Chapter Text
It’s…oddly warm.
Not the blistering kind of warmth that stings your skin, or the thick and sweltering warmth that conjures sweat from your brow. A gentle, comforting warmth--paired with softness. It surrounds you, but doesn’t suffocate. A contented sigh brushes past your lower lip. Your body burrows deeper into the feeling, relishing in silky cotton.
Cotton…?
Awareness slowly catches up with the sensation, struggling to put any puzzle pieces together. Most of your fuzzy consciousness continues to seek comfort over comprehension. However, the fuzziness is fleeting--chased away by your gradually sharpening senses.
The feeling of cushion goes hand in hand with the smell of linen, fresh and warm. You’re suddenly aware of your own tongue, pressed against the roof of your mouth. As it runs against your bottom teeth, the stale and cottony flavor almost makes you grimace.
A soft rustling pulls you outward. It could almost be from your shifting, but it’s too far away--that is, until it grows closer. A tinny clattering, like metal against metal. A soft exhale--a human sound. The clattering resounds once more, this time uncomfortably close to your ears.
The indignant noise rises from you involuntarily. A sharp breath follows closely after it--once again, not from you. You register the tension between your knit brows. Underneath, your eyelids begin to flutter, claiming sight as the final piece of the puzzle.
An array of warm neutrals blur together. The abstract sight is almost pleasant. Calming. A tilt of your head fills the picture with bright white. It makes you squint, stark against the muddy colors. The blob of white fluctuates, oddly unable to keep still. You blink once. Twice. Three times, trying to will the obtrusion out of your peaceful picture.
“....ou’re…wake!”
The sound startles you awake as if you’d been dropped into ice water. Suddenly, all of the warm blurs become sharp and bright. Too bright. The stark white takes the specific shape of long arms and lanky torso. You look up and see a mop of mousy hair atop a pair of black frames.
Your heart begins pounding and your brain moves too slowly to understand why. A cry tries to tumble out of you, but dies in your crackled throat. You don’t realize you’ve been lying down until your torso shoots up, abandoning cotton and comfort.
A dull throbbing echoes through your head, immediately punishing you for the sudden movement. You hiss, hands flying up to cradle your temples. There’s a pressure on your shoulders, willing you to lie back down. You start to panic again, until you further register the touch. It’s gentle, executed by lithe, cautious hands.
“Woah, easy…you oughta be gentle with yourself right now.”
The voice that had so quickly roused you now mirrored the touch that accompanied it. Light. Soothing.
Under the mop of hair, you see gray eyes. Under the black frames, you see a pacifying smile. A lab coat. A blue necktie.
“Shinra…?” Your voice is weak from lack of use, but the gleam of recognition in the man’s eyes indicates that he heard you.
“Ah good, looks like your memory’s in one piece! At least of me…Hold on while I grab Celty.”
You stare at the man’s retreating back before your gaze drifts up to the ceiling. The color was very familiar, but you’re not sure where you’d seen it before. You glance to your right at the nightstand beside you. A tray occupies the space, piled with various items. You can only point out a few folded cloths, a thermometer, and two glasses of water. Right beside it, a small picture frame is perched on the corner.
Shinra beams at you from behind the frame, shadows wrapped around him as Celty stands in the background, arms crossed shyly.
You could only surmise that this was a room within their home.
That’s right, Shinra and Celty…your friends. Er, acquaintances. The former, an acquaintance, and the latter, a friend. Shinra was plenty nice, but you weren’t quite as close to him as your other friends.
As your train of thought continues, a foreboding feeling creeps up the back of your neck.
Other friends.
Something invisible looms over you, and you can’t help but feel like you’re missing something. You squint your eyes again, willing yourself to think just a little more clearly.
Why am I here again?
The nagging feeling grows stronger.
How did I even get here?
You barely notice the door opening again.
What hap…
It’s the sight of Celty’s bright yellow helmet that slams you fully into reality. You slowly sit up, eyes wide and jaw gaping. Clarity floods your brain in the form of memories and snapshots. Izaya’s apartment. Your apartment. Your father…your captor. The rooftop. Hoisting him into the night sky. Your friends watching.
