Chapter Text
Don’t you remember ? It was not your wish to die…
Nothing…
There was nothing…
Where did she end or begin?
Did she?
Dark…
It was so so dark.
Cold too.
Was this…peace?
It held her tight, great wings in a starless night, a trench in the deepest oceans.
She was alone. Utterly, utterly alone.
Why did that not feel like peace?
Whispers. Someone was whispering in the darkened depths of inexistence.
I wish…
A black coil in the dark, as real and tugging at her as it was imperceptible. Like a tow line.
Like a lifeline…
Just let her sleep.
Just let her rest…
What else could possibly be out there for her?
I wish…
A line of red around her wrist, faint, dull, barely there in the shadows that kept her down. That claimed her. But there it was and if it existed then so must she.
And so Yuu floated in the abyss, kept from its darkened depths by the string holding her aloft. A fish upon a hook. A tattered marionette.
I wish…
Slowly, Yuu opened her eyes, and the feel of water around her drained away, giving rise to a clear night sky. Far far above, a star burned bright enough to light the dark, surrounded by a twinkling, dazzling tapestry. Tree boughs shifted, blocking her view with their verdant leaves, as a soft breeze caressed her cold face. She lay there, unmoving, unthinking, unfeeling, gaze fuzzy save for the stars.
The open sky above the tree propping her up was all there was and all she might be. How long she stayed resting there, Yuu didn’t know. Time ebbed and flowed, borne on the breeze swirling through her hair, living in the leaves fluttering above, coiled in the cool depths where her hand rested.
Wait…her….hand?
Her skin was cold, a deep aching thing that once thought of spread from pale cheeks and unblinking eyes down her throat…
Across her shoulders…
Through her chest where her lungs resided…
(Breathe… you have to breathe-)
She tingled as it slithered down her arms. Her fingers twitched, the first movement since she opened her eyes, and cool water stirred beneath her touch. Slowly, she turned her head from the night sky, and bark caught and tugged at her hair as she turned to stare down at the water next to her.
Her mouth was parched, dry, and all at once she could feel the way her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth and her teeth ached and her throat burned with longing…needing…
A growl rumbled through her, somewhere in the vicinity of her stomach perhaps though she couldn’t feel it.
Water…she needed water…
She was so…so…hungry…
No…wait…
Gears clunked as they turned in her head again. Her swirling hand formed a cup without an order from her brain. It scooped the water up, the movement jerky and untrained.
Thirsty…she was thirsty…
Another rumbling growl and Yuu leaned forward to drink the dark water pooled in her palm.
It tasted like it came from the tap in Ramshackle. Familiar, refreshing despite the odd metallic tang it left in her mouth. Yuu gulped down the water, her body shifting to support her hovering over the pool as she scooped handful after handful of water into her mouth. She shivered as it slid down her throat, the rumbling quieting as her stomach was slowly calmed with the drink. The water sloshed out of her hand as she went in for another sip.
Dripping from her mouth and down her chin.
Splashing back into the black pool it came from.
With each refreshing gulp, the gears in her head spun and the dazed fog began to clear. Finally, the desperation ebbed and Yuu let her arm fall, fingers brushing across the still liquid. Bark dug into her other palm from where it helped hold her and Yuu leaned back against the tree trunk to relieve the pressure. Slowly, she turned her head to see where she was, the movement still stiff even if she was feeling more awake.
The night sky still hung above her and the soft breeze still ruffled the boughs and beyond that, everything was still a hazy blur. Rubbing her eyes, Yuu tried to make out what lay beyond the great tree where she sat, but there was nothing more than hazy fog.
That…didn’t seem right…
She should be able to see NRC, or, at the very least, the forests between the great tree and Ramshackle. Because as dazed as she was, Yuu did recognize the gnarled roots and swaying boughs.
This was the great tree she’d spent so much time at during the starsending. The place where everyone’s wishes had been flown into orbit. Maybe that was why the stars were so bright here.
But…
Yuu paused, rubbing her head. Why was she here?
Hadn’t she been at Ramshackle?
What happened to her?
And why had she…
Yuu turned to stare down at the pool of water held within the twisting roots of the great tree. Aw man. She drank weird tree water…
No way could she ever tell anyone about this. That was so Grim of her to do, Ace would never let her live it down. Though, she couldn’t deny that it tasted decent, despite its questionable source.
Leaning forward to peer closer at the water, Yuu frowned at just how dark it was. It must be the shadows, the night sky could only illuminate so much no matter how bright it was, and they were covered by the leaves and branches above. But still, it was odd.
Her hair looked almost fully black in the pool’s depths.
Yuu shut her eyes and shook her head. When she opened them again her hair was a fair bit whiter next to the golden eyes staring over her shoulder.
Wait…the what?
“You’ve met with a terrible fate, haven’t you?” A soft, familiar voice she couldn’t quite place breathed. Yuu nearly slipped on the tree root she was perched upon as she spun quickly around, a hand reaching out to grab her own the only thing keeping her from falling into the pool.
(How troubling…)
Taloned fingers dug into her hand. Wide, golden eyes in a child-like face peered curiously at her. Soft downy black feathers curled around a small body. A boy, for there was no mistaking his youth, held her tightly by the hand, not letting go lest she fall into the ink-black water.
“You’re finally awake,” the boy said, his voice high and chipper as his eyes sparkled in the starlight.
“Who…are you?” Yuu asked, her voice rusty and breathless. The child tilted his head curiously, messy black hair falling in front of his pining gaze.
“I’m me of course, the only me for miles around. Who are you?” the boy chirped, the feathers at his back shifting enough for Yuu to realize they were wings. Small, fluffy things with a few sleeker feathers thrown in among the down. Tearing her gaze from the childish wings, Yuu shook her head and tried to regain her footing.
