Chapter Text
<epilogue>
Steve drops into the seat besides Tony one afternoon. He keeps a careful space, but Tony lets himself fall over until he is leaning against Steve. “How was your day?” he asks distractedly, working on editing some schematics real quick for Peter. He has a few doodles in the corners that hopefully the kid will understand. He typically does.
He’s always read Tony better than he should be able.
“Just a small skirmish downtown with the wrecking crew. You’d think we could get them to just stop.”
“Or make them the X-men’s problem, but then again Xavier would have to be willing to fit the bill when his kids destroy something. I’d rather it be you, you are better about causing as little property damage as you can.”
He can feel Steve’s wince behind him.
“Not gonna ask. Just sketch up something cute we can merchandize and we’ll never speak of it.”
“You’ll never speak of it,” Steve mutters. “But Pepper definitely will.”
Tony laughs, long and hard, enough to throw his head back and catch Steve’s eyes crinkle at the corners. Steve has a deep seated respect of Pepper from the before days. After, well after, she has cultivated it into a deep seated fear. She is very proud of it, and Tony lets sleeping dogs lie more than he used to these days.
He leaves his head against the cushions and looks at Steve, really looks at him. He looks tired, in the way he is after a “way too long because some people just don’t get it when they are beat” fight. So he’s looking at Tony that way he usually hides for after sex, when it’s just them and the connection between them is stronger and if Tony reaches he can feel can feel Steve’s emotions strong enough to be swallowed by them.
He indulges every once in a while, of surrounding himself in the quiet steady crash of admiration, love, fondness, grateful waves, one after another. Tony still feels like a mess of emotions on a good day, so he wonders sometimes what Steve feels back, the few times he’s asked, hesitantly, “Can I?” before putting a hand on his chest.
Tony takes the hand in Steve’s lap and puts it on Tony’s chest and thinks I love you, I love you, I love you, thank you for loving me too.
Steve’s sharp intake of breath tells Tony he heard something of that, maybe felt it more. The connection’s shape still changes from time to time. He still gets it, and leans close.
Peter comes barrelling in through an open window, takes one look at them, frozen on their way to a kiss, and yells, “Dads are making out in the living room again” before sprinting out of the room.
Steve slumps until his face is against Tony’s chest, but Tony can’t keep from laughing, so he rattles them both. “I love you,” Steve sighs.
“But the stepkids are a lot,” Tony finishes fondly.
Steve leans back for a moment, and Tony watches him carefully. “No but,” Steve says. “I love you and the kids are crazy. We don’t do buts anymore.”
Tony snickers for a moment, because there is a butt joke right there. Steve stays there, seriously and intent, so Tony settles and places a hand on his face. “Of course, Steve. Of course.”
Steve is careful, still, after a year. He makes sure his words are clear, constant. Something Tony knows Sam hands him books on. “No more assumptions,” Steve repeats.
He’s too careful sometimes, with Tony, who drags him in and kisses him until Steve can barely think straight. Tony has been broken before and will be broken again and will solder himself together. He is skilled at the process.
He just wants to live in the now, for once.
“I love you,” Tony says, because he is being honest.
Steve’s face softens again, and he replies back, “I love you too.”
“Hey can you two stop being soft and let me ask Tony some questions?” Peter’s voice carries from the hall.
Tony waves a hand in the air and settles back against Steve’s side, passing him the tablet. Steve hums and taps around, probably working on the new logo he owes Pepper. Peter bounds over the couch and takes a seat on the coffee table. Tony’s long since given up on telling the kid to sit like a normal human being, so he just huffs a sigh.
“Okay, so I’ve been thinking about threading on a PCB and like, maybe I should do this manually, but - ”
Tony waves around the tower, “I literally have labs all over New York you can pop in and call for Friday to come do the hard work for you. It is absolutely not useful to learn it by hand and you’ll ruin your eyesight.”
Peter moves his head side to side, thinking about the response before saying, “Well some day I may not have the magical stark tech everywhere, so I should learn basics anyway. But any way, I was thinking -”
“Wait,” Tony interrupts. “What are you hinting at? And you gotta stop hanging around with Nat, she is corrupting you.”
Peter kind of rocks back further on the coffee table, so Tony sits up. “Things change, you know, so I just want to be able to be independent if I have to be.”
