Session 403 - Trojan Whale

 Date: 1st April 1625

Moon Phase: Waxing Crescent

Moon Face: Clean Face

Zenith Deity: Oberon

New Backstory:

- Zeppelino tried to get his flying machine business off the ground but his partner sold off, tanking the value! Zeppelino degraded the remaining stock so everyone lost. Once per session, return damage to the being that hurt you.

- Maxwell had an old acquaintance laugh at him for his clothing choices.  Once per session, cause someone you've met before not to act for a round.

Events: 

--- Intentional Railroading

- Burdened by debt, our heroes ask Julgoor how to get out of their terrible circumstances.

- He gives them a quest! They accept on condition that their debts are reduced.

- He tells them thus: Go north of Drudgespar through the Swamp of Betrayal, then east through the Worm-Shroom Forest. Follow the seam between the forest and the ferrofluid flats until you find a well. Go down the well and tell the Sphinx that eats truths the following - "The Idea of Thorns yet lurks within Gifflewim".

- Zeppelino liquidates his throne of trash and invests it in the scorpion weapon business. He's ready.

- The night before they leave, Bulgur observes the moon. It's the Clean Face - a once-ordinary moon. Oberon is at zenith.

--- Circumstance Beyond One's Control

- Big Green Storage still holds the party's contrivances. They take them, and wonder what's happening in the skies above. Winged goblins are flying around up there.

- Instead of just leaving via the main exit they go up. On the walls of Bucketsides they are assailed by tax collectors. Said collectors wish to charge the "Deep Tax" that applies only to dungeon delvers. Bulgur looms, things come to a head, but then the blue goblins attack!

- The blue whale balloon, being literally a blue whale filled by lighter-than-air gases, returns to the city! Blue goblins fall out of it quicker than the guards can respond! Our heroes charge towards the danger!

--- Good Lord What Is Happening Up Here

- They reach the Skirts in shortish order. This is, given the bucketish shape of Drudgespar, the rim. The only people who work up here are guards. Above is the Rigging, a large collection of ropes that hang between airships. Rich goblins live up there and occasionally fall to their deaths.

- A guard greets them and gives them an update. Dragon-worshipping Goblins, blue and lightning-winged, have returned! They stole the blue whale balloon a couple of months ago, and now it's back!

- Zeppelino steps forth. He negotiates with Steer Calmer, an avowed centrist. He welcomes the dragon but wishes it to go further.

- A blue goblin arrives during the negotiations. He states that the apocalypse dragon Marduk won't be arriving until July, and that it won't be attacking the city. It's heading to the broken pyramid and will use its gamma burst breath to destroy anything that lives in there. No harm to the city.

- He also declares that they stole the whale because they wanted to extract hydrogen, detonate a bomb in the Place of Honour, and thus kill the immotile mother of all goblins. High concept stuff and not anything to worry about, he ensures.

--- And I'm Freeeee, Free Fallin'

- Bulgur isn't taking that "nothing to worry about" nonsense.  He demands A DUEL!!! In the SKY!!!

- If he wins, the blue goblins will fix the Rigging and repair the city. If he loses, the goblins can do as they wilt. The terms are set.

- There is a BATTLE IN THE SKY!!!
- Bulgur plummets. His spear fails. His net succeeds! The blue goblin is wrapped in the ropes and falls to his doom!!!

- Blue goblins tuck their wings and fall!

- It's close. They catch him just before he hits the ground. He's rescued! Lots of clapping! Bulgur is easily the victor!

- Negotiations go well. The drakencultists will repair this city, and even better, they'll fly the party to the ground!
- As they're carried down, the party see the skin of the blue whale balloon wriggling. Bulgur grimaces - it must be a Trojan Whale...

--- Through the Bog

- They walk off, assuming that this isn't their problem.

- It's Spring so the weather has turned to the classic Hayfever Haze. It's dusty, eyes are streaming, but yet this is the closest to travelling weather one gets in the post-apocalypse.

- They navigate through the ferrofluid flats. Dark liquid sloshes between low hummocks, their boots cling to the black mud.

- After long hours they reach the edge of the mushroom forest. The flats raise marginally, revealing grotesque mushrooms as tall as a person. Spores coat the air and the inside of your throat.

- Bulgur monches a chunk of mushroom. Bad idea. It effectively deletes his DNA.

- Trudging onwards they follow the seam. It's not long until they discover the promised well.

--- Well Down

- It's an idyll. It shouldn't be here.
- Instead of the bog, instead of the mushrooms, it's all dappled sunlight shining through a copse of real trees. The sky above is blue, lightly cloudy. The grass is soft. The flats have becomes a wide lake. This should not be real. It should not be here.
- And yet, the well. Just as Julgoor said.
- Zeppelino lowers a rope and ties it off. Maxwell suggests waiting until tomorrow. The others roll their eyes and shimmy down the rope. Maxwell follows.

--- Fiveway

- The room is marble, perfectly pentagonal. Each wall has a door. Each is filled with syrupy smoke. They pick a route.

- It's a room with sandstone plinths. All empty. They pick another door.

- The next room has a five-sided pillar. Each face reflects you differently. One mirror shows no shadows, another shows no footprints, another shows goosebumps on your skin, and the last two look... normal?

- Bulgur, searching through his stuff, realises that a vial of lube has disappeared from his backpack. He's devastated.
- He pokes the mirror with the butt of his spear and it's just... gone.

- They take another door, brushing the thick smoke aside, and find themselves in a room with a deep pool in the centre. It looks like a big explosion made the hole and then the water trickled in. Something glimmers at the bottom.

- Dive Dive Dive

- Maxwell tries to fish the glimmering thing out of the pool, but to no avail.

- Bulgur enlists Maxwell's help draw a Make-Air rune combined with a Make-Light rune on a pebble, then dives into the pool. He finds his lube down there!

- He also finds some lost keys. The water gets murkier the longer he's down there. He loses his hobby horse. Not the horse!

- He surfaces, then Maxwell takes the pebble and dives himself. He finds a gold chain and a small statue of a kitten. The water gets silty.

- Zeppelino sends some of his goblins down, but they do not return.

- Bulgur goes back down again. The water is murky. It's getting dark. Something caresses his leg, then wraps around it.

- He finds his hobby horse! He swims up, kicking away from the leg-grabber. It somehow works!

--- No Medusa Available

- They leave and try another room. Mapping is getting tricky. The rooms don't join properly. In here there are adventuring types carved from stone. It's fairly obvious that there's some sort of gorgon around here.

- If you shatter a statue and look away, it returns.

- Very disconcerting.

- They leave quickly but quietly.

- The next room has a floating and softly glowing blue chest.

- Bulgur uses the key he found to unlock it. Surprisingly, it works!

- Within is a compass. It points to the way they came in. Convenient!

- The Infamous Twink

- They explore a little more and enter a frosty room constructed from harzburgite. Square holes are burned into the floor. Some sort of geometric creature maybe? 

- Something writes a question in the frost - "I'm so cold, give me your clothes!"
- Bulgur does so. He's only wearing a loin cloth anyway.

- The ghost becomes real. He's a comely young man wearing only a loin cloth! He starts climbing the rope out of the well and Bulgur begins to fade out. He's been tricked!

- Zeppelino declares: "GET THAT TWINK!!!"
- The twink flees, he's caught, he runs, he's caught again! Chase sequences, wrestle rolls, the works! Eventually the twink is forced to give back the loin cloth, and Bulgur is reunited with his own flesh.

- They kill the twink. One of Zeppelino's goblins replaces him. Our "heroes" head back up to the surface. The sphinx remains undiscovered.

