blossom and continue in her journey being more fully herself in her transition … inspiring others the way she did with me and so many countless others … Happy International Transgender Day of Visibility] to you … and to all the rest of my Trans family who I love and am inspired by. The world is better with y’all in it.”

This just further proves how one of us coming out, as gay or bi or trans, paves the way for others to follow. Had Archuleta never met Adore, he may have just gone back to Utah and lived a closeted life, desperate to stay in the church as so many other gay Mormons have done.

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Mrs. Betty Bowers, AKA Deven Green, comedian and America’s Best Christian, on hypocrisy in the new regime:

“I learned this week that you can put your troops’ lives in danger, compromise our national security, and violate the Espionage Act, and the government will do nothing. But if you write an editorial for your school newspaper that [The Felon] doesn’t like, you we be abducted on the street and disappeared.”

Bowers is speaking of Tufts University student Rümeysa Öztürk who co-authored an op-ed about the university’s response to student demands for divestment from Israel. A week later, leaving her home, Öztürk was grabbed by a half-dozen masked agents of the Department of Homeland Security, cuffed, put in a car and driven away.

This is not America; this regime talks about how their side has all the rights to Free Speech, but attacks and disappears those who disagree with them.

Resist.

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Jasmine Crockett, Democrat Representative from Texas, Christian Nationalist Mike Johnson's hissy fit:

“So Speaker Johnson threw a tantrum today and cancelled votes for the rest of the week because he couldn’t wrangle enough support  to block new parents from voting [by proxy] in Congress. I guess when you don’t get your way, you just shut it down and go home? The American people didn’t elect us to pout.”

Nine of his own GOP members rebelled against Johnson’s Faux Christian move to tank a procedural vote on a measure that many considered anti-family … allowing new parents to vote by proxy rather than coming to Congress, which is something that was done during the pandemic.

The GOP is so out-of-touch with what people want.

Resist.

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Mark Carney, Canadian Prime Minister, on the lasting damage The Felon has inflicted on Canada:

"The old relationship we had with the United States based on deepening integration of our economies and tight security and military cooperation is over. What exactly the United States does next is unclear but what is clear—what is clear—is that we as Canadians have agency. We have power. We are masters in our own home. We can control our destiny. We can give ourselves much more than any foreign government including the United States can ever take away. We can deal with this crisis best by building our strength right here at home. It will take hard work. It will take steady and focused determination from governments, from businesses, from labor, from Canadians. We will need to dramatically reduce our reliance on the United States. We will need to pivot our trade relationships elsewhere and we will need to do things previously thought impossible at speeds we haven't seen in generations."

The bit about pivoting trade relationships "elsewhere" should concern every American. Thanks to The Felon’s idiotic tariffs, the US is no longer a stable partner to foreign nations and even countries like China and Russia are going to look like better options for many of our former allies.

The Felon promised his supporters a new "Golden Age" but he’s dragging us into an economic Dark Age.

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Ruben Gallego, Arizona Democrat Senator, announcing that he's putting a hold on [The Felon’s] nominees to run the Department of Veterans Affairs amidst cuts to that agency:

"Talking to veterans, people that I served with as well as seeing some of what’s happening in Arizona, I decided that whatever tool I have to fix the situation, I’m going to use it. And this is one of the few tools I have at this point."

The hold will complicate Richard Topping's nomination process and prevent the Senate from moving quickly to a vote, possibly tying up hours and even days of floor time. In the process, Gallego will be able to generate attention for the VA and highlight to the public exactly how terrible these nominees are.

Democrats need to fight and Ruben Gallego is showing us how you play hardball against MAGAts.

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Jonathan Groff, on how his late ex-BF Gavin Creel helped him come out:

“He changed my life. I had come out of the closet personally, but there had been no occasion for me to announce it publicly. We were dating and he was so out and doing ‘Hair‘ [on Broadway] at the time and he organized these buses [to the National Equality March]. I really remember the moment of looking over at him with literally a bullhorn and feeling like, ok am I going to like [come out]. It was such an essential moment because of who he was and how out and vocal and how brave and fearless and externalized he was and wanting to kind of try to be as brave as he was. But it was also the love that I was feeling for him. The need that I feel when I perform, the joy I feel when doing that. Feeling love like that for the first time mind-blowingly meant more to me [than performing]. Because at that time it was 2009, [and with] coming out of the closet it was sort of an unspoken thing that you were sacrificing something in your career if you were going to come out publicly. And I remember looking at him and feeling that I would rather feel this feeling than ever be on a TV show or do a movie. This is so much more meaningful to me. I owe him that and I am so grateful we got to talk about it many times even after we broke up. It’s such an unbelievable loss.”

This is just proof, again, that everyone who comes out paves the way for someone to follow.

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Bobservations

So, in our exciting lives, we had the gutters replaced and the next project is to remove the two skylights in the sunroom as one leaks in a bad storm—and you can’t really ever totally fix that—and one has a broken seal. And as the sunroom has windows at the top of the vaulted ceiling and is surrounded by four sets of sliding doors, we don’t need the extra glass.

