Lessons From Deanna.

A little over a month ago, I lost a friend very dear to me. This post isn't going to focus on the pain I felt [and still feel] as a result of her death, but instead it will focus on the lessons she taught me.

Deanna lived unapologetically.

She was herself [her goofy, loving, God-fearing self] 100% of the time. She always managed to make me smile. Even though the last time we saw each other was the first time in about seven years, it seemed like no time had passed at all.

" I want to hear about everything that's happened in your life since 2007...go!"

...And we sat there...at a table in Chevy's spilling our hearts out to one another over Mexican food and margaritas. We talked about failed relationships, and how happy we were with our current ones; we talked about how much we both hated running, but did it anyway because we wanted to look good well into our 70s. I knew then that God had placed us in each others lives for a reason. That we were soul sisters. And that I would love that girl forever.

Deanna encouraged me in my journey to form a stronger relationship with God. She posted Bible verses regularly. She prayed for me. She never judged.

Her funeral was standing room only.

I was amazed at how many people truly loved and cherished their time with her. Someone even remarked, "Deanna had a billion best friends!" And she did. She had a special way of making every single person that she came into contact with feel as if they meant the world to her. Im pretty sure she had the biggest heart in the universe.

Deanna and I didn't have many mutual friends. But when I met her inner circle for the first time [at a 4th of July bbq at her apartment] a few short days before her passing, they embraced me. It felt as if we'd known each other forever. And I thought to myself...wow...an entire group of people just like Deanna!

I know we all hear the phrase, "You are who you surround yourself with," but I'd never actually witnessed it until this moment. Deanna taught me to keep my circle strong. To form relationships with people who will inspire me. People who will pray with and for me. People who will drive 2-3 hours just to see me and attend a small bbq. People who will make me want to be a better me. People I can both teach, and learn from.

She taught me that it's okay to have a billion friends. Of course quality> quantity, but because of her, I will not place limits on my love or friendship. There's more than enough room in my life for quality friends. Adversely, there is absolutely no room in my life for not-so-great friends. There are way too many people in this world for me to settle for crappy friends.

Deanna taught me that it's okay to share whats on your heart. You never know how your testimony will affect someone else. Share your joy, your heartaches, your accomplishments, your struggles...share your love.

Deanna taught me to go big or go home. Our days here on the Earth are numbered. What legacy will you leave behind? Will you have accomplished all of the things that you wanted you? If any of you are like me, you have a habit of saying, "...I'll start tomorrow." This way of thinking is so toxic. If you can start now, do it! Don't let fear drive you. Chase your dreams with all of your heart and soul...today.

Finally, Deanna taught me the true meaning of, "people are placed in your life for a reason, a season, or for a lifetime." I met a girl on twitter probably a year or so ago. We bonded over our blogs and quickly connected. Maybe I knew that she was Deanna's friend at that time, but it was a fleeting thought...the origin of our connection was completely lost to me. When Deanna passed, I saw it on twitter. A tweet sent by my blog-sister-friend. She sent me her number immediately and became an instant source of comfort.

She held my hand at the burial. Her on one side, my boyfriend on the other. Im forever grateful for her support. Her guidance. Her love.

In the midst of losing one sister, God sent me another.

Looking back, God [with the help of Deanna] placed us in one another's lives for a reason. He did so over a year ago, with this exact moment in mind. The entire time, he ordered our steps and allowed us to find one another. He knew I would need her soon, and vice versa.

Thank you so much, Deanna. I know you didn't realize that you were doing all of this for me at the time, but I am forever grateful. I carry you in my heart, my hopes, my dreams...always and forever. I love you my Twinny.

Evolution.

I turned 25 on Sunday.

...and honestly...it was the best birthday ever. I just finished my first year of grad school (and I'm pretty sure I got straight A's). My boyfriend and closest friends threw me the sweetest surprise party (complete with Patron cupcakes). I got a fitbit (currently obsessed). Overall life is pretty awesome right now. 25 is going to be a great year.

But as I enter a new chapter in my life, a new quarter century, I can't help but reflect on the last. There's one thing that stands out to me as being completely different at 25 than it was at 24. My inner circle.

After college, I tried desperately to maintain friendships that were near and dear to my heart. I'd text, call, send smoke signals, whatever. Anything to save the friendship from dying. It took me a long time to realize that I was fighting to save relationships with people who weren't willing to do the same for me.

At first...this hurt. A lot.

Then I realized that people change. We outgrow one another. We find ourselves, and lose others along the way. We grow up.

This year I noticed these changes in the ways people wished me a happy birthday. Some people who used to call, simply wrote me on Facebook. Friends who used to celebrate with me, ignored my brunch invite. Etc. Etc. Etc.

I'm not hurt anymore.

I realize that more than likely this isn't personal. Although I'm sad to say goodbye to friendships that at one point meant the world to me...Im excited to make new friends. To grow closer to the ones who are still around. To experience everything this new 25+ life has to offer. Im ready to keep growing into the woman that I'm meant to be.

I'm choosing to live in the now. To enjoy every single moment that I'm blessed with, with the people who currently love me the most. I will forever be grateful for the things these past friends have taught me. And I'll probably always consider them friends. Who knows? Our paths may indeed cross again one day. If you can grow apart, you can surely grow together...right?