--- Traditional Session-Ending Dinner

- As ever, we end with a meal. Bulgur's up tonight.

- It honestly sounds amazing. Salt-Baked Mud Bream. Bulgur wraps the fish in salt, roasts it in the pan, and while it cooks he makes a dense salad from beans, mushroom, pumpkin chunks, and sourdough croutons.

- Delicious, no notes.

Total: 1200 exp

Treasure:

- House Key #60

- Tomb key #74

- Golden Chain (100 exp)

- Statue of a Kitten (50 exp)

Total: 150 exp

OOC:
- Carter the Chronicler, Cartographer and Vanguard (300 exp/level)

- Kitty the Expedition Leader and Chef (200 exp/level)
- Charles the Paymaster and Quartermaster (200 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 6 Barbarian: 58863 (Level up at 64000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 6 Goblin: 39689 (Level up at 64000)

- Carter / Maxwell, Level 4 Specialist: 11406 (Level up at 14000)

Session 402 - Debtmaxxing

Date: 25th March 1625

Moon Phase: Waning Crescent

Moon Face: Pocked Face

Zenith Deity: The Dead God

New Characters:

- Maxwell, Specialist and former Weaver. Immediately in heavy debt.

Returning Characters:

- Nines. Inheritor. Knows the way out.

- Bulgur, Son of Borgar. Barbarian. Party animal.

- Manrat Snels. Ratman. Prophecy enjoyer.

- Brie van der Hells. Necromancer. Replaces skeletons regularly.

- Zeppelino. Goblin. In constant low-level fear that people want to eat him.

New Backstory:

- Brie van der Hells had her faith tested when she discovered that Nonanism is broadly incompatible with spellcasting. She jumped ship at the first opportunity! +2 to beneficial magical effects.

Events:

--- Turbulent Priest

- In the depths of Visco City, where the oozeblock bricks bleed wasteland goop under the great pressure of Drudgespar above, the party has decided to bring the blazing priest Ghost Snels (a fire-and-brimstone preacher whose skull head is constantly on fire) up to the higher levels.
- To do this they must heft his pulpit and lug it upstairs, all while the priest himself yells and shouts psalms. This will very easily attract attention.

- Nevertheless he's kinda cool and Manrat has the fervour of the newly converted, so up they go! Thankfully Nines took copious notes so knows the exact way out!

- The room with the spiders is easily traversed since the spiders are distracted by all the hellhound meat. Plus they don't really like fire.

- There's one thing though... on the way here there was a hall of screams that yelled deep and bitter individualised truths. Bulgur and Manrat kinda want to see what the deal is.

--- Cosmic Therapy

- They walk in and a great scream goes up from Zeppelino and Nines! The incisive comments cut to the core of their being, buried memories long scarred over, ripping open their minds from within! Zeppelino sees his childhood abuse at the hands of his aunt. Nines confronts his non-existence. They shut the door of their memories shut, taking psychic damage.
- Meanwhile the others confront their pain and overcome their trauma... becoming wiser in the process!

- As for Ghost Snels, he confronted his demons long ago. He gains a more profound understanding of God, and his preaching becomes yet more fiery.

--- Throne of Trash

- Nines reckons the next room might link up, but alas. Instead it's an empty room with an old empty throne built from trash. Zeppelino, being a Goblin, can see the incredible artistry! See how the trash hangs together? How the goo sticks just so?
- Above, hanging by a thread, is a big (for a goblin) sword. Zeppelino grabs the sword and gets his goblin minions to carry him around on the throne, a big trash palanquin.

- They head back through the screaming room and down an unmarked corridor. Behind a door they can hear goblin voices!
- Zeppelino approaches on the throne and has a goblin knock on the door. Inside are a bunch of goblins resetting a big huge crossbow contraption. It's for killing Meatoids, so they say.
- Zeppelino is a bit low on manpower so inveigles three off them to join him, despite their protestations about how he travels with Meatoids. Nonk, Glurpus and Gabbana join his crew!

- Brie and Zeppelino debate what to do about the Dwarfs who are now provably undermining the city. Brie says they should let it happen, since the big slice of city wall dislodged will shear a path straight down to the old Dwarf arcology below. Zeppelino wants to save his city. No real winner here.

--- Diplomatic Zeppelino

- Goblins attack! In truth it probably wasn't the argument and was more likely that Ghost Snels won't stop preaching. The goblins take aim at the back of the party's marching order but... it's all goblins? No meatoids to be seen?
- Zeppelino talks the leader Hobgoblin down. These meatoids are just his shock troops to lull the evil Dwarfs into a false sense of security. Plus they were just leaving.
- It's all fine for now... but the Hobgoblin is a paid up member of the Anti-Meatoid Coalition so doesn't want to see these filthy uncooked steaks hanging around here next time.

- They travel onwards and come to the snake-themed halls of the wannabe Drakencult. A river of snakes surges past, but this time they don't risk grabbing any. Once bitten, twice shy.

- Retracing their steps they come to a guard barricade manned by part-lizard part-goblin Drakencultists. Since the Barbarian who caused such a ruckus last time isn't here, and since Zeppelino is a devout Neo-Ninhursag adherent, they are let through.

- Manrat Snels is extra careful to get Ghost Snels on the subject of the Snels family line, rather than offend anyone with snake-based insults. It works well enough!

--- Snines' Sninal Snact

- There is, alas, one last challenge! In the snake breeding chamber, with the two huge snake heads and the Newton's Cradle tick-tick-ticking between them, are eight surly pit vipers that rear up!
- Nines, however, can turn into a snake! He's fluent in the Visco City snake snialect and asks for his crew to be let through. It works!
- They travel back up through the basement levels where they once fought ooze-bodied rat tails (the tails spiral in the goo, but are unaggressive) and finally finally reach the Visco City market and the endless Deep Rave!

--- Admin Adventures

- Nines goes off to buy cigarettes and never returns (Nines Retires!) while the others walk around the market for some light shopping and get fried snake onna stick.
- Receive-Unto-Thee-The-Holy-Ghost Snels is left near the entrance of the rave where he can yell at degenerate passers-by. It's hard to tell, but he seems happy.

- Lots of purchasing occurs. Everyone gets a fortune from the elderly human fortune teller (who seems veeery keen on Zeppelino). Manrat gets a haircut and persuades the blacksmith to let him use the smelter. Brie gets dragonscale embedded in her sword. Seeing Manrat's haircut, Zeppelino goes in for a polish and Brie gets a nicer 'do, as do the rats.

- Zeppelino asks the clothesmaker if there's any fancy clothing on sale, and oh boy is there! Classic higher-up gear. Coat and tails, twin hooked canes, and a very tall hat that straps under the chin and (in emergencies, such as falling from the Rigging) opens out into helicopter blades to help arrest one's fall!
- Bulgur wants a similar hat, but is too heavy. This offends him and he sits on the milliner, to the delight of the milliner.

--- Me Sowing:

- It's been a long time down in that dungeon and they've got a fair bit of cash to burn. It's time to carouse!!!

- The only trouble is maybe they don't have quite enough money to deal with a maximum roll, especially with a Barbarian around to hype up the party.

- Ah well, their good friend Julgoor the Greed Demon will spot them any overspend! What a dude!

- They hit the rave running. It's a massive night out. They even meet a nice guy called Maxwell who is sucked into the friend group and somehow seems to be the one who's paying for everything...

