Chapter Text
CHAPTER 6
THE SHARDS OF GLASS HURT THE MOST
The damage attracts the damaged. Her mother once told her. She had been nothing more than a few years above two but that was one thing that incepted itself in her mind. So my darling, stray awake from them when you see one. She remembered not even her voice, just a simple sentence that she'd held in her heart, safe but she had also realised as she grew up that it was more a warning than a loving remark.
Her years at Ravka were unmoving and untouched in her mind. Her papa was a known Fabricator and of the elevated decree in the army and her mama was the noblest of Durast. A pure Ravkan combatant, Eoin Hekt fell in love with a Suli princess and Grisha, Reva Dabral. They fell in fondness during their time in the little palace and after being together for 3 years, Reva proposed. They moved to her kingdom where Reva became the queen. The suli were roamers, they didn't govern and so Reva was never a sovereign but simply a compass, somebody who showed them the path. Being Suli Queen, their betrothal came with unavoidable political commitments. Their legatee, if Grisha, would be handed over to the greatly experienced person in its domain and would live in the little palace. The conclusion was harsh but they acquiesced at last.
This decision was accepted by another. Both Eoin and Reva had come to terms with never bringing children. Not to carry to life what would be unwillingly given up to a class of outsiders to take care of. And even though Eoin existed as a patriot, he lived as a human foremost. But they could only do so much as to make an effort. They had to bring into the world a successor or the neighbouring nations would catch sight of it as a prospect of invasion. It was to be dodged. That was the basis for the suli constituting a homeland anyway.
Hridaya Simar Dabral Hekt was born nine years after their marriage. She was tested when she was merely 6 months old. Her papa had tremendous leverage as a Grisha till then and she was appointed under Tailor Genya Safin at the age of 5 to acquaint and achieve the ability of a warrior in her Etherealnik domain. Her reality was kept hidden. No one knew except for Genya and General Kirigan who she truly was. She might have been Hridaya Hekt for them and her parents, the suli princess, but in the world, she was Simar, Simar Dabral.
Genya had become her best friend. Genya was a year short of a decade when Hridaya met her for the first time. Regardless, she was invariably her mentor. While Genya had to look after the Queen, Hridaya used to coach with other children. At dusk, they would hang around late and talk about their days. Genya would even introduce her with a trick or two and she would have looked at her as if she stood as a saint.
In her day apprenticeship, she made quite a few friends. A girl called Abby Varrs, who was an alchemi, a heartrender by the name Nina Zenik and a durast called Blaine Kiaan. The three were tied up to their hips most of the time. Where Nina and Hridaya sashayed their red Kefta, both Abby and Blaine were showing off their purple ones.
Out of the three, Hridaya had a tiny place in her soul for Blaine. The boy was a year older than her, yet, they fit in together like gloves. She thought back to that day when he had mustered a small undying rose for her.
"This is for me?" She had questioned.
Not speaking anything, he narrowly nodded. She breathed in it. It was like chocolate. Her furrowed brows might have made her perplexity evident. Blaine had then laughed a little and raised his finger between her forehead and relaxed them.
"Fragranced with never finishing chocolate scent."
She had turned red. went on her tiptoes and kissed his cheeks and spirited away. The next time they met, Blaine took hold of her to a corner and kissed both her cheeks. They left the room with entangled hands.
Hridaya had crushed the rose under her feet before leaving Ravka for good.
She looked up, ignoring the remembrances that compelled themselves into her brain, spinning around her consciousness and bounding her in, like a snake.
Hridaya glimpsed around, the steam-lathered breeze of Ketterdam was in an uproar today. It lived as if the city had come alive to ravish the peasants that it permitted to reside. Ketterdam to her was like a confidante, a vicious one but a companion undoubtedly. If it weren't for her, Hridaya didn't know what she would do.
But tonight there was a distinct feel about her. The aura today wasn't merely smoke clad but also there was gunpowder and explosives. The smell of smoke hung around but it also carried an understanding of dire with her, like something wrong was getting on to occur.
She stood in the aged and abandoned building in front of the coast earning an unambiguous view of Kaz and their schooner, getting prepared to cruise.
