Chapter Text
Caitlyn leans her forehead against the window. The city pulls further away from them as the coach speeds along the road. Marci hands her a headphone bud and presses play on their shared playlist.
“Something on your mind?” she asks, nudging Caitlyn. She looks up, smiling weakly.
“No. Just admiring the view.”
But it’s a lie. Honestly, she’s just glad that she hasn’t been left alone today. Marci must know that she would’ve killed her for that. Her boyfriend is sitting at the back of the coach with his own friends. Good. Let those boys do their separate thing. Caitlyn wants nothing to do with them.
“You look distracted though,” she insists, titling her head. Black hair falls to the side. Caitlyn is about to reassure her, but her eyes catch on something else instead.
Vi is sitting a few seats down from them on the other side of the aisle. The girl lets out a squeal, leaning backwards as Mylo tries to snatch his phone back. She throws the device to Claggor, then creases over with laugher. Hair falls messily into her eyes and her oversized shirt falls a little off her shoulder.
Caitlyn swallows, utterly transfixed. Vi is just so full of love. So full of happiness and joy. So pretty and confident and with absolutely nothing to be insecure about. She’s strong and smart and caring. And just everything that Caitlyn is not. Suddenly, she wishes that she could ditch her friends again. She misses talking to her, though it’s only been a day since their last conversation.
“Hellooo,” Marci sighs, waving a hand, “Earth to Caity.”
“S-sorry,” she says, forcing herself to look away, “I don’t know what’s up. I think I just need to sleep it off.”
“Well, go on then,” her friend says, pushing her gently against the window, “Get some rest.”
Caitlyn goes back to her staring. She watches the fields running past, cows eating lazily under the sun. Someone on the coach interrupts her peace by blaring their music – some girly 2000s tune. Caitlyn’s initial feeling is irritation. I mean, what sort of bitch plays music out loud? But then she hears Vi join the singing and her heart squeezes tightly. Her voice is raucous and totally off-key. But so cute too. Caitlyn’s heart does a damn somersault. She blinks, grateful that her friend can’t see her face right now.
She suddenly hates that she wasn’t able to sit next to Vi. But most of all, she absolutely hates that Vi has other friends at all. She knows it’s irrational and childish. She just… urgh! Caitlyn’s mouth tightens. It isn’t fair. Why should the kids on the soccer team get more time with Vi than her? If she had known it’d end up like this, she would’ve switched from cheerleading years ago!
Caitlyn fiddles with the wire of Marci’s headphones, quietly seething. Heimerdinger let them write down their preferences before they left for the camping trip. Her and the girls all agreed to write each other’s names down, but secretly she added Vi to her top three. She doesn’t know why she did it. She felt totally pathetic afterwards. But she just thought that being in a group with Vi could be fun . Obviously, Caitlyn must barely exist in the other girl’s orbit and she undoubtedly put people from the soccer team down. Caitlyn will just be forced to watch from afar as she continues to laugh obnoxiously with her real friends, feeling like an idiot for trying.
౨ৎ
“Alright cadets, who’s sleeping with who?”
Jayce stands with his hands on his hips, looking too much like a gym teacher for Vi’s liking. Some of the seventeen-year-olds were asked to tag along to take care of them. She isn’t surprised that Jayce volunteered – he’s always loved sports as a hobby, and his best friend is literally a fourteen-year-old. She still doesn’t get why Caitlyn hangs out with him. Maybe they just match each other’s nerd-freak.
“I’m with Vi!” Caitlyn blurts, snatching her arm up.
Vi’s breath hitches. She tries very hard not to glance down at where the other girl has wrapped a hand round her bicep. She very subtly flexes it.
“Great,” he says, scribbling on his clipboard. Where on earth did he get a flipping clipboard?
Vi steals a look at Caitlyn, who’s still pressed flushed beside her. Her heart is spinning out of control. Caitlyn smiles back, eyes crinkling sweetly.
And they said Vi couldn’t get a popular girl to like her. Pft.
Jayce and Mel gather the supplies for their tent, and Claggor is assigned with the two girls. Vi side-eyes him the entire time that they set it up, silently damning him for ruining their sleeping arrangement. She’s pretty sure Claggor can sense her anger because he looks awkwardly away.
Vi runs to carry all the pegs, poles, and sheets before Caitlyn has to pick a single thing up. All the supplies topple precariously in her arms as they walk back across the field.
“You know I could–” Caitlyn reaches a tentative hand out.
“No!” she blurts, “I want to!”