-- Brie is, despite her best wishes, fairly sensible. She wakes up with a sore head.
-- Zeppelino goes into 3000ob debt, but doesn't do anything notably embarrassing.
-- Bulgur disappeared at some point in the evening and wakes up in the morning with 880ob debt and memories of the hand-signs needed to get into the wheat cult he's pretty sure he got initiated into last night.

-- Manrat got nicely drunk but was conned at some point in the night and lost all his remaining money! Not wanting to be left out of the debt shenanigans, he willingly goes into debt with Julgoor anyway.

-- Maxwell owes Julgoor pretty much every last obol of his 7000ob bar tab and was, at the very least, the life of the party! He's won 4 friends at the very least!

--- Me Reaping:

- Those in heavy obol-debt happen to meet up around Julgoor's local banking outlet the next morning. Alas, being in debt to a demon isn't great for you.

- Zeppelino's soul is being held in escrow until he pays back the debt. Bulgur's body is being used for projects while he sleeps. Manrat's dexterity is being held back. Maxwell is a "vulnerable investment" with half AC for the foreseeable.

- Julgoor is gracious and kind though... if the party go on a quest for him (TBD) he'll forgive, or at least reduce, moneys owing.

- Guess we'll see where he sends you next week!

Total: 9000 exp

Treasures:
- Throne of Trash (3000 exp)

- Incredible debt

Total: 3000 exp

Foes:

- A coterie of Goblins, mollified (200 exp)

- A slither of snakes, diplomanced (80 exp)

Total: 280 exp

Carousing:

- Brie van der Hells caroused! (+1000 exp)
- Zeppelino caroused! (+5000 exp)

- Bulgur caroused! (+6000 exp)
- Manrat caroused! (+2000 exp)
- Maxwell caroused! (+7000 exp)

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler, Cartographer and Paymaster (300 exp/level)
- Charles the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)
- Ollie the Quartermaster (100 exp/level)
- Kitty the Vanguard (100 exp/level)
- George the Chef (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Nines, Level 6 Inheritor: Retired!

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 6 Barbarian: 57213 (Level up at 64000)

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 6 Ratman: 43862 (Level up at 56000)

- Ollie / Brie van der Hells, Level 6 Necromancer: 45646 (Level up at 72000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 6 Goblin: 38039 (Level up at 64000)
Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Minion! +Backstory!

- Carter / Maxwell, Level 4 Specialist: 9756 (Level up at 14000)

Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +2 Skill Points! +Backstory!

Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +2 Skill Points! +Backstory!

Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! +2 Skill Points! +Backstory!

Session 401 - Hellhounds and Horror Hobbits

Date: 11th March 1625

Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous

Moon Face: Dirty Face

Zenith Deity: The Allfather

Returning Characters:

- Nines. Inheritor. Increasingly mutated.

- Bulgur, Son of Borgar. Barbarian. Spear-thrower extraordinaire.

- Manrat Snels. Ratman. On his way to salvation.

- Brie van der Hells. Necromancer. Skeleton tamer.

- Zeppelino. Goblin. Minion mangler.

Events:

--- The Hounds of Hell!

- In an area of the collapsing old city of ever-climbing Drudgespar, the walls bulge and sludge pools around fallen columns. Our party is here because they seek a priest they've heard about... a priest whose head is a flaming skull!

- The ceiling is tall here, and they spot dark shapes moving among the thick webs above. There's a skeleton crushed under a collapsed bit of ceiling as well. Zeppelino sends in a goblin minion, Espresso, to dig through it. This takes time, and makes a bit of noise, attracting attention...

- The cries of baying hounds echo through the gunk-drenched corridors, and they're getting closer! Everyone gets into ambush positions, hiding around the columns or (in Nines' case) climbing up the wall.

- Black dogs with burning skull-faces burst in, and are quickly set upon by the party! Manrat sends in his rodent troops, which are unfortunately easily burnt to cinders when one of the dogs breathes a burst of flame! Zeppelino holds his goblins back to attack from range, but they're pretty inaccurate.

- Brie van der Hells summons her darkest magics and attempts to Subjugate Dead, reasoning that they've got skeleton heads so probably count as Undead. Alas, she's wrong, these hell hounds are a whole different kind of thing.

- Bulgur nails one to a post with a thrown spear, but unfortunately trips over Nines as he runs in to follow up. It's a pile up! Bulgur recovers quickly though, and between heavy blows from the pumpkinhead axes and rifle fire from Manrat they manage to kill the dogs in short order, keeping their distance because the dogs detonate on death!

--- Spider Treats

- Hell hounds defeated, Zeppelino sends Espresso to finish digging up the corpse that led to this whole mess and other goblins to butcher the dogs for meat. Yum! Maybe!

- The corpse under the rubble is an Ur-Jeizhek Dwarf, you can tell by the rune carved into his skull. Pretty hardcore even for an Ur-Jeizhek Dwarf. He was wearing enchanted human-sized boots (thigh high on his bones) which make one float! Bulgur puts them on and experiments with the levitation - basically you push off in much lighter gravity and keep going up until you take them off! Cool!

- Nines tidies up the dog corpses for the spiders, who have been staying well away from the conflict and fire. As the party leaves the room, the giant spiders descend to pick at the meat.

--- Chaos Control

- Manrat's rat scouts scurry ahead to inspect the way. It all seems pretty great (to the rats) so the party continue on.
- They notice metal braziers (not brassières, despite common mispronunciation) around the place which suck in flame from their torches if they're not careful, and when that happens they can hear rantings and ravings the the hellfire preacher they're here to find.

- The rat scouts return from the next area in fear! Manrat is intrigued, and goes into an area where dead rat-kings are arranged in ritual shapes. Very scary if you're a rat, not so much if you're a Manrat. Brie reckons it's a ritual to repel rats.

- They hear mad mumblings and giggling from outside the room, so Nines lights the brazier. There is a howl and hell hounds start pulling their way from the ritual circles! It wasn't a rat repellent ritual at all!

- Brie, having learnt her lesson last time, chugs a Potion of Demon Control she has on hand. This time it works! One of the hounds becomes her loyal minion, the others are at least non-violent. She sends her hound and its brethren out to attack the giggling stalkers. Very good!

--- Horror Hobbits

- The next area is painted with mesmerising patterns, which everyone steadfastly refuses to look at. Bulgur grabs a metal spike from the ground, looks up, and sees a child-sized figure whose head is turning riiiiight around to watch him!

- Bulgur attacks, but it skitters back and opens its lamprey mouth! It's one of those genetic throwback Proto-Halflings! He looks up and there are more of the bastards! They leap from the roof and start trying to attach their second jaw lamprey tongue onto peoples' necks!

- A couple of Zeppelino's goblins get tongued and mind-controlled, really messing up the party's strategy. Bulgur rams his iron spike into the ceiling but gets one on his back, which cancels the levitation effect, and they both fall. Luckily it's Halfling-side down, Bulgur squashing the monster with his not-inconsiderable weight!

- Manrat, Zeppelino and Brie send in their various minions. Bulgur's got the squashed one under his boot-heel now, and laughs as its shanked by goblins and devoured by rats. Alas, Brie's skeleton gets torn apart by the Halflings' clinging claws.

- Nines gets attacked and mine-controlled by the Halfling on his back! His powerful pumpkinhead strike on Manrat is luckily absorbed by a protective layer of rat armour.

- Brie kills one of them, tearing off its lamprey tongue and sucking its Last Breath straight from the source! Gnarly, and surprising it hasn't happened before honestly!

- The other Halflings are soon despatched by swarms of rats and a storm of steel. The last one begs for mercy... but none is offered. Manrat stabs it in the throat.

