Pretty much given the green light

So I have been wanting to TTC ever since I started back my cycle but PPVI shot me down. They basically told me no! Dr. Hilgers is pretty cautious with giving me the green light since I only have one tube and history of ectopic pregnancy and low progesterone. PPVI has been tracking my progesterone through P+7 draws. Each month has gotten better.

They called yesterday with info from cycle review. They have started me on the concoction of meds/shots I was on when I last conceived. Soooo I'm on the path of TTC.

Its a good feeling. I'm ready. Does infertility still haunt me...yes. But I have my little Spunky and know that God has a plan for me that is better than my own. Sooo I'm not letting the devil work his magic on me this time. I'm focusing on God, His will, and He will direct my life. NOT YOU DEVIL!!

I'm also going to focus on not being crazy at TTC. I remember in the past before PPVI saved me with my surgeries, I was crazy about TTC. I made hubby feel like an object and I did not handle it gracefully or romantically. It was more like "Hey, I'm ovulating..." How romantic is that!! Well that is out the window. I remember the couple months after surgery how enjoyable it was to TTC and not be crazy about timing, etc. I still was focused on TTC but I was much more relaxed than I was before surgeries. So I'm going to continue with that relaxed mindset and "let go and let God!" If you have a few seconds to throw a prayer out there for me about this, that would be great:)

Yes this is all true....Prayer Warriors needed!!!

One of my dear friends since we were young is getting married tomorrow. First, a little description if her... Holy, angelic, innocent, naive, gullible, sensitive, very caring and loving. She also struggles with Bi-polar and something doesn't seem normal about her meds...I think this is part of the reason why I think she is making this decision. Why? She isn't herself. She is so highly medicated that she seems like she is in a daze. Its so sad!!! She has never ever had a man love her before and this guy is filling that void for her. Ok so on to him...BRACE yourself!!

He is a felon. He had a meth lab in his house. He spent a year in jail for this. He got kicked out of military for cocaine use. He beat his ex wife so severely that he chipped 6 of her teeth. He has a child who is 5 who he doesn't claim and doesn't pay child support for.  He has a poor paying job  because he doesn't have a college education and because he is a felon so he will neve be able to get a solid good job. He has 0 friends. And when I mean 0, I mean, not even one to have as his groomsman!!! What else?! There are many other little things.

We, her family and friends, have had mannnny interventions. He dad even worked with he district attorney to open his old cases. My friend saw the pics of the beaten ex wife!!! Her dad even contacted the ex and asked her to talk to my friend... She did and begged her not to marry this guy and yet my friend is ignoring this. Our priest gave her every reason not to marry this guy!!! The cops that arrested him even met with her and her dad and tried to talk her out of this. Yall her parents are the most Catholic, loving, devoted couple ever!! They have gone above and beyond to try and get to her senses but nothing is working!!

She is walking down the isle and marrying this guy tomorrow!!! Im sick to my stomach. My friends and I are all sick!!! The only people in his life coming to the wedding tomorrow are his parents. Her parents are asking their own friends to sit on his side of church b.c there will be no one on that side if they dont.

Last night we threw her a "Bachlorette" dinner. We went out for sushi and then had a little pj/lingerie party for her after. It was soooo awkward!!! She is honestly in LALA LAND!!!! It's so sad:(((

Last point... she is on lithium for her disorder...which means she cannot get pregnant. She also can't function without that med. She is ignoring this and thinking she can still have a child. THIS IS my biggest concern. What if she is on this med and conceives!!!! I'm so scared!!! Next, she can never adopt b.c her husband to be is a felon!! It's a never ending road of RED FLAGS!!!! And yet she things he has "changed." If he had changed that would be awesome....but he hasn't. That's a whole addition to the story.

So I'm asking for you to storm the heavens with prayers. I'm actually praying for a miracle...for her to come to this realization and either not walk down the isle or not even show up!!! I understand that God might have a bigger picture in all this...one that is hard to understand now but might make sense later. All I ask is that you pray for this precious friend

Hugs

Smelly!!!

Ok you cloth diaper ladies, mine are smelling! I have stripped them w dawn a few times and even bleach and they still have a cinch! Advice.....please:)))

What?! Help/advice

Sidenote: For those who didn't get to see the post with the prayers for your children...go back to my post from a couple back titled "For you!" You will thoroughly enjoy it.

