I think I have entered into the large family category. I am still not in what is now known in the blog world as a "mega family" where you have to have at least 7 kids, but we are getting up there and really starting to get the big family comments.
Some of the most common are:
"You have your hands full don't ya." (is that a compliment or insult?)
"You guys need a TV." (You'd rather watch TV than make children? And I'm the crazy one!?!)
"Do you guys know how that happens?" (No. And apparently you don't know either cause you'd rather watch TV)
"Oh you have a beautiful family, but you are not going to have any more are you?" (Why? Have you seen my next children? Are they extremely ugly? Do they look more like their dad?)
"Are they all yours?!?" (No I make a habit of picking up neighbor kids on my way to the store.)
"I don't know how you do it." (I may not do it gracefully but The Lord helps you through it somehow. You do it because you have to.)
"Oh wow are you done?" (I don't know are you?)
And of course my favorite which happened out in the "sticks" of texas, "I don't know whether to put you out of your misery or praise you." (............)
Now these comments come from complete strangers. So I have various off the cuff reason I throw out there like:
"It's so fun!"
"I love it!"
"I've always wanted a big family."
(Since living in Texas I'll throw out with a Texas drawl) "The good Lord provides and blesses us." which surprisingly gets all these Texans talking about spiritual things and they instantly are okay with the fact we have so many.
Now, not all the comments I get are negative. There have been many who say things like:
"You have a beautiful family."
"Oh my what a blessing."
"You are a brave woman."
"You must be really patient."
So now that we have gotten to this point of having five children, and I have not given an affirmative "WE ARE DONE" response when asked questions about it. Even our friends and people we know are curious as to why we do it. They all think I must be this patient, brave, calm, easy going person to have all these kids. As my close friends and family know how untrue those statements are.
I think the major difference is how I look at being a mother, having kids and the big question is WHY? I will try to list the many reasons for WHY I am chosing to have a large family.
The #1 reason is we are told we will have "joy and rejoicing in your posterity." I truly believe this. Heavenly Father does not lie. Having more children will never bring you misery. How happy do you want to be in this life? I dare say that the more children you have the happier you are. I could expound on why and how and what true joy is but that would be a whole post in itself. It is safe to say I know I will have more joy if I have 8 kids instead of 4. "Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them. …’ (
Ps. 127:3, 5.)
#2 It is so fun and I learn so much from them. I love the joy and fun and silliness kids bring into the home. I love that with each kid I am becoming more patient because you have to be. I love how each new spirit teaches me something new. I love how i get to watch how different they are and see so many different personalities. I love the selflessness it teaches my kids because they have to help and they have to look out for each other. I love watching them learn and grow together and learn to love each other despite their differences. I love the unconditional love they show me and each other. I love the example they are to me. I love thinking how they will always have each other to turn to and to rely on.
#3 Why am I here on the earth? I am here to gain a physical body and be tested to see if I can remain faithful and to be selfless like Jesus was. What better way to force myself to be selfless than having lots of kids. I am not here to have tons of money, have a perfect body, get regular sleep, travel, or get my bucket list checked off before I die. I ask myself, "What are the reasons I would stop having kids?" Besides health reasons of course, most of the reasons are selfish. When I can find a reason that is not one teeny tiny bit selfish I will stop having them. "I have concluded that most of our sins are really sins of selfishness. "If you don’t pay your
tithing,
selfishness is at the heart of it. If you commit adultery, selfishness
is at the heart of it. If you are dishonest, selfishness is at the heart
of it. I have noted that many times in the scriptures we observe the
Lord chastising people because of their selfishness." (Ensign Aug 1979)
#4 My church like the catholic church used to have the commandment that we didn't believe in birth control. Ask yourself why you think their stance on that changed? Pray about why it changed. Although they don't share the same stance now, they still have an opinion about it. This is what the handbook says, "When husband and wife are physically able, they have the privilege and
responsibility to bring children into the world and to nurture them... The first commandment He gave to Adam and Eve was to “be fruitful, and
multiply, and replenish the earth” (Genesis 1:28). The scriptures
declare, “Children are a heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Those who
are physically able have the blessing, joy, and obligation to bear
children and to raise a family. This blessing should not be postponed
for selfish reasons... Decisions about birth control and the consequences of those decisions rest solely with each married couple..."
