Chapter Text
A few weeks went by of long days working on the ranch and nights spent with Dean. With every day that went by, Cas felt more at place on the ranch. He found that he really loved riding and was bonding with all of the horses.
He could see something real forming with Dean if they both let it, and that scared Cas. He never would have imagined feeling at home on a ranch, but that’s exactly how he felt. Everything about life on the ranch made Cas want to stay, but he knew he couldn’t. Cas knew the longer he put off leaving, the more it would hurt when he left Dean behind.
Cas knew that was the biggest reason he and Dean hadn’t discussed their relationship further. Right now it was fun. They were having a blast getting to explore each other’s bodies and naturally, they were getting to know each other better.
Dean, Cas, and Sam were hanging out at Dean and Sam’s house. The three of them were watching TV when Dean stood up, patting Cas on the knee.
“Gonna bring Lola inside and then grab another beer. Anyone want one?” Dean looked between Sam and Cas, but they both shook their heads. “Alright, be right back.”
Dean hadn’t even been gone a minute before Sam was grabbing the remote and changing it from the sitcom they were watching to the nightly news. Cas was about to get up and go to the bathroom when the next news story started and planted Cas to his spot on the couch. He was staring at the screen and a photo of himself was staring back at him.
“It’s been a year since New York City socialite Castiel Novak went missing. His parents make a heartbreaking plea for any information about him,” The news reporter on the screen started and Cas’ stomach dropped.
His parents were on the screen alongside a photo of Cas. He reached for the remote, but Sam got it first.
“Um, Cas?” Sam turned toward Cas with a confused and suspicious expression on his face. “Am I crazy or is that you?” At Cas’ lack of response, Sam continued, “Holy shit, you have explaining to do. Right now.”
Cas couldn’t watch as his mother spoke, “Please, if anyone has any information about Castiel, come forward. And Cas, if you see this, we love you and miss you. Please come home,” His mother burst into tears and Cas ripped the remote from Sam and turned it off as fast as possible.
“Cas, what the hell are they talking about?”
“Look,” Cas stood up and started pacing the room, pulling at his hair in frustration. “I will explain everything to you, but promise me you won’t tell Dean until I can tell him myself.”
“You better tell him in the next few minutes or I will. I don’t know who you are or how you got caught up in this, and I don’t care. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’m the Sherriff! I can’t be harboring a missing person on my family’s ranch!”
“Sam, please let me explain!”
Sam stood up and got in Cas’ face, “If you hurt Dean I swear they won’t find your body. Not because I’ll kill you, but because Dean will. Then they’ll really have your murder to solve.”
Cas couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Sam was the more level-headed of the brothers. He didn’t let emotions cloud his judgment. Cas didn’t know what scared him more: the words Sam was saying or the way he sounded completely calm while saying it.
“Sammy! What the fuck?”
Sam and Cas turned to see Dean standing in the doorway, a horrified expression on his face.
Sam glared at Cas, “You gonna tell him, or should I?”
Dean looked back and forth between the two. His face was pinched up like he was trying to hold back his full emotions. “Cas,” Dean’s voice was small in a way Cas had never heard it, “What’s going on?”
“I’ll leave you to it,” Sam walked to the doorway, but Dean blocked him.
“Sit down. You have some explaining to do about why you’re threatening him,” Dean’s voice was stern, but he wasn’t yelling. The look in his eyes conveyed how angry he was, though.
Cas steeled himself for what was sure to be a very difficult conversation. He sat back down on the couch and Sam joined him but sat as far away from Cas as possible. Dean propped himself on the coffee table in front of them and waited expectantly, worried eyes trained on Cas.
“So, I told you I left home, but that’s not the full story.” Cas took in a few steadying breaths. He was too worried to look Dean in the eyes for fear he’d see disappointment staring back. “When I left, the only person I told was Kelly. I expected she’d tell my parents I was safe, but I didn’t want to tell them myself. I was worried if I spoke to them, my resolve would crumble and I’d end up coming back home. And then the more time that went by, the harder it was to call them.”
“So, you just let them worry about you for a year? Cas, baby, I know you hated it back home, but for you to do that? That’s a lot to process,” Dean stood up and started pacing the room. He turned his face, but Cas caught the shining around his eyes giving away the tears that were threatening to fall.
“I know it was wrong of me, but you gotta understand I felt trapped, in my mind it was the only way I could leave.”