Hridaya looked back at her wrist, a thread that was a reminder, a reminder of her vengeance, of her revenge, and justice. She'd vowed to not take it out before ending what she had oathed. Even if anything were to transpire, she'd not give up without a struggle, not after coming so far. But there was also a bandaged wound on her right hand.
With a shake of the head, she tried to obliterate the cursed reflections from her mind. Her feet were glued to a small patio in front of the dock where their schooner stood up. Ferolind. She had seen Kaz formulate a scheme and put it into action in just a few days and it was incredible how his brain functioned. So instantaneous yet so germane.
Thinking of Kaz however made her infuriated. A day after their plan was ready, they had a diminutive discussion about the moment of her arrival at the ship.
"You'll join us at the very end." His back was facing her as leaned over the sink of his room, washing his face while she tried to control the urge to smack the boy with his own cane. He'd been attached to the plan of her coming at the latest and gave her no proper justification.
"And why is it so?" She asked calmly.
"Because I say so." Short and brief answers were what he had stuck to almost as if he was disguising something.
"There is no way you think I'd agree to that impeccable logic." She’d taunted. Kaz was not exactly someone who was charming but pragmatism was his forte. But it looked like that was not of any use in intimate confrontations.
"You will. Because it's not a proposal but an order." he pushed to pull the gloves next to him, sporting them back, like an armour. He then sauntered back to his room, all while not facing her. She followed soon after.
"At least give me an excuse, Kaz," she sighed as he still annulled to look at her, now occupied with some papers on his shelf. "You need me here."
"I don't need you, Hridaya. The fewer people around me, the better I'll be able to concentrate."
"Since when have I been a distraction?" he stayed silent but the sound of his paper turning halted for a moment and that was enough of a confirmation.
"Just as I thought. Tell me, Brekker," she folded her arms as Kaz still dodged her, "Why is it that you never trust me? It's not like I've done anything immoral to make you not have confidence in me. And please don't say that I am a distraction because I can count on something about a handful of people who need to be disposed of before me in that case."
He remained uncommunicative. Not even a slight gesture in his body language. It was discouraging to see such a sad response to her words and it made her mad. Perhaps a little more than it should've.
“Kaz Brekker, you turn around right now.” She’d slammed her fist on his desk hard that its glass broke, its particles seeping into her knuckles and palm, making it bleed. She hissed but it dismissed it, swearing her absurdity. But it did turn out to be in her favour as Kaz revered around not looking at her but instead at the blood-soaked palm. Then he finally peeked at her, his eyes as if attempting to put together something of her face.
Then he said,” You broke the table.”
Of course, stupid she, supposing Kaz was worried about her injured hand or her. Of course, his table was more important than her or anyone else.
“And your cane will be next.” she gritted out, bitterness fueling within but also hurt. Hurt that she hoped for his care, that all while trying to avoid people, she’d crave for his reaction to anything. Had he cared when she’d gotten a broken rib or a broken leg? Hridaya would never acknowledge it out loud to someone but sometimes she wanted to see how he would respond, so she would not convalesce. Let the pain eat her to see if Kaz cared. The answer invariably disappointed her, not with Kaz but with herself.
“I don’t need an injured person in my crew, Day.” His voice was sore like he was revolted and it made her wonder if she’d read him wrong all along. “Now if that doesn’t get better in 3 days, you’re staying here.”
She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath to calm herself down. Oh, how she missed her mother’s full of love hugs.
“I’ll get going.” She put on a sham smile that even a child could see through. “If you require anything, don’t bother. I’ll meet you the day we have to leave.”
“Day, I-“ but she cut him off. She was sure that if he spoke a few more words, she would kill him, “As for your glass, don’t worry. I’ll get you a new one.”
A week later, and she still maintained her distance though Hridaya made sure to get him a fair slab of glass delivered, of better quality than his.
However, after their fight, she’d gone to the patio of the place she treasured the most in the whole of Ketterdam.
Bratyust was a pub sort of place. Sort of in the sense that it wasn’t strictly a pub but it was close enough. She’d first been here when she didn’t know the lanes so well and needed a place to stay and a friend to make, and she found both but that was a story she couldn't load her mind with right now.
