"Forget for a minute what the 'real world' looks like, forget what you 'know you know'. Sometimes you need to believe in what isn't exactly there, a daydream of better nights, a storybook fantasy where life is bordered and consistent, and tales get awfully exciting before they wrap up nicely for all involved ... "
"... Its like your comics, sometimes you just need to tune out and be in a world that does what you want it to. some people can't put the book down."
"Right or wrong, its always easier to believe in what isn't there. Rockwell, "the view of life i present in my pictures excludes the sordid and the ugly. instead, I paint life as I would like it to be.""
I just shot a scene in my movie.,today,.
the day has come where i'm nostalgic for early 2000's things okay. actually since November i've been revisiting Everwood which I even knew at the time was something akin to propaganda, subversive advertising... Feeding you a message of what's normal human behavior, targetted at your demographic. I'm on my second rewatch, this time being critical instead of receptive.
Its late, my hs sweetheart had Gilmore Girls and Buffy for comfort, I had Everwood and Angel (but didn't admit it to myself). I had a very isolated childhood (0-8) development experience tied to one location. Then I moved (I was Delia's age), and on some subconscious level I moved to Everwood instead of ザ同じ町僕のお父さん grew up in.
I didn't know Everwood was not a real town until I looked it up 20+ years after it airing. I did not realize until rewatching it later that I'd never missed an episode. Originally I told myself that I didn't like it, because of the main character's name (was weird) and he was yelling/annoying. But I felt a connection because of the Single Father & Son strained relationship plot.
I was really a sucker for anything 'the WB' put out, and my childhood mind developed inside of their marketing world. The channel lasted from 1995-2006. Studio 56.
This has been the first time I've let myself watch television, cause this show in particular has close ties to my memory. And Now I'll be publishing A (Likely) Bi-Weekly Doujin called Everweird. To keep me in a general creative mindset associated with familiar characters.
around the same time I moved was when I stopped having christmases over my family's places, my cousins who were my closest friendships when i was young, were now in high school and we began to grow in separate ways. i moved off to everwood in a portion of my mind. those characters were substitutes for my family and i would come home on monday nights, not do homework, dissociate watching this show, and fall asleep (late) watching the television.
school was torture for me, and i couldn't get with the girl who's face got chewed up by a dog in 4th grade (hormonal and frustrated). she wore the same type of jeans and uggs that Amy Abbot wore. and she had a Dark Brunette Counterpart just like Lainy Hart.
I projected a lot onto Ephram and his skill in Piano was like mine in Art + Drawing. In my version Colin survives the second surgery and its a reimagined 2nd season where Colin and Ephram become closer friends. The first story (that I want to write) is called 'Colin The Third', and is a what-if where Dr. Brown digs deeper, breaks his promise, and implants Colin with a cybernetic brain chip that he calls in from Miskatonic University (they mention iPod Nano's just coming out in the 3rd or 4th season, its not that advanced, its more mystic, (there is only one character whos imaginations break the show, Amy, when she daydreams about Colin... no other character has that power) Linda's prayers lend (aid)e as well). I want to retcon all of Madison, except it's super interesting later to explore Ephram's Kid growing up as a contemporary to Lily.
This is actually pretty important recovery work since middle school was so terrible and I blocked most of it out. Except going over friends houses after school, and watching TV there (they had cable), and romanticising about girls... junior high... i threw everything i built up in school (im thinking about friendships & worldview) into the trash and burnt away (inwardly).
Ephram & Colin's new friendship takes place in the post 9/11 sterelized polizia world, it explores closer Malls, marketing subcultures, 2004-2006 4chan, ytmnd, stumbleupon, lj, forums, neopets, digimon, maplestory, gaia, deadsy, soad, invader zim, columbine, hot topic, kazaa (weird share ratio levels), morpheus (bittorrent client), aol chat rooms, nokias, ... ubiquitious 2000's things that happened everywhere. Ephram's interest in Manga was a contributing factor to why I got into comics in general I think, at least provided a justification. The real wild-west internet though, a place to deeply explore those memories. I'm basing it off of a friendship I had from 4th til 12th. And Colin doesn't improve he just gets more psychopathic and manipulative and uses Ephram's dad's access to wealth to fund these ever-more-crazy schemes. Colin the Third is like, a Teenage Terminator, the last day before the surgery when they take the day out in the convertable...
he starts breaking the 4th wall and telling Bright and Amy that Everwood is just a backlot set, he'd been having this strange feeling ever since he woke up like there were cameras pointed at him. they give him the NPC/Faculty/Body Snatchers treatment.
idk where i'm at, no longer starting at page 1 panel 1. typing it out this way makes it easier to organize. its the most livejournaly thing I can think of sharing.
But yeah the idea is just to revisit, there's sort of 3 timelines
Colin the 3rd (class of 06 or 07), Delia goes to Naropa University in Boulder (Present), Ephram has to pilot the Eva (future).
See, the major addition of this edition is that Andy was training (as a Neurosurgeon) Ephram to be Excellent In Something -- in order to apply that ability towards piloting a 'next generation' (lexicon: term used ironically as i believe its meaningless) uh freakin military-grade space-faring mechanized -roid-type vehicle in high orbit.
