Weight

THE WEIGHING
by Jane Hirshfield

The heart’s reasons
seen clearly,
even the hardest
will carry
its whip-marks and sadness
and must be forgiven.

As the drought-starved
eland forgives
the drought-starved lion
who finally takes her,
enters willingly then
the life she cannot refuse,
and is lion, is fed,
and does not remember the other.

So few grains of happiness
measured against all the dark
and still the scales balance.

The world asks of us
only the strength we have and we give it.
Then it asks more, and we give it.

Restart 2020

This year just deserve a reanimation post... For my future self, if you see this, i wish that you will look back to this year with so much thankfulness. 2020 is full of unexpected events, settling down on a second job, Covid-19, home office, first 表白... and the list goes on and on...

Looking back at the past few months, the world has thus been changed, by a pandemic. Every country is fighting their own battles for more healthcare capacities, economy crisis begins to show its first sign, most people are experiencing something they never experience before, including me...

God has been faithful throughout the years, i was thrown into a pool of reality without knowing how to swim, but there i learn to swim... with some consequences on my health, but now i have moved on...

i have learned to help myself, be brave, learn to be resillient, trusting in what i have learned, the journey i have gone through with God, everything was not in vain, in difficult times, God prevails...There are far more important things in life - Jesus saves!

New series : The beginning of an end...

Today, I've witnessed something spectacular, the waking up of Rosetta, a satellite that underwent a deep space hibernation. I found myself in a very unfamiliar environment, surrounded by a group of people with faith, and a lot of it. In a country where security comes before anything else and at a time where internet and smartphones doesn't exists, under so many unknown circumstances in the outer space, they have faith to build something that was so ahead of their time - a comet chaser they called it. And their faith is so big that it sustains them through the 10 years since launching the satellite, and the pessimism of people around them.

So 20 years later, I have the honour to stumble upon an invitation to the Waking Up Event of Rosetta on facebook that I thought would be interesting for Miss G. I have no idea that it will be a life changing moment for me as well. I came from a place deemed of its great politeness of not saying 'No'. Contrary to my expectations, what I didn't realise is that how personal is the satellite to the people who are at the live event - tears were shed, emotions shown.

Hours of waiting for a slight change in the spectrum detector

And finally the Wake-up signal arrives!
#ESA's Rosetta comet chaser has 'phoned home after waking from hibernation. The spike on the spectrum analyser is the carrier signal. Data will be coming soon (a bit slowly 8.7 bits/sec -- because the spacecraft is 800 million kilometres away). From DLR Facebook page.

It was indeed a day I would never forget and I figure this is worth noting down as I am nearing an end of a journey, which is my student life. So I guess I will start writing again this year. 2013 was a great year for me because I've learnt so much out of it. 2014 on the other hand, is going to be exciting. It will be a year of changes and big decisions are expected to be made, so it will be interesting to see how everything is going to turn out in the end (for me personally), and it will also be interesting if I can have a platform to jot down the small things that contributes to the big picture at the end of 2014 and I can look back at it with a thankful heart.

Here's to 2014 - the beginning of an end.

Last but not least

I was away during the weekend. Instead of joining a very important seminar which i dearly missed and also meeting up and catching up with friends from all over the places, I choose to go alone to the airport to welcome the new batch of juniors arriving in Germany for the very first time after 2 and a half years of preparation in Malaysia. And I am very thankful for that.

It reminds me of a lot of things. It reminds me of who I was and how much I've changed since then and I appreciate the then-me because without it, there will be no now-me. It reminds me of my fellow ALG comrades when they first arrive, and oh boy how much we all have grown!

Looking at my fellow juniors, five years really seems like five minutes. And thanks to the very encouraging email from Mr E this morning, I was reminded of sth which can describe my feeling at the moment.

A Time for Everything

1 There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:2  a time to be born and a time to die,    a time to plant and a time to uproot,3  a time to kill and a time to heal,    a time to tear down and a time to build,4  a time to weep and a time to laugh,    a time to mourn and a time to dance,5  a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,6  a time to search and a time to give up,    a time to keep and a time to throw away,7  a time to tear and a time to mend,    a time to be silent and a time to speak,8  a time to love and a time to hate,    a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-9 (NIV)

Signing out,
Just-five-minutes-older-Pat

Still alive!

I hope i m not giving people the false impression that i was in Latvia for the past few months since i have yet to update my blog in a very looooooooong time. Yes finally i am back! (after travelling across the Latvian border into the Russian territory and got caught because i don have a visa and now i finally have my freedom!)

Just kidding!

I am still a tax-payers-sucking-JPA-scholar who still needs to write my first paper of my second semester in masters. Let the fun begins!

3 major rules when going to a mission trip!

I was together with 500 people and 9 days in Latvia for a short term mission trip.

It was sth that i did not plan long enough or in other words - spontaneous. But i have to admit, it was worth it! Every single moment, even though it means sleeping on a thin mattress together with 20 girls on hard cement floor. And i manage to shower for at least 3 times! What an experience!

However being in Germany long enough to learn about how ze Germans try to structure everything and how we plan our week by the days and our day by the hours, it only took the organisers of the social mission trip 3 rules to put everything under control.

Rule number 1 - You do not get ANGRY! 

You do not get angry when your neighbours came into the room at half past two in the middle of the night. You do not get angry when the local latvian radio is on practically 24/7. You do not get angry when there is no timetable to follow and the school bell is the only thing u can count on to know when u shud eat breakfast lunch or dinner. You do not get angry when naughty kids are shouting at your ears while getting their presents. And not only that, you do not get angry at all!

Rule number 2 - Problems do not exist!

A problem will be a problem if u think it is a problem. And the word 'problem' was never even mentioned once in the new testament. Meaning, there is no such thing as cannot get a car for your fellow group mate who is a bit slow and has difficulty walking to send us to the most deprived area of the city to give out foodbags. There is no such thing as cannot organise technical equipment (video projectors, wires, laptop etc) to go to the nearest schools for Kids program. There is no such thing as cannot be patient or cannot dressed up as clowns to entertain the children who are coming for the Kids program.

Rule number 3- You are not going to get married here!

i mean, come on! we are trying to save the world here (or not) and of course there are nice, holy and godly people around you who you might accidentally be attracted to but push it down, all of the feelings, all of it! And thus it creates a safe environment of building (first) friendships (and only) and as a girl i do feel safe to just talk because of the open environment and not to withheld myself too much for the fear or misleading or giving false hints to our fellow brothers.

Overall to sum it up, the mission trip was a dream come true. There are expectations that are not fulfilled because of the huge numbers of participants but of course there are far more precious things that i've gained. I have learnt so much about myself and thus have more faith in the one who created me and to really believe that i can contribute and make a small change in a city.

Signing out

Pat

To Latvia with love

Counting down 3 days to Latvia!