“I’m…Yuu,” she said after a long moment.
“You are me? But I am me!” the child looked utterly delighted at her response, laughter twittering at the edges of his confusing words. Yuu didn’t know what he was talking about or where he was going with this, but it seemed to amuse him endlessly. He tugged on her hand, sharp nails digging lightly into her skin, until she was standing more firmly on the root. Even so, he did not let go of her hand.
The words from before swam into mind and Yuu frowned.
“What did you mean? By meeting a terrible fate?” she asked, though the voice that said such words did not fit the child in front of her. It’d been older…sadder.
Still, the boy seemed to know what she was referencing.
“You’re here, are you not?” Like that itself was the tragedy he referenced. “And you’ve been here before. This is not a place for humans to explore.”
Ah, so this was a strange place. Perhaps that would explain the hazy fog covering everything beyond the outstretched boughs of the great tree. But being here before…
Well, huh, it did remind her just a bit…
“Where are we?”
“Some call it the in-between this reverie, but I know this as the world of memories,” the boy said and that older tone settled within his childish voice again. Yuu shivered.
The in-between. In-between what? Yuu felt like she knew and the answer rested heavily in her chest.
She’d been gardening, taking care of the inky mushrooms. She’d fallen asleep in the dirt, only…
It was more than just sleep, wasn’t it?
Yuu shook her head and the thought scattered.
“Memories? Like the ones I saw with Riddle, right?” she asked instead. The child tilted his head, frowning at her question. Then he ruffled his wings and grinned.
“Yes!”
“But those were in a hedge maze, in his childhood home.”
“They were!”
“This isn’t either of those,” Yuu said, looking around again. This wasn’t like the last time she’d been here, the great tree hadn’t been there. The child snickered.
“No,” the child said, shaking his head. “For these aren’t his memories.”
Ah. Okay. That would make sense. Kinda. Memories would reflect the people they were from. But…that didn’t answer whose memories these were. If the last time she was here was with Riddle and it’d been his memories then perhaps-
“Are these your’s?” Yuu asked the only other person here. His golden eyes brightened.
“Mine and your’s you’ll find, for you’re the one who’ll read them all in time,” the boy’s feathers shifted and it sounded almost like the shuffling of paper. He pointed one black-stained finger behind her, and Yuu turned to see the pool of water once more. Only now, the still surface was rippling, the darkness distorting with brighter colors and shapes.
Behind her, the child sucked in a breath and dug his taloned hand into hers.
“I knew it…” the child breathed, something akin to wonder dancing in his eyes. His raven hair and wings shone, starlight crowning his youth, and Yuu might’ve cried at his awe if she could only remember how.
“Mistress’s promise…”
Yuu yelped as the child flung himself at her, wings and arms spread to wrap around her as he pushed her back. The pair toppled off their perch.
“I’ll share it all,” he whispered as they plunged into the pool behind her.
“I’ll make sure you understand what’s been scrawled.”
Together, they fell.
(Fix this…I can fix this…)
Down.
Down.
Down they went through the roots of the great tree and into the memories beyond.
Of all the places in this world-
It was bright around them, snow swirling through the boy’s fluttering feathers. They stood in a cave overlooking an abandoned town. In distance, in every direction she could see, was the ocean. Despite the town’s ruinous state, Yuu felt a sense of warmth and familiarity. She knew as fast as the feeling came that it wasn’t her own emotion. The child held tight to her hand, still clinging to her since the moment they’d met, and he stared out at the same scene she did.
For a long while, he said nothing.
Then, he turned to her and smiled.
“You should start breathing again, humans need to do that, you know?” Yuu blinked once, twice, and her chest stuttered as she sucked in a ragged breath. The first she’d taken since waking up here.
In.
(There you go…)
Out.
“How did you-” Yuu paused, mind whirling as she kept breathing, unable to comprehend how she’d forgotten it was a thing she needed to do. The child laughed lightly.
“Our time here won’t last long now, but you know this town?” he asked, shrugging away her concern. Following his lead because she really didn’t want to think all too hard about it, Yuu nodded.
This town it glows but no fire stirs, not far nor wide. Its luminesce, it comes in sunlight, on snowy petals fallen.
“This is the place I read about, isn’t it?” she remembered that first night she’d opened the journals to read a bedtime story to Grim. The town in snowfall she’d imagined. It felt right, the memory coming too easily to be anything but.
“Yes,” he said and his hand tightened for a moment.
“Those journals…are they…”
“Mine? Yes.” His wings stirred at the admission.
“Oh…okay…” Yuu breathed. “Why are you showing me this? I’ve already read it.”
“So you understand,” he said simply. “You have to understand what happened.”
He pointed out the cave entrance, toward the shores where Yuu could see the shapes of boats pulling up along the sand. People were jumping out, bringing all sorts of supplies with them as they did.
Ropes, cages, food, tools.
They come upon these shores, in long boats of sails and oars. Words they speak, startling alarms instead of soft song.
“They’re fascinating aren’t they?” he asked, eyes wide as he too watched the people below as they began constructing a small town.
“Humans, I mean,” he clarified when she didn’t respond.
“I think so,” she said, not understanding in the slightest what the boy was trying to show her or why. He asked for her to understand but Yuu didn’t know what he wanted from that. She’d only read a bit of the journals. They were just bedtime stories for her and Grim.
Yet, to this child they were real.
They were his memories.
But why did the memories of a child from so long ago matter enough for this? She was in the in-between. Where she’d gone when Riddle overblotted.
When he’d kil-
Yuu pushed the thought away and focused back on the child. Slowly, she kneeled down so the pair were at eye level with each other. If he wanted her to understand then okay.
Okay.
She could try and do that. Even if she didn’t know why he was asking this of her.
