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It was that time right before dawn - when the freezing cold hits the most, almost making you forget there was ever warmth in the world. The blood turns ice, and the promise of death is closer than ever.
In time, Esha got used to that feeling. It was never truly welcome, but it became an omen of the light to come. And life.
But not that night.
They started building the pyres the moment the dragon was gone - while parts of the city still fought the destruction unleashed by Ghilan'nain. They built them while Esha turned and ran to Neve, hoping to see her safe.
Hoping to do the impossible.
And now they were all that remained apart from guilt. Irrational guilt - as if she could be in two places at once.
But the rational part of her died with Minrathous. It was ready to climb next to her onto the pyre, and burn with the bodies of all that have fallen.
A tear ran down her face as she closed her eyes. Her hands brushed the wood she was lying on, and a splinter poked her skin. She hissed quietly at that unwelcome reminder of still being alive.
The flames would be so much easier than that. She wondered how it would feel to be enveloped by them as she looked up at the sky. If it would hurt, or if the pain would disappear as the smoke choked her unconscious. The straw she felt poking from under the wood was wet from dew, after all.
The cloud on her mind deafened her to Viago's footsteps. She barely noticed him in the corner of her eye before he grabbed her by the hair. She choked on the pain as he furiously dragged her down onto the grass.
Lucanis watched the soft glow on the horizon from the balcony. The city was safe, but it was not calm. Fires still burned in parts of it, painting the night sky purple and red.
He barely heard the soft cry that came before the forceful slam of the door. Spite hissed, agitated, his eyes darting to the direction the noise came from. Whatever happened, it was out of their view.
Before he had a chance to think about it, Lucanis heard footsteps behind him. He turned, now expecting the company with his back against the balustrade. It was Teia.
“Lucanis, have you seen Viago?” She asked with clear exhaustion in her voice. None of them slept since the dragon's attack, focusing on controlling the damage for most of it as he and Davrin followed Rook to check on Minrathous. They were barely back when Esha just… left.
“De Acutis are here for an update. To see what else needs to be done.” Teia continued, her eyes focused on the glowing horizon behind Lucanis.
“No.” He answered and pushed himself away from the railing. “But I think I have an idea where to find him.”
His instinct wasn't wrong - Viago's shouting was not hard to identify, even if he couldn't distinguish the words at first from the top of the stairs.
“-not climb it yourself! You fucking earn it!”
Lucanis opened the door, interrupting Viago mid-inhale. The Talon’s eyes fell on him. Viago straightened himself, fixing the lapels of his coat and huffing out through his nose.
He towered over Esha. She avoided looking at either of them, her head to the side as she pressed her fingers to her lip where Viago's backhand must have burst it. Lucanis would have sworn she shrunk herself before her Talon as she crossed her arms on her chest.
There was a faint smell of freshly cut grass in the room - from the strands that stuck to her knees as Viago dragged her in.
Spite hissed at the scene.
Meanwhile, Lucanis felt almost embarrassed from having interrupted this intimate moment between them.
“Teia’s looking for you.” He informed them briefly, holding the door open. “De Acutis are here.”
“Good.” Viago shot a quick glance at Esha. He reached his fingers to her face, rubbing off the small drop of dried blood by her lip, his movements fast and forceful. He grabbed her arm to turn her and push her before him, and sighed in annoyance as he noticed a piece of straw in her hair. A sharp tug at it made her hiss briefly. She stumbled a few steps towards the door before letting Viago overtake her. She followed him with her eyes to the ground, like a scolded dog.
Lucanis easily read the embarrassment in the way she tried to avoid his gaze. Her eyes glistened slightly, betraying the fact that she must have been crying.
He followed half a step behind, in silence. The tension in her jaw released slowly. She gently tried to stop the bleeding with her tongue as she sucked on her lip, uncomfortably aware of the iron taste in her mouth.
Lucanis reached into his pocket. He offered her the handkerchief without a word, and their eyes finally met as she hesitated before taking it. He stopped breathing for a second as her fingers brushed his in the small gesture. She faintly nodded her head in thanks before pressing the cloth to the wound.
It would stop bleeding before they reached the top of the stairs.
The map of Treviso was stretched on the table and pinned to it with an almost comical number of knives. Davrin watched with concern as Teia kept pulling more and more of them, and using them to mark the power struggle in the city.
