really enjoy our new national policy of volatile, completely unpredictable belligerence towards 95% of the other countries on earth. I always thought that what we needed to fix this country was to confuse and antagonize most of the world’s population seemingly at random over nothing.
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moment of unspeakable beauty today when one of my coworkers called another coworker “judas” for not splitting a can of white monster with her, and i got to watch the guy who sits next to me open a new google tab, type in “jeudis,” and say quietly to himself “french thursday…?”
a few doors down from me my neighbors have a squirrel bar nailed to the tree in front of the sidewalk, not exactly this but something like this:
it’s been there for years and they never “stock” it so it’s just sitting there. anyway, i thought it would be cute to make a little squirrel out of sculpey and leave it on one of the stools in the middle of the night. i also made a little sculpey beer bottle with its own label.
it lasted exactly one day and now it is gone. it didn’t fall off, i stuck it on with tape. what do you think happened to it? your most fantastical and wrong answers only, please
