Fixing the Unfixable

     We spoke to the therapist who did a home visit, and saw him at school. She said that A- I was right, Wyatt has a sensory processing disorder, and B-it and his behavior stem from when they were taken from the home and because of the abuse he suffered that had him removed(see bottom for reason). When he came home I told Seth he needed play therapy, because I was worried about issues that could come up. But he acted fine so we thought he was young enough that by being home he had bounced back. Then we moved and slowly his behavioral issues had started, so we didn't correlate the progression of behavioral issues with what had happened. And, as you know, he has just been getting worse and worse. So, anyways she says its all because he was traumatized by the whole thing at the age when his brain was literally developing, and because what was going on with him at the time put him into "flight or fight" mode he stoped learning and developing and just tried to cope and survive. Which I get, because when my mom put me in foster care, I did the same thing. Anyways, because of that, he is having to re-learn everything, but can't because when his brain was trying to develop and teach him how to control his emotions, talk, and make those basic synapses between like.. I'm feeling angry this is anger, and so on, he learned i don't know whats happening, I'm scared. And hes stayed that way. So while a normal person stays in a level field of emotion, he is way up there, and has NO idea how to bring himself down. He doesn't understand why hes angry, he just is. when he hits someone, he doesn't know why he did it, he just did.Think of Wyatt as a wounded squirrel. When you see it laying there, you want to help. he sees you and freezes in fear, but when you get closer he tries to run away...but he can't. So what does the squirrel do? Bites you. You're trying to help him, and he feels threatened out of natural instincts. Just like Wyatt, and when he does things like pee in the closet,again, doesn't know why... he probably doesn't realize when he does it sometimes that he's doing it, like a zombie.

   So, now he needs extensive therapy, and speech therapy, and Seth and I have to basically re-boot him and ourselves to get him to a basic function of normalcy.

   I feel bad, because 1- if I would have stayed home instead of picking up a double shift like Seth asked me to, my mom wouldn't have kidnapped him from the sitter, her husband wouldn't have beaten him, and none of these things wouldn't have happened, and again if I had just listened to myself and gotten him help right out of the gate, he would've had a chance to get on track years ago instead of basically making him worse.

How do you explain to a 5 year old that he is suffering in so many ways, because of something that was so traumatic it basically ruined him and he doesn't even remember? he realizes he is different, and doesn't know why.

Hands

    Have you ever noticed how amazing children's hands are? I know that might be humerus to read, but think about it. These tiny hands are so powerful. When a child reaches out for your hand when they cross the street or walk on snow, it's because with that little hand they are trusting you, blindly and completely. Children never think "what if they let me fall?" they simply reach out for you and just know you're there. Those tiny little hands make wonderful pictures, and huge messes. So cute and chubby these small hands are how they learn everything. They learn to eat with their hands, to write, to balance themselves,sometime how to talk. So small, and so powerful.

Kade

   Kade's 4th birthday is Thursday with a small party on Saturday. I can't believe the strides he has made in this one year. At his last birthday, we still could hardly understand anything he said, and he was still in diapers and in Pre-Preschool. Now he's potty trained, and talks in sentences.... even though he can still be hard to understand and isn't quite up to par with others his age. He is still as sweet as always. I know parents aren't supposed to have favorites, but if we were he would be mine.


   The party he chose is Scooby-Doo... I have a party decor kit, and ordered a matching cake, but I just CAN NOT think of foods and things to go along!

Found this, thought it looked fun!

Clean Mud

	warm water (warm enough to melt soap) 1 bar dove soap 1 roll white toilet paper

	Have the children tear up the toilet paper into little bits (the smaller the better). Using a cheese grater, grate the bar of soap into a big bowl. Add the torn up toilet paper to the bowl. Add the warm water a little bit at a time while mixing the toilet paper and the soap together. You have added enough water when the mixture begins to feel like a thick cool whip. Do not make the mixture soupy. The more you play with it the fluffier it becomes. The kids have an absolute blast with it (and so I) !!

Figuring it out

     If you know me, you know I have a hard time with my 5 year old son, Wyatt. If you don't, it's because he is borderline autistic, and has sensory processing issues. He, has a speech delay which doesn't help at all. Over the years my husband and I have tried speech therapy, many psychological techniques, moving him to different schools, changing his environment, giving him special treatments, being more strict, different ways of discipline and communication, play groups... so many things to help curb his behavior. Nothing seems to work. He has these awful emotional outbursts at home and in public over things as small as he got a different toy than his brother and sister or it's someone else's birthday and not his. His episodes can last  for hours, where he screams, kicks, hurts everyone around him, crys, yells, throws things, breaks things, rips clothing, throws himself and if possible his siblings onto the floor or ground. At times, he can be frightening. On top of his "episodes" he pees in his closet, lies all the time about everything, is demanding of both myself and his siblings, and whenever someone tries to talk to him- about anything- he immediately bursts into tears as if he is being threatened. Even when you just say "what did you learn in school today?"
  Needless to say, he wears me thin, and can cause complete chaos in our home. Mondays are the day I look forward to the most, because then after 2 days of constant battles, he is in school all day. When he is in school our house is so calm, and quiet. My other two play so well. House stays clean. Then he comes home, and the second he is in the car, someone is already crying from something he has done, and within an hour my house looks like a tornado hit. It can be very taxing.
  We have an appointment tomorrow to meet with a Early Childhood psychologist, so we will see what she has to say. Unfortunately, when she did the home visit, he steered clear of her and put himself into a shell so she didn't get to see any of his behaviors. Makes me a little worried she won't be able to do anything for us.
   Just need a way to help him be able to be a normal child. Make friends. learn to control himself and his emotions, and of course make our home a little happier.


Today's issue? So far.... Stole a cookie. Saw him do it, and told him to put it back. His response? "I don't have a cookie". I said "Show me your hands".. he does, and I keep watching him as he backs away. He ALMOST gets out of the kitchen and his sister picks up the cookies he threw down and puts them away. I ask why he lied. He says "I didn't". last 5 mins. he has been in the other room crying saying "Give me back my cookies. You can't have them. You're mean. I want cookies. Give me cookies now"....

Still unsure

   I know a lot of people are blogging now... so many there are movies about it. But I guess I must be old, because I'm still unsure of why it's so vastly popular.


   Here I am, though. This is my blog about what it's like to be a young mom. I drop my kids off everyday at their private school, and most days I try to get there early. Why? Because I am the only one who doesn't come in full make up, office attire, hair done (most of the time) and I'm only 24. The first day of school a mother there actually asked me if I was my son's babysitter and allowed to bring him in. Not only was it embarrassing, but it really ticked me off. Is that really anyone's business anyway? Just rude. The reason I don't come in scrubs or a pencil skirt and heels is because A- I chose to stay home and not work, and B- I don't care if I look pretty to take my son to school.


   Now to present. It's January, and I'm still the only mom who doesn't get stopped to talk walking in and out of the school. I still have moms looking at me like I'm just the babysitter. I'll be honest... it bothers me.