None of them were interested in small talk as they waited, and it suited him well. It gave him a chance to study the map - and the people around him.
He still wasn't sure what to think of the crows who found him and Assan in the Anderfels. He immediately smelled the city ways on Esha - she had the same look he saw in some of the Wardens who came from alienages. The dogged determination and sharpness in her speech. But what worried him was the hu- no. No, not the human . The abomination. Lucanis was a terrifying sight on the battlefield, and Davrin was glad to have him on his side as they cut their way through the darkspawn. But he still flinched every time he caught the purple glow in the corner of his eye.
Sure, Esha seemed to trust him - but it would not be the first time Davrin fell under a commander who bit more than they could chew. On the other hand, he just watched a monster who called herself his god almost blight a city. A monster whose marks he wore on his face. Maybe allying with a demon was the only move left. Maybe the world was ending, after all.
Footsteps echoing from the staircase cut his trail of thought. The tall one who entered first must have been Viago - the other Talon. They did not have time to exchange the courtesies as they passed each other on the battlefield. Esha stepped in behind him as Lucanis held the door for her. The skin on her face was almost rosy, the exhaustion seeping through the burst blood vessels under her skin. The redness on the side of her cheek looked fresher than the bruises already forming down her neck and near her brow. She stuffed a handkerchief into her pocket as she walked in.
When that dragon swiped her, Davrin was almost sure she was gone from the fight. But they were not alone in that pit, a few other crows assisted from the sidelines. When she flew towards a wall that time, a healer got her just in time with his magic, protecting her from the worst of it.
Now that he recalled it, Davrin could almost swear Lucanis did not like seeing that mage around her. He stared him down for a little too long before the beast forced him to move. Before Davrin's shouting forced him to move, to be precise.
Now that everyone was in place, they could actually start. The numbers of the dead started pouring in, the destruction faced by the city, the movements of the Antaam. The plans on how to deal with them, the plans on whether some of it can be reforged into an advantage, the ideas of negotiations. Davrin's expertise on dealing with the Blight, De Acutis’ spy network embedded in the city forces.
Esha stayed silent for most of it, her gaze focused on the part of the city that seemed most ignored in their words.
“How's the alienage?” She asked at last, cutting in through some arguing. A silence fell for a moment.
“It took some hits, but nothing major.” Neri answered her after a moment. Viago scoffed in what would seem to be annoyance to an untrained eye.
Esha's fingernails scratched the wood as the hand she rested on the table slowly started contracting into a fist. A slow inhale, a slow exhale. Control.
“I should check on it. You don't need me here.”
“Esha…” Viago’s eyes narrowed as he watched her push herself away from the table.
She felt it then. The slow spinning in her head. The sudden disconnect from her body, from the way it moved. Her eyes fell on the wine they all drank, the cup she used.
The cup that Viago gave her.
There was a painful disappointment in her eyes as she looked back at him. She should have known better. But she trusted him to… not . Not this time. Not like that.
Davrin felt his heartbeat rise as he watched them. He noticed the change in their demeanor as they wordlessly stared each other down. He cursed himself in silence as his palm tightened around the sword's handle, his eyes darting between all the crows in the room. Lucanis seemed worried ( but not too worried ), and there was a sad benevolence in the way Teia observed the scene. Others just seemed slightly annoyed by the interruption, politely waiting to get on with their day.
“You’re in an even worse state than I thought.” Viago's voice was bitter. “I expected at least an hour.”
Esha inhaled through her mouth as if getting ready to argue. But there was nothing she could say that would change things. There was nothing she needed to say - Viago could always read the “go fuck yourself”s from her looks.
And so, only a heavy sigh of resignation followed his words. Esha turned and walked away slowly, with tired annoyance clear on her face. She kept her hand pressed against the wall as she focused on her steps.
Davrin let go of his sword. He was still confused by the exchange he witnessed, but nothing seemed an immediate threat anymore.
“You didn't really expect an hour, Vi.” Teia's words were almost scolding.
“No.” Viago answered as he moved to grab Esha's cup. He kept talking as he moved towards the window to pour out whatever was left in it. “Not in the state she's in, like she hasn't slept or eaten in weeks.”
