Question.

someone ask me last night,

'kau rasa bila kau nak settle down?

bila kau rasa kau betul2 nak jadi selfless, putting others before yourself, jaga parents

get married

have children

die'

thats a hard question.i wonder when will i.

jauh

mmg dah lama tak menaip dekat blog.

kalau rumah kosong mungkin dah bersawang,berpenunggu.

ntah aku rasa makin krg minat utk kongsi ape2 dgn dunia luar

tapi harini teringin pulak menaip

satu benda yg aku sedar sekarang;betapa pentingnya kewujudan kawan

dulu sekolah asrama,

bukan pertama kali tdo pkol 2,3 pg stay up

pkol 5.30 pagi mpp dah kejut bangun mandi,solat subuh siap2 pegi sekolah

masa form 5,sekolah siap start pkol 6.30 pagi,padahal batch lain pkol 7.00

pagi kelas,petang prep,malam prep,sabtu,ahad.mmg tak pernah cuti.(melainkan cuti balik bermalam lah sebulan sekali.dulu kusess kedek cuti,skrg melimpah2 ruah pulak)

tapi bila fikir2kan,'dulu pernah tak aku merungut hari2 pasal hdp aku,bosan,buat benda sama hari2,tak de cuti etc..'

mungkin pernah,tapi tak berpanjangan

sebab ape?sebab ade kawan sekeliling.

bila nangis kawan pujuk

bila down kawan pujuk

bila ketawa sama2 ketawa

ape je yg tak sama

dari celik mata smpilah tutup mata balik,semuanya buat sama2

tapi skrg?

nak kata aku mmg totally sorg2,itu tipulah

adelah jugak teman kat sini

tapi tak serupa dulu

atau mungkin aku yg terlalu tutup hati aku utk kwn dgn org?

tak,aku rasa aku sng berkawan

cuma kawan yg semacam kawan sekolah mngh,aku rasa aku dah takkan jumpa lagi dah sampai mati

siapa ckp aku tak berkawan dgn japanese.

kawan tetap kawan

tapi mcm yg aku ckp tadi,tetap tak sama

lagikan lain bangsa lain bahasa lain agama

walau baik mcm mana aku dgn dorg sekali pun

walau fasih mana japanese aku berckp dgn dorg sekalipun

walau ramai mana pun kawan2 japanese keliling aku

aku tetap rasa aku masih seorg

kdg2 aku rasa nak salahkan diri sendiri

kenapa aku memilih sgt kawan

tapi bukan masalah memilih

berkawan mcm bercinta;perlu chemistry

mcm mana smpi skrg aku mmg tak pernah jadi kalau bercinta(uih ni lain topik)

aku mmg tak jumpa lagi kawan yg sekamceng kawan sekolah

entah...aku tahu tak baik

tapi lately aku selalu sgt mengeluh

pasal pelajaran mostly

aku dah tak sanggup nak serabutkan pasal benda2 lain yg tak perlu lagi menyemak dlm kepala otak aku yg dah sedia semak ni

pasal itu tunggu je dtg dr Allah nanti

satu lagi masalahnya

aku terlalu pikir sgt ape yg org pikir pasal aku

mungkin smpi tahap aku lebih rela jadi bodoh dr nmpk bodoh depan org

maksudnya aku tanak bertanya bila aku tatau sesuatu

sebab aku terlalu pikir pasal apa org lain pikir pasal aku

'adekah soalan aku ni nmpk bodoh?adekah soalan aku ni aku sorg je yg tatau?adekah kalau aku byk tanya akan membebankan org lain?adekah kalau aku buat benda ni nmpk bodoh?'

walhal aku tahu,aku rasa mungkin dlm 1000,cuma 2,3 je yg pikir aku bodoh

tapi aku tetap risaukan yg 2,3 org tu

ini mmg masalah besar kalau bercakap soal pelajaran

masalah besar

aku pemalu bertanya

aku mmg taklah pemalu,kalau jumpa dpn2 mmg tau aku bukan jenis pemalu gelak tutup mulut

tapi yg satu ni,mmg susah

aku sangatlah tanak buat benda yg menampakkan mcm diri sendiri bodoh

tengok berapa byk kali aku ulang perkataan bodoh

kadang2 aku kesiankan diri aku sendiri

selalu sgt kena kutuk dgn aku

bodoh,tak pandai,gemuk,tak lawa,perasan

lepas tu down sendiri

padahal bila aku fikir2 balik,aku tak boleh detect pun,pernah ke aku dgr org lain kutuk aku