“Why?” Tony asks. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Steve stop drawing, but watching them both.
“It’s nothing!” Peter rockets out of his seat and starts looking at the exits for the best escape. “I’ll just talk to Fry.”
“Don’t make me get Steve to tackle you. You know he can do it faster than you can get to that window you are eyeing,” Tony states. Peter freezes, because they all remember the training session when Peter got plastered by Steve when both weren’t paying attention. Steve had apologized for months to the point Peter rabbited out of a room when he saw Steve coming so he didn’t have to hear apologies. Tony had had to broker a peace deal at both parties’ request.
Peter sighs. “Well, things change around here a lot, and I was just thinking there might be a day when I’m not welcome and I wanted to make sure I had some back up plans.”
Tony races through what is going on here. He had extended Peter an offer to work at SI on a permanent basis last week after he finished graduating next week. He, Peter and Pepper had had long discussions on this topic before, about the careful balance between secret identity and the closer you were seen to Tony Stark, Ironman and CEO. So it wasn’t a surprise or anything. But there was something in the lines of Peter’s face that made him look… “Did you go to Gwen’s grave today?”
Peter ducks his head and looks down at his tangled hands in front of him, until Tony reaches out and puts his hand on top of his. “No one blames you for her death.”
“Her neck snapped from the recoil, of course it’s my fault,” Peter bites out. He’s grief stricken in such a familiar way that Tony can barely breathe. “She looked at me like I was going to save her and I killed her. Someday I’m going to do that again, and you won’t be able to look me in the eyes when it happens, and I’ll have to get used to being back on my own again."
Tony had grown up in a family who held secrets close to their chests. He still looks back and wonders if they hadn't been spies, former soldiers, and wartime inventors, maybe they would have taught him to be honest.
It's taken nearly 50 years for him to learn that, but Tony won't be his family.
"Peter," he reaches out with his hand until he can tip the younger man's face upwards. "You can't do anything to stop me from being there for you."
"People leave eventually," Peter bites out. His eyes meet Tony'w but these are the lessons of someone who has lost everything before, and then again and again. It's written down to Peter's very marrow. "By death, by choice, or even driven to it. People leave, you know that."
Tony knows the holes in his heart are in specific shapes. There is Maria, Jarvis, Ana, Peggy, Daniel, and even Howard. They are cauterized wounds, but they are still there.
Peter's have been bleeding this entire time, and Tony is grieved to know he missed it.
"I won't," Tony promises, like Daniel would have promised. Daniel's promises were always kept.
Peter snorts and looks away.
"I can't promise you anything you won't believe Peter, but I will be there. For the next step, and the one after that, until the last ones. I will be there for the moments in between.". Peter's eyes meet his. "You carved yourself into my heart Peter. I can't not be there, even if you wanted me gone. I'll carry you always."
His throat burns, and he feels raw putting it out there.
"People have left you before," Peter whispers.
"And I've loved them when they were gone too. I've learned how to love in softer ways, less burning the world down, you know?"
Peter snickers, but his eyes are watery.
There is a hand on his thigh, Steve's, and it tightens. He knows this isn't his place, but Steve is still bleeding a little too.
"When I was younger, my family, we would all get together in the summer. It was Peggy's place. She had inherited from her Dad. It's probably in Sharon's name. We should go up there some time." Steve's hand tightens for a moment. "Oh right back on track. We used to go up there and it was the few times a year I got to see my Uncle Daniel. He would take me aside and show me the fields, the forest. Teach me about plants and taking care of the land and ourselves. He and I were inseparable every summer until the one he died.”
He pushes back memories and continues on, “My father had a man he employed named Edwin Jarvis, which is a much longer story, but he and his wife Ana were the babysitters and honestly raised me for years. I ate dinner more with them than I did with my parents alone. You've met my bots, Pepper, Rhodey, Happy. You know where this is going.”
He makes his eyes meet Peter’s and holds them. “My family, you see, has never been by blood. It's always been based on whomever I've opened my heart to."
He waits for a moment, thinks of honesty and the careful way everyone had always looked to Howard and Maria when they had called Tony son. It takes a village , he had laughed.
"I love you Peter. You are a part of my family. You can try and throw it away, but I'll always love you and have a place for you."
Peter falls into, crashes is more like it, him, and Tony thinks, Daniel would you be proud?