--- Cleanup Time

- Brie raises a Halfling corpse as a zombie with that Last Breath she just obtained, then feeds it another corpses' brain to smarten it up in the hopes that it can read the brain somehow. Alas, no.

- Nines collapses into sloppy organic ooze to devour one - he wants that mind control!

- Meanwhile Zeppelino goes around putting fresh hands into a magic box to help heal people.
- All normal adventure stuff, very standard.

- There's also treasure! Woo! 120 obols in trinkets, a Gunk Bomb that explodes into ooze, and a partial dungeon map which Zeppelino describes amusingly poorly. They also gain the best treasure of all - butchered proto-Halfling meat. Yum.

- While this is all going on, FIERY ORATORY can be heard echoing! Of course the party get running straight there as soon as possible, even though it got rid of everyones' Faith Bonus.

--- Ghost Snels

- On the way they are immediately distracted by finding a fountain of mercury. Cool! Brie flicks in a gold coin and sees it start dissolving.
- Bulgur puts his hand right in there to feel what it's like! Heavy, but not wet. You can't get mercury poison just by touching it.... right? .... Right?

- A red glow reminds everyone that they're actually here to find that priest guy.

- He's just around the corner, skull in flames, chanting holy scripture, in the remains of an old Denialist church! The fiery priest yells that he is Receive-Unto-Thee-The-Holy-Ghost Snels, cursed to a hundred years of oratory!

- He starts throwing fireballs from his head at those who disrespect him (chiefly Zeppelino) until Manrat introduces himself as one of the Snels line too! And he wishes to convert to Denialism!

- Manrat is thus rechristened as Behind-One-In-The-Midst-Eating-Pig's-Flesh-And-The-Abomination-And-The-Mouse Snels! Mouse Snels for short!

- It transpires that they can take this dude with them if they carry his pulpit out of the old city, which everyone enjoys the idea of! Ghost Snels has joined the party!

- Finally they cook a nice meal to the sound of preaching. It's made of Hellhound, Proto-Halfling and Mushroom, and it's super tasty! Truly superb!

Total: 7000 exp

Loot:

- Hell hound meat (15 exp)

- Proto-Halfling flesh (13 exp)

- Trinkets worth 120 obols (120 exp)

- Gunk Bomb

- Partial Map

- Haunted Podium of Receive-Unto-Thee-The-Holy-Ghost Snels

Total: 148 exp

Foes:

- A pack of Hell Hounds (300 exp)

- Another pack of Hell Hounds (300 exp)

- A bunch of Proto-Halflings (400 exp)

Total: 1000 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler & Cartographer & Chef (300 exp/level)
- Charles the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)

- Ollie the Rolly Guy (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Nines, Level 6 Inheritor: 57557 (Level up at 72000)

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 6 Barbarian: 48157 (Level up at 64000)

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 6 Ratman: 38806 (Level up at 56000)

- Ollie / Brie van der Hells, Level 6 Necromancer: 37590 (Level up at 72000)
Level Up! +1d4 HP! +1 to Saves! +1 Mana! +Free Spell! +Backstory!

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 5 Goblin: 30083 (Level up at 32000)

Session 400 (400!) - Dwarves vs Drudgespar!

Date: 4th March 1625

Moon Phase: Waxing Crescent

Moon Face: Clean Face

Zenith Deity: The Lady

Returning Characters:

- Nines. Inheritor. Desperate to see what's going on up at the surface.

- Bulgur, Son of Borgar. Barbarian. Reliably deadly.

- Manrat Snels. Ratman. Backstory increasingly complicated.

- Brie van der Hells. Necromancer. Only recently realised how reliant she is on reagents.

Events:

--- Preparations for an Ambush

- We rejoin our heroes in the not-yet-collapsed depths beneath the goblin capital of Drudgespar. The walls are unstable, made of the purple-veined black oozeblock that makes up the bulk of the city's infrastructure. They are in an old guardroom that was abandoned when the entrance fell in.
- The Underclock (as recently reconfigured) is close to ticking to a stop - goblin voices are closing in on the party. They can hear the patrol outside, questioning the (friendly after last session) goblin council over whether they've seen some "meatoids" around here. They overhear that this is a contingent of the Anti-Meatoid Coalition, here to expel non-vegetables from the area.
- A goblin with a sling peers past the collapsed front of the room as everyone hides behind various furniture and collapsed piles of oozeblock.
- Bulgur and Brie have had enough of this anti-flesh racism and approach the sling-wielder from both angles. Bulgur snaps its neck, Brie attempts to capture its Last Breath. Alas, it's not been alive long enough to have a soul.

- Bulgur spots another goblin climbing spider-style across the ceiling and silently murders it before it can even shriek a warning.

- The hobgoblin leader talking to the council leaves to continue the search, unconcerned with his missing minions because he can just grow more. The council didn't sell out the party! Wonderful!

--- Unexpected Invitation

- The party emerges from the old guardroom and asks the council about something they mentioned last time - where's this mysterious door where they've heard Dwarves come out of?

- The goblin Misanthrope is given as a guide. Despite the missing Zeppelino, on whose good word the party was relying to anchor their friendship with the goblins, Misanthrope takes them all to the corridor where wax-masked goblins (presumed Dwarves in diguise) are sometimes spotted.
- Brie casts Detect Bones and discovers that it doesn't pick up goblins due to their celery-esque bone analog. However it does pick up a bunch of husky Dwarf-like shapes below! But how to get there?

- Manrat has keen rat-senses and Nines knows the glyph that creates water, and between these two methods they find a cunningly hidden secret door! There's no obvious way in.
- Nines tries a Turn-Air glyph on the wall and, rather than simply vanishing the rock, it creates a transparent window into the secret room beyond. They can see stairs down and not much else.
- Luckily Nines has Backstory Bullshit and, summising that the group of Dwarves downstairs constitutes a social event, retroactively acquires an invite! In fact there's a Dwarf coming up to welcome them in now!

--- Mission Planning

- A Dwarf opens the secret door with a saviourbone disk he has around his neck. He invites in Nines and a plus one. However, a Backstory Bullshit romantic advance from Brie makes him reconsider, as does a Backstory Bullshit connection to Bulgur's feudal claims in the Meatlands. Guess everyone's coming! Except for the minions, they've got to head back up to the surface.

- Brie swipes the saviourbone disc during a romantic beardscratch. The Dwarf is smitten, and tells her his name is Heatless. Manrat recognises it as a rune name, marking the Dwarf as being from Ur-Jeizhek.

- They are led down to a presentation being given to a fair few Dwarves. All have glyph tattoos, fancy helmets, and vaguely slavic accents.

- The presentation is on the plans to destroy Drudgespar from below. To everyone's surprise (except, presumably, the absent Zeppelino), the anti-Dwarf prejudice was actually kinda true! They are indeed trying to undermine Drudgespar!

--- Lore Dump
- It transpires that the Dwarven Arcology of Ur-Jeizhek is down below Drudgespar, far below the steadily rising wastes. The city is built upon it in fact. After the Goblin Rebellions it was vengeful Ur-Jeizhek Dwarves who sabotaged the Pyramid System and created the Drudge Wastes.

- The plan? Destroy Drudgespar, reclaim Ur-Jeizhek, and finally repair the Pyramids to send the poison down to the core instead of up to the surface! Simple right?

