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Pepsi and Pals' Hardcore Kinktober Challenge
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Published:
2020-09-26
Completed:
2022-12-23
Words:
40,426
Chapters:
26/26
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Pragmatic

Chapter 26: Epilogue

Summary:

Their end.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Tonight, he is adding one more option to his list of favorite ways to see her.

 

Naked, in his clothes, and in a skin tight, floor length dress.

 

When he zips her into it, it takes everything in him not to immediately rip it off, pull her to the floor and wrap her throat in the tattered remains.

 

And she smiles like she can read his mind.

 

But tonight is too important to waste any more time.

 

So, they go.

 

Besides, there will be time to tear it apart. Later.

 

For now, she shines, stunning, and to have her on his arm is to be the most fulfilled man alive.

 

Secrets are done, and fear is for fun.

 

So they stride into the party together, smiling.

 

Ben can tell his colleagues are surprised, not only by his presence, but his company. But he has never made friends at work, so all observations are new.

 

The mingling is droll, the appetizers unappealing. The only saving grace is the open bar. Ben swirls a single pour of good whiskey in his glass, searching, scanning—

 

Snoke.

 

He is already looking at him, at them, and he knew this was inevitable. Counted on it, in fact.

 

And so he presses a kiss to the back of Rey’s silk-gloved hand and excuses himself to the restroom—an opportunity.

 

————

 

Being without him still turns her stomach, but she knows—

 

He will come back.

 

He always comes back.

 

But in the meantime, a man approaches, and she knows without being told that this is the man who has kept Ben on a leash, who continues to take him away from her. Kylo, she mentally corrects, recalling his coaching from this morning, between longing kisses and heavy sighs. They call me Kylo.

 

He doesn’t ask for her name. She does not offer it.

 

“You’re Kylo’s whore,” Snoke surmises as a means of introduction.

 

She nearly flinches at the word from a mouth besides Ben’s. But she has endured worse. Far worse. She clings to this fact as she smiles.

 

“You could say that,” she replies, toneless and bland.

 

“I do say that,” Snoke replies, swallowing down a sip of his drink before setting it down on the table between them.

 

And suddenly, any manner of feigned diplomacy is gone.

 

“You must be what’s been keeping my best man so distracted,” he bites, not an ounce of teasing in his tone. Rey has been on the receiving end of words from a great many chilling men, but no one has turned her stomach so instantaneously since—well, no sense in dwelling on the past.

 

“I suppose so,” is what she settles on in response, smile so fake she knows he can tell.

 

His eyes scan her body, and she’s never felt more naked, more loathed. She swallows down the bile in her throat.

 

“I’m sure you believe you’re special to him, girl. That you’re unlike all the others. I’d even venture to say you believe he loves you.”

 

He says the word love like it burns his tongue, as if it might hurt her, a dagger hurled at her chest, an attempt to break her.

 

At that, she laughs, tinkling and high and slightly boisterous, amused enough that she watches his face break out into a grin. He thinks he’s winning.

 

He’s wrong.

 

“No, Mr. Snoke. We don’t love each other. I’m not delusional.”

 

He seems pleased at her words, and she watches him write her off as a complete nonissue. Amateur, she can’t help but think.

 

“Well good, I’m glad—”

 

“We belong to each other.”

 

The din of the party remains, but between them, a bout of silence so thick, she could cut it with a knife. The thought turns her smile genuine.

 

His turns to a sneer.

 

“That’s where you’re wrong, girl. He belongs to me.”

 

His grinning surety is an ugly thing. She wants to wipe it away.

 

Instead, she pushes down the rash instinct and steps closer to him, close enough to smell the whiskey on his breath, to skirt her silk covered fingers over the rim of his glass, feeling the delicate ridges of the crystal.

 

Closer.

 

Close enough to lean in and whisper in his ear.

 

“We’ll see about that.”

 

————

 

Ben is relieved, as always, to have her back at his side. Neither of them do very well when apart, their separate worries given space to grow and fester.

 

She slips her bare hand into his, leans up to press a kiss to his scarred cheek. Staking her claim.

