i fear that the wait for victorious is going to kill me.

Hayao Miyazaki on AI

he really went there omg

"I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy" nah fuck that I would. Actually if I could choose to have any superpower, I'd want the power to make people feel whatever I've felt at any point of my life, at my choice. Someone mildly inconveniences me, I'm letting them have 30 minutes of being five years old and trying to learn how to cry silently because you know nobody's coming to help you and if someone hears you, they're coming to make it worse. Fuck you and your eyebrows.

The best compliments and insults are both just describing the person. Just describe whatever you can clearly observe about them. The distinction of whether that's an insult or a compliment is whether you're saying it with a pleasant tone, or if you're saying that like it's a bad thing.

Children, who make their observations in an utterly deadpan voice as neutral remarks, are capable of obliviously roasting people because they haven't noticed this.

as much as I love portrayals of the sun and moon as a (lesbian) couple, the greeks were really on to something when they said "actually they're siblings who disapprove of each other's life choices"

I'm actually a huge fan of enemies to lovers because I do think it's hot but to be clear "enemies to I think you're attractive and that's overcoming my hatred of you" sucks ASS the trope is about growing RESPECT and GENUINE AFFECTION the POINT is that they always found each other attractive but it doesn't MATTER until they also have a solid relationship built on trust respect and friendship!!!!! Do you understand my vision!!!!

getting really into journaling is so fucked because you will fr end up with pages like "dear diary, it's fucken wimdy today!!!!! also I might be a talentless hack with no real creative drive or discipline to speak of. xoxo ✨"

My favourite harmless prank I've heard of was done by this girl whose dad was a geologist, and they'd go on day hikes with his geologist friends/co-workers and when she got bored on them she'd habitually pick up a random rock and go ask him what it is, and one of them would explain what kind of a rock that is, how it probably got here, and usually some notions of the more unusual features the rock had, if any.

And she had a friend who had once gone on a tourist trip to Iceland and brought back a volcanic rock. So she borrowed the rock and took it with her on the hike, and after two randomly picked up "hey dad what rock is this", she presented the volcanic rock, in the same fashion as all the others.

3 minutes later there are five middle-aged and older men circled around this mysterious rock, all agreeing on what it is, but not why it is. They keep asking her questions, where did she find it? Were there any other rocks around there that looked like it? Was it like this on the ground? People walking past the group try to stretch their necks to see over the geologists' shoulders to see what's the source of such amazement.

And in the end she couldn't take it anymore, burst into laughter and confessed. The geologists agree that it was pretty clever.

the best way i can think to describe the experience of reading moby dick is you’re in line at the dmv and this guy behind you very loudly says “well who HASN’T had a gay experience” and then proceeds to tell you every detail about his life in between anecdotes about how great sperm is and how ropes work and sometimes he’ll say the most poetic shit you’ve ever heard in your life and them jump RIGHT back into explaining how a whale is a fish because 1) it swims in water and you’re still only like halfway through the dmv line

I thought The Six Napoleons was a Sherlock Holmes story, not a Scooby-Doo episode...?

Lestrade has been waiting for Holmes for some time and is increasingly bored.

Holmes arrives, unnoticed.

Holmes and Watson retreat into the hall and approach the door again, coughing and shuffling their feet loudly, giving Lestrade time to stand and greet them with dignity.

"Lestraaaaade!"

(Tee hee.)

Later,

and

And then the episodes ends with Lestrade, with deep sincerity, telling Holmes, "We're not jealous of you at Scotland Yard. No, sir. We're proud of you."

I THOUGHT THIS WAS A SCOOBY-DOO EPISODE JEREMY.