Chapter Text
" I grew up with both my parents and three brothers. One is the same age as me, the other two are way younger. I've been going to school for a while and I weirdly kinda enjoy it. Not most day, but I do feel lucky to be able to learn. My mother taught me how to bake and cook, she helped me learn the different plants in our district. What I could and could not eat or use as a medicine. I only hunted a couple of time, since it was risky but I always went and explored the forest with my brother and friends. I guess that most of my skills won't be very useful for the game. I know how to write, especially poems, I can paint and draw, I can cook delicious meals and I kinda know how to survive in the wild. My dad used to take my brother and I on little trips during the weekends were he would teach us how to survive with the bare minimum. I know how to take care of hurt and sick people, my mom taught me how. Especially during harvest season, the number of people who get hurt, I've seen a lot."
"Well, that's good. Thank you for telling us, Leah."
Edgar's voice was so gentle, I felt like a child who's parents had to reassure after a nightmare. Except I wasn't a child anymore and the nightmare seemed to be real. It still felt nice nonetheless. Anyways, that I liked it or not, these peoples would be the people I spend my last days with, so maybe I should just, accept it. I finally went in my room to relax. Even though it was in a train, the room was enormous. Bigger than my actual room back at home. I jumped one the bed and laid down. The bedding was soft , white and fluffy and I felt like I was laying on a cloud. A cloud! I couldn't fathom how the Capitol people lived with such comfort and we, the district, lived with nothing. We did everything for them and we had nothing in return.
I had a window in my room and I sat nearby, observing the world. I carefully watched every trees, every distant shadows of what seemed to be city, other district. I couldn't believe that I never saw any of this before, it frustrated me, to be kept away from so much beauty. . My fingers and nose were cold from sitting so close to the windows, the air outside so fresh it came inside, but I didn't mind. It was worth it. I never really minded the cold anyways, I was used to it. The threes were all so different from back home. There was long field with lots of wild flowers, my favorite kind and some wild animals. I took deep breath and I tried to visualize my family. I already missed them so. I tried to remember their voices and their face and luckily I was still able to.
Someone knocked three times at my door. I wanted to be alone so bad, but I also wanted to see if it was important.
Leto came in and he sat by the windows with me.
"I don't know why, but I knew it'd find you here, next to your window. It's such a "you" thing."
"I don't know why but it didn't surprise me that you came in here to disturb my peace. It's such a "you" thing."
I smiled at him so he would know I was messing with him. He gave me back that same smile, a smile that felt so familiar, like home. I was now feeling it, even though it felt selfish of me, I felt lucky to have him by my side. He was so precious for me and he reminded me of home, of myself in a way. He tried to tuck my hair behind my ears, but since they were tangled, his fingers got stuck. We both giggled.
"C'mon, you know not to play with my curls Leto."
"I know, I had hoped they would cooperate today, but apparently not."
He succeeded in tucking them behind my ears. I was really used to that, he'd done it for as long I've known him. I never questioned it, it was just this way. He looked at me and I looked at him. The only sound I heard except the weak sound of the train was our breathing. He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me. It was the longest hug we ever had, but in that moment it felt perfect. The warmth escaping from his body and from our proximity felt like fire on my cold body. It warmed me up really quick.
"Leah, you don't know how much I needed you right now, with me, for all of this. We're going to do this together okay? You and me, I won't let you down."
"Me neither, I'll never let you down"
"Pinky promise?" I asked.
"Pinky promise."
Our fingers intertwined and it made me chuckle, it was such a childish thing to do, but it felt like the most important promise ever. After all, we had been kids together, we had made pinky promise before and never did we break them. This one, specifically, we couldn't break.
He stayed with me, looking out the windows, enjoying every beautiful part of Panem, places that were forbidden. It's a shame we had to be sent to our death to witness such things. I don't think he enjoyed it half as much as me, but he stayed. Animals were free, birds were flying and I wished I could've been one of them today. I could've flied away to explore and observe. I could've seen the beauty of the world and still be able to enjoy it after. I wish I had been a bird.
Hours passed and it was time to eat. I was still full from earlier but the food was so good I could not refuse any. I sat next to my best friend and we waited for food impatiently. I heard Edgar and Everett arriving. Edgar had an arm around his friend's head and with his other hand he was messing his hair. They both laughed but the younger boy quickly decided it wasn't funny anymore. He sat at the table and become still as a rock once again. Our escort came, even though she was clearly still pissed about earlier. She sat with so much manner and she started eating without saying any blessings.
"C'mon Odessa, we were just joking around, you looked incredible, alright?"
Edgar looked at her with a big smile but she didn't even glance his way.
"No, your nice words won't make me forget just how outrageous you all were earlier. It was intolerable. I am simply here right now to eat my meal, nothing more. I won't bless you with my wise words. You don't deserve any of it."
Cold. Her tone sent the whole room into an icy ambiance. No one dared to look at her. I always hated silence because they usually meant tragedy. At least, in my house that's what it meant. I remember waking up super late one morning because there was no noise to wake up and it was because Cedar had broken his arms, again. Silence was never good.
When she rushed back to her room, some warmth was brought back and we started talking again.
*
I don't know if it was because of the monstrous amount of food I ate or because the train was going faster than anything I had ever experienced before in my short life, but I felt terribly nauseous. One false mouvement and my whole inside would be outside, everywhere on the floor. I slowly but surely got up of my chairs and laid down on the nearest couch. I couldn't risk looking out the windows, even though it's one of my favorite things to do in this train, by fear it would make me sicker. I decided to just close my eyes, not to fall asleep, just to stop the temptation. I filled my lungs with air and tried to make the unpleasant feeling go away, but no matter how many time I did it, the feeling stayed. It didn't work. I hated myself for being so dumb, I should not have eaten so much. I wouldn't say we were starving back at home, it would be a lie. We had food, but I always could've had a little more.