The mattress sinks a little beside you. A bright screen appears in your vision, and it takes you a few bewildered blinks before you can read it.
“How are you feeling?”
The words ground you before your mind can spiral too far out of proportion. Your eyes move to Celty, catching your reflection in the glass of her helmet. Your lips twitch with the impulse to answer, but something holds you back. Celty pulls the screen back, quickly typing something else.
“That’s okay, I’m sure you're tired. Shinra’s gonna check on you for a bit, okay?”
You glance at Shinra, who seems to take it as a signal. He grabs a few things from the tray beside you and approaches the bed. You notice, gratefully, that he doesn’t join Celty in sitting next to you. The doctor only leans forward, prompting you to take a thermometer between your lips. Leaving the gadget in your mouth, he flashes a small light into your left, then right eye. He removes the thermometer and places a stethoscope on your chest in one swift motion. You plainly comply with each little test.
“She’s looking pretty good!” Shinra happily reassures Celty, more concerned with her peace of mind than yours. Celty’s shoulders drop in relief. Another message appears before you.
“Thank goodness. The others will be glad to know you’re okay.”
The words briefly confuse you, and then you notice it. Quiet murmurs, dampened by the closed door. It had to be several different voices. They were out there. Unease swirls in your stomach. Celty seems to notice immediately.
“I won’t tell them you’re awake yet. Not until you’re ready. But they’ll be happy to see you. I know I am.”
“Celty even took it upon herself to get you cleaned up and into some comfy clothes! Don’t worry, I didn’t peek or anything…I’m more into the pale and headless typ--”
Shinra’s face is overtaken by pure blackness. Through strands of shadows, you can still make out the crooked smile and amused flush on his face. Celty stands and slugs the man’s shoulder.
The corners of your mouth turn upward, a small huff of laughter sneaking through without your permission. The sound instantly draws their attention back to you. Your lips snap shut into a thin line. You stare down at the duvet as embarrassment warms your face. A light weight on your shoulder pulls you from your internal scolding.
Celty’s touch is soft against your clothed skin.
“We’ll leave you alone for now. Just call for us if you need anything.”
She watches you take in the message. Pulling the screen back to her chest, she briefly considers something. She decisively produces another message.
“You’re going to be okay. We’re all on your side, no matter what.”
Once she’s sure you’ve finished reading, she beckons for Shinra to follow her. You want to respond so, so badly. Tell them thank you, ask them to stay--but you can’t find the courage. Their forms disappear, the door shutting softly behind them.
It’s instantly worse. You’re fully awake and coherent now. You can hear every soft step down the hall and hushed voice in the living room. Longing swirls in the pits of your stomach. Your friends were at an arms reach, after you’d hid from them for so long.
How were you supposed to face them?
Panic and anxiety muddle with the longing--a painful cocktail that steals the breath from your lungs.
How were you supposed to explain everything?
“You’re going to be okay. We’re all on your side, no matter what.”
No matter what.
The words sink deeper into your brain. They slip down to the base of your skull, down your spine. They warm your arms all the way to the tips of your fingers.
I can’t keep doing this.
You force a watery inhale, resolve intermingling with the oxygen. You remember the dreams you’d had. You remember their kind faces and words to match--all a figment of your imagination, yet so tangible. There was no fighting it anymore.
I can’t keep hiding.
You needed them.
I…
Your legs are surprisingly steady underneath you. The softness of the gray rug tickles your feet. It turns into cold tiled floor as you reach for the bedroom door. The click of the door is quiet against the loud pounding in your ears.
I am worth saving.
For the first few hours, it had been silent.
The tension was too thick. They could only sit there, staring at each other. More restless ones, like Saburo, would pace around the room, unable to stay still. The patient ones, like Anri, never left their spot, only breaking concentration to spare a hopeful glance at the bedroom door. Shizuo was right in the middle, unable to sit, but never daring to stray from his spot against the wall.