yg belakang aku aku tak amik kisah

tapi mengikut apa yg aku tahu,mmg aku rasa tak pernah

sebab tu aku rasa aku perlu kawan

kawan yg mcm sekolah dulu

bila aku kutuk diri aku bodoh,kawan aku ckp'bila masa pulak kau bodoh?ckp skit.kau ni genius,tp pemalas'

bila aku kutuk aku sendiri gemuk,kawan aku ckp'kau bukan gemuk,cuma kau tinggi'

bila aku kutuk diri aku tak lawa,kawan aku ckp'lawa ok,kau aje yg tak nampak'

sebab sekarang aku cuma hidup dgn diri sendiri

aku rasa diri aku pun dah sedih dengan semua kutukan dari diri aku

tambahan pulak aku takde kawan yg nak tolong balancekan balik ape yg aku kutuk

mmg org ckp,tak mati dek caci,tak hidup dek puji

tapi kalau diri sendiri yg asik caci diri sendiri,kau mmg perlu org lain utk puji kau supaya kau boleh hidup

kadang2 tengok cermin,sampai boleh terasa

'siapalah yg ada dalam cermin ni.rasa mcm dah tak kenal.ntah pergi mana amalia yg dulu ceria,suka senyum.yg pikir positive'

tgk gbr lama,selain drpd aku rindu aku yg dulu yg sikit lagi kurus dr skrg,aku rindu jugak perempuan dlm gbr tu yg lawa bila senyum

aku tau aku mmg tak lawa,tapi satu yg aku pasti,semua org lawa bila dia senyum

jadi sekarang mcm mana aku nak rasa diri aku lawa?

memang,sepatutnya kite pegang'cukuplah kalau ada Allah utk aku'

itu aku mmg tak pernah lupa.

aku bukan tak ingt,aku alpa

walhal Allah tak pernah lupa aku

berapa byk kali jatuh tersungkur,kotor penuh lumpur,

masa tu baru ingat Allah.

menangis

minta di beri kekuatan bangun,mintak dibersihkan hati

mintak dipermudah apa yg susah

Allah mmg tak pernah lupa aku

tapi kerana aku manusia biasa

yg memang penuh ketaksempurnaan,penuh cacat cela

aku perlu kawan

memang aku tak punya kuasa putar balik masa.

aku sekadar mengenang

bersyukur

aku punya kawan seperti itu dulu

bukan bermaksud skrg dah tak ada

cuma jauh...

rindu

kawan dunia akhirat:)

worst feeling ever

the 'im the most stupid person in the world' feeling is the worst feeling ever.

and that feeling comes when there're exams/tests.

this is one never-ending journey.

*cries*（；_・）

p/s:aku dah tatau mcm mane nk stay positive dah.

nk nangis,nk muntah.semua ade.otak aku cramp dah.

Aiman Hakim Ridza :)

nama pun mcm bunyik novel gila,Aiman Hakim Ridza heh

padahal selama ni xpernah tau pun kewujudan Aiman mentor ni.

almaklumlah,bkn tggl malaysia,mlsla nk amik tau sgt

lps tu blik msia haritu tertgk plak epi 3 Vanilla Coklat ni kat tv.

'eh comel jugak mamat ni.crita pun cam menarik'

kan da tersangkut~

haritu abg remy,skrg amir pulak...mana satu ni??-_-''

heh

eh gua tak pernah lg eksaited tgk drama Melayu smpi tertunggu2 episod next.

sbb tu smpi tulis kat blog sakainya heh

gua rasa tak cool ah camni aduiduidui

dok senyum sorg2 mcm gila kan aaaaaa

stress ah tgk Vanilla Coklat ni,

Amir & Zara ni comel sgtlaaaa

sweet tahap nak potong kaki kan...manis sangattt eeeeee
padahal dialog dia simple2 je pun,tapi sweet lebihla awww

ok sudah2 tu terkinja2 tersengih2
back to buku.

kau esok paper pharmacognosy tak ingat kan?????

p/s:ep 8,Amir:'you're mine...'demit gua tgk smbil gigit2 chopstick

dia punya meghenyam gatainya haha

comellah~

Hyeon-Ji & Seok-Yeo

Last Sunday im going out with these beautiful Korean friends of mine,hyeon-ji and seok-yeo

camera out of focus,menyampah betul-_-''

we're having lunch at spaghetti restaurant,and then went for a nice cafe.