Most years, when winter started, we baked some good and made some canned food and we gave them to some of the poorest people in our district. We always made sure to give some to the biggest families with many child, to widows who lost their husband due to a work accident and to elderly people. Every years, during winter, our stomach rumbled more than any other season, but it was okay. We were all okay with it since it meant that many people wouldn't die of starvation. We also had two sheep, one goat and a couple of chickens in our backyard. My father was able to get them for such a good price, we thought it was unfair to not share it with others. My mother and I took the wool of our sheep and knitted some warm gloves and hats that we gave out. I think my family was well loved. I know they'll get the support they'll need after the game.
I opened my eyes, wondering how long I had been out. Edgar was gently touching my shoulders and waiting for me to actually wake up.
"How long was I asleep?" I asked, my voice still raspy and quiet.
I wiped my eyes with both my hands and I sat up on the couch. I didn't know what hour it was or where I was, but everything came back to my mind.
"You were asleep for like, two hours max, we felt bad waking you up, but it's now time to watch the full reaping to see who you're against."
"Leah, I swear you were so green I believed that if I touched you I would also get sick" my friend snickered.
"Shut up. I will clearly never eat so much again, it feels almost as bad as starving."
I tried to laugh but the sudden waking up still made me feel sleepy.
"At least you're feeling better now, it's all that matters."
Leto let himself fall on the couch next to me, not caring wether or not he fell on me. Both our mentors were there, sitting right next to us to watch the reaping.
The district 1 tributes both volunteered. A boy, who must've been at least 6 feet tall and a girl who's arms must be twice as big as mine. Looking at them, I wondered what they ate to be so much stronger and taller than every other district.
The district 2 and 4 tributes also volunteered. They all had that insane look in their eyes. Eyes that fed of violence and killing. They disgusted me. I felt truly uncomfortable hearing all the cheering when they stepped up on the stage. To me, their as bad as the Capitol citizens, in a sense that they enjoy the game as much as them.
The only other tributes who caught my eyes were the boy from 6 since he was also really tall and didn't say one word during his reaping. He stayed there, frozen, but not frozen by fear, frozen by anger. I could see it in his eyes, he had a vengeful look. I knew I could not go against him in the arena, he would simply eat me alive. He was tall and pretty jacked for someone from 6. There was also a girl from 9 who was only 12 years old. It made me sad because I wouldn't imagine my younger brothers in the arena. They're still too young, but I know that as soon as they get 12, I'll be so scared. You never truly get away from the games. They'll always find a way to remind you that you're weak and even if it's cruel, no one you love is safe. The boy from 12 fainted as soon as he heard his name in the mic. He was frail and pale and starvation had a probably weakened him out before. As sad as it is, he stood no chance. He kept coughing and it was so loud and brutal it felt like he had to cough his lungs out in order to breathe normally.
When he got reaped, we all went silent. For the others we kept saying comments about our first impression or how menacing they were. But for him and the little girl in 9, we had nothing to say. It just pained us inside, made our heart a little bit heavier, knowing these poor kids were doomed, truly doomed.
When I saw the video of my reaping I felt my cheeks become red instantly, I was badly embarrassed. I truly did not try to cause a scene of some sort, I was just in shock. The way the filmed it, they really made it seem like I was a weak girl who tried to fight her way out, as if she stood a chance. Minus ten points for me and the games haven't even started yet.
"It's so unfair, they're really making me look weak" I exclaimed, my voice raising just a notch.
"I know, that's what happens with their stupid propaganda, they show the public what they want, not what happens."
"It's fucking stupid. I won't get any stupid sponsors because of their stupid shots , everyone'll think I'm a crybaby and that I'll be the first cannon to fire when in the arena. No one will bet on me."
I let my emotion flow out like a rapid flood and it was clear to everyone in the room just how upset I was. I had not intended to show so much vulnerability here, I just wanted to ramble. I usually am good at keeping that for myself and showing others only what I want them to see. But not now, when it's most crucial. Not only will the sponsor think I'm weak, my mentors too. Or maybe I was just scared of it being the truth...
"Hey kiddo, look at me"
I was so mad at myself, it was these little mistakes that would kill me in the arena. And I knew it yet I kept making them.
"Kiddo, listen to me will ya? These shots they showed to all of Panem, I know they feel upsetting cause for now, they're the first impression they have of you-
"Thanks, that's really helping me out!" I said in the most sarcastic tone ever.
Everett chuckled but the look his old mentor gave him quickly stopped him. Edgar rolled his eyes before continuing.
"Let me finish. I know they're upsetting, but people will forget. One thing we know about those citizens, is they are dumb, they don't do anything except eat, wear outrageous clothes and wait for the game all year long. They're stupid. They're so ecstatic for what's about to come, that I can bet you that tomorrow, they won't remember any of that. They'll see you walk out the trains and they'll go crazy about your curls and your eyes and how your stylist will style you. You'll have your moment to truly shine at the interview. Don't worry, you're gonna be okay."
He patted my hands and gave me the most reassuring smile. He reminded me so much of Leto in that moment. No matter how mean, sarcastic or impolite we could be, he stayed the nicest person ever. He kept reassuring us and giving us so many advice. I don't know how he did it. I guess it just showed how good he truly was. Just like Leto.