What was there to say? There was so much to process after everything they’d witnessed. Many questions were left unanswered, leaving them with the horror of filling in the blanks. They’re scared. They’re angry. They’re relieved that they found you.
It was Erika who finally broke the silence.
“Saburo, how much gas you got left?”
The man was startled hearing his name after such a long period of silence. He tilted his head at Erika dumbly.
“Uh…”
“There’s gotta be some good takeout nearby.” Saburo straightened with understanding. Everyone stirred, roused by the mention of food. Erika took in the reaction, standing decisively.
“We shouldn’t all starve waiting here, and I’m not gonna make Shinra and Celty cook. We’ll have something ready for (Y/N), too.”
They watched as she picked up her bag and made her way to the door, motioning at Saburo. Suddenly, Mikado stood, quickly following her.
“I-I’ll help, too! It’ll be a lot to carry.” Erika gave him an affirmative nod.
“Here,” Shizuo suddenly said as she passed him. He digs in his pocket before pulling out a clump of bills. The man’s eyes were unreadable through his glasses, but Erika only smiled, accepting the money.
“We’ll be back!” She regarded the room with a secure smile before exiting.
The three returned an hour later, each hauling large paper bags that admittedly smelled divine. Small boxes were slowly arranged across the coffee table, holding a myriad of noodles, rice, vegetables, and meats. Erika took it upon herself to personally hand each person a packet of napkins and chopsticks. Without needing to say it, the woman sternly made it clear that everyone would be eating. Everyone tentatively began to make their selections, unfolding the boxes of their choosing and digging in.
Tension melts from Anri’s shoulders as she chews her first bite. Her anxiety had pulled a blanket over how hungry she was. The girl was not alone, the room slowly filling with the sound of chewing and contented hums and sighs. The takeout boxes rapidly disappeared as everyone had their fill. Mikado leans over the few remaining boxes.
“I hope there’s something here that (Y/N) likes,” he admits quietly. Erika smiles victoriously at him.
“There should be! There’s a good bit of curry left, she’ll love that. I got plenty of fried rice too.”
“Let’s put the rest away, then,” Kyohei nods. “I’m sure she’ll be hungry.”
“Do you think we could make some tea…?” Anri asks no one in particular. She gazes down at her empty to-go box, fiddling with her chopsticks. “I think…she might like some. It’d be nice to have it ready for her.”
“That’s a great idea, Anri.” Mikado reassures her with a smile. It quivers from his nerves, but comes from a genuine place.
“I’m on it!” Shinra sings. Ever the house husband, he’d already begun clearing discarded containers and bags.
The silence had been cracked open with a hammer, the tension dissipating along with it. Unease still bubbled under the surface, but everyone decided to fight through it. You couldn’t wake up to such a heavy atmosphere.
No, you deserved to wake up somewhere safe, and be welcomed with food, tea, and open arms.
Time stretched into the early evening, the group sipping on tea and making small talk. Under different circumstances, it might’ve been a pleasant get together. This group was familiar with each other, but nothing had brought them together in a circumstance like this. The only thing that would make it even better…was your presence.
Celty and Shinra had just returned from their routine check-up. The latter simply says that you’re still resting. The perceptive ones are suspicious of the vague statement, but bite their tongues. Why had Shinra come to get Celty this time? The group makes an effort to be quiet and maintain the peace. However, the murmurs are just loud enough that no one detects the padding of bare feet against the hardwood floor. A dark T-shirt and sweatpants blend in against the neutral tones of the walls.
It’s Shizuo who shifts from his position against the wall. He suddenly becomes alert, crossed arms dropping to his sides. His jaw falls open, eyes trained towards the bedroom where you had laid.
Then Erika notices Shizuo. Following his gaze, she spares a glance over her shoulder. Others then follow suit, looking over their own shoulders or leaning to the side to see what people were looking at.
Despite their previous efforts, the room suddenly goes still.
You shrink as everyone’s eyes fall on you.
“U-um…hey…”
A lump clogs your throat, preventing you from saying anything further. Your hands flex and clench into fists at your sides. Wherever you look, you make eye contact with the next person. You finally decide to stare at the floor, unable to meet anyone’s eyes.