“What’s your name?” she asked because maybe if she knew that then…well…it probably wouldn’t help anything. But at least then she’d know what to call this small innocent child who held the stars in his eyes and their crowned light upon his raven hair.
He tilted his head in confusion, frowning softly.
“I don’t have one yet. We’re named by those who love us,” he said, so matter of fact Yuu could never hope to refute him. “-and I don’t know that person yet.”
And oh, ow, okay. Yuu’s heart squeezed at that. Carefully, so as to not spook the child, Yuu raised the hand he wasn’t holding and softly touched his cheek. He nuzzled into the touch and her fingers tangled in his raven locks, pushing them from his face. A pointed ear appeared and she tucked his hair behind it.
(I’ve got you-)
“Time is nearly up,” he said, and beyond the cave entrance, the island burned. Yuu shot to her feet, panic clawing at her as the ruined town went up in flame.
They did this…they wanted me like Elder said. I’ve never known this kind of dread. Mistress…it’s gone. What song can I sing to you now? My home, all I’ve known. Mistress please…hear my plea.
Smoke rose into their small cave and Yuu choked on it. She tried to pull the child closer, shield him, do something as his home burned and the human boats sailed toward the reddened horizon.
He pulled away.
“This is memory, mine for now, but your’s soon enough.”
“What do you mean?” she asked, begged really because she didn’t understand any of this!
“Just keep reading,” the boy whispered but his voice was already growing fainter as the smoke clouded the cave. “And next time-”
The roar of flames drowned the raven boy out, and Yuu choked on the smoke, eyes closing against the heat as everything was razed to ash around them.
The hand he’d held was empty a red string around it, yanking her, pulling her back.
Back from the in-between, back from the memories.
Back to the land of the living.
Next time-
You’ll understand more.
What did you wish for?
Yuu bolted upright, chest spasming as she coughed up the smoke burning in her lungs and fought to suck in enough air. Her heart raced, pounding in her ears and throat loud enough to drown out the boy.
Drown out the blaze.
Drown out the…
Out the…
“My my, Mr. Prefect, so good of you to finally wake up.”
Yuu stared at her hands sitting empty in her lap, a scratchy blanket neatly covering her legs. Where was…
What happened to…
Her body shook.
What had just…?
“Oh dear, wake up from a bad dream?”
Dream? No…that hadn’t been…she had…
Slowly, Yuu turned her head toward the other person in the room.
Jade sat, as calm and put together as always, in the newly fixed armchair Crowley had used. In his lap was a small chipped plate, the matching teacup held just below his lips with two fingers.
Steam curled from the cup.
How long…?
Did he…?
No. There was no way.
“I must say Mr. Prefect,” Jade said, taking a sip of tea and placing the cup on the plate. “That you are always so full of surprises.”
Yuu’s stomach dropped, her hands curling into the blanket tucked around her as she tried to reel in her frantic breathing. Why was she so panicked? This was just Jade. He was here, in her dorm, right after she’d…
Right after she’d…
Did he know?
What did he see?
“Surprises?” And it was a surprise that her voice came out at all, the link between her brain and mouth feeling disjointed.
Jade smiled pleasantly.
The fire was in her veins. It seared through her with every thud of her jack-rabbit heart, anger blistering her gaze till all she saw was red.
Why was he here? What did he know? He was laughing at her. He was. They were.Weak.Helpless.What happened?Whathappened? Sevenshelpshimwhathappened-
“Tea?” Jade asked, moving the cup deftly out of reach as Yuu lashed out with one arm. Her other hand dug into the side of her head, nails cutting into skin while her jaw was clenched so tight her teeth felt like they should crack.
Yuu froze at her attempt to strike out at Jade, her heart stuttering.
This wasn’t her.
Anger. Fear. Panic. They clawed at her, tried to choke her.
They were nothing like she’d ever felt before.
The realization was like a damp cloth over the inferno of confusion inside her.
There was no reason to lash out at Jade of all people.
“I’m…” her words were caught, the connection from brain to mouth still piecing itself back together.
Jade held out a small plate and teacup again once both her arms fell back into her lap.
“There, there,” he said, patting her head and pushing the plate toward her. Yuu took it wordlessly, unsure what else to do. “You’ll have to try harder than that against me. Floyd was faster even as an elver.”
Glancing up at him, Yuu opened her mouth.
She was…so confused.
Jade gave her an unreadable look and waved his hand. The armchair skidded across the floorboards and bumped into the back of his knees. Lips tightening at the hit, Jade sat smoothly down and faced her as she sat on the couch. With another flick of his fingers the tea cup and plate he’d been using zoomed back into his waiting hands. He took at sip, then glanced meaningfully down at the cup in her own frozen grip.
Yuu could barely even register what it was, tea most likely if its dark color was any indication, but she brought it to her lips anyway and took a sip.
Her jaw instantly relaxed, her tense shoulders and shaking hands quickly following suit.
“Chamomile,” Jade said, in lieu of any other explanation. “It’s one of Azul’s favored teas.”
Her heart was still pounding but it was easier to breathe. She tried regaining control of her panting by copying Jade’s even tempo.
In.
“Must’ve been quite the dream.”
Out.
“I promise not to tell Floyd if you want to share. There’s enough else he’ll find amusing about this situation.”
Yuu took another sip of tea and grimaced at the earthy, almost bitter flavor. She remembered the potions lab where Crewel had first sent her to the greenhouses on her own. He’d wanted her to learn the difference between daises and chamomile for their Potion of Rest.
They were good at aiding sleep and relaxation potions so Yuu supposed it made sense they had a similar effect in tea form.
Still, she didn’t care much for the taste.
While her brain was clunking through what she knew about the tea, the back of her mind snagged on what Jade had said.
Was…it all just a bad dream?
Had she really just fallen asleep?