- The key component of their city sabotage is Glass Tears - incredibly stress-resistant glass that shatters when its tail is broken. They've been putting these things in the bucket-like city wall over the years, using their Dwarven architectural prowess to find the exact weak points necessary to collapse a part of the wall that keeps the poison gas weather fronts out.
- Upon being told that the weather isn't quite that toxic these days (more of a slow destruction than an instakill), they aren't dissuaded. Better than nothing, right? If they can set the goblins into disarray, they can hopefully take back the city! And the collapse of that slice of the wall should shear straight down through the wastes, opening a direct route to Ur-Jeizhek below!

- In any case, the plan will go ahead in April when their "contacts" in the wastes stage an attack on Drudgespar. They're just waiting for the sign. And the Glass Tears are vulnerable to electricity...

- They discuss various Dwarven arcology breeding programs. Due to ancient unforgiveable sins, Dwarves are cursed to have a low female birthrate. Different arcologies have different methods to deal with this, from the misogynist hell of Ur-Darghab to the stone sons of Ur-Kalladh. Ur-Jeizhek Dwarves prefer to do it the old-fashioned way, which is why barely any of them have ever seen a woman, which is at least one reason why Heatless here is so easily wooed by Brie van der Hells.

--- Not Now, Brie!

- Brie is tired (and low on Mana) so asks Heatless to go to a private room with him. They do so... but Heatless has a little breakdown over his feelings, how he's secretly lonely, over his self-loathing over trying it on with a human.
- He cries himself to sleep, and she tries to sleep herself but NO DICE! The others barge into the room and hustle her out, no time for napping! Or for anything else for that matter!

- They have a whispered planning session outside that room. Nines wants to go back up and see what's been happening up in the city above. Manrat is obsessed with a throwaway line about a cursed Denialist cleric elsewhere in this level whose head is a flaming skull. The rest of the party lean towards finding charismatic-protestant Ghost Rider.

--- Manrat Insists on the Prior Existence of Ratfink Babylon

- They head back to the goblin council who are packing up. In exchange for helping them stack their chairs after their session, the goblins give the party directions to the lair of the Ghost Preacher, whose area is known for having no doors (they were stolen for the dormitories).
- They follow the directions and find them correct! Lovely! After a bit of walking around they reach a hall which contains screams. It's just sound effects, but it's very disconcerting.
- They also see, smoking a cigarette through his lipless mouth and surrounded by a flock of pigeons, a ratman in a duster and hat. He pushes himself up from the wall he was leaning on and approaches Manrat Snels, who he seems to have an interest in. He asks a few questions. What are you searching for? and such.
- He leaves, his pigeons flapping after him in a cloud, and disappears into the dark with a "my name? Ratfink Babylon".
- Manrat starts. His player has experienced a memory. This Ratfink guy has been seen before! Somewhere in the depths of Fortress-City Fate! You know? When I talked to the tentacle? Before we fought the wizard who merged with shub-niggurath? You remember right? There were dragons! You were there! You remember!

- The party gaslights Manrat because in-character this was a timeskip ago. "What are you talking about? There was no ratman here!". It was a great moment but you really had to be there!

--- Evidence of a Skull on Fire

- They continue on and come to the first of the doorless halls. Braziers are at shoulder-height to the average human, all unlit and unfueled, but scorch marks at a similar height imply the existence of the Ghost Preacher.
- Seems safe enough though, so they decide to cook up a quick meal!

- Brie is our chef today, and she cooks up "Three-Times Fried Kimchi-Stuffed Mushrooms" with plump helmet mushrooms, butter, and some kimchi they found. It's... pretty awful actually. Straight up badly cooked. Everyone pretends like it's pretty tasty while they pick burnt bits from their teeth when Brie's not looking.

Total: 8000 exp

Treasures Claimed:

- 2 Last Breaths

- Saviourbone Disc with Repel-Stone carved upon it (20 exp)

- Lore! Sweet sweet lore!

Total: 20 exp

Enemies Defeated:

- 2 Goblins (20 exp)

Total: 20 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler and Cartographer and furthermore Paymaster (300 exp/level)
- Kitty the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)

- Ollie the Quartermaster and Chef (200 exp/level)

- George the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

Totals:

- Carter / Nines, Level 6 Inheritor: 54127 (Level up at 72000)

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 6 Barbarian: 46527 (Level up at 64000)

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 6 Ratman: 37176 (Level up at 56000)

- Ollie / Brie van der Hells, Level 5 Necromancer: 35360 (Level up at 36000)

###

Also check out this beautiful recap book that Carter got us!

Session 399 - Goblin Debate Club

Date: 25th February 1625

Moon Phase: Waning Crescent

Moon Face: Pocked Face

Zenith Deity: Deusix

New Backstory:

- Manrat Snels was involved in numerous bank heists in the past. He'd fallen in with a gang of bank robbers, and only escaped when he was sent to join the "Bread Cult" and fell in with them instead! +2 to hit guards, soldiers, and other enforcers of the law.

Events:

--- The Setup

- We rejoin the party in and under Visco City, the fallen-in undercity below the goblin capital of Drudgespar. It is, to all but in name, a big old dungeon formed of purple-veined bricks and the collapsed remains of the shaky foundations of that great edifice.
- They are currently considering how to assault the very obviously animate but unmoving Gargoyles guarding a pile of old treasure they saw last session. Said Gargoyles are up a hand-operated lift that only takes two people at a time and raises them into the middle of the treasure room, whereupon they will fairly obviously be set upon by the stone guardians.
- What to do?

--- The Payoff

- Nines fucks about with glyphs, and discovers that the square runes (retcon alert) boost the energy of the resultant glyph at the cost of HP.

- Meanwhile Manrat brings up that he found this cool clockwork time-delay bomb recently. Why not just winch that bad boy up in the lift and blow the Gargoyles up before they even have a chance to fight?
- Sounds legit! They raise it up and... BOOM! The lift cracks and a cavalcade of coins tinkles down from above!
- There's also a golden goblet which Bulgur immediately picks up. The thing is, he can't put it down...
- Zeppelino helpfully takes it from him and is burned by the contact! Egads! He can't put it down either!
- Nines climbs up to the treasure room above and discovers a strange shield with an animated talking skull embedded in it which calls itself Guado. It whispers that the Gargoyles can only move when unseen.
- Nines passes this info down, and everyone positions themselves so they've got a wiiide angle gaze on these monsters. They ready their ranged attacks. Nines hoovers up the treasure into his skin, converting the silver into demonic tattoo Obols.
- Alas, when hit, a Gargoyle just... vanishes! It reappears out of eyelines and attacks in a blur!
- Another is hit at the same time and the two Gargoyles attack the unsuspecting adventurers from behind! Brie's minions take the brunt of the Gargoyle attack, her skeleton shattering into bones!

--- Like, Let's Get Outta Here Scoob!
- Nines evacuates, leaping down from above into Bulgur's (strong, gentle) arms! They scarper with the others, shuffling backwards at speed so they keep the monsters in their line of sight.
- Brie van der Hells, resident Necromancer, seals the room as the party escape with her Link Portals spell! The doors within link up, ensuring those who enter a door exit from another door in the same room!
- They put a few rooms between them and take a breather in a room supported by a single pillar carved to look like Apocalypse Dragon Ninhursag. Nines questions the shield Guado, who says he fell down here after a museum collapsed. He's been in that Gargoyle hoard for a while. Zeppelino offers to carry him around.
- There's man-sized lizard tracks here (probably those lizard-goblins from before), and Zeppelino shins up the pillar to see if there's anything cool up there. To his delight, gems! Some of the carved dragonscales are emeralds, mostly up the top which is out of reach of the average person.

--- Tasty Treats!