It occurred to you that you probably should have made a plan before bolting out here. What the hell were you supposed to say…? How do you act? Like yourself? Or….
For a moment, you attempt to muster a cheerful smile--a smile that the former you would have. However, it quickly drops, your muscles too weak to hold it up. It feels almost painful. Your heartbeat speeds as you fumble for something to do.
A sudden movement pulls you, and everyone else, out of focus. Anri stands abruptly. You all stare at her as she tiptoes into the kitchen. Her back briefly faces the room before she turns again, holding something hefty in her hands. The girl's face is soft as she tips the kettle towards a small tea cup, filling it to the top.
You take in a sharp breath as she approaches you. A small instinct inside you wants to run away, but you stay planted. Anri holds the tea cup in front of your chest. You stare at it dumbly before realizing she’s offering it to you. You slowly accept it, the porcelain warming the palms of your hands. She doesn’t stop there, looping her hand around your arm and gently guiding you deeper into the living room.
Your heart pounds as you’re forced to come closer to the group. She leads you to the couch, taking a seat and gazing at you expectantly. It’s the last open spot in the living room, and as you gaze at various people standing or sitting on the floor, you wonder if they had left it open for you.
The weight in your chest subsides slightly at the thought. You comply with Anri’s silent request, sitting on the soft cushion. You stare at the cup of tea in your hands. The green liquid swirls against the ivory, sending floral-scented steam into your face. Your hands move on your own, bringing the teacup to your nose and taking a long inhale. The sweet smell calms you further. Your subsequent gulp of the liquid is embarrassingly large, like the last gulp of whiskey after a long night at the bar.
Grounded by the earthy taste, you finally face everyone again. They’re clearly anticipating your words.
“It’s…good to see you…All of you.” The words float from your lips, weightless with the truth that they carried. You see several smiles light up. You soak in each and every one, your fear of eye contact dissipating. It’s the whole group. Anri sits to your right, and Mikado to your left. The van gang sits at the table across from you, Kyohei and Erika seated in scattered chairs, Saburo standing over them, and Walker cross-legged on the floor. Celty sits in the loveseat while Shinra perches beside her on the armrest. Furthest from everyone, Shizuo stands by the wall.
“How are you feeling?” Erika is the first to respond. Her torso is leaned forward, attuned and attentive to you. You don’t know where to start in response to the question--but unlike when Celty had asked, you find it within you to answer.
“Honestly? I’m…a little nervous.” Shitting bricks. “But physically I’m pretty okay. A little groggy.”
They seem pleased with that, but no one says anything else. You can sense it, the overwhelming question hanging in the air. They’re too polite to ask, they care about you too much--you hope. You take another gulp of tea.
“...I owe you all an explanation.”
“You don’t owe us anything.” Kyohei stops you from continuing. Your fingers briefly clench around your coffee cup. “I won’t lie, I’m sure we’re all wondering, but only because we care about you. Your safety is more than enough for us.”
His brazen words bring an embarrassing feeling in your gut. Others nod in agreement.
“If you do explain anything, I’d want it to be so that we can support you.” Erika assents. “You don’t have to tell us if you’re not comfortable.”
Through the embarrassment, you find relief washing over you. They were understanding, of course they were. But…would they be understanding of the whole truth? You shake away the thought, gathering your courage instead.
“I want to tell you. I want you guys to know.” You decide. The declaration hangs in the air. There’s no response, but the others stare at you expectantly. They supportively waited, surrendering their full attention. You map everything out in your head, unsure of where to start. Sifting through all your memories, it feels as though you’re remembering from an omniscient perspective. It feels detached, as if history had occurred to a body that wasn’t your own.
In a way, you guess it had.
“...My name is (Y/N) (L/N).”
There’s no sputter of surprise, or astonished movement. They only wait patiently for you to continue. So, you grant their wish.