Setting the tea cup back on the plate, Yuu said the only thing her mouth would allow.
“Amusing?”
“Oh yes, I can almost see him now, simply dying of laughter at the thought of you falling asleep in the garden. Honestly, Mr. Prefect, you’re lucky I was the one who found you. I only took one photo’s worth of blackmail,” he was grinning with the last comment, the kind of smile where his eyes crinkled like a proud cat. Even her discombobulated brain could tell he was teasing her.
She could be upset. That smoldering rage so unlike anything she’d ever known was still simmering beneath the damp emotional cloth she’d thrown over it.
She could be afraid. That cloying clawing feel she’d barely tampered, held at bay by her steady breaths and small sips of the disappointing tea. He had technically, just threatened her with blackmail.
But instead, Yuu’s chest shook. By the time her brain caught up with the action, she was already laughing at his obvious joke. He, Jade of all people, was making her laugh at his absurdity. It was so unlike him to be so forward. It made it all the funnier.
Her vision blurred as Jade leaned further back into his chair, a perfect picture of ease, and he took another sip of tea.
And that was how they were found.
Three figures hurtled down the path toward Ramshackle. The one in front did not stop for the gate, slinging it open with a slice of his pen he barreled forward with a desperate single-minded might. The two behind tried to keep up, one nearly dragging the other, both anxious in their own rights.
They reached the door, and Yuu had all the warning of a single loud knock before her front door was forced open and Riddle was in her living room, pen bared.
His eyes narrowed on Jade, and neither Jade nor Yuu had any time to react before the pen slashed through the air.
“Off With Your Head!” Riddle snapped, eyes wide and bright with fury sparking in their depths. A red and black collar appeared around Jade’s neck and the boy startled at the sudden weight but did little more than frown at Riddle’s intrusion.
“Riddle!” Trey cried out as he and Cater rounded the corner from the entryway to the living room. Riddle paid them no mind, eyes flicking from her to Jade rapid fire as his chest heaved with heavy breaths.
“What did you do?” he snarled and at first Yuu thought he was talking to her. But his pen was trained on Jade who simply titled his head curiously.
“What did you do to Yuu?”
It was like they were back to the first week of school. The same icy, hate-filled voice came from Riddle’s mouth as they had then, only this time it was directed at Jade rather than Ace.
Where…where was this coming from?
She was standing before she knew what she was doing, cup of tea clattering to the floor.
“Stop it!” she demanded and Riddle took a step back into Trey and Cater. Then he scowled.
“Get out of the way,” he snapped and Trey grabbed his shoulder.
“Calm down, we don’t even know what happened,” Trey said in a low voice, his other hand grabbing Riddle’s other shoulder firmly as well. Next to the stability of Trey, Yuu could see that Riddle was shaking through his PE gear. Cater stepped toward Yuu, dressed in his dorm uniform, placing himself between Riddle and Jade too and he held his hands up in what might be a calming gesture.
“Let’s all chill out, okay?” he said head turning from Yuu and Jade to Trey and Riddle. “I thought you two talked about beheading people,” Cater said lightly, staring at the Heartslabyul duo with his back to Yuu so she couldn’t see his face. Riddle grimaced at his words but did nothing to remove the collar.
Trey said nothing.
Then, in a bitingly control tone, Riddle spoke.
“What did Floyd do to you?” he asked, his eyes only on her. His body, his words, his snapping anger—it all reminded her so much of that day, enough that she wanted to slink back, enough for her side to ache.
But above all were those slate gray eyes (not crimson) holding more rage and confusion than Yuu knew anyone could have.
All while he trembled in utter fear.
She felt like she was looking at the manifestation of what she’d felt mere minutes ago. A wounded, cornered creature lashing out.
“Floyd?” she asked, not sure where he’d gotten such a thought. “That’s Jade.” She pointed back at him, willing Riddle to see the clear differences between the twins, though his mixing them up did precious little to clear up her own confusion. Something about all of this terrified Riddle, and Yuu wanted to help if she could.
Jade’s blue-scaled earring jangled lightly as he tilted his head, leaning easily on the arm of his chair. He held up his left hand near the black streak in his hair.
“J for Jade, remember?” Jade said and Yuu paused, blinking as she and everyone else turned to face Jade. He was taking all of this remarkably well. Suspiciously well if someone asked her. Was it the chamomile tea? He’d been collared and yelled at and accused and still he just sat there sipping away, calm as could be. He was even still making small jokes! Thankfully, the dissonance wasn’t only felt by her, Jade’s reaction catching Riddle off guard.
Slowly, he lowered his pen and the magic collar evaporated at the loss of concentration. Riddle grimaced, his hands curling into fists.
“I think it’s time for you to head out,” Cater said, blocking Yuu and Jade’s view of Riddle. His stance was easy, relaxed, but his shoulders were slumped in exhaustion.
Whatever happened to lead these three to Ramshackle, it was hard on all of them.
“I haven’t finished my tea,” Jade said, moving the cup so the liquid sloshed inside.
“Get out!” Riddle snapped, the confusion abating his anger wearing off already.
“Please,” Cater tacked on, smiling tightly. “This is a Heartslabyul matter we need to deal with.”
“Oh?” Jade frowned, “In that case, I do apologize. I didn’t intend to intrude on another dorm’s business.”
He didn’t look remorseful in the slightest, instead downing what was left in his cup quickly and standing, picking up the bag at his feet Yuu had failed to notice previously. Waving his hand, the tea cup floated to the coffee table, skidding roughly on the rickety surface when it landed. Jade’s lips pursed but he said nothing of the magic, just hoisting his full backpack over one shoulder.