- They head further away from the Gargoyles and hear, in one direction, some arguing voices. Zeppelino figures these to be the hated Dwarfs who are trying to undermine the city! Everyone else reckons it's goblins.
- Just then, a flood of snakes surges through the area! Free food, one might think! Manrat takes a nasty bite from a snake and gains a bunch of Bleed Poison. There are some embarrassing attempts to heal him via First Aid until they just give him a healing potion and a stale bread roll until he feels better.
- They cautiously approach the direction of the arguing voices, checking doors as they go.
- The first one they find opens into an old chapel. It's a Nonanist chapel, with the classic nine-ways rotating altar, and so the resident Nonanists set it to this weeks' God - once Eris, now Deusix.
- Bulgur supplicates himself and gains the blessing of (roll, roll) Hagan! Lord of Lore, Bearer of the word Faith! Rolls of 5 on a d6 shalt be blessed by his holy power!
- Zeppelino loots some communion wafers and low-alcohol wine.

--- Drunk Goblins

- The next door opens to reveal... several goblins drinking from an old keg! They seem furtive and embarrassed to be found out, and welcome the party in so long as they don't rat them out to their war criminal Hobgoblin masters.
- They say that their rot-farms in the area have been overwhelmed by the rising gunge of the sinking undercity, and so their masters are debating next steps in a nearby hall.
- There is also, to the delight of several, mushroom rations in the crates, along with a jar of dried basil. Good for recipes!

--- The Debaters

- The party head round the corner towards the still-arguing voices. It's a council of Hobgoblins, as promised! They are sat around a U-shaped arrangement of tables in the classic style, neutral speaker at the head, debating whether they move up or shore up. The Move-Uppers want to relocate to a higher tier of the undercity. The Shore-Uppers want to fortify this level and avoid the move for now.
- Zeppelino takes the lead and in a rousing speech persuades them that their debate with each other is foolish - the true enemy is the Dwarves whose undermining of the city makes this debate necessary in the first place! No Dwarves, no sinking! Nobody has to move up or shore up if the Dwarves are defeated!

- There's a rumour that a secret door to the north will open when exposed to Saviourbone. One of the Hobgoblins, name of Slimy Boi, offers to show them the way.
- There's also a collapsed pile of rubble nearby, which collapsed relatively recently according to the goblins here. Nines, always stoked to test out runes, helps clear the way with antigravity rune-work. There is, beyond, hissing.

--- Last Gasps of the Asps

- It's an old, abandoned guardroom. There's a bookshelf at the back. Everyone is VERY interested in that bookshelf!
- Nines, presuming that the hissing is more goddamn snakes, mutates and wafts out a burst of Pain Poison spores from his mushroom-head mutation. Luckily he's right! The hissing stops.
- The others move in once the spores have calmed down, finding some knocked-out asps lying around the place which they duly kill for food.

- They raid the bookshelf and find a few books and a deck of cards! Very cool!

---Traditional Cooking Minigame

- We're coming up to kicking-out time, so Zeppelino takes the lead in the relative safety of the goblin council area to cook up a tasty meal.
- He calls it Danger Noodles. A mix of the recently-slain Asps, (human) bone broth, and stale bread. To my great surprise, it's delicious!
- They also take the opportunity to read some books over dinner. Discoveries include that Roman Ruins lie beneath Drudgespar, the relationship between Middle and North Loegria is fraught but stable but contains no Red Elves (at time of publishing) and, to Nines' chagrin, that the Earth has only three living Apocalypse Dragons upon it.

- With the Underclock about to tick over to an ambush, we end the session here!

Total: 9000 exp

Treasures Claimed:

- 8000 silver (8000 exp)

- Guado the Living Shield
- 10 scale-shaped emeralds (500 exp)

- Book #349 - POWERLAD: Naughty in the North (50 exp)
- Book #255 - Decorative Arts (50 exp)

- Book #162 - Ancient Rome (50 exp)

- Book #352 - POWERLAD: Smitten at Sea (50 exp)

- Book #233 - Fiefdoms of Middle Loegria (50 exp)

- Book #410 - How to Cook Humans (50 exp)

Total: 8800 exp

Foes Defeated

- Quite a few relatively innocent snakes (40 exp)
Total: 40 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler and Cartographer (200 exp/level)

- Kitty the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)
- Charles the Paymaster and Chef (200 exp/level)
- Ollie the Quartermaster (100 exp/level)
- George the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Nines, Level 6 Inheritor: 50317 (Level up at 72000)

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 6 Barbarian: 43917 (Level up at 64000)

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 6 Ratman: 34566 (Level up at 56000)

- Ollie / Brie van der Hells, Level 5 Necromancer: 32350 (Level up at 36000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 5 Goblin: 27953 (Level up at 32000)

Session 398 - Loot? Awww I Wanted Food!

Date: 18th February 1625

Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous

Moon Face: Dragon Face

Zenith Deity: The Allfather

New Characters:

- Korgar the Barbarian, a drug dealer who was selling wraps of Notcoke to the lizardified Goblins under Visco City.

Returning Characters:

- Brie van der Hells. Necromancer. Brought Korgar into proceedings.

- Bulgur, Son of Borgar. Barbarian. Contemplating recklessness.
- Manrat Snels. Ratman. Always has something to add to the cooking pot.

- Nines. Inheritor. Obsessed with these mysterious square runes.

- Nostradama. Nonanist Cleric. Still yet to call forth a miracle.
- Zeppelino. Goblin. Genuine fear of getting steamed and eaten.

Events:

 

--- You Wake Up in a Dungeon (Benign Version)

- The party awaken after a nice nap amongst their new friends the Goblizards. They are, of course, part-goblin part-lizard people who proclaim that their lizardliness comes from the Lizard Wizard who lives in the mud hut further in.

- They are all, of course, in a dungeon. It's in and/or under Visco City, the deepest level of the ever-rising Goblin capital of Drudgespar. The black and purple-veined ooze-bricks are under great strain from the weight of the city above and wasteland gunk plops and bubbles in from the cracks. This place will inevitably collapse one day, but until then people still live down here.

- Nines, the party's resident monster-eating Inheritor, is obsessively trying out combination of runes. He's recently discovered that runes can be drawn four-sided for a weaker impact, a sort of proto-rune developed before the invention of circles. He finds a combination that creates illusory fire.

--- The Lizard Wizard

- Zeppelino, meanwhile, wants to meet this Lizard Wizard. He's a Goblin so maybe he can get lizardified!
- The wizard's mud hut is more of a steam room. Zeppelino feels his vegetable-flesh becoming nice and tender like a steamed broccoli stalk. It scares him. Why does everyone want to eat him?
- The Lizard Wizard is extremely nude, introduces himself as Gharial and says the steam tenderises goblin flesh and makes it easier for the snake DNA to transform them. Zeppelino sends a goblin minion, Espresso, to get lizardified. It does not go well.
- He also directs the party towards the half-dwarf half-dragon High Priest of the Neo-Ninhursag religion further in. To be fair I had forgotten about this guy, but he was apparently established last session!

--- Korgar Tests His Luck

- The others head for the dragon-dwarf High Priest while Korgar tries to surreptitiously rifle through the pockets of the Lizard Wizard which is hanging outside the steam room. It doesn't work. He has to buy off witnesses with some of his Notcoke. However, for his troubles, he does find a map of the local area.

