I’m unemployed so I’m like wow I’m depressed and my dad comes home and he’s like what did you do today and I’m like I tried to stop the cats from chewing on wires what did you do today and he’s like I took over 20,000 steps and built a guillotine
My dad works in scenery construction he’s not beheading people
I spend my day going comatose over the home page of indeed looking at postings for things like popcorn photographer and then my dad comes home and he’s like I’ve solved the problems caused by the 50 gallons of blood dumped into the stage every night and that’s just how my life goes
old people are allowed to be horny. so what if your elderly neighbor posted her cowboy sex fantasy on Facebook. so what if your nana only watches westerns where the main character is shirtless 40% of the time. so what if your great aunt reads bodice rippers voraciously. they’re loving life.
what, you think your granny had 2 husbands and 5 kids by praying them into existence?
Good post. Are all of the old women in your life really into cowboys?
Hellllllll yeahhhhhhhh. North Carolina, baby.
feel free to cite the deep magic to me witch i was there when it was written but my memory is like REEEEALLY shitty
notquitesoancient
you know who’s gay? paul the real estate novelist who never had time for a wife and davey who’s still in the navy and probably will be for life
New headcannon: everyone in that song is gay except the Piano Man who has no idea he’s playing at a gay bar and the staff and regulars have a betting pool on how long he’ll take to finally figure it out. So far John is ahead.
“The manager gives me a smile ‘cause he knows that it’s me they’ve been coming to see” also implies that the Piano Man is possibly an incredibly attractive but oblivious himbo, and if you listen to the rest of it imagining that, this all fits a little too well.
this makes too much sense. Also, the full quote is “Now John at the bar is a friend of mine. He gets me my drinks for free. And he’s quick with a joke or to light up your smoke. But there’s someplace that he’d rather be” Yes, your bed, he wants to be on your bed honey, that’s not a joke, he is flirting with you.
Lighting another man’s cigarette is some old-school gay cruising.
strategizing
sorry for having sex with your mom it was a trauma response
It's crazy how giant squids and sperm whales just have like giant kaiju battles down in the deepest depths everyday and it's real
Wanted to see if I could accurately draw a Garfield yesterday, and then just kinda kept going. Enjoy my garf crimes.
This post has escaped containment within the fandom and I keep seeing tags like "lol WTF looks like a Sonic character", and it's extremely funny for me
Hey bitches. Let’s fuck Monday hard
Hey bitches. Let’s fuck Tuesday hard
Celibacy Wednesday
Hey bitches. Let’s fuck Thursday hard
What is your default 'sick mode' (explanation below)
Delicate Consumptive Victorian
Sick Dog
Sickly Child Emperor
Plague Pit
Warrior General
Other
A friend and I were discussing what we're like when we're sick and we decided people usually fall into one of these five 'sick modes': *Everyone is probably multiple of these at different times depending on how sick they are and with what but we think most people have a mode they default to and become more often than the others*
Delicate Consumptive Victorian: you feel tragic and mournful but also beautiful in a sad way, you are in bed, sipping hot tea, others should quietly whisper about how you are too good for this world, too beautiful, too tragic... And bring you more tea
Sick Dog: you are curled up in a ball, you don't want anything, you don't need anything, but it would be nice if others could still ask you if you need anything
Sickly Child Emperor: you are dying and it's everyone else's problem, you need pillows, no! you need soup, no! You need absolute silence or you will not be the first one to die today
Plague Pit: you are curled up probably on the floor, no one touch you, no one look at you, this is between you and God and you already know He has no mercy left for you
Warrior General: you are not sick. You are in perfect health and you don't know why anyone would think otherwise. Illness is an enemy that can be intimidated and you must remain strong for your men! (You are going to pass out at the most inconvenient moment possible)
i slip and break my neck in the bar bathroom but the gods, taking pity on me, transform me into a single line of cocaine, and the guy i was planning on hooking up with comes in looking for me and snorts me
Was wondering how come I've never seen anybody in my entire life who looks even a little bit like Elvis, and then I remembered that couldn't possibly be true because "Elvis impersonator" is an entire category of human being, so surely a whole bunch of people must look like Elvis, and let me tell ya. If you image search "Elvis impersonator", you are gonna see some men looking some ways.
ssh.... i heard something.....
oh, don't worry, it ain't nothin' but a hound dog