You start with what you’re not. You are not Brigall. You’re not 19. You’re not the adopted daughter of a rich scientist. You explain that you were born in America 23 years ago. You grew up there with your mom. As you approach the major turning point of your life, you pause. You almost omit it all together, in fear of how they would react.
“No.” Your eyebrows furrow decisively. “They deserve the truth.”
“I made a huge mistake. I…hurt people.” To finally say the words felt like throwing up. “The damage I did was…irreversible. I’m not proud of it. I ran away from home because of it.”
The words came out vague, but the gravity with which you spoke held many implications. You couldn’t help but search for their reactions. They’re trying to keep them at bay, but the small impulses are there. Kyohei’s brow raises ever so slightly. Saburo’s lips grow a little tighter. Anri’s jaw slackens. Shizuo’s head drops a centimeter. They’ve clearly taken in the information, but the horror and hate that you’re searching for is not there.
You move on to your abduction. How you were hit by a car and woke up in a strange place. A voice had filled the room, explaining that he intended to keep you there for experiments. He’d kept that promise.
“That day…Th-that video of me. It’s real. He did this. For some sick, twisted experiment.” With each word, you become less detached from the memories. A burning nestles into your chest and works its way up to your nostrils, then your eyes. A mixture of anger and sadness manifests in the form of gathered tears, threatening to fall from your lashes. “He fucked with my memories of everything he did to me, molded me into a different person…and I hadn’t even known until that day.”
You furiously rubbed at your eyes. You’re sure you’ve cried in front of some of them before, but it felt inappropriate right now. You wanted to be stronger.
You don’t realize how much you had been squeezing the tea cup until it’s pulled from your hands. Soft, pale fingers take its place, running over your palms. Anri’s body is soft beside yours, pulling you back to Earth. She looks at you reassuringly, thumb rubbing over your knuckles. It occurs to you that, ages ago, the roles had been reversed. The thought brings a weak smile to your face.
“You won’t have to worry about him.” Kyohei says.
When you look at him, you’re surprised to see it: thinly veiled anger. His eyebrows knit together and jaw tight. His sleeve wrinkles under the tight grip of his own arm. The disgust you had previously searched for was now visible on everyone's face, their horrors now confirmed.
“What do you mean…?” You ask him slowly. Then the image flashes through you again. Brigall, hoisted up by his neck, dangling over a fatal height. Horror wracks your body. Your fingers grip Anri’s painfully. “I-I didn’t--!”
“Celty captured you both with her shadows.” Erika dissuades your anxieties quickly. You heave a hefty breath, releasing Anri’s hands.
“We didn’t know what to do with ‘im besides rip ‘im to shreds!” Saburo gripes, fists stuffed into his pockets.
“The idea was really tempting, but we didn’t want to be too rash without knowing the whole story,” Walker explains. “So we brought him back here.”
Celty threw several glances back at your sleeping form as Shinra slowly closed the door. He rubbed her back affectionately, leading her down the hall.
“She’ll be okay, Celty, promise. There’s not a scratch on her.” The white lie dances from Shinra’s smiling lips. Technically, the track mark on your neck wasn’t exactly a scratch. You were okay externally, but there was no telling what you had been injected with. Still, he meant it when he said you’d be okay. He’d make sure of it, for Celty.
“Now, what are we gonna do with this guy?” He asks as they enter the living room. Everyone else is already gathered there, huddled around the front atrium. Shinra peeks through numerous limbs and shoulders at the trembling man on the floor. The man reminded him of his father, sickly pale and a little bit greasy.
“That’s what we’re trying to figure out,” Kyohei grumbles.
“You could’ve at least let me and Yumaach at him on the way here,” Erika pouts. She’s crouched down to his level, staring him down inquisitively.
“We don’t like you doing that shit with us around!” Saburo responds.
“Well, how ‘bout I just take him downstairs and kill ‘im!?” Shizuo interjects, shoulders hunched like a true predator. In spite of all the frivolous death threats he’s made before, no one doubted that he truly meant it this time.
“Is that really a good idea, though?” Mikado’s protests are reluctant. “M-Maybe there’s another way…”
“Maybe there is, Mikado!” Shinra’s voice takes everyone off guard. The group parts as he approaches, fully revealing Brigall to him.