Korean do like cafe so much haha

Malangnya kat Jepun tak byk cafe mcm korea,bersepah2 cafe,

maka pancit jugakla berjalan carik cafe yg tersembunyik2.

mmg sangat lawa cafe2 mcm tu,bit pricey,

tp the environment sgt special.

patutlah aku tak pernah tringin nak carik cafe mcm ni,

pergi sorg2 rasa loser doh.

takde bf pun paling2 kena ade gf gak la g cafe lawa2 camni heh

kitorg borak2,and they were amazed with how much i love their language.

dorg even ajak pergi rumah dorg kalau dtg korea nanti huaaa sgt7 baik dorg ni

the one that wear the blue shirt,hyeon-ji,asal dr yeosu,

and the other one,seok-yeo asal dr wando.

dua2 from the rural area katanya,

tp tu yg mcm seronok nak explore.

haritu dah pergi seoul kan,teringin nak rasa hidup hari2 dorg yg biasa,

dekat area2 kurang bandar.

really hope that i can go to South Korea this upcoming May insyaAllah. :)

lepastu,tak cukup syarat kalau keluar kat sini tak amik gbr purikura,ala mesin gmbr tu ah.

kat mesia,tak hingin aku nak amik,rm16 buat bazir je.

sini kalau convert mmg same je harga,

tp tak rasa mahal sgt7 lah sbb da tggl sini

nampak tak betapa besar penipuan mesin ni?

mata besa,bulat.

kulit flawless.

kalau kau amik gbr semua perempuan,tak ape lagi.

bila amik gbr ade lelaki,hasilnya rasa nak sepak2.

dah mcm hape je-_-''

oh my final exams start from tomorrow.

i dont wanna whine too much this time,

org yg baca blog ni pun bosan baca aku asik mengeluh aje.

buat je lah ape yg termampu.

bak kata francisca peter,aku bertahan sekadar di pinggiran heh

and the other thing,semalam jugak main2 dgn koleksi gbr n cover sendiri.

kalau agak2 aku buat album compilation mcm ni,jual ade org nak beli tak?LOL

actually the idea is untuk nak bg hyeon-ji n seok-yeo

as kenang2an sbb dorg nak balik korea dah,

but then i think,'why not letak kat blog,tgk ape respon org'haha

VAIN,i know.yes im vain.please dont hate me.im doing this just for fun:(

so among the first person that'll receive this for free mestilah the friends and family heh

*padahal gaya mcmlah aku buat smpi 50,60 copy kan*

the list of the songs.cover songs actually,to be exact;

01.반말송 Banmal Song(Jung Yong-Hwa&Seo Joo-Hyeon 정용화&서주현)

02.기도 Pray(Sunny Hill써니힐)

03.그 여자 That Woman(Mi美)

04.그 여자 That Woman(Baek Ji-Yeong백지영)

05.나만 몰랐던 이야기 Story Only I Didn't Know(IU)

06.나쁜 남자 Bad Guy(Joo주)

07.그리워 Because I Miss You(Jung Yong-Hwa정용화)

08.노바디 Nobody-Rainstorm Remix(Wonder Girls원더걸스)

09.병원에 가다 [이별..]Going To Hospital[Break Up](Kang Min-Kyung강민경)

10.비가 오는 날엔 On Rainy Days(BEAST)

11.I'll Be Back-Ballad version(2PM)

12.전쟁이야 It's War-Ballad version(MBLAQ)

13.별처럼 Like a Star(Tae-Yeon태연&The One)feat.ZaidRadzai

14.Timeless(Kim Junsu&Jang Ri-In김준수&장리인)feat.ZaidRadzai

15.Sampai di Sini Saja,여기까지다(Malay version of 오늘 헤어졌어요 We Broke Up Today-Younha윤하 )

So,anybody want it?kekeke

Wish me luck for my finals.Keep me in your

doa,insyaAllah.

p/s:Remy Ishak hensem gila kot smlm OMG.

fan-girling over abg Remy lah skrg :D

takpe,i ade remy i sendiri hehe

inconsolable

Exams,and PMS,were never compatible with each other.

i hate hormone imbalance...

emotional,that's my middle name for now.:'(

im homesick again.