--- The High Priest

- The rest have reached the High Priest and discover that it is indeed an elemental dragon! The core that sustains it, once a huge chunk of elemental crystal, has boiled away over the years to reveal the body of the Dwarf who once apotheosised. The Dwarf's arms and legs dangle limply from within the remaining core, yet when the dragon-priest speaks it is the Dwarf's mouth that moves.
- The beast priest gives a sermon on the power of Ninhursag, of the betrayal that slayed the great Apocalypse Dragon, of the way that the power of belief will allow it to be reborn. To the dismay of the resident Nonanists, not least Nostradama, both Nines and Brie van der Hells find themselves so moved by the sermon that they convert on the spot!
- The consequence of their faith? The ability to use the Earth rune at any time, at the cost of promising never to heal via unnatural means.
- Brie sees that there is a private mud-bath in the chamber beyond. She asks if she can use it, and after a bit of wrangling (largely by promising to bring the priest extra dragon core shards) she's allowed to use it. It's too hot, but Brie uses a Beam-Cold rune to cool it down enough to get in. Very nice!

--- Korgar Tests His Luck, Nearly Fatally

- Bulgur has wondered off to find something to kill. He comes across the public mud-bath, real onsen vibes. Some Goblin-Lizards are even soaking themselves as we speak!

- He tests the mud. Fine quality. Good for crops. Good for skin.
- Korgar grabs some mud and works it into balls. He doesn't have a weapon, so this is the best he's got.
- He then heads into the nearby sleeping chamber, hoping to nick stuff. There are several sleeping lizard-goblins in here. One of them has a very tempting silver necklace with a cool dragon head design...
- His hand reaches for the necklace and.. SNAP! The goblin jerks awake and savages Korgar's shoulder with its great tearing teeth! So much for stealth!
- Korgar tears his shoulder out from between the goblin's jaws and staggers away, bleeding, heading straight for the healing mud-bath, pursued by recently awakened and very angry goblizards!
- The blood loss is too much. The bleeding Barbarian staggers, falls, and slides to a stop right at the edge of the mud pool. Brie, surprised and delighted, takes the silver necklace as tribute. She slides back into the mud, relaxed.

--- Social Shenanigans

- It's a real chaotic scene! Brie is wearing that one guy's precious necklace. Korgar is bleeding to death on the floor, being healed by Nostradama while being stabbed at by angry goblin-lizards. Bulgur is emerging from the mud where, due to a backstory bonus, he has been hiding this whole time.
- Bulgur gets between Korgar and the goblins! With a mighty wrestle, he hefts one of the goblins into the mud!

- Somehow even more confusingly, Nostradama starts singing an ode.
- Everyone is so confused that they all stop and reconsider what's going on. Especially when the High Priest turns up and angrily demands an explanation!

- The conclusion eventually, is that there's clearly been a big misunderstanding. As a result the party can leave peacefully, but they are strongly encouraged never to return. Bulgur bullies the lizard-goblin into buying back his necklace at a discount. They decide to leave via a different route to the one they entered through.

--- Fresh Fresh Water

- It's back to dungeon delve mode for our heroes. Leaving the lizard-goblins behind, they traverse through corridors built through the crumbling and creaking undercity.
- Behind a door they find... a well! It's good clear water, albeit it has the soapy taste of a mild alkaline, and the buckets around here make it obvious that this is where the Goblizards go to refresh themselves.
- Nines decides to rune up and dive in. His combo rune of Make-Air with a side of Make-Light works perfectly. It's not accidentally Make-Magma, to the disappointment of some.

- The light is inside his mouth though, so he has to open his mouth to see. Those above, looking down into the bubbling water, see flashes of light, flashes of light, flashes, flashes, then... no flashes.
- Nines, down below, has been grabbed by something slimy and choking! It's crushing his arm, and his concentration on the air rune has been broken! Now it's got his leg! And his other arm!
- He escapes by using his Inheritor powers to take the form of a previously devoured being - a snake! Can't grab legs and arms when you don't have any!
- Snake!Nines blasts out of the well in a beautiful arc, to the shock of those above. He animorphs back into human form (with the snakeskin artfully becoming his snake-leather jacket) and warns the others to get back! There's a slimy kelp monster down there! But it's not a kelpie per se, because as far as he could tell it's not a horse.

--- Underwater Grenade

- There's a kelp monster down there. Nines wants to eat it. They concoct a plan.
- Brie conjures a Meat Slave out of a piece of greying meat she's been keeping in her pocket. It's going to be used as bait. It takes the bait!
- Everyone but Nines helps on the fishing rod, it's strong!
- Nines, meanwhile, shocks the surface of the water with a Beam-Lightning rune. The kelp creature releases the Meat Slave bait, but it's not going to kill it.
- Brie floats the idea of dropping a grenade down there because she heard about pressure waves in the bardic equivalent of a youtube video. Good thing they've got a clockwork bomb!
- It works! Albeit all the water in the well explodes out of it. Scraps of kelp at the bottom are enough for Nines to digest the creature's slimy wrestling ability, but the bulk of the monster is deeper in. The walls of the well are unstable, but Nines uses the ground-stabilising ability he ate from an Ennui Ent to keep it from collapsing as he gathers the kelp.
- Alas, there's not enough of it to make sushi. Nines has eaten it all.

--- Stupid Inedible Treasure

- We're coming up to the end of the session, and traditionally this is when people decide to cook a meal.
- Alas, there's not that much food in everyone's pockets. The next room is a pillared hall with the dessicated and potato-rotten corpses of a bunch of goblins, their dead flesh is like veggies left at the back of your crisping drawer. Not super appetising.
- Zeppelino decides to push his luck and see if he can find something to eat. Nines and Brie join him.
- The others check out a nearby room and discover an abandoned guardpost. Clearly the guards here are amongst the dead outside. There are some crossbows though! It's also very defensible and has murderholes that look out on the pillared chamber.
- They use dessicated goblin as firewood and put a pot on to boil while Zeppelino, Brie and Nines find a mysterious room with rattling chains running between holes in the ceiling and holes in the floor. Brie tries pulling the chains and... wow! A two-person dumbwaiter lift thing drops down in the next room!

- Nines and Zeppelino head up while Brie pulls the chains to raise them up. They emerge into a secret room! Four stone gargoyles on pedestals surround the lift, but behind them there are piles of silver, golden goblets, gems, and all sorts!

- Zeppelino looks it all over with dismay. He wanted something to eat!
- The suspiciously not-moving-at-all gargoyles spook the both of them, especially when one (in the flickering torchlight) seems to give a "don't try it" kind of head shake. They stamp on the lift until Brie lowers them back down.

--- A Meagre Feast

- With nothing to show for it but mere knowledge of a treasure hoard, they return to the rest of the party to find that cooking is well underway!
- It's Mushroom & Potato Soup w/ Croutons, crafted from a single large mushroom, stale bread croutons, a lump of butter, and fresh goblinflesh supplied by a sobbing Zeppelino. One of his minions mysteriously died after contact with Nines, nobody could have foreseen this.
- With all the various bonuses, it's delicious! Everyone slurps down the soup, unheeding of the potential consequences of eating Goblin flesh. On the plus side, everyone gets a boost to Sleight of Hand tomorrow!

Total: 11000 exp

Enemies Defeated:

- Several Lizard-Goblins (200 exp)
- A Kelp Monster (100 exp)

Total: 300 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler and Cartographer (200 exp/level)

- Ollie the Expedition Leader (100 exp/level)
- Matthew the Paymaster (100 exp/level)

- Kitty the Vanguard (100 exp/level)
- Charles the Chef (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Nines, Level 6 Inheritor: 45549 (Level up at 72000)

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 6 Barbarian: 39749 (Level up at 64000)

- Ollie / Brie van der Hells, Level 5 Necromancer: 28282 (Level up at 36000)

- Charles / Zeppelino, Level 5 Goblin: 23385 (Level up at 32000)

- Zoe / Nostradama, Level 4 Cleric of Nonanism: 11527 (Level up at 18000)

- Matthew / Korgar the Barbarian, Level 1 Barbarian: 1984 (Level up at 2000)

Session 397 - I'm Stiiiill in a Dreeeam... Snake Eaaaterrrr

Date: 4th February 1625

Moon Phase: First Quarter

Moon Face: Clean Face

Zenith Deity: Alaunus

Returning Characters:

- Brie van der Hells. Necromancer. Riding on a zombie.