Hridaya knew that Kaz's ask for joining early was pointless. He needed her there, to help. with the arrangements, the preparation to leave the dregs for so long under no proper guidance (par Haskell didn't count, the man was too old now), and most of all, leaving when Pekka Rollins is probably excited to take over them. She knew Kaz would be worried about possible attacks and constant scheming troubling his own damn mind.
Of course, she could've helped easily if only she'd put her ego aside and gone back to the slate to help with the work but she was too proud. If Kaz was allowed to be petty, so was she.
Right now, Kaz was in front of her, doing something with banners for the last few minutes that she hadn't quite understood. But what was more baffling was no dregs were around the schooner, helping it sail. Not even Inej who was always the first person to come when they had to leave. Had they already boarded the schooner? If that was true, she'd cause them to be late and Hridaya was in no mood to listen to another one of Kaz's lectures.
She turned around, ready to leave the premises as soon as she could but a scream stopped her.
"Kaz!"
She looked back, Inej standing near their ship, her hands extended and eyes wide as if something went terribly wrong. And it did. As Hridaya followed Inej's gaze, a fire emerged in the reflection of her eyes.
And the schooner exploded.
Hridaya ran as fast as could, testing her lungs to full spirits. The explosion wasn't that bad but it did big damage nonetheless. It was clear that the smell of gunpowder she'd smelled earlier wasn't just an intuition of something wrong but rather the explosive in the schooner.
She reached the cargo maze, the burning schooner on the other side. Not thinking much of it, Hridaya climbed up one of the cargos and sprinted towards the ship. Her feet were feeling slippery on the steel but she couldn't dare to compromise her speed. She had to reach there as fast as she could, help them to fight off whatever had attacked them.
She'd been lucky enough to reach the cargo line end without sliding and falling off of the containers on the ground, but as she was ready to jump her luck ran out.
A sharp pain sang through her head and she fell to the bottom, still on the cargo box. As her skull rang, a strong force grabbed her shoulder and turned her around, hands around her neck as she suffocated but she wasn't able to retaliate just yet. Her eyes were singeing with ache as she felt blood trailing down her face. The air was getting softer as the air left her lungs. Was this how she was destined to die? By literally suffocating? No, she wouldn't go down with such disgrace.
She lifted her hands and pushed the person, attacking him with all her power, making him fly back as she painfully gathered herself and stood up. Hridaya wiped her eyes, trying to see better but it was of little use. The blood had trailed into her eyes and was burning strong, making her nearly blind. Maybe that was the reason she didn't see the man charge towards her.
A strong fist connected to her jaw and she felt herself almost falling again.
"Ouch!" Her mouth filled with blood as she spit it out. "Really mature my guy. Attacking when the opponent is not ready." She bided her time with talks, so she could gain back her vision. Then the man would regret waking up today.
The person didn't answer but he rather laughed and Hridaya was thankful because it gave her the moment to wipe her eyes with her shirt, regaining her vision. As she tried to blink back, a silhouette of a man was visible, and then his face, clearly.
"Much better." She wiped off her cape from her clothes but her heart skipped a beat when she saw her shoes.
"They were brand new!" She stared back at the man with anger, "Did you know they cost like 4000 kruge? I brought them with my own hard-earned money. "
"Finally found you, little death." The man spit out with a wolf grin on his face, cracking his neck as he Circled around her. Then he stopped, glanced at his left, and ordered out, "Tario, get half the men here." He looked back at her, "We've got a tasty treat here."
In distress of her shoes, Hridaya hadn't even seen the men that were standing below the cargo, surrounding them.
When all this was over, she was going to. kill Kaz Brekker. That bastard would pay for every single torment he made her go through, even for her now torment shoes. He would regret all of it.
“You can’t be here for the motive of killing me? Why are you here?"
He swung another punch, this time Hridaya dodged easily "Talk less, child and fight more."
"It seems to me, Mr Whatever Your Name is, that you are not that smart of a man," she walked closer to him, "Because if you did," with a swift move she stopped his heart, as he fell to the ground dead, "you'd know better."
She looked at the lifeless body, the result of her power quite evident. Sometimes she felt sad for how they stood no chance, it was rather pitiful.