Oh Allah,please hold my heart tightly so it wont fall again.

i'm declaring war with my ownself.

p/s:dah dekat setahun dah amalia.just let it go.please?

goodbye,my friend...

a good friend of mine in kumamoto.

losing a friend,is never been easy.

tambah2 lagi bila tggl dlm komuniti kecik je kat kumamoto ni.

it's the first time for me to send someone back to malaysia for good.

never knew it'll be this sad.

siapa lagi nak hang out ngan aku n mamu jalan2 shinai bila pressure,

mlm2 mkn mcd,open table cerita problem?

siapa lg nk jadik background noise plg annoying bila aku karok?

siapa lg nak buat lawak sengal bila time mkn2 ke,sebab tu la dr first time kita smpi2 sini je kau dpt nama fani,sbb kau mmg funny haha

siapa nak main pool smpi bola terkeluar2 dr board kan?

siapa lagi nak kutuk2 aku punya berat(even mamu pun selalu buat,tapi kau lagi kurus)?

but,i know,ive only lost a friend,not the friendship...

ganbare fani~aku tau kau boleh,cume mgkn bkn rezeki kau lg...

doakan aku kuat jugak kat sini,

ni pun dah berapa byk kali giri2 je dgn masalah jiwa kacau.

kita jumpa lagi bila aku dah balik msia..

p/s:aku selalu prasan kuat.td aku takut nak ckp byk,

karang aku ckp,aku tersyahdu meleleh dpn org,

aku segan..

lepas ni ada berapa byk lagi org yg nak menyusul balik,

mcm manalah agaknya nak htr...:'(

A happy new year.

this is a story about,a love that will remain forever,

no matter what happen.

i bet i can say this is the best 2 weeks vacation so far in my life,

but i might say the same to my next 2 weeks holiday.

instead of 1month sem break,i only have 2 weeks.

sad isn't it?

so,lets just enjoy the picture.

A mc donald's night with the family :)

lovey-dovey ;))

an ikea's dinner with the beloved friends....

sister-in-law?:)

Melaka with dearie kak eika and kak ema..

kak eika,i cant see any baby bump pun~

dont we look thinner in this pic kak eika?

i guess the tips is menyorok belakang tiang sikit,

and then lia menyorok blkg kak eika haha :D

this is my first ever tutti-fruity(did i even spell it right??)

i never really want to try them sbb nama pun dah ada fruity.*ehem,i dont like fruits

and veges ehem*but then kak ema said'ala lia pilihla topping yg bukan buah'

then i was like,really??ade je yg bukan buah?*sakai i now.but hey dont blame me,i cant live in malaysia longer then 1month and a half since 2009 ye*

so,the left one was kak eika n kak ema's,the right one,no fruit at all,was mine.

but freaking mahal,for an ice cream(okay someone corrected me on this.its not ice cream,its yogurt..but,but..it taste nothing like yogurt~its ice cream~)

lets see if im gonna buy it next time.

this one is kak ema's treat.

thank you kak ema!nanti lia dah kerja lia belanja balik kay~heee

now i notice,muka kak eika bukan menembam.

tapi mcm sembab skit,thats why you look quite different.

its okay,anything for that little iman kan?tak sabar nak tgk dia nanti~:)

the the next day,karaoke trip with dear uppa and his love.

and guess what.tak sengaja terjumpa daia!OMG!!!

i think the last time i saw her maybelah masa reunion batch kat kelab shah alam dulu,takpun hari anugerah kecemerlangan KUSESS.

lama sgt tak jumpa smpi dah lupa bila last time jumpa.

OMG,miss her sooo much!

antara besties yg susah nak jumpa,sebab dia sbnrnya tinggal n study kat brunei,

in fact,she's bruneian pun.

daia kata dia cuti n ada kat malaysia smpi bulan 1 ni.

me,psenk and ain tgh makan kat kfc then suddenly ada org lalu kat tepi ckp 'AMAL!'

then i was like 'DAIA!'

mcm jejak kasih,tgh2 org ramai kat kfc bukit tinggi tu kan?

mencapap jugaklah tgh org ramai,drama.haha.

daia,if you read this,tunggulah nanti satu hari aku nak gak p brunei p rumah kau :)

with the love of uppa's life,ain ;))

yeah,im fat i know.

no need to tell me.its okay,im enjoying my food-therapy while im in malaysia.

dont you ever dare to take the happiness from me LOL

but,even fahrin is sooooo happy to take picture with me.

gemuk?tak kisaaaahhhh*dlm hati uhuk2 kisaaahhh*

fahrin pun takde lah kurus sgt kekeke

you know whats brother-sister favorite activity?camwhore~

try brg2 kat kedai,pastu amik gbr kekeke

we're fat,but we're still awesome!

weird face though haha

menumpang kasih...