Brigall, encaptured mouth to toe by Celty’s shadows, takes in Shinra’s white lab coat. For a moment, his eyes shine hopefully at the prospect of an ally. Shinra bends at the waist to meet his level.
“It’s nice to formally meet you, doctor! My name is Shinra Kishitani.” The hope in Brigall’s eyes quickly dims at the name. “I’m sure you recognize my father’s name. He’s told me so much about you!”
Shinra tauntingly pauses, as if waiting for a response. Obviously, he gets none, thanks to the black gag covering Brigall’s mouth.
“Listen, as a fellow scientist, I’m going to help you out. These guys aren’t feeling too friendly right now…but I’m going to have them let you go!” The bound man perks up at that, hope returning to his face. He nods his head emphatically. “Oh, but we’re going to have to set up a few conditions.”
Everyone watches the exchange with confusion. They bristle at the idea of letting the man go unscathed, but Shinra was clearly hiding something up his sleeve. They allow him to continue.
“You see, my father isn’t the biggest fan of yours. Between you and me, I think it’s because he sees you as a threat, so you should feel flattered. That being said, he’d be more than happy to see you taken down in every way possible.” Shinra straightens, taking the high ground between the two of them. “If he had dirt on you? Let’s say, if he knew you were sneaking around like this behind the board’s back? Man, he’d be all over that!”
The mood of the room shifts quickly. The group begins to understand what Shinra is getting at. This includes Brigall, whose eyes widen in realization. Shinra’s smile suddenly takes a sinister turn. The light catches his glasses, obscuring his eyes.
“They might be understanding if you’d had a finished product to show them…but with the lack of results you’ve got now? There’d be serious consequences. I’m sure you know what I mean.”
You can only stare back in shock as they recount the events to you. When they explain what Shinra had done, you turn to him. The man only sits there with a simple smile on his face. You had always sensed something peculiar about him. Admittedly, it distanced you from him in comparison to the others. Of course, the man was capable of pulling off such a clever plan--but to do such a thing for you ? You were indebted to him.
“I told him if I heard any complaint on your part, I’d be running to my dad. I imagine he’ll continue to support you financially, so you’ll be living pretty cozy for a while! As long as you want, of course.” Shinra explains breezily. You catch how Celty places a hand on his forearm, staring up at him with adoration. His smile quirks into a pleased little smirk.
“Wow, I…don’t know what to say.” You immediately scold yourself. “Th-thank you! All of you…so much. I owe you everything.”
“Keep sticking around, and we’ll call it even.” Walker says.
“No more going off the grid.” Saburo adds. Many people hum their approval of the statement. It makes your heart sink a little. You had left them in the dark to worry about you. You were so caught up in your own angst, you hadn’t considered the pain you caused to other people.
Your eyes meet Shizuo’s, as much as they can through his glasses. He had been silent the whole time, but you hadn’t minded. You were just happy that he was there to hear you explain everything. You wondered what he was thinking, how he felt. You’d undoubtedly hurt him too. Yet here they were, welcoming you like nothing had happened. The realization breaks a dam within you.
“I’m not the person you all thought I was…or who I thought I was. I might be a bit different from before, but if you’ll have me,” You choke a little on the words. “Y-you're my friends…! I won’t go anywhere!”
There are too many tears to wipe away, so you just let them fall. With each salty drop, your insides feel lighter. A weight lifts from your shoulders and you feel like you could float away. You had held on to this burden alone for so long. You were finally unloading it, bearing your heart to those you most loved, and feared. Your vision blurs, but you can make out moving figures. Soft warmth envelopes you. You register a black sleeve of Erika’s dress and the blue cuff of Anri’s uniform. You lean into the embrace, switching between wet mutters of ‘sorry’s and ‘thank you’s.
The others look on as the women cradle you affectionately. It’s admittedly awkward to idly stand by such a display, but the discomfort is outweighed by satisfaction and relief.
You’re here. You’re safe.
You’re home.