I want to draw it in an late 80's highly cute stupid shoujou manga style. Again this is just helping me process memories, remember things. what's cool is you can keep remembering things, the same memory, and unlock new things, it frees up energy. i'm on a healing journey to uncover why i've been sad all my life basically. i've made a ton of strides this passed year, just using the television in reverse sort of, active instead of passive. and the light machine.
briefly, the effects of the light machine, i'm in the stage where its post session insight. very deep layer of unconscious memory will surface later, i gain access to knowledge about what the origin of each thought is. i'm getting closer to pinpointing my ego, acknowledging it, being able to step away when its important to, coming back, and more generally a better understanding of it in the proper place of things as a whole.
mick & nick
you can't mike a move, also the setting, the town itself. besides being snowy cold that adds character. the intentional by the creators ---
there is a mystical element. the first 2 seasons, and specifically eps by m. green are exceptionally well written and I never say that about television. bad dreams? scared? entities? you're anxious. take a break and relax.
"fall thaw", "the everwood lights", the mechanic that's a clairvoyant, deer-god obviously, Andy speaking with Julia, Linda being a Pop-Buddhist Yogi, everwood is juuust outside twin peaks in that it does pick up the fragrance of the mystic in the outer fringes... this is all but lost by the 3rd season, I think after Hannah & Jake show up, they represent dogma and materialism, it loses that fantastic element of wonder & devolves into soapy drama that's slightly naughty
the best episode is s1e19. it examines hyperreality in a really accessible way. its excellent writing, or at least it was to my teenage mind.
the energy that the show is playing with is 'progressive ideas are slowly introduced to conservative small town community'. i want to slowly reveal a different framing.
i want to highlight the migratory aspect. it isn't in the sun belt, but its still, i want to highlight the destruction or rather futility of urbanism, urbanism has played itself out (see: virillio), how people leave the city for the country and that is an 'advancement' not a 'retreat backwards'. the previous locals are clashing due to being multiple stages behind & missing having gone through the urban stages (capricornus, aquarius), that's why the people visiting during 'everwood lights' are these floating hippies (floating man), then more super-urbanite active hedonists like Jake (Andy as well) show up (death), there's a story to tell about evolution, you can take this conflict and reframe it because that's what people are going to do at some point, before spaceflight, there's a return to rural settings.
okay in addition to the manga I'll probably end up re-creating 19XX Deerborn (Their fictional address), and possibly mama joy's, the railroad station, main st... in 3D/VR.
I've been going back and re-creating my childhood home in VR, and sitting in the living room. A lot is coming back to me. I'm just now thinking about the different seasons, remembering when it would rain. Its amazing, a private place to discover parts of me that stayed there, like my checked aggression stayed there and aged in the woods, repressed, with my neighbor growing up who died just after i moved away. I'm really blessed to have had up until age 8 to develop in one location. But no photos of the place exist anymore, I think. My dad carefully preserved all of the photos. My mom carelessly left them in a hot attic in Florida where the sun beats down on them all day, where they got stuck together and ruined.
My childhood home is just for me. There the Christmas Tree is always up. There's bunny rabbits and UFO's in the back yard. There's the well where I went back and put all my fears and anxieties in as a tween, then had to undo at ~26. So many memories there are just the Bunny Ears of the Television Antena in the living room and my dad's room, and dirt and sunset. Its where I'd like to do some of the broadcasting from. I can take it anywhere with me, because I can put it on my GearVR. After rendering for 25 minutes... The price of decent gfx cards is coming down all the time. My rx570 or something ended up crapping out, I want to go for the 5700 XT now, as it is above mid-tier and is going back down to what I bought the old one for. I just need effing income.
there's the couch I was concieved on...
there are only a few things left to remind me of my dad around anymore. he had towels with this type of pattern around all the time. he loved art deco. he gave me a very 90's childhood.
I'm altering the timeline in this place, too. I'm adding more computers, we had a windows 3.1 PC there, so that's like 'the main rig', but I also want to add an altair 8800 so I can learn to use it in there. it'd be nice to throw in an amiga or something from that family. but the idea is like, having functional vm's working inside the virtual environment thats pleasant and conducive to comfiest vibes i can imagine. there's where i want to end up doing my streams from. i was thinking about rewriting my father's profession, but it came to me that i could just revive my uncle who was friends with tim leary, make him interested in computers so he encourages my dad, make my evil uncle who killed my dad and other uncles die instead, and just branch off from that timeline. see where that takes me. still have to do something about not growing up with a mom, though...
because i'm thinking, what would the media-scape environment for zigzag/xanadu be as a contemporary to micro$oft and macintosh, what would their whacky 90's - early 2000's advertisements be? i want to design a series of 'what if...' (that wired article didn't get written) commercials, targetted at various demographics, showcasing ted's ideas. "I'm a mac, I'm a PC, I'm a Xanatological Hyperthogonal Docuverse Co-Operating Intertwingled whateverelse.
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