"You witch!" She turned around, around a dozen men standing there as she stared them down. If any of them were left alive, her secret would be compromised. She couldn't afford that.
"I feel sorry for all of you, such a short written life." Hridaya raised her hands, pulling their heartstrings as they fell to their ultimate death. She felt her own heart ripping. They all must have had someone they loved, someone who loved them and she took that life from them in a matter of seconds and regretful was not the first time she did it. Would she ever be forgiven?
But now was not the time to think about it, she had to help the others, she owed them that much at least.
She turned around as an intense pain stung from her stomach, a man in front of her smiling and steady as he twirled the knife, still inside her. She wasn't sure what was nastier, the pain she was feeling or the taste of iron on her tongue.
He took the knife out, making her fall to her knees, as all air left her lungs yet again. For a moment she felt as if she would not be able to defend herself. She tried raising her hands but she couldn't just do it. She tried to stand up and try to at least make out of there alive but the struggle was of no use. The blood loss seemed to have frozen her whole body.
The man laughed again and Hridaya didn't have the energy to even look at him, eyes dropping as she fought herself to stay awake. The man crouched in front of her, "So you're not that difficult to kill after all?" He slashed her chest, making her cry out in pain.
Anger boiled inside of her as she felt what she hated the most. Helpless. Her ears were buzzing as she felt her eyes dropping. The man grabbed her hair in his fist, making her hiss with pain. The smell of his hot breath fanned her face as he lowered his head making her freeze.
“I’ve heard you’re a strange one.” He chucked as Hridaya tried to liberate herself somehow from his grip, “Left Pekka’s club for that bastard, didn’t you? Tsk, how sad.”
Hridaya was a trained Grisha and one of the best for several reasons. One of them was self-defence and there she was bleeding to her own death as the man kept on sucking in her neck like a damn mosquito, making her shiver in disgust. Every inch of her skin felt on fire when his lips touched her neck and something snapped inside of her. The old memories came rushing in and Hridaya couldn’t afford them, not when she had spent so long burying them inside of her.
She reached for her knife, kept safe, too safe, tucked into her waistband. As she finally found a grip on it despite her shaking hands.
“You’re a stupid man,” she choked out as the man let go of her neck to look at her, eyes angry like a stubborn animal, “to think you can kill me, is such a big claim.” She thrust the knife into his shoulder making him cry out loud and leave her neck, making her fall back and hitting her head. Perfect.
“You witch!” He screamed, spitting on the ground and jumping off the cargo truck, off to save his life.
Hridaya watched as he left, went away somewhere to save himself, as she still lay there, taking her last breaths. She looked up at the sky where these stars were present with the full moon, shining its brightest. The wind was strong and Hridaya wouldn’t mind dying like that, under the romantic sky, all alone. She closed her eyes.
Maybe it had been an hour, maybe a minute, she didn’t know. All she felt was a hand under her waist lifting her as her eyes flew open.
“Jes?” She couldn’t make out who it was but she knew the scent, it was of someone she knew. She knew that because she wasn’t stiff with the contact, but rather she loosened up.
“Jesper is safe on the ship, unlike you.” Kaz, it was Kaz. She grinned lazily.
“Hello Mr Brekker, nice to know that I’m dying in your arms.” Hridaya didn’t have the energy to think hard but something about Kaz holding her in his arms and running felt too punishing. Too wrong.
“You’re not dying, Day.” He was too calm or maybe Hridaya just lost all her senses.
“You didn't even call me."
"What?"
"When we fought, you didn't even call me back to apologise. Such a big ego and look now, I'll die and the last time we had a talk you were a pain."
"I said you're not dying. And for saint's sake, stop bleeding. " Maybe Hridaya was already half dead but she was sure he sounded desperate and angry, very unlike him.
"It's not in my own hands." His vision was gone now, all red and black spots. Kaz's hands were holding her, she remembered.
"Kaz," she called as felt him climbing up some stairs. "I'll sleep now. Thanks for all that you did for me."
"Hridaya, for hell's sake, open your eyes. Wake up, Day!"
"Say you need me," she said, her voice now hollow and finished.
Say you need me," she felt light headed and free. And she finally let as a hand grabbed hers and pulled her towards the light
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