So Spunky's GI appt isn't for a while and I'm sooooo sick of hearing the acid reflux every two minutes come up his esophagus. It hurts my heart to know that he is doing this so often! I decided to do what I didn't think I'd do...I tried formula. Nothing else I had tried or that the dr had me try, worked. So I went out and bought the organic simulac. I had tears in my eyes knowing that I was doing this bc it meant skipping a breastfeeding opportunity. Just to give you and idea, every time I fed him, I would burp him half way and then burp him after feeding completely. Each time I had to get up and go to the kitchen floor (no carpet) to burp him bc he would spit up...and when I mean spit up, I mean when it splattered on the floor, it measured about 12x12 in...no lie. Each and every time it was about that amount. Then after feeding, I have blankets spread out all over the living room floor and every 2-3 min he will spit up. It never stops until he is asleep. It's crazy. I constantly get comments asking "does he spit up that much that often all the time?" yep! And it's consistent no matter what foods I'm eating or not eating...meaning I can't specify if it's a particular food item/ingredient.

Anyway,so I skip a feeding and gave him bottle of formula. Y'all, nothing came up. He didn't spitup when I burped him either time or when I put him in his car seat (every time I put him in car seat two seconds later he spits up....every SINGLE time). WTH?!?!

So what does this mean? I'm questioning whether I continue the formula and breastfeeding together....meaning split them up so it's less reflux. Or do I continue just breast bc "it's best". Or do I stop breastfeeding which makes me cringe even writing it. My concern is also his medication. If I keep him on the formula too, I can lower dosage of medication. I HATE him being on meds 3x a day for the past 6 months!!!! Decisions? Advice? Anyone experience this before? Our GI appt isn't for another month and im so confused with what to do!!

Jef...with one f!

Ok so are any of you The Bachelorette watchers???? It's my guilty pleasure:))) this season was the best ever....really. It was as real as reality shows can be..ha! Was Jef not the cutest thing!? It's so funny bc lately whenever dh and I get in a little tiff or something he says bugs me, I say "would Jef say that to Emily?!" and we both start laughing so it changes the mood. Hahaha. Pathetic I know!

Anywho, we have our appt scheduled with the ped GI for late August. Sunky has horrible reflux and it has gotten worse since we upped his dosage of Zantac,started some solids and since he has been sitting up. All of those things the dr said would improve it but nope! What made them make the referral to the GI was the middle of night Watkins coughing from the acid. And now the poor child is so used to spitting up (internally every 2-2.5 min) that now he has mastered swallowing it....so sad! My true concern is his little esophagus....I hope it's not affected by all this. Hopefully we will find out the route to this and calm it once we get that appt.

I need to start charting again...although I don't see much CM to begin with bc of breastfeeding. But I need to do it. I keep forgetting!! TMI but We "ttc" all the time so charting would be smart in case we get a BFP. That would be awesome:))) maybe I will be like JBTC!!! Hahaha

Question for any of you who have had a wedge resection w dr. H....do you ever have pain in/on/near your ovaries that is striking pain and that feels tight...like if you move it will snap??? I have that feeling every now and then and I'm really curious about it. I put a call into PPVI but just curious to see if any of you felt this.

For you!

Before I go on, please know that this below can even be for those who do not yet have children. I pray that you will one day, and you can begin praying this for them. For we know that God has a plan for you. I remember praying for my husband before I even met him.

So this is one of the most special gifts that I have ever been given so I wanted to pass the gift along to you. It was given to me with a scripture verse on each day of the calendar. Since I can't do it post it on a calendar, ill post in numerical order and you can either print it out or transfer it to a calendar yourself. This is a calendar of daily scripture verses for you to pray for your child. It goes from 1-30 so you just start over at the beginning of each month.

