American Beat: Just How Many Commandments Are There Anyway?

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Don't steal. Don't lie. Don't kill. Don't sleep with your neighbor's spouse. Love your parents.

As basic rules to live by, you can't do much better than that. And that's probably why polls show that the vast majority of Americans favor public displays of the Ten Commandments. It's also why the Supreme Court practically tore a trapezius last week trying to figure out how to bend the First Amendment so that the Commandments can legally be displayed in government buildings.

The issue in a nutshell: The state of Texas has a statue of the Ten Commandments on the grounds of the capitol building, similar to thousands of Ten Commandment plaques hanging all over the country. An Austin lawyer challenged the Texas display as a violation of the First Amendment's rejection of government sponsorship of religion (he's already a lawyer, so clearly didn't mind being more unpopular with his challenge). Last week, the Supreme Court finally heard the case, along with a suit against two Kentucky counties that have been displaying the Commandments. During the oral arguments, the Bush administration and Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott argued that the Ten Commandments is such a fundamental part of our national culture and heritage that they are, effectively, non-religious.

Even Justice Antonin Scalia, who openly expressed his support for public displays of the Commandments, mocked Abbott's argument. "If you don't believe that it sends a religious message, you're kidding yourself," he said. (The Supreme Court's decision in the cases is pending).

But Abbott isn't the only one playing a joke on himself. Out of respect for the High Court, I climbed out of my ivory tower and did some good old fashioned reporting. I needed to know whether most Americans see the Commandments as essential to our national culture or a clear statement of religious ideology (or just a cheesy movie that depicts the absurdity of the Red Sea parting in two). To do so, I stopped random people in Times Square (which was a lot more interesting when it resembled Sodom rather than Disneyland) and found that pretty much everyone thinks the Ten Commandments are a non-religious series of commonsense rules that should be posted everywhere.

I also found that nobody knows all 10 of the Ten Commandments. "Honor your parents, don't covet your neighbor's wife, don't lie, don't kill, don't steal, um, um, how many is that" said Kristen, a woman from Brooklyn.

"Don't steal, don't bear false witness, don't kill, don't commit adultery, and honor your parents," said Olga, who was smoking a cigarette outside her office.

"Don't kill, don't commit adultery, don't covet thy neighbor's stuff, don't steal, and honor your parents," said Dan, who rents out a six-seat "party bike" in Times Square.

No matter whom I interviewed, the same five or six commandments kept coming up. And no matter whom I interviewed, I heard the same thing: "They should be displayed," said Dan. "They're just the basic rules that everyone can agree on."

And then I reminded them about the other four or five commandments. One: I am the Lord thy God. Two: Thou shalt have no other gods before Me. Three: Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain. Four: Keep the Sabbath. And then people started changing their minds.

"Oh, yeah, those are the ones I always forget," said John, a friend of Dan, the Party Bike guy. "Yeah, I guess the government probably shouldn't be displaying something that says, 'I am the Lord thy God. Thou shalt have no other Gods before me.' What would a Muslim think Or a Buddhist"

Forget the Muslims or the Buddhists--at least they believe in deities. What about us atheists! Yes, I understand that it's completely acceptable to dismiss the concerns of us heathen non-believers. But the First Amendment doesn't just protect other religions from government sponsorship of Judeo-Christian monotheism, it's supposed to protect everyone from it--including people who believe in no gods, one God or a Greek-like hierarchy of gods.

Besides, there's hardly any unanimity about what the Ten Commandments even are. The Protestant and Jewish decalogue is basically the same, but the Catholic Church got rid of the "make no graven images" commandment (take a guess why), so the Church split the 10th commandment--don't covet your neighbor's wife or stuff--into separate commands.

And I hate to be a spoilsport on another score, but there are far more than 10 commandments in the so-called Ten Commandments. Not to quote a God in which I don't believe, but in Exodus, chapter 20, I count at least 19 demands that come directly from God: I am God; have no other gods; make no graven images; don't bow down to them (because, He says, "I am a jealous God"); show mercy to the people who believe in me; don't take my name in vain; remember the Sabbath and keep it holy; work six days a week (a jealous God and a tough boss); honor mom and dad; don't kill; don't commit adultery; don't steal; don't lie; don't covet your neighbor's stuff; don't make gods of silver or gold; make an altar to me out of earth; sacrifice oxen on it; if you make the altar out of stone, it can't be hewn stone (a jealous God, a tough boss and very picky about his stone); and no matter what kind of altar you build, it can't have steps.

In Deuteronomy, chapter 5, these demands get trimmed to 14, as God apparently lost his whole appetite for altars (whether constructed of unhewn stone or dirt). But the essential demands remain: I'm God; don't have others; don't kill; don't steal; don't covet thy neighbor or his wife, etc.

Now we're down to just 10. If we could get it down to just the five or six that everyone in Times Square knew, we could let the Supreme Court get on with more important business. But as long as the first two commandments are "I'm God" and "I'm the only God," the only place they should be hanging is in a church, temple, mosque, private home, and, of course, the backseat of every New York City cab.

I mean, even we atheists have to pray sometimes.