You guys. you guys really like the shitposts huh

A little gift for @a-shy-mimiktwo of Kura!

why are "your icon would" games so fucking boring tell me how you'd feel if you met your icon and they punched you

Hey, I want to talk.

{TW: Vent, last post on blog.}
[TL;DR: The AVA community made me realize I shouldn't be on Tumblr anymore due to my lack of social skills]

From the start of this first blog, I had originally posted just AVA/AVM content. For those who don't know, its Animator VS Animations. Alan Becker's channel and characters inspired me to create my own little AU based off of his world. The Starlight was meant to be my comfort project, something to help me doodle and relax to.

Over time I met people on Tumblr. I was new to the site, and since I was on the spectrum, it was hard just in general to make friends. When I did make friends, things didn't go well. The first friend group I met was very wholesome and sweet, but when we had a disagreement on a game they liked, I left. Not because I hated their choice of game, but because I hated the game itself. I won't name it, for the sake of this long text getting even bigger.

The second group I met was instead the ENTIRE Animator VS Animations community. It was a huge leap forward, but I was comfortable enough to try being in their small server at the time. During my stay there, I became a mod and played daily on their Minecraft server. It's actually where my character Greg comes in. Greg was the stick skin I used in Minecraft, so during lore I was him.

Somewhere along the lines, I became a God. Purely by mistake, since some of us were hanging out at spawn and I left the game to change my cape. When I came back, they all said I raised from the dead and started worshipping me. It was harmless fun that bloomed into actual lore for the server.

The fun though, didn't last long. I won't blame everything on my autism, but please know a part of it played into how I acted in the server. Forgetting people's pronouns, being too loud in calls, accidently saying hurtful things without knowing it was hurtful in the first place. All of that piled and piled without me knowing. No one told me I had been doing these things until one day; I get a ping from the owner of the server. The other mods had made a Google Doc detailing everything I had done.

From there, I was going to be either taught how to get better or leave the server. I wanted to stay, to prove to them I can be better, but that never happened. One night in the server, seeing everyone in the VC having lore be done, someone DM'd me. They told me the people in the call were trying to completely remove my OC from the story. When I tell you I put months into that Minecraft server, I'm not joking. I built massive structures, worked on everyone's story - hell I was even going to make tons of sky islands across the world for people to use as more housing. I was putting so much work into a world made for others, and now they were trying to remove me before I could even prove myself worthy to come back to the server. I snapped. I went to the server, and I said shit I shouldn't have. I was angry, I was upset. They accused me of talking to a minor, they accused me of outright being homophobic, they threw the whole list at me in front of the whole server. People who hadn't been involved chimed in, speaking their disappointment and anger.

I left after the fire died, leaving behind a final message explaining why I did what I did. Am I in the right? No. I fucked up. I'll admit it, because I know what I did was wrong. I don't ask for sympathy, I know none of them care. It doesn't bother me anymore.

So why am I typing this? Because this will be the last thing I post here. Tumblr taught me that maybe this isn't the best place for me to be. As much as I love the AVA community and so many of my friends I left behind there, I think they are all better off without me. If you are from the Minecraft Server, if you are even from the community itself and you knew me, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I made you upset, I'm sorry I offended you. I never meant to hurt anyone, I never meant to hurt people I cared about. I grew too attached, I grew too comfortable, and I said shit I shouldn't have said at my most comfortable.

With that being said, thank you for following my blog. Everything will still be here for those who want to see it. If you want to read up on my Starlight, my pinned comment will remain at the top. I am however, getting rid of everything else.

Thank you for reading and thank you all for understanding. Have a lovely day/night.

Sorry for not posting in awhile, just been busy with other stuff ^^’

For now, have this doodle page I drew

Been trying out a new brush