does anyone know what the first step of unlearning shame is. please say it’s substance abuse
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Sep 26, 2024
Apr 12, 2025
Apr 12, 2025
Apr 12, 2025
i go to the shop and I ask if they have any raspberries. they say no, they used to sell raspberries, but they haven't had any in stock in the last 15 years. I ask if there's somewhere else I can go to buy raspberries. They say no, with confidence and pride, they're the only shop around who has ever sold or will ever sell raspberries. Other shops might sell other fruit, sure, but they have a monopoly on all raspberries forever. I ask if they're possibly planning on them selling them again in future? they say they can't tell me that.
on the way home, I encounter someone eating raspberries. I ask and they tell me that they grow their own, they got some seeds from the shop back in The Raspberry Days and kept them. They take me to a field of many beautiful raspberry plants and invite me to pick my own, they're free for all the town to pick whenever they'd like.
someone comes up behind us. It's the shop manager, President of Nintendo Shuntaro Furukawa. he hatefully throws a bob-omb that blows up and kills both of us instantly for stealing 200 trillion dollars worth of potential Raspberry Shop That Doesn't Do Raspberries Anymore profits that they weren't making and then he turns around to the camera with a big thumbs up and says don't do piracy or something ok please
Apr 12, 2025
when i say my gender changes to the tune of the bit i mean a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do and if he can’t then god forbid women do anything
jokerkind specibus ass
ALTBut you still recognized that as a Homestuck reference.
What were YOU doing at the devil's sacrament?
i googled the words & got results from the homestuck wiki. that’s not attending the devil’s sacrament that’s investigating suspicious noises in the woods by lanternlight
Apr 12, 2025
if tumblr shuts down you can find me on tumblr. ill still be here. they cant make me leave
Apr 12, 2025
Wait, orcas murder things by yeeting them up into the air? What part of that kills them?
the part where a 6-ton animal cannonballs into them at 30 mph and reduces all of their internal organs to a fine paté
this:
is functionally identical to the human experience of not looking both ways, getting clipped by a speeding semi, and being sent flying through the front window of the 7-11 across the street (except that the semi doesn’t turn around and eat you afterwards)
So first of all, the orca weighs the same as between two and three minivans. See? And it can reach speeds of 35 miles per hour. So. Basically anything it does to you at speed is going to completely wreck you or almost any other creature alive on the planet
But then! look at this gif of an orca doing the specific tail yeet that was mentioned
full the force required to launch a seal like that is probably lethal by itself. Right? but then the seal reaches an estimated 80 feet (24 meters) ! at which point the surface of the water itself is often lethal to humans falling from that height, so, idk about seals but i bet the fall itself is basically like getting hit with the same truck a second time.
here you can see the relative size of an adult orca and the seals they hunt this way
this is like if a soccer player kicked a house cat full force.
bonus: here’s a gif showing what the tail slap would look like from underwater, and, idk about you, but this one creeps me out. Like, it’s super cool, but also, goosebumps
may i remind you: weighs the same as three minivans. Moves as fast as suburban traffic. Hyper carnivore all meat diet, develops special unique hunting techniques for murdering many many different kinds of animals in all sizes, lots of them mammals - from bite-sized otters to the biggest whales. Close to same intelligence as a human.
Apr 12, 2025
I hate when there's no toilet paper coming out the bottom of these gentlemen and you have to tickle its nutsack to de-piss yourself
Apr 12, 2025
whys combat and military gear always got to look so fucking cool when the people wearing them just objectively arent. thats unfair
this goes for like, all of time. knights are serving the KING? the fucking KING?
you cant serve cunt and the government at the same time come on now pick the right side i know you have it in you
Jesus said this. Matthew 6:24
jesus said this
Apr 12, 2025
Go piss girl
Apr 12, 2025
Apr 12, 2025
Me reaching what looks suspiciously to be the end of my rope: oobh i got plany off rope
Apr 12, 2025
also me when people call stick thin anime girls thicc
Apr 12, 2025
From my latest article: putting a government contractor like Elon Musk in charge of government spending is a recipe for corruption
Apr 12, 2025
If tumblr dies DM me for my full home address and we can have a barbecue
Apr 12, 2025
you've heard of "quiet quitting," now I'd like to introduce you to the next level, The French Work Ethic:
- Do exactly what you're paid for and nothing more
- Absolutely refuse to be available to contact when you're off the clock
- Never prioritize work over your own health, wellbeing, or family because that would be insane, it's just a job.
- Have a little glass of wine
- Take as long as you feel like for lunch
- Deeply understand that work doesn't matter
- Make sure your boss knows they're always your second priority ❤️