So, our contractor Craig came by to talk about it and Carlos met him in the yard. As I entered our living room I saw Carlos and Craig standing outside the sunroom on the deck. Carlos wanted me to come outside so he knocked on the glass.

Not a knock-knock, or knock-knock-knock but a literal knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock until I came to the door dropping a series of F-bombs along the way. I opened the slider:

“What?”

“Carig was talking about the roof.”

“And you felt the need to knock a thousand times?”

“I didn’t know if you heard.”

“Oh, I heard and I planned your death several times while walking toward the door.”

And then Craig chimed in:

“If I wanted to listen to two bitches bicker I would have stayed home and had a second cup of coffee with my wife.”

I never knew Craig was so funny. It made our day!

Tuxedo takes after his daddy because, as he notes, if you want to effect change: CAST A GODDAMNED VOTE! 

Again, the smartest cat ever!

Just the idea of walking down a beach and finding double-decker cakes on display! Yeeeeeee-haw!

I have several irrational fears … claustrophobia … being buried alive … trapped in the rubble of a tornado devastated home … sinkholes ... and a fear of heights.

I love being up high; love tall buildings with walls and railings to keep me from tumbling over; but looking over the edge of a cliff, or for the love of the goddess standing, on a steel I-beam during construction of a high rise? Bitch, please.

So I had seen photos of the construction workers in the 30s taking their lunch breaks sitting on an I-beam at the top of the Chrysler building and  just this week I saw this:

My knees are still quivering.

Consuelo is making a rare appearance this week looking like a perfect angel.

A perfect angel who woke me at 6:15AM to feed her … which I did … and then when Other Daddy crawled out of bed at 7:15AM she told him that she hadn’t been fed and was starving.

Evil little bitch.

So The Felon’s DOJ wants Luigi Mangione given the Death Penalty for the murder of Brian Thompson, the CEO of UnitedHealthcare.

Huh; murder a rich CEO and get capital punishment, but murder thousands of regular working-class people to save a few coins on insurance and that’s just business.

Yesterday morning over breakfast, with the news on, I was surprised to learn that Val Kilmer had passed away and said to Carlos:

“Val Kilmer died.”

“Donna Summer died?”

“Yes she did, about ten years ago at least, but this is Val Kilmer.”

“Oh, Val Kilmer.”

Like he knew another Kilmer? Oy.

Asshatted MAGAt Maggot, Indiana GOP Senator Jim Banks told a recently fired HHS worker that he deserved to get fired because he was a clown for asking about getting fired. Then this motherfucker doubled down:

“I won’t apologize for speaking the truth. I 100% support [The Felon] and DOGE’s mission to cut woke spending and government waste.”

Huh, so he doesn’t care about people losing their jobs and is anti-government waste. It makes me wonder about all the wasteful spending done by The Felon to play golf every week. I’m sure Maggot Banks has no issue there so let’s see how Indianans feel come election time and fire this fuck monkey.

Josh Upshaw is a familiar face in Italian Vogue, the CR Fashion Book, and W, as well as working with Steven Meisel for a Versace campaign but Would You Hit It?

Architecture Wednesday: The 'Devil Wears Prada' Loft

Okay, this is my loft, my SoHo loft straight out of a fashionista’s fantasy.

The landmark 56 Crosby Street building dates from 1882 and is located on a cobblestone street in the Soho Cast Iron District. Once a department store, it was transformed into a boutique 10-loft condominium in 2001. The building made a memorable cameo appearance in The Devil Wears Prada as the studio of fashion designer James Holt.

This 4,000 square foot two-bedroom-two-and-one-half bath loft, with its open floorplan, mirrors Holt’s fictional space though the styling is very different.; there are soaring 16-foot ceilings, exposed brick walls, columns and expansive loft windows.

A palatial entry gallery with dramatic Corinthian columns leads you to the Great Room with an oversized gas-burning fireplace and a wall of hidden, custom-built cherry wood cabinetry. A sealed-off west-facing glass conservatory is elevated and provides a light-hearted space. A massive projection screen home entertainment system discreetly emerges from the ceiling, converting the living room into a home theater.

An impressive stairway leads to a mezzanine level that offers a sweeping view of the enormous open kitchen with Gaggenau cooking and Sub-zero refrigeration appliances that allow for lavish entertaining. Upstairs, there is also an in-home gym and a 400-bottle temperature-controlled wine storage.

The Primary bedroom, with its gas fireplace, features an ensuite bathroom with spa-worthy amenities, including marble countertops and heated floors. It also has excellent storage space, a sit-in shower, and a dry sauna for the ultimate, luxurious lifestyle. The walk-in closet is Bergdorf-Goodman-worthy. The second bedroom is equally impressive and quiet, facing south with large windows and ample closet space and en suite bath.

And all you need is $8.995M and you could live the dream.

As always, click to emBIGGERate ...

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