The Talon's eyes fell on Lucanis for a moment, as if with a question. He didn't expect the Demon of Vyrantium to keep Esha functional - Maker knows they both looked half dead - but if Viago was worried, Lucanis would have answers. And if not, he should at least have the decency to warn him before she spirals out of control.
But Lucanis before him was not the same Lucanis he knew from years ago. Viago had trouble reading him properly now, his perception of him biased by their time before the Ossuary. Even then he wasn't sure he could trust him with Esha - and now he was more and more convinced their contract would get her killed. Maybe even Lucanis himself would get her killed, in his recklessness and exhaustion. That dragon fight was a fucking mess.
“I think this will be all for tonight.” Viago placed the empty cup on the windowsill, upside down, before turning to the room again. His eyes fell on Lucanis, who looked back from under his brow. “Do you think you could show your new Warden ally to his room?”
And make sure Esha hasn't collapsed halfway to hers.
Lucanis felt the Warden's eyes on him the entire time they walked. He was already tired of his company. Fortunately, Davrin also seemed more comfortable with silence now.
Esha was nowhere to be found when they finally gathered in the morning, and so the responsibility of catching Davrin up to speed fell to him. He took the news well enough. Lucanis couldn't fault him for the caution, but his suspicious looks were getting irritating.
And Spite seemed particularly fond of trying to annoy him. Goad him. Even trying to take control just to scare him.
In truth, it mostly exhausted Lucanis.
Viago finally gave up late in the evening, as dusk was creeping in. He seemed sure where Esha went, hoping to see her back soon enough. But as hours came and went, she wasn't back. Lucanis would have sworn he was actually worried when he asked them to check on her.
You should probably take Davrin, his elvhen may be useful, he suggested . As if it wasn't just about taking the Warden away from crow business.
Davrin never really saw an alienage in person. He heard lots about them, but the Warden life kept him out of the cities for the most part. He liked it like that - away from the hard stone pavements, the noise, the smell. And yet, he still didn't expect the alienage to be what it was as they walked in. The buildings crammed together and the apparent overflow of people. The vhenadahl in the distance was the only sign of nature all around him, barring a few loose weeds that hadn't been stomped out yet.
They both felt the eyes that turned to them as they walked, the whispers that followed. Everyone seemed suddenly preoccupied, even as they were on the way to the pyre that burned deeper in the alienage - and the chanting that came from it. The elves also had their dead to send off.
It didn't take long before they were stopped.
“If you're here for Esha, I'm afraid she's preoccupied.” The tall elf stepped in front of them, his green eyes focused on Lucanis. Davrin noted it was the mage who helped them in the fight. His arm, covered in tattoos, held onto a belt thrown over his shoulder - one full of equipment, a few daggers hanging off it.
Lucanis immediately recognized it as Esha's.
Not. His. Give her. Back.
Spite was hissing in the back of Lucanis' mind as the assassin swallowed in an effort to keep cool.
“I don't believe we've been introduced.” He kept his tone cold as his eyes fell on Esha's equipment with a suggestion.
The elf smiled venomously before tipping his head. A strand of blonde hair fell over his eyes as he extended a hand in a greeting. “Shrike.”
Lucanis held his grip for a little longer than expected as he shared his own name. A raised brow followed.
“I heard you were dead.” A smile slowly faded from Shrike's lips.
“I changed my mind.”
Davrin immediately sensed the change in Shrike's demeanor, his pride and attitude tempered under the weight of Lucanis' reputation. But not enough to fully dispel the tension between the two crows as they silently stared each other down.
“We’d still like to see her, even if she's busy.” Davrin intervened.
Shrike turned to him with a smile. It worked, at least a little. The blonde elf led them deeper into the alienage, with some amusement on his face as they exchanged a few polite words of not much substance.
The chanting filled the air. The pyre burned on the square by the vhenadahl, surrounded by a stone circle. A few elves sat inside it in silence, around the fire, as if guarding it.
Davrin never saw funeral rites like those.
“So you don't bury your dead?”
Shrike didn’t look at him as he answered. “Ash keeps the vhenadahl growing well enough.”
Lucanis felt a familiar tingling at the back of his eyeballs as they approached. The veil was thin, thinner the closer they got to the pyre. He was rather glad that Shrike led them to one of makeshift standing tables at the edge of the gathering, without getting too close. The elf nodded his head to point out Esha - Lucanis scarcely recognized her at first. She looked different in the intense warm light of the fire, with her black hair down and covering part of her face. She wore no jewellery as she sat barefoot on the ground. Her lips moved softly in a trance.
