Girl Friends are the best!

Sometimes I wonder how girls live without close girl friends.
They are the best.

Happy? They'll laugh with you.

Sad? They'll either cry with you, or know what to say. Or not even say a thing. But bring comfort without words anyway. Just by being there. Even if it's online.
(you know who you are...)

Confused? They bring light to the situation.

Stressed? They know just the thing to blow it away.


I think point is made. Conclusion; I don't know what I'll do without my best girl friends. Love you darlings. Especially you, you and you. Oh, and you too!
MWAH*

The Adventure begins...

Too many things to update here!

Maybe I shall start with.. I AM HEALED!!! Vertigo has not come back since... well.. a long time. And therefore I believe it will NOT come back. :D

-God is my Healer-


The latest and biggest update would be that...
I'm ENGAGED!!! ..................................
But everyone knows that already thanks to Facebook and people who live on it.
Anyhow, it was a truly memorable day. It's still so clear in my head, like I was watching a movie of myself.

And now the adventure begins.
Venue? Where?
Dress? What kind?
House? Where to live?
Finance? How to achieve enough?
Wooo hoooo!!! This year is gonna be interesting for sure!!
Thank God for friends who are more than willing to help. And most of all, thank God that we know it will all work out because He's there. And He'll see us through.

-God is my Provider-

VeRTiGo

Vertigo... A new word to me. Also a new experience.

Vertigo, a specific type of dizziness, is a major symptom of a balance disorder. It is the sensation of spinning or swaying while the body is stationary with respect to the earth or surroundings.
The effects of vertigo may be slight. It can cause nausea and vomiting and, if severe, may give rise to difficulty with standing and walking.

In February I experienced a sudden wave of dizziness; felt like I was floating when I walked. And everything was spinning when I lay down.
Now I've learnt it's called vertigo.
Doctor gave me some pills. Said could be my inner ear.

Anyway, had mild occurences since then.
But this week, on Wed night, it happened badly again. This time nausea accompanied it. Couldn't walk straight and had to lie down for a few hours.

This time, Doc said it could be my stomach as well.
Now I gotta go in for a blood test on Sunday.

Lord, whatever it is, I know You can heal me.

What scares me...

Work has been amazingly enjoyable this past week. Been getting closer to a couple of colleagues in Europe and the States.

The scary thing is... this might not last for too long... Not even in the next 1 year.

Weirdly it's not just the job that I'll miss, but the friends I've made all over the world. I can't imagine not speaking to them weekly if not daily, seeing them on video, fixing technical problems together... It's just such a depressing thought.
I've become so attached to them.

My prayer is that the time that I've known and will be still working with them won't be in vain. I pray that they'd catch a glimpse of You, Lord. May they be touched by Your love and Your beauty in some way.
I'd be the happiest woman on earth if in the future I find that all of these precious people have come to know You personally and are living and abundant life in You.

"Watch over them God, always protect and keep them. Fill them with your Joy and Peace that cannot be explained by the world. In Jesus' name I pray, amen."

Why?

Why are there times when you want to turn back time?
When you don't want that period in your life to end?

Why does it get so difficult sometimes?
Why do you hate yourself for feeling this way sometimes?

Why do I expect so much?
Why do let myself get affected so much?

When will I get over myself?
When will I die to self?

I want this pain to stop.
This ache to sieze.

Updates updates.

Some updates of my life that comes to mind:

Rough patch... but cleared...
Tension...but refocused...
AYA Awards...AWESOME!!!
Connection is back! =D
Parents are back!! =DD
Brian needs a bath...
Remember, ALWAYS put a ticket EVEN if you're only parking for a minute! They're out there watching youuuuuuu.... bleh*

Okay.. getting off work soon. Time to go pay for my summon. *grumble*

My thoughts in the wee hours of the morning...

02:48 HKT Music is softly playin on the radio. I'm at work. All alone in our office room.

02:49 HKT I should go to the gym. Need to work out abit. Plus I haven't taken my break yet today.

02:50 HKT Okay... let me finish my drink and I'll go.. But I feel so lazy to walk across the sky bridge.

02:51 HKT *blank* I need to pee.. AGAIN! So much for TBs (Tiny Bladder)

02:52 HKT Yes I'm this bored. It's weirdly quiet tonight.

02:53 HKT Ok...I should stop watching the clock. :P Time for a break!~

God blesses Brats?

Phone died on Sat. Warranty ended last month. And phone dies this month. One year.. just one year and it dies on me. And they wanna charge me RM150 to fix! I said "forgeeeet it!"

Now... pissed I was...naturally.. Who wouldn't be pissed right? What a con job!
But something...rather Someone was asking me, "why are you acting and feeling like this? Why are you acting like you have no God? Despite all the miracles and favour you have already seen?"

And well... I just wanted to dwell in my anger. I just WANTED to be pissed at Nokia. At the people who sold me the phone! At the service centre! All the thoughts of anger were just SWARMING around in my head for the whole day yesterday.
At the same time, there's that still small voice telling me to trust. Telling me to give thanks. It was an internal battle. "Thank you Lord, that it's just my phone that died... not my car.. not someone I know.." "Stupid phone! Lost all my contacts! Argh! Wanna throw it down KL Tower!!" And it went on....