“I’ll walk ya out,” Cater said, stepping forward to usher Jade away. He didn’t look overly pleased at the directions, the thinly veiled orders really, but he didn’t have much of a choice. Riddle was a single wrong move from blowing up and collaring him again, and there was very little Trey could do to hold him back from that, despite his hands gripping both of Riddle’s shoulders.
“Wonderful,” Jade said inclining his head and moving to the entryway. Yuu felt bad. She should apologize for, well…for so so much. What wasn’t there to say sorry for this morning? Whatever all this confusion was, none of it was his fault.
But…
Glancing at Riddle, seeing the terror in his eyes and how his body shook even if he was a half-second from slinging all manner of dangerous spells, she knew she couldn’t stop Jade’s procession out. Not now.
She’d make it up to him.
She would.
“Oh, and Mr. Prefect?” Jade asked, pausing in the entry hall catching all of their attention. “Do try and get more rest before our next hike, nodding off like that is only interesting the first time it happens.”
He was gone after that, Cater trailing behind him out of Ramshackle.
With his disappearance, Riddle slumped.
“Riddle-” Trey breathed, using the grip he already had to help push Riddle to the couch. Yuu scrambled to make room for him and the boy practically fell into the seat next to her. She leaned forward to try and check on him but Riddle was faster, shaking hands grabbing her arms, her hands, anything he could as he checked her over with a desperation akin to a dying man.
“You’re…you’re okay…” he breathed, two fingers on her wrist and slate eyes brimming with unshed tears.
Yuu didn’t know if ‘okay’ was how she would describe the veritable mountain of conflicting feelings she was having.
She didn’t know if ‘okay’ would describe what happened this morning.
Instead, she nodded mutely and Riddle sighed, fingers curling around her wrist where her pulse kept beating.
“I thought,” he said, gathering his breath. “I thought you’d died again.”
Died again.
Died again.
Died.
Again.
There was no amount of confusion- no insurmountable influx of emotions not her own- no nothing that could change what he’d said. That could make him take it back.
She hadn’t thought, hadn’t let herself think, much about what had happened. Hadn’t admitted it to herself, not really, since she’d woken up after his memories and packed it all away.
No. No. No.
That…was exactly what happened back then. During the overblot.
But today-
Jade said he’d found her asleep. He would have mentioned if she was…if she was…
Still, it felt all too right for what happened this morning, no matter what Jade had seen.
She didn’t need to acknowledge this. She didn’t want to!
That anger she’d woken with, foreign and searing, hissed in her veins.
Yuu opened her mouth to say something. She had no idea what.
What could she possibly say to Riddle when he was so obviously terrified?
Terrified for her.
What happened to him?
Yuu wasn’t the one who spoke.
“Died again?”
Hearing it come from Cater’s mouth was different. It was tired, nervous, and when she looked up at him with dawning horror his brows were furrowed as he stood in the entrance of the living room.
“Let’s all calm down, Riddle you’re misspeaking-” Trey reached for them, kneeling in front of the couch and Yuu noticed he was also in his PE uniform, though it was more disheveled than she’d ever seen him be.
“No,” Riddle said and Yuu’s pulse thudded beneath his fingers. “I didn’t.”
Trey froze.
“Riddle-” she whispered, begged maybe, but Riddle scowled and his fingers dug uncomfortably into her, nails biting her skin.
“I passed out,” he snarled, cheeks flushing red. “I just passed out in front of the whole team and all I could think of was that you were dead again so don’t you dare try and avoid this! I-”
Riddle pressed against her, trapping her between him and the couch arm as he bared his teeth and held her close, one hand on her wrist and the other on her side right over…
Right over…
He knew exactly where her scar was.
“Hey! Back off,” and it was Cater, not Trey who was still kneeling in front of them, but Cater who was there.
Who pushed Riddle away and tore his grip from her. The fiery glare transferred from Yuu to Cater, and the third year crossed his arms over his dorm uniform in response.
“What do you mean?” Trey finally said. He looked ill. Yuu couldn’t blame him.
“I mean exactly what I just said!” Riddle snapped. In his state, he cared very little for Trey or Cater, and her reprieve from his glare was short-lived.
“What happened to you?” he asked and maybe it was his turn to beg. Yuu just shook her head.
“I-I don’t know- n-nothi-”
“Stop! Stop pretending nothing has happened! I felt it! My magic reacted, it-” Riddle cut himself off, having to take a deep breath as his shouting stole what little air he had. He grit his bared teeth, and reached for her again, just grabbing her wrist this time.
“It felt like I was overblotting again. It felt just like when I killed you! Something happened to you and I need to know what!”
Right.
Beneath all the anger…
She’d seen the fear in his eyes.
The same terror robed in rage she’d felt when waking up.
What did that mean?
“You…killed, Yuu?” Trey asked, voice unsteady and she could see why. His head was shaking, denying what he was hearing just as much as she wanted to.
“Yes,” Riddle said and it was a nail in all of their coffins. Tears glimmered in Riddle’s eyes. “During my overblot, it’s- it’s why I stopped.”
What?
He’d never mentioned that before. Yuu hated even thinking about that day. Hated remembering any of it and she’d done so well at burying most of it.
But-
She thought she’d broken his phantom with a branch. Or if not that then one of the other boys had managed to crack the inky visage of the Queen of Hearts.
She didn’t know it was her death that stopped his overblot.
They’d never spoken of that day, just brushing on the memories they’d seen after. But…it wasn’t because Riddle hadn’t tried.
Whatever she was feeling could not possibly stop the ice running through her.
“You…you never mentioned any of this?” The words barely felt like they were her own even if they came from her lips. She felt strange, disconnected, tugged all sorts of directions even if the only one touching her was Riddle pressing his fingers into the pulse of her wrist.
The same wrist adorned in red string from the memories.
The same red string that had kept her from the abyss and torn her back to the land of the living.