 

The commotion begins right when they expect it, the crash of a glass hitting the floor, a frightened shout for a doctor, room swarming with panicked energy as they stand on the outskirts, soaking it all in.

 

Eventually, Ben feels confident that there is enough confusion for them to slip out undetected.

 

“I think it’s time for us to go, don’t you, Mrs. Solo?”

 

“I think you’re right.” She smiles, wide and bright and alive. “Let’s go home.”

 

Notes:

I struggled to decide how much to put in these end notes, as I feared tainting someone’s own unique thoughts and takeaways, but I decided I had to at least share a little of the journey of this fic ❤️ (no hard feelings if you skip it, I promise)

I started writing this story in July 2020, in the middle of full time remote work, an online Master’s degree, and what was probably one of the lowest-ever points of my mental health (and also that other thing that’s still going on…). For the first half of the fic, I would typically sit down with a drink (or two), start a sprint timer, write, and immediately post. It was as if I had to first break down the door, then get the words out of me as fast as I could before someone caught me with them.

It was cathartic, a release, a dramatization of the most difficult to confront parts of my psyche, a tool to lean all the way into everything that we’re not supposed to think about or consider. This fic is the darkest one I’ve ever written, and yet somehow, in my opinion, it is still full of joy—or at the very least, amusement. “Compatibly fucked up” is my favorite dynamic, I think.

Fiction can be a tool to process reality in extreme, hyperbolic ways, and that’s what this story has been for me. A means of processing base instincts, desires, thoughts, feelings, and the world around me, in the form of two characters who fit the narrative so naturally it was like breathing (…bouts of writers block excluded). This fic was my place to be free, and I’m glad I just…leaned the fuck into it. And I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who felt seen by the words on the page.

Why shouldn’t we want rough sex? Why shouldn’t we have rape fantasies? Why shouldn’t we want to be taken care of? The fact that we are shamed for these very normal and common (I promise!) desires and fantasies is absurd. And so that ingrained societal shame, combined with a desire to raise a big middle finger to the world and my rapidly declining mental health, led me to ask questions that maybe (definitely?) belong more in fiction than reality, because fuck it! Why would anyone want to be alive in the world around us right now? Why shouldn’t a rapist and his captive have their unhealthily ever after? Why shouldn’t a relationship fix you? Why shouldn’t we want to be kept? Etc etc (you get it) Questions that seem extreme, and yet once just a few layers are peeled back, it’s not surprising at all that our brains might take us there.

This is all a bit rambly and I’m not sure exactly what I’m trying to say because I am filled to the BRIM with so much conflicting emotion I might burst. Maybe I’ll come back and say more someday ❤️

I’m going to miss this Ben and Rey so much, perhaps more than any other Ben and Rey I’ve written. They’ve been with me for the longest time (I never stopped thinking about them once, even in the sixteen months hiatus), and this is my longest fic so far, double the length of “(wanna let you) take me over,” which is the fic that let me tackle those first few questions, sort of paving the way for this one.

For a long time, I feared I would never be able to come back and finish their story. So much got in the way, and the longer I went without writing, the harder it got. But thanks to the support of so many wonderful friends (and some self imposed deadlines), I came back to them, and I’m so, so glad I did.

Special thanks to midnightmorningcoffee for being the catalyst and Carrots for holding my hand. To the folks that stepped outside their comfort zone to come on this journey, I’m so grateful and honored. And to whoever made it this far, whether you were here from the beginning or not, whether you left a comment or were a bit shy, whether you found this relatable or horrifying or sweet or just intriguing, thank you. You gave me a reason to finish their story in a way that, I hope, was gratifying.

If I ever decide to transform this into something new and original, I will add another chapter to inform you, so please feel free to stay subscribed to the fic ❤️

Your comments mean the world to me. I’m mostly on Twitter, but can also be reached on Tumblr and Discord (beccastanz#6922). If you’re not down to leave a comment but still want to share your thoughts, please feel free to reach out ❤️

Thank you, thank you, thank you 🥹❤️