But you know what? God still blesses despite our unbelief. Despite our complaints.
I have colleagues in Netherlands. The technical supports whom I deal with almost everyday during the European shift when Video Conferences are having tech problems. So within these few months we've become good friends. And guess what! To cut the long story short, I might be getting a free phone from them. It's not confirmed, but just knowing that wow... God can DO that?? He can provide when we least expect it?

Now why am I surprised? I've seen it happen so many times. Yet I fail to rejoice when something bad happens. From now on, I must remind myself, that whenever something bad happens, something better is on the way.

God blesses even when we're brats.... sometimes! Better not be a brat too often. :P

"Thank You"
"And sorry for hurting you amidst being a brat"

....................................................................................

heart....aching
passion.....where is it?
the past.....won't you like to go back there?
emotions....hate em

...........................................................................

. : yawn : .

I... am...so... sleeeppiieeee.... *big yawn*

cramps are killing me.
eyes are heavy.
time is ticking away so slowly.
still working at 2am on a Fri night is bad.
3 and a half hours to go....

bla bla bla... mumble mumble...
-stoned-

The Job. The Journey.

You got the job!!!!! =D We were both delirious about it weren't we?
And you have an interesting testimony to tell.
I know you're gonna do great in this job, and become famous and all. :P
God's on your side and He will bless the work of your hands. Just give your best.


So now we've embarked on a new journey. The challenge of our schedules. I'm working while he's asleep, and vice versa.
How're we gonna handle it? Don't know. We'll just take it a day at a time.
I miss him terribly.
So does he.
But this is where we mature I guess.

"God give us strength. I pray most of all that we don't start fighting and letting out our frustrations on each other. Help us just cherish every minute we have together."

Accidentally in love?

The Shrek song is playin in my head... accidentally in love... accidentally in love..
:P

Were we? Accidentally in love?
5 years ago... We practically saw each other every weekend. We served in church together. But not more than 10 words were exchanged between us.

Words apart.

That's what we were. Not even the intention of becoming friends was existent.
All I knew about you was that you were Jack's bro and you play the drums.

Dance.

That's what brought us together. How that happened, only God knows. He must have orchestrated it. Because this is more than I could have ever dreamed of.

The smile.

That's the first thing that made me notice you. You flashed me the most genuine smile I've ever seen. I still remember which pillar in church you emerged from.

Closest of friends.

That's what we became. Don't know how, but we just clicked, from the first sms onwards. Your open-ness and real-ness drew me. We shared. We cared. We prayed for each other, with each other. I trusted you. I knew you had no intentions. It is by far the cleanest friendship I've had with a guy.

Attachment.

That's what we felt after some time. Emotional attachment. Humans can't escape that can they? We had our disagreements, upsets, disappointments, even as friends.

Realization.

That's what both of us experienced at different times. "I can see myself spending the rest of my life with this guy". "I can't bear to lose her". Yet, I chose to commit it to God. Put it on a shelf. If it's meant to be it will be. If not, our friendship is still amazing. I promised myself that I won't blurt anything stupid.

Denial.

That's what I was in for some time. Didn't wanna admit. Didn't dare to think or see us any more than what we were - Amazing friends. You had the same fear.

Testing waters.

That's what you did. haha... "I'm not THAT stupid you know.." :P Still, I didn't dare to hope.

The confession.

That sorta happened unexpectedly. Pounding hearts. Scattered thoughts. I couldn't believe it was happening. Bliss.

And the rest is history...

Accidentally? I don't think so. Coincidence? Nah... Divine appointment? lol..
whatever you wanna call it, I believe Someone greater is involved in the picture.
Our Daddy God... He's the one who got us this far. And it's getting better day by day. As long as He's in the center, it'll be beautiful.

"Thank you Papa... Thank you for this amazing gift, this blessing that I wouldn't even have dared to ask for."

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. - Matthew 6:33

*yawn*

It's 3.30am... and I'm at work... and BORED!!! Why is it so quiet?!?!
Think I'm so used to the fast paced-ness of the EU shift that now I'm doing things too fast. So there's nothing to do anymore. yawn* Or maybe it's just extremely quiet.


Let's see... things I've been thinking about:
- My nigga
- Arize team and NZ
- Dance.. i wanna dance i wanna dance.. wanna take classes..

K.. now I'm stoning again... :|

two....more...hours...to...gooooo.....

Rombongan OA

When God says He will heal, He WILL heal.
When He says He'll take care of us, He WILL.
In fact, He doesn't even need to SAY it, because it's His nature.
He WILL look after us. He WILL bless us. He WILL provide for us....and the list goes on.

Was reminded about all this in during my recent OA trip.
Felt it was time for me to go for missions again... Don't wanna lose that passion.
And YEAY! I was picked to go for the May trip.
Ended up with an unpredictable team. But God truly bonded us despite the little time together prior to the trip. Elsa, Jason, Chee Yong; you guys are the best!!