“I did!” Riddle shouted. “I told the headmage everything! He said it was nothing! But this wasn’t nothing!”
It wasn’t.
Yuu knew the truth without anyone needing to tell her.
All of this pain, this fear, this anger.
It was her fault.
All of this was her fault.
She was alive because Riddle had pulled her back from the abyss of death.
“You killed Yuu,” Trey whispered again. It wasn’t a question this time. Neither she nor Riddle had denied it.
There was silence save for Riddle’s panted breathing. Trey wasn’t looking at either of them, gaze fixed on the floor. Cater wasn’t much better, frozen in place where he’d stood to separate them.
And Yuu…well…what could she possibly say?
“Don’t worry, I asked to be expelled for it,” Riddle stated, finally not shouting. As if that was what she was worried about. She’d done something to him during his overblot and again now in the garden. He could…he could what? Bring her back to life? At what cost? What kind of magic could even do such a thing! Clearly, Riddle hadn’t intended it and he was far too smart to accidentally do anything! Which just left…just left her…
This had to be her fault somehow.
Cater had other ideas for what was important right now.
“Expelled?” he asked, voice higher than usual. “You killed someone and you asked to be expelled!?”
“Yes, but only because the headmage wouldn’t let me ask to die.”
You could hear a pin drop.
“You…asked to die?” Yuu didn’t even know who asked the question.
“It was the only punishment I could think of to fit my crime! A life for a life! But the headmage wouldn’t even let me fully ask! So yes, I asked to be expelled!”
“Riddle…”
“Stop! Stop looking at me like that! I tried my best to pay for what I did but the headmage refused everything I offered and he told me all I needed to do was make it up to you ! It’s why I’ve been doing everything you want! Giving you everything I can! But none of it is working!” He focused back on Yuu and his nails left divets in her wrist. Yuu sucked in a sharp breath, all thoughts beyond what he was saying fleeing her mind.
The gift baskets. The tours. The invites. The Unbirthday parties. The inclusions in Heartslabyul’s traditions.
The club marking.
Was all that just because he felt guilty?
“Is that why you barely interact with our dormmates?”
It was Cater who spoke. He wasn’t looking at any of them but his fists were clenched and his jaw was tight.
“Of course. I have responsibilities as Housewarden, but no one needs to be near me otherwise. It’s a small penance to pay to keep everyone safe.”
Oh.
Thinking back, Yuu had barely seen him interact with anyone in his dorm. Every time she had it was because he was orchestrating an event.
Not for the first time, there was silence in her dorm.
Then.
“Ah haha…”
Laughter? Yuu’s glanced from Riddle to Trey to Cater, eyes landing on the only one in his dorm uniform.
“Haha, oh oh you’ve gotta be joking- ah hahaha-”
“Cater…” Trey whispered, face finally breaking from its shock to frown at his fellow third-year.
“This is too much- haha…I thought- ahaha! Man I’m such an idiot,” Cater laughed, head finally tilting back as he carded his fingers through his hair. His body was shaking, one hand tangled up in his hair while the other gripped his stomach. His eyes were closed.
“What are you doing?” Riddle asked, scowling at Cater’s response to his admissions. His words only made Cater laugh harder.
He opened his eyes.
Yuu shivered.
“That’s why?” Cater asked, ignoring Riddle’s question entirely. “That’s why you’ve been distant? That’s why you’ve been making Trey and I deal with the students more? Cause you’ve been punishing yourself!?”
“I- everyone is happier if I’m not around! I committed a crime! I hurt people! I killed Yuu!”
“Yuu looks just fine to me!”
“You don’t know what you’re saying!”
“No! I don’t think you do! You told us you were going to try and be better! But now you say that’s not what’s been happening!”
“Of course it is! I’ve done everything exactly as it’s been asked of me! I have to repent so I do whatever will make Yuu happy! I know my dormmates hate me so I let you and Trey handle them! I-”
“Who told you to repent!? Cause I know it wasn’t any of us! Was it the headmage? Was it Yuu? Or was it your mom in your head still dictating what all the rest of us have to deal with?”
“Cater!” Trey snapped.
“None of us care if you are punished. That’s solely on you and doing it doesn’t mean you’re getting better! You’re the one who took over from me! And ever since we’ve been cleaning up after you! I was an idiot to think that maybe you would change-”
“Stop it you two!” Trey nearly shouted, cutting into the argument. Riddle had risen from his seat, hands curled into fists and cheeks flaming red. Cater’s teeth clicked as he scowled, face twisted up in scornful pity. He snorted and rounded on Trey.
“Right, sorry, I forgot all we can do is play nice. Did you two even talk about his behavior? Or did you just tell him it was all okay again?” Cater huffed. Trey winced like he’d been slapped.
“Cater!” Riddle snapped. Cater’s hand dropped from his hair, arms folding in front of his chest. He didn’t seem at all concerned about how angry people were, how Riddle’s hand twitched toward his pen. Cater chuckled darkly again.
“Man, if Ace-y was here I’d love to watch him punch you again.”
“How dare-”
“No, how dare you think any of this is change. You’re still the same-”
“Be quiet!”
“Of course none of this is enough! You’re still just punishing everyone including yourself-”
“I said be quiet!”
“You haven’t changed at all have you? You’re still the tyrant queen.”
“That’s enough!” Trey bit out eyes darting between the three of them. Riddle shook his head, fingers clawing at his hair with his teeth bared.
“That’s what you always say! ‘That’s enough.’ ‘We don’t need to say anything else.’ ‘We just have to help out- just have to give him space and he’ll get better!’. It’s always whatever is best for Riddle! Well what about me! What about you?! He just told us he hasn’t changed at all! He just told us he killed someone! So when do we stop pretending-”
“What are you even-?!”