“Now you've seen her.” Shrike seemed irritated as he leaned on the table. “You can come back in the morning.”
Lucanis let the silence hang as he observed the scene around him.
“What is she doing?” Davrin cut in, having no qualms about showing his curiosity openly.
“The better question is why is she doing it.” Lucanis interrupted bitterly before Shrike could answer. He looked around the gathering, the many elves who moved in and out of it. “She knows we need her.”
Shrike scoffed. “But you don't know her, apparently.”
The arrogance of it made Lucanis tense up for a brief second. Shrike’s attitude may have been tempered, but the mage still seemed to look for a way to goad him. Almost as if he wanted to provoke a fight. A fight Lucanis would be hesitant to win rather than getting thrown out.
We. Stay.
A deep breath. Spite settled in the back of his mind. It was easier now that the cards were out in the open like that.
“We'll wait for her.”
While Davrin took the time to walk away and talk with others, Lucanis didn't move from his spot, only shifting his weight from time to time as he stood. His gaze rested hopelessly on Esha as he noted the night getting colder. His fingers busied themselves playing with the straps of her belt. It smelled like her even as it laid on the table in front of him, but there was something different about it. Like it was tainted by the brief time Shrike held onto it for her.
Making him leave it was not as hard as he could have expected. A polite ruse - he can hold onto it while the healer is needed elsewhere. It must be uncomfortable, carrying it around. And Lucanis wasn't going anywhere, after all.
He observed Esha intently as hours went by, noticing the small shivers and the way exhaustion showed itself in her movements. The gentle shifting of her limbs in an instinct to keep warm as she drifted on the edge of consciousness.
He was intruding, and he felt that. She never spoke about the alienage, and she did leave without a word, almost as if expecting to be left alone. He felt his stomach churn at the thought of violating the line she seemed to draw. But he was here now, and he could not bring himself to leave her.
His eyes wandered sometimes, observing others around him. The gathering was loud, as if trying to keep the ones by the pyre awake. No one approached the circle by the fire, like it was sacred - or cursed. It was a strange custom, but it reminded him of ones he read about, or witnessed as he travelled. It echoed rituals of guiding the dead, or protecting them. Lucanis wasn't sure which one it was, but he figured it wasn't his place to know. Davrin could ask questions here - not him.
All Lucanis knew was the veil was thinner the closer to the pyre they got - and that crossing the line to Esha would be sacrilegious. It quickly tempered any thoughts of pulling her out of it ahead of the dawn, or even throwing something on her to keep her warm.
So he spent the night looking, and thinking of all she would need to keep in health once she's out of there.
He let Shrike approach without a reaction. He caught the elf's figure in the corner of his vision as the mage leaned against the table. Neither of them spoke for a while, as if sharing a brief understanding, both focused on the woman they clashed about just hours ago. Spite was the only one not quiet.
Keep him away.
“I tried to stop her, you know.” Shrike said finally, his voice tired. Lucanis finally moved his gaze to him, noticing the blood under his fingernails as his attention was pulled to the movement of the elf's hands. Shrike's thumb softly rubbed on a little scar by his left wrist.
“She doesn't take well to being stopped.” Lucanis offered, focusing on Esha again. But the movement in the corner of his eye kept pulling at his attention. Something about that scar didn't let him rest. Such a clean cut…
“No, she doesn't.” Shrike sighed.
Lucanis had seen him use his skills, and he had to admit he was too good of a healer to leave a scar like that. Unless…
“Keep her away from Viago, will you?” The mage continued with a tinge of resignation in his voice. “She’ll need rest, not his lectures.”
Lucanis nodded silently as his eyes once again fell on the mark that clawed at his mind.
And then it hit him. It seemed familiar because it was. He'd seen that scar before on a different hand - Esha's. He felt a weight on his chest as the realization hit him. Whatever these two were to each other, it was more than he expected at first.
The first light started creeping in, and Lucanis quickly noticed the energy around him changing. It was time.
“I’ll deal with that.” Shrike pushed himself away from the table. Lucanis wanted to follow him at first. Spite growled as they watched the elf walk away towards Esha.