Answered prayers:
1) God strengthened my knee - could hike 3 hours a day!! Woo hoo!!
2) Entered new village
3) Burdens (bag packs) lifted during our hike into the village.

God's goodness without even us asking:
1) Him preparing the order of our sermons and testimonies (nothing went as we planned)
2) Him sending us rain on our hike back - refreshed us, lessened the impact on our feet and legs, gave us lotsa fun. :P
3) His timing for our transport back

Things that make me wanna return there:
1) The simplicity and peace of the kampung.
2) The children; just them holding your hand, smiling at you, clinging on to you... melts my heart everytime.
3) The fun of hiking with a crazy team
4) The cute bamboo hut - being able to just drop anything (food) through the gaps knowing some animal will eat it up. haha..
5) The total reliance on God due to no modes of communication and everything being unpredictable.

At the end of it all, we're really reminded that it's no surprise when we see how our Papa in Heaven takes care of our every need. Coz it's His nature. It's just Him.
:D

6 months

It's been 6 months since I entered working life. WOW!!! Where did all the time go???
Feels like just yesterday that I had the interview.

And now we're already giving full support to customers. Doing problem management. Having Live Assists and Meet&Greets - something we were so fearful of in the beginning. I still get nervous, but we learn to act like we know what we're doing. :P

Sometimes I look back and still question why God allowed me to land in a job like this. I'm so thankful, yet so fearful that I'll take it for granted.

My manager has been awesome. My colleagues have been super fun to work with. Most of them anyway. I really can't imagine working with anyone else now. It's like I feel this is my family. :D I've even grown fond of many of my Shell customers.
And the more testing and problem management we get involved in, the more people we meet through VC. I love it!

Yea I have my bad days where EVERY VC goes wrong. And I work OT late into the night or morning. And there are of course the few times when we get screwed by a customer, especially when dealing with the Executives. But well, it can't be all sunshine and rainbows...

My shift is almost over. Signing out for now. ;)

3 Months

It's been 3 months. Wow. The most amazing 3 months in my life.
Never thought I could feel this way.
Never thought I would feel this way so soon EVEN if it were possible.

There is not ONE thing about you that I dislike yet. You're like a dream come true. A real life fairy tale?

you.me.God....together, it will always be a beautiful picture. :)

Afraid to love. More afraid to lose.

I searched for the lyrics after you mentioned this song. :)

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin’ in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I’m so tired but I can’t sleep
Standin’ on the edge of something much too deep
It’s funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can’t be heard

But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I’m so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn’t let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

-Sarah Mclachlan-

today

Today,
Work is slow... Everyone's still on hols. Especially in Europe and the States.

Today,
He's pissing me off again!! Why do people like these even work?? Might as well stay home and leech of someone else!

He's making me smile again, as usual. Gives me goosebumps, or the warm fuzzy feeling as well sometimes.

He actually came to our Christmas play! But I overlooked it and didn't think he'd come. I'm touched that he made an effort. But I wanna KICK myself for NOT making the effort.

He's so funny and lovable. Wish he were still working here in Cyber.

I'm trying to think of more "he"'s or even "she"s but I can't. Yes, I'm that free and bored. Should've just taken leave today...ish!

: : Mind Storms : :

God... I've gotten it wrong SO many times!! How do I know when it's right?!?!
Lord I don't wanna make anymore mistakes. I don't want anyone hurt again.
How do you know, God?? How do you know? How do you know?

2 outcomes
-> 1) crash & burn
-> 2) seek

I've drilled it into my head for years:-
"No. Don't. It's wrong. Stay away. Negative. Negative. Negative. Negative."
Will I be blinded even when it's Positive?

Peace. That is what I will need. It's what I want to feel when the time is right.

Beautiful. But for how long? Forever?

A blessing. For always, I pray.

Joy. Overflowing. Everlasting.


To honour You. To worship You. To make You smile. To draw us closer to You. To be a light in this dark world. That's the way it should be.

-This I place in Your hands-

The Journey

Sometimes we think or worry about the end of the road too much. That we forget to enjoy the lil things along that road. The beautiful wild flowers. The trees blowing in the breeze. Birds chirping. Butterflies and dragonflies fluttering in the fresh air. Little animals scampering on the green grass. White puffy clouds sailing in an ocean of blue. The sunset. The sunrise. The moonlit and star-filled sky.

Sometimes we just need to sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. In the end, even if the end of the road isn't quite what you expected. Or NOT what you expected at all, it would've been worth it anyway, because the journey itself brought you joy, helped you grow, taught you, added value to your life.

Dum dee dee dum....*whistles down the road with a smile on my face*
Actually, I can't whistle. LOL...

"Papa, with you holding my hand, this life is gonna be GOOD... Even though the storms will come my way, I have nothing to fear."

"And you, you, you, you...you, you... you and you, you.. yes you too...you, you, you, and you, and you.. oh! and you.. you and you and you...AND YOU! Thank you... for being the beautiful things in this journey of mine. I could not ask for more. I love you all."