Caitlyn laughs, ruffling Vi’s hair. Her skin jolts. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She tries to stay nonchalant, but Vi’s pretty sure that her entire face has gone pink.
Even though she wanted to carry all their stuff, she’s admittedly glad when she gets to dump all of it over the patch beside Jayce’s tent. They get to work on slotting the poles through and digging the pegs in. Vi zaps all over the place, trying to get things done before Caitlyn can do much work. The girl eventually opts to sit on the side, resting against her backpack. Vi smiles to herself. Mission accomplished.
“Er Vi,” Claggor grunts as he struggles to stomp one of the pegs in, “A little help?”
She ignores him, looking over to Jayce.
“So how come your boyfriend didn’t join you?” she teases. Jayce rolls his eyes.
“Shut up.”
Mel is lying under the sun, maybe trying to catch a tan and looking gorgeous as ever.
“He said he’d rather kill everyone and then himself.”
Caitlyn giggles. Vi looks over, smiling brightly. She doesn’t get to admire her beauty for long – Claggor walks past and spitefully knocks her head down.
౨ৎ
“Let’s just cut through–”
“Give me the map, Vi!”
“There’s absolutely no way–”
Jayce snatches the paper from her, stretching it out before him. Mel crosses her arms, refusing to listen to Vi’s amazing game plan. Caitlyn rests against Claggor’s side, sweat rolling down her face from the day’s walking and the burning sun. Vi would be lying if she said she isn’t jealous. She scowls at Claggor and he just shrugs, unsure how to help.
“Actually…” Jayce says, finger trailing down the path, “Vi’s idea isn’t so–”
“Do not tell me you’re agreeing with Vi,” Mel says sternly, “Need I remind you that we’re the responsible ones here.”
“Hey! You might look like a goddess but you’re not actually ruler of the world.”
She sticks her tongue out. Mel rolls her eyes, now used to Vi’s persistent flirting.
“Come on.” She gently pushes the map down. “We are not sneaking through.”
“It’ll cut out half an hour!”
“No–”
“Let’s just go!” Vi says, grabbing Jayce’s arm and running towards the gate.
Jayce looks back and shrugs at Mel. They clamber over and walk down the field. The others follow, walking slowly behind.
“We can’t separate, Jayce!” the older girl yells.
“I don’t know about this…” Caitlyn says uneasily. Cowards .
Vi and Jayce continue their walk. Once they’re out of hearing distance, she leans into him.
“I think I have a chance.”
“What?! Do you even know if she likes girls yet?”
“Pft. Whatever. We’re super close friends now,” she brags, “I bet if she knows my true charms–”
“Charms? You mean like when you got suspended for setting the whole science lab on fire just to impress Cassie Wals–”
“You’re not very supportive, you know,” she says, getting out her beef strips to chew on.
In the distance, the others are yelling something. She figures they must be asking them to slow down so Vi just rolls her eyes. But Jayce does turn back and immediately screams. He grabs Vi and starts hurtling down the hill.
“OH MY GOD!” she yells, glancing back at the cows chasing them.
They bump into each other, running for the trees.
“MEL’S ALWAYS RIGHT!” Jayce cries, arms barrelling as he trips awkwardly over his feet.
“OBVIOUSLY. HOT PEOPLE ALWAYS ARE!”
“ NOT THE TIME VI!”
“THIS IS KARMA FOR THE BEEF STRIPS!” she yells, heart hammering.
Jayce grabs her and hides them behind one of the trees lining the farm. Vi falls back on her huge backpack, wiping sweat from her face.
“We’re actual idiots.”
“Yup,” he heaves, creased over.
The others are a long distance away, walking leisurely outside of the farm’s borders. When they finally catch up, Mel just stares down at them with an unimpressed look. God . Can’t take a joke, this one.
They eventually continue their journey, trudging down winding country roads. They pass little cottages and cafes and so many fields that she loses count. They sift through long wheat and mazes of corn, all the while carrying a load on their backs. And the worst part? Jayce keeps changing their direction every ten fucking minutes.
He pauses again, turning the map around.
“I don’t understand where we went wrong.”
Vi groans, falling back on her backpack. She stares up at the blinding sun. They are situated beside a dirt road, absolutely and utterly lost. Caitlyn blinks down at her, before promptly falling by her side. She rolls over to rest her head on Vi’s chest.
Vi almost explodes. Is she trying to kill her? Has this all been an evil ruse?
She’s jolted from her spiraling when Caitlyn then slides a hand around her stomach and curls into her side. Oh god. Don’t move. Don’t move. Don’t wanna scare her away.