“Silence!” Riddle snapped, eyes blazing. Cater scoffed, and opened his mouth. Riddle’s hand reached for his pen before Cater could do anything, and venom-dripped words Yuu knew too well echoed within Ramshackle.
“OFF WITH ALL OF YOUR HEADS!”
Magic flared over the three of them, blistering heat pushing Yuu back into the couch as a collar tried to form around her neck and disappeared just as quickly, no magic to bind it in place. Trey grunted as the collar slammed closed around his throat, cutting off anything he may have wanted to say.
And Cater?
The wave of magic hit him hard and a collar snapped shut only to fall and disappear in the same second as Cater evaporated in front of them all.
Yuu’s heart thudded in her chest in tune with Riddle’s panted breathing. All any of them could do was stare at the space where Cater had just been.
Trey must have figured it out first, his anger melting into horror.
“I thought I grabbed the real Cater…” he whispered, more to himself than anyone else and Yuu finally understood what had happened.
Right. Riddle said they’d been at spelldrive practice. He and Trey were in their PE uniforms. Cater always put his clones in different outfits than he was in.
She was just so used to the supposed ‘real’ Cater being in his dorm uniform that the thought of his clones had never even crossed her mind.
And apparently, Trey had been mistaken as well.
Riddle sat in stunned silence, simply staring at the same spot.
“I took a clone through a portal,” Trey groaned, gaze far off. “He hates that. I need-” his eyes flashed up to Riddle.
“Let’s go.” Trey ordered and it was enough to shake Riddle from his stupor. Trey’s expression was hidden in the glare of his glasses.
“Trey-”
“I said LET’S GO,” Trey snapped, and his lips pursed into a thin line as soon as the words left him, his breath tight. “We’re done here for today.”
This…
All this…
It was her fault.
“I still don’t know what happened to Yuu,” Riddle said, and his voice was quiet but firm. The muscles in Trey’s jaw clenched as he swallowed thickly.
There was so much wrong with just…everything.
Yuu didn’t know what to make of all that’d been said. But she knew enough to know that someone needed to go find Cater.
And there was only one person it could really be.
“Riddle can stay with me,” she offered and both of them turned to her. “We can talk about this morning.”
Trey nodded once, eyes lingering on Riddle for a moment longer.
Then he turned and walked away.
The sound of Ramshackle’s door closing echoed in the silent dorm.
Yuu’s mouth was dry and she mourned the fact that she’d spilled her tea, no matter how much she disliked it. It would have been nice to occupy her hands as the silence stretched on.
She needed to do something, fix this somehow, but she didn’t know how.
She didn’t know if it was something she could fix.
The argument started with her, but Cater’s words felt like they were a long time in the making.
“Do you want some tea?” she asked, standing finally. Riddle wordlessly nodded and Yuu took the opportunity to flee.
She was such a coward.
In the kitchen, she could breathe alone finally for the first time since waking up. Since she’d been in the garden.
Since she’d…since she’d di-
She shook her head and instantly grimaced. Even now she couldn’t bring herself to admit it. The whole reason for the argument.
Only, that wasn’t quite true.
Because on top of all of it, she’d done something to Riddle.
And this whole time he’d felt guilty over what he’d done to her.
How had she never seen it? How had she never noticed?
Yuu knew it was for the same reason she couldn’t bring herself to admit fully to what had happened. Why she kept trying so hard to get stronger, to not be a burden to anyone.
She’s been scared ever since Riddle’s overblot.
No, if she was being honest, she’d been utterly terrified ever since she’d woken up in a coffin of all things.
At least now she knew she wasn’t the only one.
Wetness dripped down her face and Yuu’s chest shuddered.
She’d thrown herself head first into trying to figure out how to help Riddle, how to help him connect with his dormmates and make him friends. She’d read up on therapy and pretended like she could do something useful and all the while Riddle was just following whatever she said out of some kind of guilt.
She wanted to blame him or anyone else for never telling her, everyone knew she really wasn’t all that smart. How was she supposed to know?
This wasn’t what she wanted at all. Not knowing was so so much easier.
The child’s words rang in her head. He’d begged her to understand.
Who knew that idea could be so scary?
“Yuu?” Riddle called, voice a bit rough from all the shouting it’d done. Yuu jumped and quickly wiped away the tears falling down her face. Right. She was supposed to be making tea.
She didn’t even know if she had any tea.
“One minute!” she called back, hoping her voice was steady enough. She walked to the cabinets, hoping Jade had left some tea for her even if it was just the gross chamomile stuff. Pawing through the few pantry items the twins had given her, along with what she’d bought with Ace and Deuce and Grim yesterday for the Savanclaw spelldrive team, Yuu scowled at the lack of tea. She must have some . Jade was odd but he didn’t seem like the kind of person to just carry tea ingredients around on him, especially since he’d come expecting a hike.
And oh she was going to have to make all of this up to Jade. Her only small solace was the fact that he’d been quite clear that she’d been sleeping when he’d arrived. Yuu vaguely recalled there being time between going out to the garden and when Jade was supposed to arrive. Maybe that gap had been enough for her to…
For her to revive.
Even so, everything that had come after wasn’t deserved.
Damnit, where was the tea?
Yuu’s jaw clenched as she tried to keep herself from crying more, pushing items out of the way until she was looking at the back of the cabinet. Her breath shuddered.
The numbness the chamomile tea had provided would be so nice right about now.
Behind her, the floorboards creaked.
Spinning around, Yuu’s eyes widened as they landed on Riddle, standing disheveled at the entrance of the kitchen. She bit her lip.
Riddle looked exhausted.
“I’m sorry,” she said and she wanted to tack on ‘for everything’ but she didn’t know how he would take it.
“I don’t have any tea,” was all she could say. Riddle’s throat bobbed as he swallowed and he leaned tiredly against the wall.