He knows he would be. He always was, of the smallest to largest thing.
He looks over Peter's heaving shoulders as he sheds the fear that has been building for god knows how long to Steve.
I love you, Steve mouths. Tony mouths back, love you more and Steve shakes his head with a smile. It's not a contest, they both know it but still, Tony takes the joy where he can get it.
Peter pulls back, eventually, embarrassed, and looking at the exits again. Tony gives him the reprieve. "Anyways, I'm pretty sure Rhodey has adopted you so good luck getting rid of that limplet. He's stuck through some crazy shit with me."
Peter laughs and then settles back on the coffee table, asking like what . Steve gets up and Tony sees the sun's slide and it's getting close to dinner time.
He turns some tales, exaggerating some points that make Rhodey look ridiculous because this will be retold and create some saga that ends in more stories or a prank war and honestly that is what they all need now as Steve starts on dinner.
Peter stays for dinner and when he goes to leave, Tony asks, as casually as he can, "Did I ever tell you I set aside a floor for you here? I can show you the room if you would like. Bruce made sure I didn't go too over the top. It's supposed to be a graduation gift actually, so uh, whoops?"
Later, when he sinks into the bed with Steve, he says, "Fuck, you have to remind me to use my words more."
Steve starts laughing as he places a bookmark in his book before placing it on the bedside table. It's something that Tony loves, that he leaves pieces of himself around, trying to press the permanence of this relationship into Tony's life, like he isn't pressed into the very essence of his soul.
"Me? Recommending someone use words. Pot meet kettle."
Tony rolls his eyes. "We have issues with words. You don't have issues with the kids."
"I have issues with everyone," Steve says. "I've always found it easier to add to the conversation. Not start it."
"Awww, is the star spangled man scared of his emotions?"
Steve sighs and looks upwards, the he tries my patience Jesus lapsed Catholic things he does from time to time. Tony puts a lid on the nervous energy he has rattling around him after the whole Peter thing as best he can. Tony reaches out and laces his fingers with Steve's.
"I'm scared of being vulnerable first," Steve does say. "Sometimes it feels like you wear your heart out there, waiting for someone to target it."
There is an arc reactor joke or a been there done that joke that Tony swallows down.
"I did the same with Peggy and it was a game of chicken with us. Unspoken feelings and mistakes and I won't keep repeating the past.”
Steve takes a breath before adding, "I love how you love so fiercely. Once I was worried you would burn yourself out loving others, but now, I think you could survive taking a hit."
"I love your steady, quieter love,” Tony whispers, like it’s a secret. “I know things are hard and I can be...a lot on a good day, so thanks for sticking around.
Steve turns until they are looking at each other across their pillows, in his home that Tony hopes feels as much like one to Steve.
"I love you. There is no ‘a lot’ or ‘just right’. I love you . The end."
Tony grins and pulls closer and can see the second Steve decides to make a joke. "Just let me know when you decide to formally adopt Peter, so I can be prepared to fight Rhodey to the death to be the second name on that form."
Tony's breath catches because he thinks he wants something that permanent with the mental image of Rhodey arm wrestling Steve for adoption rights
"Sure," he throws out, but knows Steve's seen the emotions on his face. He reaches out and places his hand on Steve's bare chest. He looks at Steve who whispers of course before reaching out.
He sees himself with Peter and feels the swell of love love this man and the splash of pasta sauce as it hits his face before he throws parm at Steve and Peter's helpless laughter as he asks, oh my god how old are you two before they both attack him.
He sees himself, looking at Steve, back in that hallway, back in the beginning, and the hope rising in his throat with a maybe maybe singing in the background.
There is a rush of images, Steve watching Tony in moments Tony wasn't aware of, for years. The steady beat of fond oh Tony grows and crashes upon familiar emotions and Tony is just overwhelmed by the constant thrum of emotion.
He sees Steve walking away on a snow covered mountain, thinking, this is never what I wanted. The half hearted wishes, dreams crushed under the snow.
He sees Steve and Natasha and his desperate hope. Maybe he could get everything.
He sees himself across the bed from Steve and the steady peace that he has.
Tony pulls back and slides his hand up until he reaches the soft hair on the back of Steve's head. “You sentimental old fool," he whispers.
"Takes one to know one," Steve murmurs before coming in for a kiss.
</epilogue>