If cruel prince was a slice of life book instead of an excruciating soul extracting political stupid fucking miscommunication romance I’d like to imagine it was about these cool band kids who are lowkey rivals (please don’t ask why)

So on one side we have The Shadows

Jude: lead singer and background guitarist (sometimes she unplugs her guitar)

Vivienne: lead guitarist (WILL see Jude unplug her guitar and scold her for it)

The Ghost: background guitarist 2 (Keeps getting taken for granted until he stops playing and everyone wonders why the song sounds so bad)

The Bomb: DRUMMMEERRR (SHE WOULD KILL IT)

The Roach: Bass (Forgets to play because he’s staring at the drummer)

Taryn: Keyboard (Absolute shit as solos but SLAYS the chord progressions)

And on the other side who are OBVIOUSLY THEIR RIVALS 😍 we have The Crowns

Cardan: background singer and lead guitarist (is always making fun of The Shadow’s lead singer for unplugging her guitar but secretly finds it cute)

Nicassia: lead singer (OUR SIREN QUEEN)

Locke: background guitarist (Gets the hardest chords to play when he acts up during practice)

Valerian: Drummer (Likes to take out his frustration on the instrument)

Balekin: Bass (Was overlooked Is overlooked Will be overlooked for eternity)

Dain: Synth board (They didn’t actually need him until he busted out the most amazing chords and almost got Balekin kicked out)

And then both bands’ signature song is “Hard Times” and when they both have to play it for some sort of show they’re forced to merge together and play it because the management said so, and they have the most SICK AMAZING PERFORMANCE and the crowd goes WILD and someone developed a crush on someone’s vocals (sideye)

Sorry I needed to dump because I keep imagining Cardan staring at Jude and messing up his guitar 😭 I’m probably going to keep doing this

Everybody always remembers how Tairn forgot to block out Violet during his wonderful time with his mate but I love to imagine that she always gets back on him constantly

Tairn, right after Violet did some unholy deeds: you learnt how to block me out the first time in five minutes

Violet, still holding a grudge: you couldn’t block me out for the five minutes you lasted

Jude never sends texts to Cardan when they’re in the mortal world

Jude: text me when you’re home safely

Cardan: I’m home dangerously

Jude: I’m going to slap you

Cardan: I’m home lethally

Whenever I’m lying awake at night I imagine new scenarios about Cardan and Jude, and today I got one about Jude taking Cardan to the mortal world.

Cardan, touching a speaker: what is this netted monstrosity?

Jude: that’s a speaker

Jude: it plays music

Cardan, peaking inside the speaker: I see no bards

Jude: *clicks play*

Speaker: *starts playing fein*

Cardan: *jumps back*

Cardan: what the fuck

Jude: this

Jude: is fein.

Cardan: …

And then it reaches the best part and Cardan loves it so much he makes Jude repeat it over and over, and when they go back to Elfhame he can’t stop singing it

Cardan, in the beat and tune of fein: JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE JUDE

Jude: oh my god oh my god SHUT UP

Ignore all the angst- Violet and Xaden grow up and get happily married and they have kids.

Mini violet and Mini Xaden: *reading in their room peacefully*

Mini Xaden: Hey, look

Both: *look out of their window*

Sky: *starts crackling with lightning*

Mini Violet: aw hell nah

Mini Xaden: they’re at it AGAIN

Mini Violet: do you know how it felt when thunder started to sound outside the window during school?

Mini Xaden: *passes headphones*

I hate how everyone is always like “Omg Cardan fell first, Jude fell harder” or something like that because it’s literally:

Cardan: fell first, fell harder, fell hardest tumbling down the staircase of the tower of forgetting since the beginning of time

Jude, standing peacefully at the top stair: you okay?

Cardan’s echoing voice, around fifty floors below: yes why wouldn’t I be?

Jurdan would so be the tiktok trend:

Cardan: pffftt you had a crush on me? That’s embarrassinngggg

Jude: we’re married.

POV it’s one of the usual parties at the castle and Jude needs help with a new dress

Jude, struggling: Cardan?

Cardan: yes love?

Jude: I need help with my zip

Cardan: oh, sure

Cardan:

Jude: Cardan.

Cardan: …yes 😒

Jude: up, not down

Cardan: worth a shot