acakewalkofcrocodiles:

kunstlerroman-25:

possession:

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TWIGGY & WOODY ALLEN
My Generation (2017) dir. David Batty

“His first question was: ‘Who’s your favourite philosopher?’ My heart sank. I wanted to run off and burst into tears. I didn’t know any philosophers. And he probably knew I didn’t. When I said so, he replied, 'Oh come on, everyone has a favourite philosopher.’ It was such a cruel thing to do to a young girl.”

“I was desperate and trying not to cry but I turned the tables on him and asked him to come up with some names - but he couldn’t think of any either! Then he said to me, 'I suppose you’ve read Dickens,’ thinking I hadn’t. So I said, 'Yeah, I read him at school.’ In the end he said, 'Oh, I can’t interview her,’ and left the stage." 

-Twiggy

what a piece of shit

(via swingsetindecember)

punkrock-bottom:

punkrock-bottom:

punkrock-bottom:

Customer started yelling at me because I was 1 minute late to open the shop so I banned him from shopping with us and locked the door on him. Play stupid games.

This man had the audacity to come back at the end of the day as I was closing up by the fucking way. Ranting and raving about how he had been mistreated and that no one had even bothered to reply to his complaint email all day

Well I had the UNBRIDLED joy of informing him that not only had I seen his email, which was insanely abusive towards me for the crime of being 1 minute late and not putting up with his shit first thing in the morning, but that I was also the manager who he demanded to speak to, and I’d now also had our IT team block his IP address from being able to contact us or order with us ever again.

I should’ve been allowed to castrate the man but this will have to do

Okay this got way more notes than I was expecting so I feel like I should add some important context here. I’m not management. I’m not even middle management I’m just some guy that works here. I don’t have the authority to do any of this I just like lying to customers

(via nerysdax)

ghostieking:

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me and my homies support real artists who put their passion into their pieces instead of a machine who rips off the hard work of talented peeps

(via liminal-cat)

Anonymous asked:

Um... What is whump 😅

macgyvermedical Answer:

Well, like a number of fandom terms, that’s a lot of different things to a lot of different people. If you look on a bunch of whump blogs, you will see almost as many answers to this question.

I personally feel it boils down to a genre founded on the way of showing a character’s vulnerability in fiction without the necessarily using romance or sex. So generally that means some kind of illness or injury, where one character has to take care of another (or the much more recent version, which is one character hurting another character, with or without the care aspect).

It’s been around in a variety of ways since fandom was a thing. The first name for the genre probably originated out of the Star Trek fandom, whose authors wrote “Get!Character” (for example, Get!Kirk or Get!Spock) fanfic in paper zines in the 1960s. The next term, “charactertorture” (for example, muldertorture) came out of The X-Files fandom in the 1990s. Livejournal and Fanfiction.net preferred the term “Hurt/Comfort” to refer to the genre as a whole, without tying it to a specific character or fandom. Finally, around 2005, we started seeing the actual term “whump” gracing entries to Gateworld forums, though originally it referred to “ShepWhump”- injuries and illnesses befalling the character John Sheppard of Stargate Atlantis, which later broadened to include characters from Stargate SG1 and then any other fandom or character. At this point, people who enjoyed whump were called “whumpers”.

Around 2016-2018 there was a shift to include explicit torture without following it up with the care and comfort that had long been part of the genre. Now instead of the vulnerability coming only from opening oneself up to care in a dire situation, the vulnerability could be forced onto the character by another character. It is still to an extent accomplishing the goal of causing a character to experience vulnerability, but it depends on the author/reader/watcher as to which definition of whump they ascribe to. At this point, the term “whumper” started to refer to the character who was doing the hurting/torturing within the story, if there was one.

It’s honestly been a relatively big split in some parts of the community, which is why you saw the poll I reblogged the other day asking whether people preferred whumperless whump (old definition) or whump with a whumper (new definition).

wuxiaphoenix:

ladykf-writes:

aethersea:

madilayn:

kitten-kin:

aethersea:

mzminola:

fieldbears:

aethersea:

tonystark-tm:

fake relationship but its a king and his concubine that was once an amazing soldier but he couldn’t go up the ranks for whatever reason so the king was like listen. hear me out. you can be my strategy dude. u just gotta be okay w walking around shirtless a lot. and soldier dude is like man that’s an UPSIDE and yknow they end up falling in love

some idiot advisor: I can’t believe his majesty lets his boytoy attend these council meetings, it’s an insult to the noble institutions that uphold our nation, it’s an outrage—

a somewhat smarter advisor: you’re just mad bc he pointed out how dumb your naval attack strategy and no one laughed when you made a mean joke about him

Boytoy has gone from a top fighter who was well respected but in constant danger to wearing silks and eating grapes on daises. That fucked up rotator cuff was the best thing to ever happen to him

Bonus points: at least half the other concubines are experts in assorted fields, the monarch brings them to relevant meetings to both play up a reputation for frivolity, and make sure at least one person there doesn’t have an outside agenda.

my harem? 

did you mean: my chief strategic advisors

The kingdom is an absolute monarchy but the harem has become a secret meritocracy. The nobles and official advisors kind of side-eye His Majesty because wow some of these consorts must have like…really good personalities. Kings of the past have had their own specific tastes of course; size, shape, age, color, et cetera. More than one ruler has interviewed consorts feet first and Ardwin the Adventurous’s obsession - God rest him - with snuffling armpits like a sow rooting for mushrooms is well known despite never being alluded to in polite company.