Not. His.
But did he really have a right to insert himself? They shared a history he was not privy to. And with the way everyone avoided him all night, it was clear he was not really welcome in the alienage, either.
None of the elves inside the stone circle were left on their own, each having someone by their side soon enough. Lucanis watched with a frown as Shrike approached Esha. The way he embraced her as he pulled her up, almost lifted her as she put on her boots again. The way she leaned on him as her muscles gave out, stiff and atrophied from sitting still through the night.
Spite's yapping was getting to Lucanis. He sighed before deciding to walk up. He wouldn't interrupt, no - just stay close enough to mark his presence. To help, if there's a need for that.
She rested her cheek against Shrike's chest. Soft light danced on the tip of his fingers as he reached to her.
Don't. Touch. Rook!
The light flickered slightly. The mage suddenly looked concerned, while Esha gently pushed his hand away.
“You're spent. I'll be fine.”
She didn’t miss the way Shrike’s eyes darted towards Lucanis with suspicion. She turned, now alerted to his presence. Lucanis wasn’t sure how to interpret the short spark of surprise in her eyes when she saw him.
It was Davrin who saved him having to explain. The warden noticed the commotion a while ago and slowly moved towards them.
“Are we ready to go back now?” He asked as he rubbed his wrist. He seemed tired now, his eyes glassy from the alcohol he was offered and a sleepless night. Last night's injuries were acting up, flaring up in the cold.
Esha nodded her head as she pulled away from Shrike. She felt the squeeze of his palm against her side in the desperate attempt to keep her close. She took a step towards Lucanis, extending a hand as her eyes fell on the equipment he held.
“How many hands did that go through tonight?” She joked as he came closer. Instead of just handing it over, he decided to help her wrap the belt around her hips.
Shrike clenched his jaw as he looked away to Davrin.
“I can help with that.” He nodded towards his wrist, more to busy himself than out of care. Focusing on healing the muscle strain meant he didn’t need to witness Lucanis throwing his coat on Esha. The way she did not really protest before pulling it closer under her chin. The way his hands rested on her shoulders and squeezed them.
Lucanis stifled a growl at the back of his throat when the mage made use of his powers. He reached to Spite in an effort to understand. What made the demon so upset?
Gritted teeth. Knees in mud.
Lucanis watched the soft light of Shrike’s magic with his hands still holding onto Esha. Why did Spite not let him heal her?
Salt on tongue. Heartache. Screams.
Lucanis would not get a clearer answer from Spite. But he still wondered the whole way back to the Diamond.
The gondola swayed gently as it moved on the water. Esha curled up on the floor of it, resting her head against the edge of the boat. She clutched his coat close, and Lucanis was glad he decided to take it with him. She probably didn't plan to stay for so long, dressed only in a thin white shirt that didn't even button up to her neck. Viago probably suspected as much when he asked them to check on her…
Lucanis sighed at the thought as he listened in on the discussion she had with Davrin. She explained some of the customs, and the warden questioned the purpose of them.
“But it doesn't matter if it's true, does it?” Esha seemed tired as she shrugged. “No one really thinks Falon’Din comes to take them, we know that’s crap. It's never about the dead, it's about the living.”
“How does keeping a lie help the living?” Davrin sounded bitter.
Esha sighed as she closed her eyes.
“It's what makes them. This is not the Dales, Davrin. You don't survive here without others, and you need something to make them care. Make them know each other.”
“You think it's different in a clan?” The warden seemed annoyed.
“I don't know.” She baited. “What are clans doing with their customs now? Do they no longer bow to Ghilan'nain statues as they heard the halla? Don't curse Fen’Harel daily?”
“That's not-”
“We both know they still do, because it's not about the truth. It's about continuity. You can't just cut a river from its source and expect it not to turn to dust.”
“It's the comfort of a routine.” Lucanis chimed in, finally. A barely perceptible smile danced at the corner of his mouth. It resonated, what she said. Esha turned her eyes to him, almost pleasantly surprised.
“Exactly.”
“We can't just carry on like that.” Davrin sighed. “Keeping lies for comfort.”
She turned slightly to her side as she pulled up her knees. The sway on the water was getting to her, her eyes half-closed as she rested.
“We can't afford not to.”