Milestone - 5 Years

I love this kid.  I have probably said it before but Ezra is a special kid.  I knew it before he was even born.  I knew when I was pregnant with him that I knew him before this life.  I knew his name was Ezra.  He was familiar to me in every way.

He is still our "baby".  I have a feeling he always will be.  We will have two "babies".  And not because he enjoys being the baby or acts like one but because he is such the dangest, sweetest boy you'll ever meet.

We celebrated twice this year, once at our new house and then again at Grandma Mikey's with the cousins.  I had envisioned an Indian themed, brave little warrior party for him this year but really who was I kidding?  Moving day to the new house was just days before his big day.

The Indian feather headbands were good enough for him.  He's not much for hoopla.  He just tells it like it is in his low serious voice, "Oh, that's not the [present] I wanted."  Then we all move on.

 We love you Ezra.  Don't ever turn six.

A bit overdue...Milestone 1 year

We made it.  One whole year.

What a busy year me and this gal have had.

We sold the little downtown house she spent her 1st year in a couple weeks ago.  It was a bittersweet time for me - that year.  Most days I was crying for more room and other days I was just incredibly grateful for my little family and our little house.

We had great neighbors and a great location.

Mikael and I would bike around the block to Rent-A-Flick, the library, we would occasionally bike a forgotten lunch to Highland Elementary, visiting teaching, and the thrift store down the street. Really nice, friendly people driving by us on our bike rides would wave and smile big as Christmas.  I would try to remember if I know them from somewhere....but I soon realized they were just waving back at my smiling, waving Mikael.  She is killer.

One year ago:

I have loved getting to know this baby this year.  She is our little sass pot.  I talk a lot of smack but I sure do love you Mikael.  We made it!  Happy first year.

Retirement

My Dad was released as Stake President in Show Low today.  Even though we knew this day was coming, I was surprised how emotional I was about the whole thing.  I'm mostly sad for my Dad and all his new free time.  There hasn't been a time in my life that he wasn't serving in the church.  It is all that I have known.  He has been such a good example to me.  His testimony is unwavering and his love for his "people" is great.  These words feel generic but it is how I feel today.  I am thankful for the opportunity my Dad had to serve.

I love my Mom.  She talks loud when she is nervous and cracks jokes that she won't remember later - we get to remind her what she said at the pulpit.  "I said that?  Oh, Mikey really?"  Her testimony is strong and like Elder Lesuer of the seventies said today she "still has some buck in her", for which I am grateful.  I pray she is around for a lot longer to show me the way.

Elder Lesuer also talked today about the blessings that would come to the new stake president and his family.  Angels will protect them and guide them.  Some of these angels are members of the stake.  He asked the congregation to protect them as they would a valueable treasure.  It was then that I realized how blessed my family has been these past 9 years.  Macy was just a baby when my Mom called to tell us we'd better get up the mountain - there has been a call.  We have felt the physical protection of angels.  We have felt the love and the guidance of the Lord.  We have been blessed with 3 more amazing children in our home.  Healthy children. And the Lord has seen fit to bless us financially.  I told my Dad today that I hope this retirement is short and temporary.  Heaven knows Jace and I need all the angels and blessings we can get.

Note: Mikael was asleep in the car.  She was an angel today.

We celebrated.

Our Kael Bell is 1!

All day long she really wanted to know what all the fuss was about.  There were tears when burning candles were placed in front of her.

She pretended to be shy.  She refused to eat or smile if someone was looking at her.

This is her new "I'm shy" pose.  Pretty much everyone is getting the elbow these days.

Very slowly and cautiously she explored her cake.

Silly girl.  We all know there is nothing shy, slow, or cautious about this chic.  Why, it was just the very next day we found her here:

Happy Birthday to our favorite little, messy lady.

I can feel it

I have been feeling a little swamped lately.  Husband has been out of town.  It was my week to teach Young Women's and joy school for Ezra's little crew.  School projects are due.  Calves are dying.  And real estate deals are closing.

