not wanting to forget, round 2

I bought a bright blue journal when Luke was born almost 7 years ago. I was so excited to write in it every week about how much he was growing and learning. I did pretty good for the first few months. Then it turned into an entry once a month, then once a year. Then I bought a bright red journal when Max was born, recommitting myself to do better and start fresh for my sweet new little boy. The other day Ike pulled them out of the hidden drawer of our end table. Whoops. It's been about 4 years since I've written in them, and Max has 3 entries.  This makes me sad.

This blog took the place of journals for a little while, but even that has slowed down as well...obviously. I have to teach a lesson in young women's this week on Journals. I love to look back over high school and younger as I would write in my journal often...although I blush sometimes when I read it. It was easy then. Not much else to do and it was fun to write about boys and friends. Now there is so much more to do and I forget about how important it is and how much I'll really appreciate it later. 

I love my kids so much. So much I cry sometimes as I feel so blessed to have them and wouldn't want anything to ever happen to them. I'm kinda mushy that way. I know I can do so much more as a mother but I am trying and learning and my kids are happy and know they are loved. That is all that matters.

I want to remember everything about them and how our life is right now, because I know it will all be a memory one day as they're off to college and missions. I'll want to be able to look back and remember our time together as just us. Our little family.

At least I have pictures. I do take plenty of them...and that is better than nothing!

I want to remember that Clara loves to put her raggedy blanket in her swing and give it a big push. Maybe because I'm not always available to push her in it. I want to remember her sweet little voice as she whispers in my ear "song," wanting me to sing her a lullaby, not caring that I can't carry a tune.  She is the sweetest yet most stubborn little girl, who spends a lot of time in "time out"...but after she is done crying she will give the biggest hugs where her arms reach all of the way around my neck so tight and gives me a big wet kiss.  We always have the new "Muppets" movie playing in our car, and when the "man or muppet" song comes on she starts singing along with her arms spread wide open just like the actors in the movie.

I want to remember that Max puts a fairy cartoon on for Clara all of the time, but he's right there with her dancing every move and singing along to every word. He is obsessed with hearts. He loves them, and will draw them anytime he has paper. One time Luke and his friend had painted some pictures and spread them out on our counter to dry, and Max left his mark on each painting. A cute little pink heart on each and every one. How could I get mad when Luke was upset and told me what he had done? He even pooped a heart once and told me it was for me. Luke made us laugh by saying "that means Max is full of love, huh dad." Max's speech might need a little work when he gets older (he can't pronounce the letter R), but for now it is a reminder of how little he still is. I love his little twang and twist on words.  I'll be sad the day he figures out that his favorite place isn't really called Cherry Hill Mountain.

I want to remember Luke's freckles, because if he is like his dad they won't be there forever. I love his freckles. It breaks my heart when he says he hates them. He says if he had one wish it would be to have no freckles. I want to remember his love for his sister and brother, and hope he stays the kind big brother he is. I love dancing around the house with Luke. Yes, I am a shy woman, but when it is just me and my kids we dance the robot and hip hop. Luke has a love for life, and always wants to be having fun. He is bright and smart, and loves school. I look at him sometimes and still see a small little boy who needs me. I love that.

At least once a day me and Ike give each other a look or quick glance to acknowledge that we both heard a child say something we thought was cute. My house might appear clean most days, but if you looked under my kitchen rug you'd see where I brush crumbs when I don't want to have to deal with it, or that spaghetti might have exploded in my microwave and won't get cleaned until it absolutely has to. I want to remember the nights where I'm asleep and wake up to hear Ike closing one of the kids doors after they had a bad dream and he's already calmed them down without me even knowing. Or when the dishes sit a day or two without getting done and Ike will just do them without me asking. We love our kids, but we love spending time just the two of us too.

Bottom line is. I'm so blessed. Yes, we have hard days, and we have our struggles, but "I've got everything that I need, right in front of me" (one of our favorite Muppet songs)...and I never want to forget that.

Oh Hawaii.

I love you. So much. Almost as much as Ike and my children. It's that good there.

Me and Ike are coming up on 10 years of Marriage, so to celebrate we were lucky enough to be able to go to Kauai. Without kids (thanks to Lindsey and my mama)...for 9 days. In paradise. Yes, paradise.

I had never been to Hawaii before. It was even better and more beautiful than I could have imagined. If I had lots of money, and could bring all of our loved ones with us, I would move there in a heartbeat.

In all of the pictures from the first day I look tan. Compare them to the last day I look white and 10 lbs heavier. I have to say, spray on tans are too much work to only last a day or two. I'm not sure I'd do it again. But I would order the Pork Sandwich with Pineapple again. That first night there was so exciting.

Everywhere we drove it was beautiful. We were surrounded by at least 100 different shades of green plants. We loved driving around the Island and visiting all of the landmarks. Me and Ike just looked at each other in amazement as we drove around.

Everywhere we went there were chickens and roosters running around. I sorta loved it...until we had to sleep in the room where the rooster would crow the early early morning away right outside the window. Then I didn't like it so much, and I wanted to shoot them. I actually had dreams that I did.

Sorry to Jordan and Kate who had to deal with that more than we did. Thank you.

I loved seeing trees like this in the middle of no where.

and drinking fresh coconut, even though it was warm and gross.

One of my most favorite parts of the trip was our Raft Tour of the Napali Coast. Sadly, I didn't get any pictures of it. We were able to watch dolphins jump and spin in the air, drive under waterfalls, and in and out of sea caves. We ate lunch and hung out on an ancient villiage. We snorkeled and saw sea turtles, a reef shark, and lots of beautiful fish. The tour guide had to dump a couple of freezing cold water bottles on Ike's head to keep him from throwing up on the raft...but other than that is was amazing. Loved it every minute of it.

{sorry you have to see a body shot of me in a swimming suit}

This is the view while we ate dinner one night at a restaurant on the beach.

A favorite place we visited was Waimea Canyon. It was almost like a painting. I felt like I could jump into it, it looked so fake. As we were there it started to rain, and a few minutes later a big beautiful rainbow was covering the entire canyon.

At the very VERY top of my favorite list is the beloved shaved ice. This isn't just any shaved ice. It is very finely shaved with flavored syrup, with a scoop of Macadamia nut icecream underneath, and topped with sweetened condensed milk. We tried about every one we passed, and there are lots of them there. We probably had 2 a day...hence my change in weight. The best was JoJo's.

Ok, really above all {Here comes the cheese} was spending time with Ike. We had a wonderful time together, and it was such a nice break from our busy schedule back home with work, callings, and kids. We sure love spending time together.

It was truly paradise.
Coming back home was paradise too...we sure missed those kids.

And here is a favorite video of mine. Love me some Jack Johnson...especailly while laying on the beach...