- Bulgur, Son of Borgar. Barbarian. Slayer of rat tails.
- Manrat Snels. Ratman. Can squeeze through tiny spaces.

- Nines. Inheritor. Experimentally focussed.

New Backstory:

- Bulgur, Son of Borgar is, and continues to be, a member of the landed gentry of the Wheatlands. Can find society contact in any city.

- Nines wasn't invited to a marvellous feast, but he turned up anyway disguised as a guest he'd devoured earlier. You can generally get yourself an invite to society events.

- Brie van der Hells was at a hot yoga class being run by Jojo Fullbeard and they ended up fighting!! +2 Strength

Events:

--- Next Time Baby

- Down in Visco City, the "real city" upon by the endlessly-ascending Goblin capital of Drudgespar, there is an ominous fizzing rumbling. The purple-veined black brick of the walls shivers with static.
- It sounds like some sort of exciting timeline event, so they anxiously ask around.
- Goblins tell them that every six months or so, the great blue Apocalypse Dragon approaches close enough for the winged goblins who ride him to attempt an attack on Drudgespar.
- Nines is super excited and fired up a Make-Light rune. It's super bright! Must be because the dragon is close! He starts considering creating some sort of magnetic slingshot that will propel the party up to the Skirts at the rim of Drudgespar.
- Alas for him, the others decide that it can wait. The mysterious clanging they heard deeper in the rat cave is more interesting.

--- Why Did It Have to be Snakes?

- They go back down into the sort of warehouse below the market where they recently fought sludgy rat monsters, and go towards the deep clanging. It's coming from beyond collapsed stone and brickwork... the gaps too small for a man to fit through.
- But Manrat is no mere man! He's a Manrat man! His body shimmies through holes as small as a human head, and he wriggles through.
- Beyond, brass snake heads on pillars. A big Newtons' Cradle type thing is clacking back and forth, hitting the brass and making the clanging sound! The floor is... snakes! Loads of snakes! And the walls, pigeonholes with snakes in them! Snakes!
- Manrat punches himself in the face to make his magic Coward's Shield teleport him back out of there!

--- Runes Glorious Runes

- They clear the blockage enough for everyone to get through and enter the snake chamber.
- Bulgur bravely strides forth and... the snakes are fine! Completely non-hostile.
- There are lots of Earth runes drawn about the place... and even... some in a diamond shape rather than a circle! How strange!
- Brie stops the balls from banging, and suddenly the snakes rear up! Oh no! She jumps up onto her zombie's back and commands it to use its brain-powered Fast Zombie mode and get them out of there!
- They exit, pursued by snakes.
- Nines is fascinated by the diamond runes and tries to use it. It doesn't work (dragon's dead innit) but there's a spark of something there. He restarts the newtons cradle too, pacifying the angry snakes.

--- Flies, you Fools

- In the next area, Brie breathes a sigh of relief as the snakes go back to being passive and start slithering back to the gong room.
- She surveys the room. There are piles of corpses in the corners and footprints like a lizard person or something. There are also huge big flies coming out of the the piles with big sharp mandibles!

- Brie and her zombie square up, but the flies only want live flesh! The zombie gets in the way, nobly getting monched to shreds by the huge pincers.
- Brie uses the distraction to cast Charnel Guise and appear as a skeleton. It totally works!

- Bulgur runs in and sees... oh no! Brie got skeletonised! In a mad rage Bulgur attacks the flies, followed by Manrat with his swarms (who fumbles, throws his sword, and hits another fly! Phew). Nines aims his rifle from behind.
- Nines shot goes off and BOOM! It's a massive gambit attack! He blasts two of the flies with one bullet, and then ONE MORE! Bulgur joins in and manages to golf-swing the shot into a third fly, which is nearly instakilled!
- Bulgur lands, turns on his heel, and cuts the last one in half!
- The last fly is brave. It is strong. It is being nibbled by a rat and bitten by a manrat and is finally killed by a skellington with a dagger. It is dead. The skellington turns back into Brie, to Bulgur's surprise and delight!

--- Histories and Mysteries

- They loot the room and peruse the murals on the walls as they do so. It's the history of Ninhursag (RIP) before the End War. The worship of the beautiful big green beast. Daubed over it is the more recent history, of Ninhursag's betrayal and death at the hands of the vicious POWERLAD and the depowering of the Earth Rune bound to the dragon. A sad story.
- The bodies in the piles are an integration of scaly lizardflesh and potatoey goblinflesh. Not a patchwork, more like they've grown together, goblins made lizardy. Amongst the dead they find a Clockwork Mine, a vial of Holy Water, a rationsworth of Mushrooms.
- Brie whips up some fresh Dead - a zombie and a skeleton, goblin-sized.

--- Training Area

- Listening and sniffing around, the party smell straw from one direction and voices from the others, so they go for the straw smell. It's a training area. Improvised weapons and straw dummies. All a bit worse for wear, but fine enough.
- Smacking a dummy makes a hidden torc tinkle to the ground! It's got Ninhursag heads on each end, and shivers with runic potential.

--- Lizard Wizard

- They head back and towards the deeper voices, coming to a barricade. Behind are lizard people with goblin voices! Seeing that the party are neither Dwarfs nor Goblins, they are willing to engage in polite banter. They've been defending this area since the death of Ninhursag, you see, when the earth rune's demise meant their enemies thought they would be weak.
- They also meet Gharial the Lizard Wizard! A strange guy who has been sucking the lizardness out of lizards and snakes and pushing it into the goblins. They hope that if they're lizardy enough, Ninhursag will return!
- They are offered a book about POWERLAD, who according to the book is both a wonderful guy and extremely horny at all times. They're interesting, and check it out.

- Nines and Brie consider converting to Ninhursagian (tbd), so in the meantime their new lizard-goblins allow them to stay and cook food as long as they're ok with sharing.

- It's a "Snamburger", a burger made with Lizard, Snake, Mushroom, Bread, Butter. Not that great, but will give a bonus to Fleeing rolls tomorrow. Could come in handy!

Total: 8000 exp

Treasures Taken:

- Clockwork Mine

- Vial of Holy Water

- Ration of Mushrooms (1 exp)
- Silver Torc allows earthbending (80sp)

Total: 81 exp

Foes Defeated:
- A load of snakes, technically (10 exp)
- Some giant carnivorous flies (200 exp)

Total: 210 exp

OOC:

- Carter the Chronicler and Quartermaster (200 exp/level)

- George the Expedition Leader, Cartographer, and Chef (300 exp/level)
- Kitty the Vanguard (100 exp/level)

Exp Totals:

- Carter / Nines, Level 6 Inheritor: 42465 (Level up at 72000)

- Kitty / Bulgur, Son of Borgar, Level 6 Barbarian: 37265 (Level up at 64000)

- George / Manrat Snels, Level 6 Ratman: 30398 (Level up at 56000)
Level Up! +1d6 HP! +1 to Saves! Max Rats: 36! +Backstory!

- Ollie / Brie van der Hells, Level 5 Necromancer: 25898 (Level up at 36000)