oh so you need to find a way to reclaim your own person after seeing yourself paraded around as something youre not and never will be for years? have you tried hrt

A lot of tough situations where we now feel like we “don’t know what to do or say” had social scripts just a couple of generations ago and they might have been canned phrases or robotic actions but they could still be meant sincerely and unfortunately we haven’t replaced them with any more sincere or easier new script.

a lot of people are giving examples in the notes of things they just find annoying like not using headphones in public, but OP is talking about actual literal scripts of things to say in awkward situations

if you have a date or two with someone and you don't see a relationship developing? most millennials / gen Zers just end up ghosting. but a social script that might have been taught and rehearsed in the past could be:

"I really appreciated getting dinner with you the other night and I enjoyed your company, but I'm afraid I didn't feel a spark. I wish you the best, and hope you find that special someone!"

like it sounds kind of trite but it was at least something to say and it can still be meant with kind sincerity. it also communicates in 2 sentences that you don't want to see them romantically again, but there aren't any hard feelings about that. that's it!!! that's all it takes!!!

Another example is that at parties a lot of people talk about how awkward it is to mingle or talk to people they dont know. But at old timey parties that was traditionally the HOST'S job, and there was a specific scripted way of doing it that eased the process! The host would bring you in, introduce you and maybe even a little bit about you like what you did for a living, and then guide you to a group you could talk to. They didn't just let you in the door and then ditch you to fend for yourself in a sea of strangers. That would be unthinkable and no one would be surprised if a get-together like that wound up being awkward.

I still do the party-host thing and yall can, too! (Thanks Mad Men for teaching me a lot of outmoded social scripts... no really tho)

Remember things about your friends! Ask people about their weekends, hobbies, holidays, studies, and jobs! Listen for the concerns people have and what they are working on! Draw connections between one person and another to get the ball rolling. "Oh, Maura, you just got your first cat! You should talk to Felix, he used to work at a rescue. Felix, please tell Maura all the new-cat-guardian pointers."

"Bill, Sheila, Xan, this is my friend Kale. Kale is really into Star Trek, Bill you and them should talk about it!"

Orrr whatever! After you make the introduction and draw the connection you just float on into the next interaction with someone else at the function. Just listen, care about your friends, get our of your own head, and think of how you can bring other people together and you will feel 100% less awkward.

hi i am so excited about this post because i have posted this exact thing MANY times on here, often in the specific context of how formal etiquette is so useful for autistic people especially, but also for everyone. even if you come off a little bit formal, which you will sometimes, having Old School Manners (or just knowing what they are) for various common scenarios is like having a magic ticket that will just sail you through all kinds of social iinteractions, gatekeeping, social weirdness, and as is pointed out in the above posts about introducing people to each other, can make you into a really valuable and helpful person for an entire gathering or group of people.

i also want to point out that knowing what the polite thing to do in all situations makes you a lot more effective at being rude and obnoxious when the situation calls for it, which is also a valuable and necessary adult skill

I need to think about this properly, but I posted a while ago about how we did present practice once (roleplayed various ways to receive presents with the kids, practicing different social scripts). I am comfortable in my position that this is a perfectly reasonable game to teach children, and that the skills received are useful in life. I heard from a lot of people saying this was a good idea, and a few people who hated it because it was “training the kids to be artificial”, “not genuine,”etc.

One person in particular really felt passionately about how abusive this game was. It was abusing the children, they wrote to me, and as a neurodiverse person they felt such social expectations were violently oppressive.

I felt like there was more to it, like their reaction was really about something else, so i went to their blog, and they had a lot of posts about how they are autistic and used a mobility aid and service animal. All of these presented challenges. They obviously had a lot going on in their life, none of which is to do with my family, but what got me was their venting about people interacting with them, their service animal and their mobility aid.

“People look at my service animal all the time,” they said angrily.

“Parents, teach your children IN PRIVATE about my mobility aid, not out loud where I can hear it.”

“Children bump into me in public. Nobody is teaching them to accommodate disabled people.”

“Children are overstimulating to me. There should be areas where children don’t go if they can’t behave properly, or if they’re too young for that, if their parents can’t control them.”

“I shouldn’t be expected to accomodate other people in public. People have to accommodate me.”

So I realised: okay, there’s a massive disconnect here, and it’s nothing to do with me.

But more broadly, on this website, people do appreciate that a well-behaved adult is someone who can accomodate other people. Well-behaved children and nicely-trained adults don’t pet service animals. Respectful people are conscious of how to give space to people with canes. Polite people wait for others to finish sentences. People with good manners behave graciously with minor inconveniences, even if they don’t want to. If a human being is a bundle of “natural impulses” then a person with additional training can control those. A human with reasonable social training can politely control their impulses to pet animals, make loud comments, and stare at things that are different.

This person was quite reasonable in their genuine belief that other people should accommodate their needs. And they’re right! People genuinely should be doing more for them - calculating how much space they need, yielding it graciously, and sensitively picking up on the fact that they could use patience, attention, space, and accommodation. This person and their service animal should be treated with more respect and better manners everywhere they go!

But all of that is training. To get everyone to do that involves teaching behaviours that are considered “polite” and explaining how “natural” impulses aren’t always polite. It’s a process of education, it isn’t innate to the animal, and someone has to do it. It’s usually taught in childhood, often by parents. You could, perhaps, make it fun though.

You could try teaching it as a game.

Is this why he was so distraught when the tardis matrix was losing her form and begged her not to leave? Because he knows she loves him no matter which regeneration he’s at?

Oh my god

also when you think about the fact that nine’s last words are “i’m awesome and you’re awesome too” in essence, who ten becomes makes sense: ten is arguably arrogant and definitely self-confident, and he sees how great others could be (sometimes. there’s donna, yes, but then there’s martha).

eleven’s last words are “i will not forget”. he is so desperate to be happy, remembered, loved that he makes his last promise to do what he so rarely sees in himself. and you know what twelve did?

…he forgot.

ok so i can’t stop myself and i wrote some fic

under the cut to save people who don’t want to read my ramblings some time

Keep reading

holy shit @justinvisiblesouls​ this is ,,

ok i WOULD shut up BUT

you can apply the same logic to any regeneration.

Keep reading