Empowered. Accomplished. Safe: Let the Race continue

Those are just a few of the words I feel right now. Today. This week.

Last Saturday I ran my first half marathon. It was hard. But it was also glorious. Despite illness, injury, and even incomplete training, I was determined to run the race. I've been trying to think of why the race was so important to me and here are a few reasons that have been returning to mind:

1) Money: I'd invested in a nice pair of running shoes. I'd purchased a few pieces of exercise clothing. I'd spent money on a hotel. I'd registered for the race already.

2) Friends: I had friends who were doing it! Friends who had run half marathons. I wanted to be a part of "that" club. I wanted to be as accomplished as they were.

3) Time: I had invested a TON of time into preparing for this race. Not as much there at the end as I would have liked, but it was a 6 month endeavor. I didn't want all that time to be wasted. And not that exercising in general is ever a waste, but I started it all with that end in mind, and I just needed to see that my time worked towards something.

4) Goal: I've always want to run a half marathon. I've never been a runner, per se. I played soccer all growing up and I'd like to think that someday it'll be a part of my life again, but it just hasn't been. Finding something I can do consistently has been a goal of mine. And running, preparing, for a half marathon fit more than one ticket.

5) Fitness: This race was just 2 weeks shy of my baby's 1 year birthday. That meant within the year I lost my baby weight and then some. I have loved how in shape I feel. My clothes fit great; I feel great. It makes me not want to stop. Ah, the double edged sword of being fit! ;)

6) Health: For some, health and fitness might be basically the same thing. For me, at least at this point in my life, they are different. Again, just 2 weeks shy of my baby's birthday, I am anticipating celebrating his birth; thoughts of his birth are more frequently on my mind. His birth was not a pleasant experience. I worried about my health for months afterwards. A friend advised me, even casually, not to worry, to just be as healthy as I could be. How true. So, I knew I needed to lose weight. I knew I needed more healthy habits (what to eat, how to listen to my body, being more active). Training for this race gave me a reason, a schedule, a purpose that helped me achieve my health goals.

I am so very proud of myself for running this race. I know I absolutely could not have done it without support from my husband, who despite his crazy busy schedule made time for me to do my long runs, to do my cross training and always encouraged me; my friends who ran with me, or watched my kids so I could go to the podiatrist, or just asked how my training was doing; my random running buddy at 5:30 in the morning so I could still train even when Justin had to leave by 7:00a.m.; my children who knew what I was doing and it was their joy at seeing me finish the race (even though they weren't actually there at the finish line...) that kept me going those last 2 miles. It's amazing how many people it takes for one person to do their best.

I'm grateful for support, proud of my effort, mostly, though, I think I feel safer. I know my health is better, I know that I can do hard things. I know that even when it hurt, when I felt like crying, when I felt like stopping, I was not alone (my running buddy was there!), that I had people cheering me on, that I could keep going, that I could finish what I started. I feel like the race has simple parallels to religious truths. I am never alone. I never have to do it on my own. I will never be given something I can't handle, even if I can't handle it yet. I know that physically, mentally, even emotionally I am in better condition to handle what God has in store for me. And for that I am grateful.

Crossing the Finish Line was more than a personal accomplishment for the race, but also a personal triumph that even though my body struggled to function properly one year ago during delivery, it's not tainted to fail, or predetermined to malfunction, or programmed to have problems, or forced to struggle through every difficult feat. I ran the race. My body ran the race. My mind ran the race. And my heart ran the race. I know I can do it again. "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Phil 4:13

I'm still running my life race. It is painful. It is hard. It is joyful. It is fulfilling. It is rewarding. It is good.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

And because it's almost Thanksgiving...

I figured I should at least share our Halloween celebrations. We did still do them! I was discharged Thursday night and we made it home just in time for Justin to turn around and go Trick or Treating with Caleb and Kenzie. Literally. They loved their costumes! Kenzie's was just...easy. I had it on hand. She was so excited about it, though! Oh, she's an elephant. You can't really tell. Caleb was super proud to be a "pookey pider," a.k.a. a "spooky spider."

And our Jack-o-Lanterns. Grandma drew on hers. Kenzie really wanted a "squatty" pumpkin when we bought them, so she just put eyes on hers. Caleb helped me design his and then I carved it (so I didn't actually carve my own...) Justin did the spider in honor of Caleb. And the baby pumpkin (shown only in the glowing picture) is in honor of the baby-to-be, complete with a binky. 

Baby Jacob's Birth Story

So, after spending three different journaling sessions trying to record the details about Jacob's birth, I've decided that I don't want to record all of that in a blog post. It would be too long, and it would seem redundant for me because I've already recorded it. But I do want to give a sense of the gratitude, humility, love, and blessings the memory evokes from me.

Monday October 28, 2013
It all started when I went in for my routine appointment. At this point, I was 39 weeks and 5 days. And I was really jealous of my friend who was due a week before me and had her baby early. And I was terribly uncomfortable. Miserable. Blah! I remember posting on FB a few weeks back that this labor must be going to be a bad one because I was so uncomfortable: that's the only way we accept the difficulty of labor is because we want to be un-pregnant. I totally felt that way! (This is the closest picture I can find. It's from a week before I delivered.)