“I understand where you’re coming from. I know you’re a good person, Cas, but-
“Dean, you can’t seriously justify this!”
“This is my relationship, Sam! I might have only known Cas for two months, but I know he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. You don’t know the whole story.”
Sam looked surprised at being called out. He looked between Dean and Cas and then left the room in a huff. The sound of the back door slamming rang out through the house.
Dean turned back to Cas. “Baby, you can’t let your family keep thinking you’re dead. How are you gonna fix this mess? I know you have your issues with your parents, but how could you let them worry like this? That’s what I’m struggling with the most about all this.”
Cas felt his emotions build up to his breaking point and he couldn’t stop when the first few tears started falling. He collapsed back onto the couch and held his head in his hands, “I never meant for it to get like this. It just got out of control and I didn’t know how to stop it.”
Dean crouched down in front of Cas and gently coaxed his hands away from his face, “Cas, hey, it’s gonna be okay. We’ll figure this out. It’s not too late to set it right.” Dean leaned his forehead against Cas’.
Cas sniffled, trying to get his breathing back under control. “You’d seriously help me? After all I just told you? But why?”
“Oh, honey,” Dean ran his hand through Cas’ hair, helping to soothe Cas. “You made some mistakes, but that doesn’t define you. I can’t lie, I’m really reeling with this information, but I like you so much. I won’t let go of something amazing just because you have some demons in your past just like everyone else.”
“How can you say those things about me after learning all of this?”
“I can say those things about you because I understand feeling like running is the only option. Even if we were wrong about it. What matters now is if you’re gonna do everything you can to fix it.”
“I want to, but I don’t know how.” Cas let a new wave of tears fall and Dean got up on the couch next to him and pulled him close. He laid Cas’ head against his chest and kissed the top of his head while rubbing his back.
“You don’t have to figure it out alone, sweetheart. I bet Sam will come around and he will know what to do. But I do know the first step.”
“What?” Cas sniffed and wiped at his face, the fight being drained out of him as he let himself be calmed by Dean.
“Let your parents know you’re alive.”
****
Cas paced the kitchen in the guest house while the phone rang on the other end. Dean had offered to be there for moral support as Cas called his parents, but Cas knew he had to do it alone.
“Hello?” Cas’ mom answered, her voice sounded rough with sleep or possibly with worry.
Cas couldn’t say anything. The shock of hearing his mother’s voice after all that time was bigger than Cas expected it would be. It made emotions bubble up and he felt like he could cry from it.
“Hi, Mom,” He was finally able to speak. It sounded wobbly, even to his own ears.
“Castiel?! Honey, is that you?” There was a sound of shuffling on the other end and Cas heard her call for his father. There was a click when his dad picked up the other line.
“Castiel? Where have you been? Are you okay?” Cas was surprised not to hear any anger in his parents’ tone, just relief and excitement.
“Hi, dad. I’m okay. I’ve been traveling, but I’m in Wyoming right now.”
“Why didn’t you tell us? Are you in trouble?” Cas could tell his mom was getting emotional and it made him feel guilty.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you guys, I just needed to get out,” Cas answered. He sat down at the kitchen table, the pacing was starting to make him feel dizzy. “I don’t want to take over your business and I don’t want to marry Kelly.” Cas took a deep breath, steadying his voice so he didn’t yell at them and make it worse.
“You could have told us that, Cassie!,” Cas hated when his mother called him that. She only used that nickname when she was trying to make him feel guilty.
“I’ve tried to talk to you about it before, but you wrote me off. I’m sorry about the way I left. I didn’t know what else to do, though.”
“What do you mean you don’t want to marry Kelly?” Cas rolled his eyes at his father. He’d told him before that he wasn’t in love with Kelly.
“She’s my friend, she’s amazing, but we don’t want to get married. I’ve told you that before. I broke up with her before I left.”
“Castiel, you’re being ridiculous! What the two of you had was good and it was stable. Why would you throw that away?” Cas knew his mother wouldn’t understand either. He’d always suspected his parents’ marriage was one of convenience.
“Castiel, why don’t you come back home? We need you at the company. We can work this out. We miss you,” Cas was frustrated, but his father sounded genuine, even if he was misguided.