“Jayce please,” Caitlyn begs, “I can barely move. Just call the instructor for help.”
“No! They’ll deduct points–”
“Who the hell cares about winning!” Vi groans, flopping a hand over her eyes, “They just made that up so we’d put in effort.”
“You guys are such quitters.”
౨ৎ
As the afternoon sun goes down over the hills, they finally arrive back at camp. Vi runs over to her friends, face red from all the walking, and topples over Gert. Caitlyn grins, a little glow in her chest. She goes over to her own friends and clips her backpack off her shoulders. She sighs and melts onto the grass.
“You were gone long,” Anne says, pouring a packet of flavouring over the camping stove where they’ve already dumped their ramen.
“Don’t,” Caitlyn says, flicking a hand, “Let’s talk about something different.”
Martina perks up.
“We were just confessing first kisses,” she says, munching on her dry cheerios.
Caitlyn pinks. Oh lord. What has she just thrust herself into? Caitlyn hasn’t had a first kiss. Obviously . Because she’s a loser. She rips some grass from the ground and plays with it in a childish attempt to seem preoccupied.
The night wears away and her friends sit huddled around their stove, eating ramen from bowls and giggling about stupid things. Caitlyn pretends to care about her friends’ love lives and finds that she actually can have a good time. It’s only when Martina stupidly asks for her first time that she starts to tense up again.
Caitlyn squirms under their gaze. She looks over Anne’s head and watches Vi laughing with her own friends. Her hair is all sweaty from the day’s walking. Her knees are a little bruised up and dirty after falling a few times. Caitlyn wishes she was over there. She kinda wishes she could be hugging Vi, just be close to her somehow. She remembers that time in the elevator, when Vi’s arms were wrapped around her tightly, her eyes soft and watery and ugh . Caitlyn just wishes she wasn’t here right now.
“Oh it’s not important,” she says, blushing, “It’s so forgettable.”
“Oh please. Everyone remembers their first kiss.”
Caitlyn swallows, glancing around at them. Have they really all had theirs? Has Caitlyn unknowingly fallen immeasurably behind? She smiles weakly.
“I guess. It was just on my couch at home.”
The girls ooh and ahh even though it’s the most boring location she could think of.
“Who with!” Anne yells, patting her leg.
“Uh,” Caitlyn hesitates.
Her eyes catch on Danny. She supposes he was close enough. I mean, he tried it. She just pushed him away. Hopefully, he wouldn’t mind her spreading a little bit of false information.
“It was Danny.”
Martina squeals. “No!”
She nods, giggling as her friends all have their own reactions. They beg her for more details but she refuses, pretending to be enigmatic.
The girls eventually get distracted when Marci breaks out a pack of huge marshmallows and suggests they roast them – though it’s strictly prohibited. They find out five minutes later when Martina’s melts right off the stick and onto the bottom of the stove. Ms Danvers spends the next few telling them off as they sit solemnly, biting back laughs.
Afterwards, they merge together with other groups and brainstorm games for the evening. They gather into a circle and Caitlyn looks over at Vi. Talk to me, she thinks. Look at me .
God, she sounds insufferable.
Caitlyn zones out for a while, so it takes her by surprise when Martina skips over with a coca cola bottle.
“What’s happening!” she shakes Marci. Her friend laughs, shrugging her off.
“Spin the bottle!”
Caitlyn blanches. What the hell. Whose idea was this? She blinks around at the circle, feeling dizzy. In a matter of seconds, she tries to figure out which boy she would be half-alright with kissing. There are girls in the circle too. Does that means she would have to kiss one of them? Her heart thunder, totally confused and scared. Caitlyn looks at Vi and she blinks right back at her.
Caitlyn shuffles slightly out of view so that no one thinks to pick her. A couple of rounds pass and Martina ends up kissing Jake, which makes her pretend-vomit. Caitlyn loosens up at bit. Maybe she’s being silly about this. She laughs with everybody else, giggling whenever the bottle lands on someone and listening to the inappropriate moans that Vi and most of the soccer boys are making.
“Your turn!” Martina shoves the bottle in her arms. Caitlyn scrambles away.
“No no! I don’t– someone else can–”
But then people start cheering and Caitlyn can see the rest of her life ahead of her if she doesn’t do this. You can’t get more loser-y than being too scared to play spin the bottle.
Her hand shakes as she places it in the middle. She avoids everyone’s eyes. Then she lets it spin.