“You don’t-”
“What happened to you?” she asked, cutting him off because if she told her not to apologize there was no way she could stop herself from crying again. Riddle sighed and didn’t finish what he was going to say.
“I still don’t understand it fully, but I will explain as best I can.” He gestured to the dining room table and Yuu wordlessly followed.
They sat down in the same seats they’d taken to eat the cabbage rolls only two days ago. Had it really been so short a time? It felt so much longer to her now.
When they were seated, Riddle folded his hands in front of him on the table, leaning his body forward on his arms. He was too tired to even keep up with his usual perfect posture.
Yuu mimicked him and waited for him to start.
After over a minute of silence, Riddle took a deep breath.
“We were at spelldrive practice,” he said and somewhere in the back of Yuu’s mind she thought of the fact that Riddle was doing exactly what she’d asked for. She shook the thought away. She needed to understand what she’d done.
“I was, a bit tired I suppose, but nothing felt especially odd. Until-” he grimaced and his hands tightened around each other. “Until my magic just, reacted, without my knowledge or consent. Even as a child, I’ve never felt my magic slip out of my control, except…except for when I overblotted. It felt so similar that I panicked thinking it was happening again but there was nothing I could do before passing out.”
Riddle paused and swallowed hard.
“Trey took me back to my room while Cater,” his teeth clicked on the name and his jaw clenched as some unreadable expression crossed his face. He tampered it down as fast as it came. “While Cater dealt with the team. I woke up seventeen minutes later not knowing what had happened save that my magic supply was lower than it’s ever been and that you had died.”
Yuu shuddered at the word but Riddle didn’t back down at her reaction.
“I admit, I was in quite the state…Trey was there, as was Cater but I didn’t tell either anything and just took off. I’ve never felt so-” his nails dug into the back of his own hands and Yuu reached out for them. She paused before she could touch him though, and let her hands fall back to the table.
“Scared?” she offered knowing it was exactly how she’d felt when she’d woken up. That strange foreign anger, that all-consuming anxiety and fear.
“Of course, anyone would be,” Riddle said and Yuu nodded. He’d answered her question and the pair lapsed back into silence. She needed to say something. Give him an explanation in return.
“I-” she started then stopped, trying to collect herself. Riddle had made it look easy but there was no way that was true.
“I was out in the garden tending to some of the plants. I guess I must have accidentally touched a poisonous one or something,” the inky mushrooms but she didn’t want to tell Riddle that just yet. “It’s like I just fell asleep and then I was in a void of some sort.”
Should she tell him about the boy? About the strange memories she’d seen? If she did she would have to explain the journals as well and that felt like too much right now.
“Do you remember…back when we were in your memories, how a red string formed when we touched hands?”
Riddle nodded and Yuu was glad he remembered.
“Well I saw that string again and it…it pulled me out of the darkness. I woke up not long after.”
“So there is a connection,” Riddle breathed and Yuu hesitatingly nodded. That was the best she could come up with too.
“But you don’t have any magic.” It was a statement, not a question. Yuu shook her head anyways.
Riddle huffed weakly, head lowered so she couldn’t see his face. His shoulders trembled and Yuu wanted to reach out but after everything, she didn’t know if it would be welcomed. Riddle had been more than fine with physical touch earlier, the memory of his hand on her scar still circling in the back of her head, but that was angry Riddle.
This was tired Riddle.
A small laugh came from him, wet and half-choked.
“Is that what this is? Magic herself punishing me for what I did?” He was crying, tears streaking from his gray eyes and falling to the Ramshackle dining table.
His body shuddered and curled in on itself, the stress and pain of the last hour crashing over him in a tidal wave none could stop.
Yuu couldn’t help herself, standing swiftly from her seat and rounding the table before the next sob left his body. She didn’t know if he wanted it, didn’t know if she wanted it either, but she threw her arms around him anyway, just like she’d done in the memory world.
His fingers dug into her back and he buried his head in her shoulder. Tears drenched her shirt as he sniffled and hiccuped trying to get in enough air to fuel his trembling.
“You- you promised me, hic, that I hadn’t done anything that couldn’t be fixed! But-” he gripped her harder, scrabbling at her back to keep hold with all his shaking. “But nothing can fix the pain I’ve caused, how I feel, I-”
He sucked in a harsh breath, words so low Yuu nearly missed them.
“I just wanted to be happy but I ruin everything I touch. Mother really was right…”
“Riddle-” Yuu whispered but cut herself off. What could she even say?
He’d told her the same thing back then. That he just wanted to be happy. And she’d promised him she would help. That they’d figure that out together.
She’d wished to understand the key to happiness, but like with everything else she didn’t even know where to start. Anything she could say would just be another promise for her to break, more empty words to inflict on those she wanted to help.
Wishing only got one so far.
So she said nothing and just held him all the tighter. Slowly, and without much grace, Yuu lowered them both to the floor. Riddle folded at her side, never once letting go even as she tried to tuck them both into some semblance of a comfortable position. He leaned against her and in turn, Yuu leaned against the chair he’d been sitting in as Riddle continued to cry out his fear and his rage.
His pain.
His exhaustion.
All of it.
Everything cried into her shoulder.
Yuu settled her head against his, a few tears of her own falling onto his bright red hair. She shuddered as well and closed her eyes so she couldn’t see how blurry the world had become.
She died and was revived today.
Ha.
There.
Saying it didn’t make her feel the least bit better.
They stayed like that, tangled up together half under the Ramshackle table, neither able to utter another word.
But, even once a dam breaks, the emotional flood must slow. And so, tear by tear, hiccup by hiccup, eventually Riddle’s breathing evened out, his hold loosened, and he finally relaxed into her.
Yuu followed quickly after him into the warm embrace of sleep.