So I went in. They checked my blood pressure, and it was high. It had been for the past few weeks: 141 and 146 (don't remember the bottom numbers), but both times the nurse had checked me by hand and it had been normal. And she'd even checked my urine for protein once and I was fine. But this time, it was a different nurse, and when she saw 155, (normal is 120, right?) she wanted to check my urine. While she was doing that, my doctor was measuring me and told me, "I think this baby grew a lot this week." haha! I was huge. I don't think I have a great 39 week picture...but I was huge. I gained almost 15 pounds more with this pregnancy than I did with either of my other two. So I wasn't surprised about his comment.

I was surprised when the nurse came back and said there was trace protein in my urine. Didn't really know what that meant. But she looked concerned. Then they checked my progress and I was at a 3. I was hopeful that this baby might still come early. The nurse looked so sympathetic I wasn't sure why. She kept commenting on how swollen my legs were, how she heard my hips pop when they checked my progress...and then she gave me the form that said, "Ticket to ride." I love that game so I tried to be positive about what it meant. She told me to give it to the Labor and Delivery desk. Oh, I'm not going home? She said probably not. Then she gave me a paper that I was to give to the lab.

At this point I started to feel the anxiety that she had already been feeling. Before I made it to the lab, I went into the bathroom to try and get my composure. You know me..I'm emotional. Add pregnancy and it's ten fold. I felt really overwhelmed. I wasn't sure what was happening. Was protein in my urine that bad? Was I really ready to have this baby today? I didn't feel prepared at all. Not physically, emotionally, not for my two other kids or my mom or for Justin. I was worried. Anxious. Only mildly excited.

I went to the lab, called my mom, she had to come get keys to the house from me so she was coming anyway; I didn't call Justin yet because I thought there was a chance I might still be going home. But once the results from the lab came back, I was told I was not going home. That was not an option anymore. Super long story made only long, I was diagnosed with HELLP syndrome. I had never heard of it. A doctor explained it as severe pre-eclampsia. And my only knowledge of that came from Downton Abbey. Sure didn't give me warm fuzzies.

I knew it was serious. I knew it was dangerous. I was still just completely overwhelmed. I could describe the next 5 hours in about the same amount of space as this first hour...but I'll spare the step-by-step details. Basically, they wanted to get the baby out. So they induced me. At this point, Justin was there. I got an epidural, I was on magnesium, they broke my water, I started pushing...and then my sweet baby was born. At 11:24 p.m. on October 28, 2013, Jacob Dell was born weighing 9lbs 4 oz and measuring 20.5 inches. and a full head of hair! Hasn't ceased to be his most striking quality.

I can't describe how emotional I was when he was brought to me for the first time. I felt like I had been handed two miracles, both in me and in him.             This picture captures it for me. Well done, Justin.

All in all, the labor and delivery was pretty smooth. So much could have gone wrong. I was warned of so many possible complications. And even after delivery I wasn't done. Even today I feel like I'm still recovering from parts of that experience, but I'm grateful. It seems fitting this month, right? I'm grateful for my little boy, and for his health. I'm grateful for the doctors that day who did such a phenomenal job. I'm grateful I was working with a high risk doctor even though I didn't need to be. I'm grateful he requested lab work even though there wasn't reason for him to (I wasn't showing any other symptoms). I'm grateful I had an appointment that day so they could check my vitals. I'm grateful my mom was here and she survived the week with my two older children (especially one little girl who knew something was wrong and was not happy to be apart from Mommy) while I stayed in the hospital with Jacob. I'm grateful for my husband who was and is my strength and my support. When my children entered the labor room when I was first admitted and when Justin joined us are marked as extremely emotional times for me because I remember just how much I needed them. Their faces and their love and just THEM.

I'm grateful for prayers and my home teacher and for blessings and for the priesthood. I'm grateful for my nurse Connie who made those first 6 hours bearable. She was like an angel to me during that time. Who came to check on me the next day even though I wasn't assigned to her.

I'm grateful for food and for that first meal I got at 11:24p.m. on October 29. And for the full 30 oz of water I downed. I'm grateful for pain medication and for the nursery which watched my baby since I was shaking so bad I couldn't hold him. I'm grateful for pumpkin hats. And for warm recovery baths. And for skilled lab workers who can get a blood sample without my feeling anything. Ten times over.

You get the idea. There is so much from this delivery experience that I am grateful for. Big things, little things. And in the end, I am home with my family. All 5 of us.

Update Before Baby Comes

Back in August as we drove home from Idaho, we went through Custer State Park in South Dakota. Saw us some great Bison!



Had an unexpected stop at Martin's Cove. No idea it was there! They had great "mini" handcarts for the kids. Wonderful visitor's center, too. Really enjoyed it.

Kenzie loved her glasses.

On our way to Mt. Rushmore there was a beautiful scenic outlook. I'm about 7 1/2 months along here.

Then there was Mt. Rushmore!

We had promised Caleb we'd celebrate his birthday the weekend we were home. So I had about 2 days to get stuff unpacked and make Caleb his birthday cake. I only used leftover fondant from Kenzie's birthday cake...so I didn't have quite enough. Don't look too close. Caleb's first comment was, "Why are it's tires flat??" lol Thanks son. Happy 4 years my wonderful son!

Then September brought Caleb's first day of preschool. He was really excited! Kenzie was too, though she didn't know why.

Towards the end of September we took our first visit to an apple orchard since living in Iowa. Unfortunately, it decided to pour. and our poor pneumonia-recovering family was really cold. Caleb loved it, at least! This pic was before it started pouring.

Aside from these awesome documented pics, we've just been surviving Justin's terrible school schedule, trying to get ready for baby (2 weeks and counting!), and trying to stay healthy, all while having fun! :) It's always an adventure and a delicate balance!