People cheer again as it goes round and slowly it begins to settle. Her heart pounds. She stares down at the bottle, mortified that it actually stopped. What did she expect it to do? Keep going forever?
Caitlyn follows the line from the bottle cap.
She comes face to face with Vi .
Kill her now.
Her friends break out in hysterics. Because apparently it’s absolutely hysterical that she has to kiss Vi. The other girl turns almost as pink as her hair, but she still shuffles forwards willingly. Caitlyn freezes. No way she thinks they’re actually doing this.
Martina shoves her forward. She goes headfirst towards the grass, but Vi’s arms catch her steadily. Caitlyn’s skin heats up at every point where Vi is touching her. She shrugs her off.
Caitlyn blinks at her freckles and blue-grey eyes and soft lips. The thought of kissing Vi doesn’t particularly disgust her. In fact, she might able to do it. But not with everyone watching. Not when her heart is ticking like a bomb inside her. Not when she has to live this down somehow.
Vi smiles shyly.
“You alright?” she whispers, so that no one else can hear.
Caitlyn swallows, brows scrunching together.
“I don’t know,” she whispers back. Vi’s eyes flicker over to Caitlyn’s friends behind her, who are still laughing.
Caitlyn squeezes her eyes shut.
“Go on!” Anne says, “We’re waaitting.”
Caitlyn can feel a soreness climbing up her throat. She can feel a sting behind her eyes. And crying in front of everybody is possibly more embarrassing than having to kiss a girl.
Caitlyn pushes Vi away, running over to the tents. She hears the laughter die down quickly. She knows she’s caused a scene. But none of this matters when she reaches the tent and her breath starts to catch in her throat. Caitlyn clutches at her shirt, willing herself to calm down.
She stares up at the ceiling, watching flies flitter on the outside of the tent. And eventually, it passes. Caitlyn is far too embarrassed to come out though. She hugs her knees and sulks instead.
Only minutes later, Vi follows.
“What’s wrong?” she asks the second her head is through the zipper, “Did I do something to upset you?”
She blinks at Caitlyn with her big puppy eyes – ones that she’s gotten to know well since their encounter in the closet.
“No,” she sniffs, moving over to make room for her, “It’s just–”
The words get stuck on her tongue. Does she dare confess it? Caitlyn isn’t stupid. She knows exactly how Vi views her, how the school views her. This perfect, popular girl with boys falling at her feet. It’s true even at fourteen that she has the sort of features they like. More than other girls at least.
“It’s alright,” Vi says, expression gentle and reassuring, “You can tell me.”
She draws her fingers across her mouth like closing a zip, then pretends to throw the key away. A nervous laugh escapes Caitlyn.
“I’ve, well… I’ve never kissed anyone before. I’d just– I’d hate for that to be my first. In front of everyone.”
Caitlyn turns red. Vi lets out a gentle sigh and smiles. Caitlyn hates having to be so vulnerable. She hates that she is telling Vi this.
“I get it,” she says, shuffling closer.
The light in the tent is dim. The sun outside is going down, and the sky is a hue of neon pink and burning orange. Caitlyn feels safer in here, sitting on their tangled sleeping bags, than out there. She doesn’t want to leave. She doesn’t want Vi to leave either.
“I mean–” Caitlyn blurts accidentally, “I didn’t realise that everyone’s already kissed people! Nobody told me! I just– I didn’t realise how behind I am.”
Her vision gets skewed by tears. She slows her breathing, trying not to get too worked up. Vi is just so understanding. It’s hard not to confess everything to her.
“If you want…” Vi starts, voice quiet and unsure, “I could give you your first kiss.”
Oh. Caitlyn freezes. Her stomach does a literal sumersault. She stares at a spot on the ground, not sure how to reply. Her cheeks glow a rosy red. Secretly she can admit that she’d love to. That Vi is really the perfect person – so understanding and gentle and sweet. In fact, Caitlyn couldn’t think of anyone better. And she’s seen Vi’s lips. She bets they’re soft. She bets they taste like chocolate and oats – from all those breakfast bars she ate on their walk. She bets Vi would be good too, knowing exactly where to press and where to move.
“Sorry,” Vi blurts, “Oh god. Sorry. I didn’t– I didn’t mean that. Obviously you wouldn’t want to kiss me. You meant a boy. Forget I said that.”
Vi searches her face. Caitlyn scrunches her brows.
“Really?”
“Yeah. Just forget it. I promise I’m not one of those girls who wants to kiss her friends all the time,” she says, laughing nervously and moving away.