“I miss you too,” Cas hadn’t let himself think about that, but by saying it out loud, he knew it was true. Even if he didn’t regret leaving because it brought him to the ranch. He did love his parents. “But, I’m happy here. I’m working at a horse rescue, and I love it. And I’ve met someone I really like. I’m not coming home.”
“I should have known this was about a girl,” His mom’s words were hard to make out over her sobs. It was breaking Cas’ heart. He knew he didn’t want to leave the ranch and Dean, but saying it out loud confirmed it.
“It’s not about a girl, mom.” Cas’ heart picked up speed. He hadn’t thought about telling them about Dean, but he also didn’t want to lie anymore. If he was coming clean, he was going to tell them everything. “I’m dating the man who owns the horse rescue. His name is Dean. I won’t be surprised if you’re shocked. It was to me too, but Dean is an amazing person and I really care about him. He makes me happy.”
His mother's next words surprised him. “Cassie, all I want is for you to be happy. But I miss you. There’s really no way to get you to come back home?”
“If he says he’s happy, we have to respect that,” His father said to his mother.
“Wait…you guys are okay with that?”
“Of course we’d be happier if you were here with us and running the company. But if that doesn’t make you happy, I don’t want that for you. I’m sure this Dean fellow is a nice man. He really makes you that happy?”
“He does. More than I’ve felt with anyone.” Cas couldn’t believe his parents were so understanding about it. He wondered if he was dreaming, it felt too good to be true. “Dad?” He sighed. “You’re okay with it?”
“I never wanted you to be miserable, I’m sorry we made you feel so bad that you had to run away. I want you home, but more than anything, I just want you back in our lives. Can you at least come visit? We can sell the apartment and move you out to Wyoming. If that’s really what you want.”
****
Cas had not expected Dean to get angry when he told him about the conversation with his parents the next morning after they’d brought the horses in from a ride. It was subtle, but he could tell it was there. Dean had clenched his fist at his side when Cas finished telling him he was going to head back to New York for a little.
“If that’s what you want,” Dean’s voice was clipped.
“Dean, I don’t understand why you’re upset. This is a good thing! I think my parents and I can actually work it out.”
Dean didn’t say anything as he removed Baby’s saddle and brushed out his fur.
Finally, Dean faced him, “That’s not what you wanted, though. You let them talk you into going back. It’s my own fault for thinking maybe you’d decided to stay.”
Cas could tell Dean was trying to get his emotions in check by the blank look on Dean’s face. He turned away so Cas wouldn’t see his resolve crumble.
“What are you talking about? I’m not going back to New York for good! I’m just getting some stuff sorted out. I’m coming back!”
Dean quickly spun around to face Cas with a hopeful, yet guarded expression. “You are?”
“Yes, didn’t you listen to what I was saying?”
“I didn’t know that’s what you meant.”
“I’m just going back to sell my apartment and then I’m packing up the rest of my stuff. I told my parents I wasn’t coming back home to stay. ” Cas reached for Dean’s hands and Dean took them. Cas took a centering breath. “This is my home now. I told them about you.”
Dean’s eyes went wide and he pulled Cas in for a hug. They got lost in kissing each other for a few moments. It felt like the beginning of something. The kiss confirmed to Cas what he had just said. He was sure about his place on the ranch and he was sure about his relationship with Dean. Even though it was new and anything could happen, he didn’t doubt that being with Dean was exactly where he was supposed to be at that moment.
“I’m so proud of you, baby! I can’t believe you stood up to them like that.” Dean said as they broke away from each other. His hands went up to gently cup Cas’ face and his smile was contagious. “So, it’s all gonna work out? They’re okay with it?”
Cas nodded and pressed another kiss to Dean’s lips. This time it was soft and full of promise. “I don’t think they totally get it, but they said they just want me to be happy.” Cas shuffled on his feet, looking down at the floor, “In fact, I was thinking… will you come to New York with me? I want to introduce you to them. And I can show you around the big city before we come back home.”
Dean’s eyes were shining with unshed tears when the reality of Cas’ words set in. “You want me to come with you?” Dean’s words were a whisper as if he thought if he spoke too loud, Cas would change his mind.
“Would you want to?” Cas worried for a second that it was too much at that stage of their relationship. He didn’t have to worry long.
“I think maybe, you gotta make me your boyfriend first.” Dean had a mischievous grin as he winked and pulled Cas out of the stable and toward his bedroom.