Im Ready.

Tomorrow is my big move from NY to Baltimore.

For months I've anticipated this. As soon as I got my grad school acceptance letter my mom and I went crazy buying things for my apartment. I was sooo excited! Not only did I get to move out of my parents house and finally start my adult life...but I was actually really amped to get into public health... and I would be closer to my boyfriend!

Last saturday I realized that I had exactly one week until move in day. And I freaked out. Seriously...I was suddenly so sad. I realized that this would probably be the last time I'd ever live in the house I grew up in for an extended period of time. I mean...I went to college all the way in Virginia, so I'm used to being away...but this just felt way more...permanent. Being an adult scares me. Honestly, I don't really feel grown. How come no one told me that 24 feels like 18 [but with wayyyy more freedom] lol?! I was also nervous about the way my move would change my relationship. I've never been the kind of girl that is attached by the hip to my boyfriend. I like my space. But I've also never been in a serious non-long-distance relationship (yes I just made that up) as an adult. I know from watching my friends that in typical non-long-distance relationships couples are together quite a bit and they seem to enjoy it. What if I don't adapt? Will we just fall into a routine naturally? Will I grow to want to spend all of my free time with my boyfriend?

I can't say for sure...but I think that my fears are normal [please tell me they are lol]. Today, on the eve of my move...I can say that I'm excited again. Im ready to go and live my life. Im ready for new experiences. Im ready to be a young woman exploring a big city [that isnt New York]. Im ready to find myself. Im ready to grow.

Now we'll see how I feel about this when my parents leave and I'm left in my apartment alone twiddling my thumbs lol...but for now...I'm ready.

10 Months.

My life from September to Now:

-I'm still with my wonderful boyfriend. [and yes...he's still wonderful]

-Having a long distance relationship has been challenging...but I am happy to announce that it won't be long distance for much longer!

-I've become somewhat of a human rights activist.

-I've gone on a completely different path career wise...and I couldn't be happier about my decision.

-I've become very health conscious.

-As of August I will be moving to Baltimore, Maryland.

-I will be going to grad school to study Public Health. My concentration is Community and Population Health.

-I still work two jobs.

-I've vowed to never work retail again after I move.

-This year I've traveled to Puerto Rico and Miami.

-I've become very open with my opinions. No more Mrs. Shy Girl ;-)

-My hair has been natural for over 2 years now. And it is thriving.


And yea...10 months in a nutshell. Ill be elaborating on these posts little by little. Wonder which one I should tackle first. Hmmmmm....

Buckle Up.

No...you haven't seen a ghost.

For months I've been contemplating the direction that I want my blog to take. Writing was so easy when I was going through hard times. But now that things are good? Not so much. It took me almost a year to realize that it's okay to be happy. To not have some heart wrenching story to tell. It seems I had lost sight of why I started this blog in the first place...for me.

For now this blog will simply be a day by day account of my life. Sometimes it may be boring. Sometimes funny. Sometimes happy, sad, exciting, WHATEVER. This blog will be about me :-).

I'd definitely like to incorporate vlogs. And I definitely want this blog to be a true representation of my 24 year old self. 23 was such an amazing year for me; Im really sad that I didn't document it better.

I'm going to do a separate post about whats been going on in my life since the last time you guys heard from me (September 2012).

I'm excited for this new journey and I hope you all are excited for the ride!

My [Body] Prerogative

Why is it that when a thin girl [or a girl who used to be thin] says that she wants to drop a few pounds or get in shape people look at her like she's crazy? I mean...I know I'm no where near fat. But I also know that I'm not where I'd like to be as far as my appearance. Don't I have the right to want to improve myself? To me the only thing that matters in regards to a woman's physical appearance is that she feels comfortable and healthy in her own skin.

There are a lot of things that we cant change about ourselves ladies (at least not without surgery). But I truly believe that we have complete power to overcome the things that we can change through hard work and dedication. Don't let anyone force their perception of your body on you. If you look in the mirror and aren't 100% comfortable with the things you can change...then by all means change them!

With that said, I'd like to lose about 7 pounds. Id also like to get some of my muscle tone back...mostly my stomach and my arms. Going from someone who was an extremely active teen to a not-so-active young woman is tough. But I am determined to bring my sexy back ;-)

I plan to do this by running at least three times a week and by cutting fast food out of my diet.

**Of course, I mean all this in regards to being healthy. Making a healthy and realistic decision to work on yourself is completely different than being neurotic and making changes that can do more harm than good to your body.

So Ladies, what are some of your health goals? What do you plan to do to achieve them?

You, Me and Us.

The hardest part about being in a relationship to me is maintaining my individuality. Dont get me wrong; I loveeeeee being an 'us'. But I do feel like in the age of social media/technology it limits me as a person.

I havent blogged in months.

Truth is...I havent felt like I could blog without people taking the things that I write the wrong way by equating my random thoughts to some sort of discord within my relationship.

I mean...I am allowed to think...right?

Every tweet I send creates an uproar of gossip and speculation. Every random song lyric, every revelation, every opinion, every lesson learned...has become a reflection of my relationship.

Is it possible to be an 'Us' while maintaining my 'Me'?

Or is this a sacrifice that I will have to make in order to be with the man that I love?


...sometimes a thought...is just a thought.