ultrafacts:

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The Indiana Men’s Prison runs a program known as “Pawsitive Impact,” which allows inmates to care for shelter cats. The initiative provides a unique opportunity for inmates to develop life skills such as responsibility, empathy, and patience by looking after the cats. Inmates are tasked with feeding, grooming, and socializing the animals, preparing them for adoption once they’re ready.

(via legitimately)

My therapist casually referenced to me being neurodivergent tonight. 😂 Need to ask her about it next week, because I want to know more details.

She also talked again about me talking to my parents and asking them to listen to me, and then me telling them about my perspective of what it was like growing up, and how it felt and how it’s impacted me. Her argument being is it really at peace if others are peaceful but I’m keeping it all in? And how can I move on and truly let it go if I don’t say anything? And other things I can’t remember right now.

She suggested talking to them in person, but I don’t feel like I would be able to successfully do that. Because there may be an undercurrent of anger, and I don’t want it to surface when talking with them, and end up being cruel.

She then suggested writing them a letter, but tone is so difficult to perceive in the written word. She offered the approach of writing a letter just getting everything out there, leaving it for a month then coming back to edit it, rinse and repeat one more time.

She wasn’t forcing the idea, and she clarified that if bringing this up would sever the relationship, then she definitely would recommend against it. It wouldn’t, but I don’t want to be cruel or unkind to my parents even by factually stating how they failed as parents. I already had one psycho-ass sister do that, and she definitely did it in an accusatory manner. And she was in her 40’s when she did that. I feel like having another child point out their failures wouldn’t do any good. I don’t think they’re living under the delusion they were fantastic parents, but maybe they do think they did better than they actually did.

This past weekend I dropped off some of the lilac things I made to them, and my mom inquired about my health, and I told her I tested positive for an autoimmune disease. I also followed that up with telling her autoimmune diseases are caused by one of two things: either genetics, or childhood neglect. I tried to casually mention that fact in passing, but I saw my mom’s face and she looked shocked. I said I’m pretty sure she and dad don’t have any autoimmune diseases, and she said dad had blood work done they’re waiting on the labs for, but I doubt it’ll come back positive.

It’s so hard to not feel fucked over by my parents and by my former spouse, even though all around things have been done (or not done) to me by them that were completely out of my control. But I’m the one impacted by and suffering for it. And again, it feels outrageously unfair.

I feel so defeated. I want to give up. There is so much wrong with me that I have no control over and cannot fix. What even is the point.