Chapter Text
As I walk to class, I look down barely discerning what was around me, too afraid to look up into someone’s eyes, afraid if I did I’d be stripped down to my core and everyone, including Kacchan could see what a mess I was. I look down at my bitten nails, skin red and swollen, displaying the abuse I put it under. I grimace and tighten my hands together, fingertips pushing into my palms, feeling the numbness that comes with these useless fingers.
I see my classroom and unclasp my hands, teeth making contact with the ridges I’ve created. I nervously bite into my middle nail, my canines digging into the flesh, pulling the imperfect flesh from the pathetic excuse for a nail. I reach out for the knob, taking my hand out of my mouth and wiping it on my pant leg. I pluck out the headphones from my ears and shove them into my pockets. I push into the classroom, my face heating up as heads turn to look at me ‘They can see it. You look so stupid sometimes, god .’ Kacchan no It teases me. I walk into class, the heel of my palm pressing into my arm, fresh blood cuts seeping through my bandages and staining my black uniform once again, stabilizing my foggy head.
As I put my bag down. I sigh and sit on my seat, furrowing my eyebrows as I hear snickers around me. Bile rises in my throat as I straighten in my seat and begin to redden, humiliation radiating around me thickly taking turns choking me. I look down to my chair. Mud. I hunch over, my whole body shaking as my eyes dart around me. I let out a choked out sob as I looked towards Kacchan, my savior, my angel, my punisher. He picks out mud from underneath his fingernails. He notices my glance and his eyes, oh his pretty ruby eyes, crinkling oh so unkindly at me. ‘That's right. You deserve it.’ Kacchan says sweetly in my ringing ears. Shaky hands make their way up to ears, gripping them tightly. I gasp for breath, there has to be an explanation. Kacchan is good, he’s good. Kacchan’s smiling, he's happy, he's happy, he's playing. Just like in kindergarten. My breaths even out and my shoulders slip back into the right place, a tear slipping from my eye. I hastily rub it away and take out my earbuds, my hands shaking as I put my headphones into place. Kingston by Faye Webster begins to play.
The day that I met you I started dreaming…
I look up and see Kacchan talking with someone and I set my head on the desk, sighing softly as I watch his scoff lift at the corners of his mouth. The left side of his body always did betray and always showed his true emotions. I close my eyes drifting off to a far away place, with peppermint and spices.
…
Overwhelming instrumentals take over my soul and wake me up at the bell I rub my eyes,
Sending all my emotions away
Breathing, keep it to myself again
I breathe with the song and look down at my lock screen, Steeeam by Shelly, and with the look I realize what period it was. Fourth period. Fuck. School is already a struggle, how the fuck was I supposed of catch up? I groan and lay my head back down and try calming myself down, eventually I start to hum, only to be interrupted by the classroom door loudly opening and slamming into the wall. I hid my head into my pulsating arm, willing, wishing it wasn't him.
“Oh look, it's quirkless Deku !” snickers follow his smooth voice as I grit my teeth. Once, just once I want to tell him off. Can’t he shut up for a moment? Wait… what did that even mean? Why would I ever say that to Kacchan.. He's just misguided- He slams his hand on my desk and yanks at my hair, pushing it around and yanking me out of my thoughts. “Oi, Deku . Get the fuck up before I fucking blast you to hell.” Tears begin to swell at my eyes and I give in, lifting my head to witness the scene before me, another mistake to make. Kacchan sneers at the sight of my face and roughly plucks my earbuds off, and throws them across the room, probably breaking them. Kacchan finally lets my hair go and laughs at me, “Where the fucks your lunch nerd? Don’t have any? …Wow, not even a bento, bet his mom doesn't even give a shit about this quirkless loser. Isn’t that right?” Kacchan pushes me again to push an answer from me and his friends cackle when I still don’t answer. Kacchan shakes his head and tuts, looking back to his friends for approval “Well, we can’t let my favorite punching bag go hungry now can we?” His friends jeer and laugh at my misery as Kacchan calls for one of his friends to bring food in and shoves it in front of me. My eyes widen in shock and my face heats up as I realize Kacchan had brought me the cafeteria food, “K-Kacchan, you didn’t have to…Thank you…” Kacchan sneers, and leans close to me, I blush further and squeeze my eyes shut, my mind blissing as I felt his peppermint breath ghost over my face and he–
Knocks my food onto the ground. My face turns red from embarrassment, previous fogs of humiliation clouding my head. Kacchan laughs, his perfect breath further fueling my humiliation, he yanks at my hair again, pulling me onto the floor, my body trembles at the impact. “Eat. Mutt. ” He places his shoe on my head and presses down, digging his heel into my head. I bow my head down with the pressure, the tip of my nose making contact with the floor as Kacchan forces my head down even more. I begin to hiccup, tears fighting its way out of my eyes and into the precious food Kacchan brought me. My jaw hesitantly hinges open as I collect the rice and curry on the floor with my chewed, imperfect lips. They hoot and laugh, more tears spill out as I collect the curry into my mouth and swallow. I hear phones going off, pictures being taken at my misery as I gag and try to keep the food in me knowing I would only get more hoots and jeers if I did vomit. Kacchan laughs and pockets his phone “Do we want an encore?” His friends jeer and hoot in amusement. Kacchan removes his foot from my head and places his foot right on the wet floor and yanks my head down, “Lick the floor clean, don’t you dare waste a drop.” My eyes dropped to the floor where the dirty footprint lasted. My tongue unfurls from inside my mouth, lolling out to lick the floor as more tears force its way out of my eyes. I keep myself there, forcing my tongue out to messily clean up the blessing Kacchan gave me. After a while Kacchan huffs and makes a gagging sound, kicks me to the side and leaves.
I curled up into myself and stared emptily at my knees. My eyes shifted to the tiles that I cleaned like a dog, a loyal pet for Kacchan. A sickening haze builds in my head as bile builds in my throat. I lay there, on the floor, my dried out tear ducts leaving my soul empty. I don’t know how long it took until I decided to get up and retrieve my headphones. Remembering my dirty seat I decided to get the cleaning materials from the supply closet and clean both the floor and my seat. Sluggishly moving to the supply closet at the back of the classroom and taking out the rag and bucket. I set the rag on my carved up desk and take the bucket to the bathroom, opening the faucet and filling the bucket. I watch as the ripples reflect my stupid useless face back at me. I click my tongue and look down the hallway instead, zoning out until I notice the bucket overflowing, sinking, drowning. I pour out some of the water from the top and lift it into my arms, bringing it back to our classroom. I bring the bucket back to the desk and set it on the dirtied floor. I almost gag as I see how dirty it looks. I guess I'll have to ask the teacher to change seats again…thinking of how the conversation will go…i’d rather not… I take out the headphones and smile bitterly, not too bad, just scratched up. I pick up the rag from the desk and dip it in the water as my Crack Baby by Mitsuki begins to play.
Crack baby you don't know what you want
But you know that you had it once and you know that you want it back
Crack baby you don't know what you want
But you know that you needing it and you need it bad
Wild horses running through your hollow bones
Sitting down once everything is cleaned, I check my wallet and see $20 preserved. I grimace, maybe I should get a vape, it helped last time.