1. SALVATION: Lord, let salvation spring up within my children that they may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus with eternal glory. (Isaiah 45:8, 2Timothy 2:10)
2. GROWTH IN GRACE: I pray that they may "grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." (2 Peter 3:10)
3. LOVE: Grant, Lord, that my children may learn to live a life of love through the Spirit who dwells in them. (Ephesians 5:2, Galatians 5:22)
4. HONESTY and INTEGRITY: May integrity and honesty be their virtue and their protection. (Psalm 25:21)
5. SELF-CONTROL: Father, help my children not to be like many others around them, but let them be "alert and self-controlled" in all they do. (1Thessalonians 5:6)
6. A LOVE FOR GOD'S WORD: May my children grow to find Your Word "more precious than gold, than much pure gold;and sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb." (Psalm 19:10)
7. JUSTICE: God, help my children to love justice as You do and to "act justly" in all they do. (Psalm 11:7, Micah 6:8)
8. MERCY: May my children always be "merciful, as their Father is merciful." (Luke 6:36)
9. RESPECT (FOR SELF, OTHERS, and AUTHORITY): Father, grant that my children "show proper respect to everyone," as your Word commands. (1 Peter 2:17)
10. STRONG, BIBLICAL SELF-ESTEEM: Helo my children develop a strong self-esteem that is rooted in the realization that they are "God's workmanship created in Christ Jesus.". (Ephesians 2:10)
11. FAITHFULNESS: "Let love and faithfulness never leave my children," but bind these twin virtues around their necks and write them on the tablets of their hearts. (Proverbs 3:3)
12. A PASSION FOR GOD: Lord, please instill in my children a soul with a craving for You, a heart that clings passionately to You. (Psalm 63:8)
13. RESPONSIBILITY: Grant that my children may learn responsibility, "for each one should carry his own load." (Galatians 6:5)
14. KINDNESS: Lord, may my children "always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else. (1 Thessalonians 5:15)
15. GENEROSITY: Grant that my children may "be generous and willing to share and so lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age. (1 Timothy 6:18-19)
16. PEACE: Father, let my children "make every effort to do what leads to peace." (Romans 14: 19)
17. HOPE: May the God of hope grant that my children may overflow with hope and hopefulness by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13)
18. PERSEVERANCE: Lord, teach my children perseverance in all they do, and help them especially to "run with perseverance the race marked out for them." (Hebrews 12:1)
19. HUMILITY: Lord, please cultivate in my children the ability to "show true humility toward all." (Titus 3:2)
20. COMPASSION: Lord, please clothe my children with the virtue of compassion. (Colossians 3:12)
21. PRAYERFULNESS: Grant, Lord, that my children's lives may be marked by prayerfulness, that they may learn to "pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kind of prayers and requests." (Ephesians 6:10)
22. CONTENTMENT: Father, teach my children "the secret of being content in any and every situation...through him who gives strength." (Philippians 4:12-13)
23: FAITH: I pray that faith will find root and grow in my children's hearts, that by faith they may gain what has been promised to them. (Luke 17:5-6, Hebrews 11:1-40)
24. A SERVANT HEART: Lord, please help my children develop servant hearts, that they may serve wholeheartedly "as if they were serving the Lord, not men." (Ephesians 6:7)
25. PURITY: "Create in them a pure heart, O God", and let their purity of heart be shown in their actions. (Psalms 51:10)
26. A WILLINGNESS AND ABILITY TO WORK HARD: Teach my children, Lord, to value work and to work hard at everything they do, "as working for the Lord, not for men." (Colossians 3:23)
27. SELF-DISCIPLINE: Father, I pray that my children may develop self-discipline, that they may acquire "a disciplined and prudent life, doing what is right and just and fair." (Proverbs 1:3)
28. A HEART FOR MISSIONS: Lord, please help my children to develop a heart for mission, a desire to see your glory declared among the nations, your marvelous deeds among all people's. (Psalms 96:3)
29: JOY: May my children be filled "with the joy given by the Holy Spirit." (1 Thessalonians 1:6)
30. COURAGE: May my children always "be strong and courageous" in their character and in their actions. (Deuteronomy 31:6)

I hope you enjoy and use this daily:))

Blessings!

iPad pic help and other

I tried uploading pics on this from my iPad but I can't. Help? I click on the picture but the upload photo button isn't highlighted...I can't click on it. I can't use my comp bc it's a piece and won't turn on! Any helpers?

So my prayers have changed and lessened. I hate to admit it but I feel as if my spiritual life has diminished. Not weakened....I still believe, I still have faith but the time going into it all has lessened. I don't like it. Yet I'm not doing much about it. Going to daily mass every now and then but I'm talking quiet, reflection time. I need to step it up. I need to just devote a specific time and DO IT!! Not that it is an excuse but now with Spunky, any free minute I have, I'm catching up on other things, whether it be the house, chores, errands, emails, blogging!, making baby food, etc. I'm going to do a post soon with some bible verses that pertain to raising children. I think those that have children will love this. So my goal is to meditate/reflect/pray and having talked with y'all about it, it's making me realize that I NEED to give more time to HIM. Admitting it is the first step!!

Total switch....Dh wants to have another baby. He claims he is getting old and wants to have more children. Yay:) yet how....I'm breastfeeding. I know I know, people get pregnant while breastfeeding. Look at JBTC!!! But that is doubtful to me. Why? Dr. H mentioned that one of my IF issues was that I produced alot of prolactin (milk producing hormone) and that was affecting ovulation. Hince the fact that I'm a cow!!! Ha. Anyway, I also want a baby again soon so that Spunky can have a playmate(s). So where do I begin? Do I just hope for the Lord's plan and let him take charge while we just ttc? Or should I be a little more assertive and do formula and breastfeeding.....meaning, reduce breastfeeding so a cycle had better chance of coming? I know I know breastfeeding is best. So don't yell at me:) but I can't just breastfeeding for years and not have more babies??? Put your two cents in...just be nice:)

Off to gather my bible verses so I can follow through on telling y'all I'd share with you.

hugs:)