And this is actually the clam before the storm.  Within the next couple months we will:  move for the 16th time in 10 years, continue to renovate the new house (for years to come), celebrate Mikael's 1st birthday, Halloween, fieldtrips, Thanksgiving (that Jace says is at my new house this year), Ezra will turn 5 in November, Macy will be 10 in December, Christmas will come, and then we are on to 2 more birthdays and an 11 year anniversary.

Yikes.

I'm going to wade my way thru.

Wish me luck.

Milestones - 4th Grade, 2nd Grade, Preschool, and 11 Months

This was the 1st year in the Baum's history that these children weren't the new kids on the 1st day of school.  Wahoo!  Jace and I felt like real parents.  I dropped Noah off near the playground and yelled a farewell "Good Luck!" out the window.  Surely someone will show him where to find Mrs. Baldwin's classroom?  I love that kid.

But at the Intermediate school, when I started climbing out of the car, Macy gently let me know that I didn't need to walk her in this year.

"Are you sure?"

"Ya."

"Ok then.  Have a good day."

"I will."

"Be brave.  Smile.  You have everything?  See you after school.  Watch for cars.  Don't cry.  Look for other little girls that need a friend.  Mrs. Ward will be so nice, just watch and see.  Have fun."

I don't think she heard half of it.  Tears streamed down my face as I watched her walk into a new chapter of her life.  Why are girls so different?  I'm going to be a basket case if that girl ever decides to marry off.

And somehow I got suckered into participating in a Joy School group for this little guy this year.  I hope I'm still able to sing "Oh, boy I got joy!" after the first week of them at my house.  Why can't I be a good Mormon mom and speak softly to my children and set up craft time in the afternoon and teach them piano?  At times my weaknesses are made so clear to me (i.e. Joy School Mother's meeting).  But Ezra is having a ball.  I truly miss him and his clamming presence when he is gone.  I asked him awhile ago what me and his father did to deserve such a sweet boy?  He said, "nothing."  And he is exactly right.

11 Months

I'm so not ready for her to be a year old.

How did that happen so fast?

We still have so much to work on.  She still is not sleeping thru the night.  My jeans should fit better after a year.   She should love to eat regular food.  She should not be nursing 9 times a day and night still.  Her 3-6 month old clothes should long ago been put away.

I inserted myself into her milestone pictures this month.  It only seemed appropriate.  Me and Mikael.  We are thick as thieves.  When I'm on the computer - she is laying on the keyboard.  When I'm sweeping   - she is doing snow angels in the dirt pile.  When I vacuum, she is following while chewing on the cord. When I am showering - she is climbing the bathtub walls.  You get the picture.

I love this chic.  I know it sounds like I might feel sorry for myself a lot when I talk about this baby that exhausts a lot of my time and energy but don't pity me.  She is a ray of sunshine in our lives.  I married her father because of his enthusiasm for life, his curiosity, his desire to learn and be better and his love for me.  Mikael is her father's child.  She does not know how to sit still or sleep for long periods at a time.  There is so much to see!  And do!  I'm jealous and in awe of her spunk and her ability to steal the show at any given minute and make the room fall in love with her.  And I'm completely flattered at her love for me.  I'm a lucky girl.

Milestone - 30 years. And I'm over it.

I had these visions of turning of 30.  I envisioned I would be wise and confident and that I would know how to cook really good.  And that someone somewhere would take a really great photo of me - like one for the ages.

Mmmmuph.

Oh well.  The truth is I'm still learning how to make hard decisions and still figuring out who I am.  And that timeless picture will have to wait another day or year.

30 was hard.  Sound cliche.  But true.  I'll never be in my 20's again.  That's how birthdays work.  They keep coming.  And 30 was like a dark storm cloud headed my way all summer.  Maybe I am gloomy about it because just thinking about celebrating 30 years makes me tired.  The only thing we celebrate lately is when Mikael falls asleep.  And I should be dancing in the street for all my 30 years.  They have been good.  Real good.

Today, I asked Jace just as Mom used to ask me, "How old are you?"  I know Jace is 32 but when he is squirting my 4 years old with water just to get a rise - the question is appropriate.

Do you know his response?

"How old are you?"

Ouch.  He knew that one would hurt this week.