# 5 We were given agency. In most cases, Heavenly Father is not going to hit you over the head and tell you to get pregnant. In most cases he is not going to get you pregnant when you have chosen to use contraception. He has given us the council and lets us chose for ourselves. And using my agency and after studying and praying I can not limit my family.
#6 These are some more quotes from prophets that helped me in my decision making.
“The first commandment given to man was to multiply and replenish the
earth with children. That commandment has never been altered, modified,
or cancelled. The Lord did not say to multiply and replenish the earth
if it is convenient, or if you are wealthy, or after you have gotten
your schooling, or when there is peace on earth, or until you have four
children. The
Bible says, ‘Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: … Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them. …’ (
Ps. 127:3, 5.)
We believe God is glorified by having numerous children and a program
of perfection for them. So also will God glorify that husband and wife
who have a large posterity and who have tried to raise them up in
righteousness” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1969, 12). Ezra Taft Benson
“Motherhood lies at the foundation of happiness in the home, and of
prosperity in the nation. God has laid upon men and women very sacred
obligations with respect to motherhood, and they are obligations that
cannot be disregarded without invoking divine displeasure. In
1 Timothy 2:13–15,
we are told that ‘Adam was first formed, then Eve. …’ Can she be saved
without child-bearing? She indeed takes an awful risk if she wilfully
disregards what is a pronounced requirement of God” (President Joseph F Smith
Gospel Doctrine, 288–89).
“The Savior taught that we should not lay up treasures on earth but should lay up treasures in heaven (see
Matthew 6:19–21).
In light of the ultimate purpose of the great plan of happiness, I
believe that the ultimate treasures on earth and in heaven are our
children and our posterity” (Dalin H Oaks in Conference Report, Oct. 1993, 97,
100–101; or
Ensign, Nov. 1993, 72, 75).
“Love
realizes his sweetest happiness and his most divine consummation in the
home where the coming of children is not restricted, where they are
made most welcome, and where the duties of parenthood are accepted as a
co-partnership with the eternal Creator.
“In all this, however, the mother’s health should be guarded. In the realm of wifehood, the woman should reign supreme” (Gospel Ideals, 469, President David O Mckay)
"“Supreme happiness in marriage is governed considerably by a primary
factor—that of the bearing and rearing of children. Too many young
people set their minds, determining they will not marry or have children
until they are more secure, until the military service period is over;
until the college degree is secured; until the occupation is more
well-defined; until the debts are paid; or until it is more convenient.
They have forgotten that the first commandment is to ‘be fruitful, and
multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it.’ (
Genesis 1:28.)
And so brides continue their employment and husbands encourage it, and
contraceptives are used to prevent conception. Relatives and friends and
even mothers sometimes encourage
birth control
for their young newlyweds. But the excuses are many, mostly weak. The
wife is not robust; the family budget will not feed extra mouths; or the
expense of the doctor, hospital, and other incidentals is too great; it
will disturb social life; it would prevent two salaries; and so
abnormal living prevents the birth of children. The Church cannot
approve nor condone the measures which so greatly limit the family” (
Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, 328–29).
“The Lord has told us that it is the duty of every husband and wife to
obey the command given to Adam to multiply and replenish the earth, so
that the legions of choice spirits waiting for their tabernacles of
flesh may come here and move forward under God’s great design to become
perfect souls, for without these fleshly tabernacles they cannot
progress to their God-planned destiny. Thus, every husband and wife
should become a father and a mother in Israel to children born under the
holy, eternal covenant” (David O Mckay in Conference Report, Oct. 1942, 11–12).
I also want to really emphasize that this has not always been our thinking and our opinion. We got married while we were both still in college with the full intent on waiting for two years til we were done and graduated to start our family. After four months we felt very strongly about starting our family. After that slowly over time we have come to these conclusions. We have learned that this is the way we want to live our life and we know Heavenly Father is pleased with our decision.
So in conclusion this is a post to answer all the questions people are asking or thinking about why we are having so many children. This is so when I get that question instead of avoiding the question because it would take too long, I can refer people here to give them the answer. This is what we feel good about and what we are doing. We are so happy with the result and also so excited about the future.
(the guy in my life who helps out with the creation of this big family attributed to this post)