She frowns. Does Vi think anyone sees her that way? Caitlyn certainly doesn’t.
And besides, if she was, Caitlyn wouldn’t blame her.
“You know, I wouldn’t mind it.”
Vi looks up, suddenly still.
“What?”
“You being my first kiss.”
Vi blinks at her, mouth slightly parted. Caitlyn can’t draw her eyes away. Her heart pounds so hard that she hears the rush of blood in her ears. She swallows, breathing harder as Vi comes closer.
“Really?” she whispers.
Caitlyn nods. Vi’s face gets so near that she can feel soft breath against her cheek. She sucks in air, waiting for the crash. Waiting for something . Soft pink from the setting sun engulfs Vi’s face. Caitlyn feels a thrill running up her body. She’s never felt so electric , being this close to someone else before.
“Sure?” Vi whispers, the word almost getting lost on her tongue as she leans in.
“Mhm–” And this time, it does dissolve in her throat. Vi’s lips press against her own.
Caitlyn’s pulse beats so hard that she feels it in her face. Her hand comes up to gently pull on Vi’s hair. The other girl moves her mouth a little, soft lips catching on Caitlyn’s. She inhales, smelling jasmine and chocolate and Violet. She smiles. Vi.
She doesn’t want to let go of the moment but, almost as quickly as it happens, it’s over. Vi wipes at her mouth, eyes flicking around abashedly.
“There you go,” she says, a little business-like.
“Thank you,” Caitlyn reflects quietly.
“Course.”
Vi smiles. Caitlyn giggles.
They leave the tent together and Vi skips over to her friends, diving onto Gert’s back again. Her friend pushes her away and Vi rolls into the grass, face to the sky. Caitlyn steps over her politely, sitting with her own group which has now dispersed from the others. She glances back one last time. Vi is pulling silly faces at Mylo and Claggor. Caitlyn smiles to herself. They might have Vi’s attention, but she got her lips.
౨ৎ
Caitlyn listens to the crickets, which are loud out in the countryside. Everyone else has fallen silent too, just whispering among themselves in their tents. Caitlyn tries not to stare at Vi pulling her t-shirt over her head. She really can’t help it when she catches a glimpse of her stomach. Claggor is out brushing his teeth, which means they’re now alone. Finally.
Vi wiggles into her sleeping bag, pulling a teddy out which was tucked under her pillow. Caitlyn giggles. The other girl springs up and turns dark red.
“Oh my god,” Caitlyn says, reaching out to snatch it but Vi swerves, “That’s so cute.”
“Don’t tell anyone!” she blurts.
Caitlyn grins.
“Don’t be embarrassed,” she says, tilting her head, “It’s adorable.”
“Damn right I am,” Vi says, sticking her chin up.
While she’s distracted, Caitlyn steals the bunny. Vi yelps and genuinely pouts , as if scared she’ll do something to harm it. Is she that attached? Aw.
“Rahhh!” she grumbles, putting the bunny’s face over her own and raising its hands.
Vi snatches it back and rolls onto her side. Caitlyn laughs, watching her curled form. She leans down into her own sleeping bag. Their bodies are so close that it sends little fireworks into her heart.
“Goodnight Violet,” she whispers, cheeks still lifted.
The other girl turns around. Their faces are only inches apart. It reminds her of that kiss. Electric.
Vi half-smiles. “Night, Cait.”
౨ৎ
Caitlyn shifts, feeling so comfy and warm. That’s strange. Usually sleeping in a tent leaves her shivering in the morning. She shifts, feeling a weight on top of her. Hair tickles her chin.
Eventually, she musters the energy to open her eyes. And her heart leaps . Somehow, the two girls have tangled between each other. Vi’s sleeping form is stretched out on top of her, cheek pressed against her collar. Huh. Strange. Caitlyn’s arms have wrapped around her neck like her very own teddy.
She breathes slowly, almost enjoying the weight of the girl on her. She studies her face, so deep in slumber. She studies the little crease between her brows. A little drool has formed on the side of her mouth, and her eyes are so gently closed.
After a few minutes, Caitlyn taps her head. Vi doesn’t move, so she nudges her softly until she finally does. She sighs, nose brushing Caitlyn’s neck. Her breath hitches. Oh, they’re in a very precarious position. But then Vi’s eyes flutter open and it’s all over.
“WOAH!”
She scrambles away.
“Morning.” Caitlyn smiles weakly.
“Morning.” She looks absolutely mortified.
Caitlyn can’t help laughing.