And sometimes I call in reinforcements. (Milestone - 10 Months)

Her name is Kentucky.  I picked her up at the local Bashas.

Her purpose in life will be to kill.  Mice.  We have seen approximately 32 at the new property and it is no bueno.

We have been practicing rigorous pouncing and catching techniques with Kentucky.  She is almost ready to be released into the wild of our current remodel.

No one loves Kentucky more than Mikael.  She squeals and flaps her arms excitedly at just the sight of her.

Mikael wants to share the love.  Cuddle.  Grab.  Pet.  And show the cat who the boss is.

And then suddenly she can experience a change of heart.  And the cycle begins all over again.

We haven't figured if those are tears of regret, sorrow, remorse, or fear.  It is a complicated relationship between these two.  One we will be able to nourish and nurture in the coming years.

Kentucky will for sure be the meanest best cat around.

Welcome to the family.

Milestone - 9 Months

I think I basically covered my life this month with this little monkey in my last post.

She has perfected the stink face this month.  Although, Ezra calls it her trash face. 

 "Mom, Mikael just did her trash face at me." 

I'm stilling trying to figure out how to accomplish anything during the day when my hands are full (of her).

She smiles (and kisses) with her tongue out.  It is delicious.

She is smart and busy and sensitive and busy and cute.

We love her and wonder what we ever did with our time before her. 

Seasons

I was born in this season of sunshiny days and starry nights.   The summer sun has always burned and then freckled my fair skin.  My birthday was always celebrated on the waters of Lake Powell or poolside at the hotel in Tucson.  I always imagined this season to be my season.

As I dressed my baby before church today in a long sleeve shirt, I found myself looking forward to cooler temperatures and sending my kids back to school.  I long for the quiet days of order and schedules.  I mourn the absence of a clean house and a stocked fridge.

A while back a read a post here from a gal we all know.  One line has stuck with me.   "Connect with each child, face-to-face".  Everyday.  I paused to think.  When was the last time I looked into Macy's eyes and connected?  Had it been longer than just yesterday?

The guilt came gurgling up the back of my throat.

See, I have this baby.  This baby that just yesterday dove head first into a bathtub full of water for her 1st swim.  The neighbors are still saying their prayers that the good Lord will forgive me for the screaming and carrying on they heard as I loudly handled the dangerous situation - badly.

I have this baby that just the day before yesterday crawled from my front door to the street.  The street, I repeat.  I'm guessing the neighbors are now praying for the arrival of a new mother for my poor children.  This baby rarely cuts me a break.  Ear drums ring as she screams her way thru every evening meal.  And sleeping is just not her talent.

Could it be that this baby is just lucky baby number 4?  Her Mother's attention is split, shared, and recycled all day long.  Is it possible that she is sweet calm baby like all the others I have birthed, just not as carefully supervised and nurtured as the others were?  No.  Scratch that.  Not possible.  Mikael was born with a little more fire.  She is courageous.  And smart.  And sassy.  And requires 24/7 supervision from a CPR certified caretaker.

The very beginning of summer brought this project on.  Which then brought on this decision here.  I have no business owning as many children as I do, trying to tear apart one house, attempting to make decisions on how to put it back together again, and keeping the current residence clean for showings.  Then go ahead and throw in a little pink eye and approx. 15 house guests this summer that keep those cowboys beds on my floor nice and hot.  I should start another blog about the bed and breakfast Jace and I run.  It doesn't matter the size of the house we are living in nor the location of it- if you build it they [the Baums] will come.  Craziest thing.

See, I have all these excuses.  I have a lot of reasons why I'm overwhelmed.  Overworked.  Under-rested.  Frustrated.  And discouraged.

My memory of this particular summer will be all these little bodies under this small roof and trying to teach them (and myself) a thing or two about hard work.  As I delicately try to shape these little people, I vow to remember that this is just a season I'm in -  a fleeting moment in time.  There is still time to connect and look into their little eyes.  Everyday.

Turns out this summer is just not my season to shine and play in the sun.

But next summer (and tomorrow) will be better.  And fall is on it's way.  That's the beauty of the seasons.  They change.