KLCC is soooo pretty..

i dont even remember,when is the last time i went to KLCC,before this time.

posing konon2 duta LV?

then pergi sunway piramid ngan uppa,n ikea's dinner again with uppa n ain.:)

by now you'll notice that i loveeeee ikea's meatballs and karipap.

nowadays,siapa je pegi ikea beli perabot?

tak cool la,pergi ikea semata2 beli karipap baru cool!haha

meet amalia hilton LOL

oh we also went to wondermilk to try their cupcakes.

hmm okayla not so bad,tp biasa2 je.takdelah omg sgt3 sedapppp,but not bad...

but seriously,can i have a house just like wondermilk restaurant???

sgt2 cozy!!im in love with the interior design~

the price,again,for me,its pricey.bukan utk makan hari2.

mungkin bila dah kempunan sgt2 baru pergi.

but for now,i dont think im gonna kempunan for their cupcakes.

rm17 for 4 cupcakes,its still pricey.baik guna rm17,beli bahan,buat kak rumah cupcake,

hah makanlah sepuas2 hati kau heh

before naik flight,i even met jasmine,classmate masa kat KUSESS dr form1 smpi form5

rasanya kan meen?

yg lawaknya,dr jauh dah nampak'eh tu mcm meen'

tp bila pandang dia,dia mcm buat tak kenal,but then bila kena mencelah depan dia

nak lalu baru dia prasan'eh amal!'

then i was like'hah meen.itulah~'

lpstu dia gelak'itulah?'haha

'itulah...dr jauh mcm kau,tapi aku pandang kau mcm tak kenal plak aku.aku takut slh org je'

because i once ask her bila dia nak hbs blajar kat medan,

suppose dia da hbs blaja skrg n sambung another 2 year kat penang skrg.

so manalah tau kot2 salah org ke kan.

'tak mgknla meen,bukan ke dia da hbs blaja'

but the she said dia kena balik medan kejap exam.

so sad,flight dia pun dah nak departure.

so takley ckp lama2.

meen,nanti ada masa aku g penang jalan kay.

the last night at home,my family n i went to buy my things,

then we went to banting uptown kejap,tak sangka terjumpa guru besar sekolah rendah dulu.

i bet he didnt even remember me.

bayangkanlah,darjah 6,im 11years old.sekarang dah 22thn*oh sooo old*

and dalam 11 thn tu how many students he need to remember kan.

n im also not a 11years old kid anymore yg hingusan,tudung senget2,baju sekolah

kedut2 main sep2 tiang or batu seremban lagi kan haha.

those were the good old days.:)

and at the uptown,there was a karaoke-on-stage session.

3lagu,rm5.so apa lagi,my abah and ibu ask me to sing.

and adik2 pun were like'kak mai,g lah tolong ganti org yg nyanyi kat atas stage skrg tu.

dia nyanyi tak sedap.bingitlah'haha

so,3 songs.semuanya siti.kesilapanku keegoaanmu,ya maulai,nirmala.

kalau suruh nyanyi tiba2 mmg takde idea.lagu siti je la yg kluar dlm otak.

tulah,sapa suruh tak dgr lagu melayu kan.dgr lagu korea je keje.

adik last ckp'kakmai,nyanyilah sampai di sini saja'

then i was like'mana pulak nak nyanyi lagu tu.lagu tu aku yg buat saje2 lah!'

yg lain2 gelak je hahaha mcm2 budak2 ni.

too bad i didnt bring my camera that night

so.....thats all about the holiday.

now im all alone,in this house.back to japan.

for new year resolution,i have a simple one.

to be stronger,braver,and healthier,inside and out.

Allah..please guide me to the right path.insyaAllah...

another 3 and a quarter year.i hope im strong enough to face it.

if my abah can do his master while working,and jaga lagi adik2 kat rumah,

urus hal rumah mcm2 lagi kerenah kitorg,

why cant i kan?i only need to take care my own self,

not like abah.if abah can do that,why cant i right?