The worst part of it is that the new king takes at least part of his harem with him everywhere and it’s so embarrassing. The Counselors of War have never once met with His Divine Majesty without that hulking battle-scarred consort interrupting with muttered growls or scornful snorts. And the Ministers of Finance all flinch at the sight of that fox-faced one, rumored to have been rescued from the gallows because His Augustness took a fancy to his eyes or some such nonsense. General petition days are even worse, with practically the entire harem drifting in and out of the Grand Hall in turns, insouciant and smug like granary cats who know they’ve been given full run of the courtyards and barns.

It’s absolutely infuriating that the kingdom has never before known such a period of peace and prosperity under this ridiculous monarch.

Tag to this - the biggest secret is the Queen who runs the Kingdom’s spy network.

It’s the envy of all the other Kingdoms around, and not a few nobles!

Not ALL of the Kingdom’s Diplomats are spies. But many of their servants are.

The Queen grew up as a neglected child, and she learned how servants are ignored, but who always know everything that goes on.

Many of the spies are like the Queen - beautiful and seemingly vacuous.

The sp[ies tend to have great fun, and also work closely with the Concubines

#everyone is furious when the king picks his bride #a minor princess! of a minor ally! she’s not even that pretty or smart or anything! #but at least when the king marries her he’ll have to get rid of his harem #or at the VERY LEAST stop FLAUNTING them everywhere #if nothing else her family will object to this insult to her honor

#BUT THEN

#somehow she’s befrIENDED THE CONCUBINES

#sometimes they follow HER around!! in public!! 

#the king and queen are  s h a r i n g  t h e  h a r e m

#never has the court been so furious and scandalized all at once #it’s a genuine shock to all of them when ten years later no one has even once tried to overthrow the royal family #(they’re wrong there have been no less than thirty attempted coups twelve of which nearly succeeded) #(but the harem and the spy network are VERY good at their jobs)

Would you all prefer a shorter snapshot story or a whole big thing? Because I feel the muse.

@wizardnuke | @aethersea | @fieldbears | @mzminola | @kitten-kin
| @madilayn and anyone else?

Any length!

capesandshapes:

As a former librarian I’m actually required to remind you that many libraries that subscribe to Libby are opted into a program that lets you subscribe and access magazines for free with no wait

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And that this is actually a really fun, low cost way to not only access news and larger cultural magazines, but also to get free patterns for many different crafts that you can screenshot if need be and that lower the financial barriers to entry for trying new things

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From my experience working in both academic and public libraries, many libraries are use it or lose it funding– I have to say this because a lot of patrons feel guilty for how much they use the library and how often they’re using it funny enough, but the worst thing you can do for libraries is not try out new features and not use what’s already given to you as much as possible.

The numbers that come as a result of your patronage are how most libraries justify their continued existence in times of financial hardship, which sucks but, go check out some magazines on Libby!

(via bitchesgetriches)

Anonymous asked:

au tomione + something similar to your fanfic mafioso, please?

meowmerson Answer:

She wasn’t an idiot, and as much as she had proved that time and time and time again, they still treated her like one.

She knew exactly what she was getting into when she met Tom Riddle. With his waxed hair and his pressed quits and his dark eyes and his charming smile. She knew he was a liar from the day they met, and a talented one. She knew he was dangerous from their first date. She knew who she was marrying from the moment he gave her that ring. She knew who she was married to. 

She knew.

It didn’t really bother her that they talked around her, danced around the subject when she was present, shrouded it in coded language and vague descriptions. It didn’t bother her that they all kept it a secret from her, treated her as innocent. She didn’t mind that they looked at her and saw her as something to be protected, something that shouldn’t be corrupted.

It bothered her that they thought she was that fucking dumb.

But, as with everything, there was an advantage to being underestimated. 

“Why don’t you run into the kitchen and make us all a cuppa tea, eh darling?” The man with the ponytail said. In his left hand he held a gun with a silencer agains the side of Tom’s head–and Tom hadn’t looked at her since the men arrived–and in his right hand he was flipping through a book that the other man had retrieved for him. It probably had confidential information. Illegal most likely. It didn’t frighten her that it existed as much as it annoyed her that he had left it lying around in their house.

The other man had helped himself to the expensive whiskey and was gulping it down and examining the sculptures on the mantlepiece. 

“How do you take it?” She asked. The man with the gun smiled at her.

“I like her,” He told the room, though she wasn’t sure who he was speaking to, if anyone. “Most of them cry.” He narrowed his eyes, his smile dropping as he waved at his friend to come closer. The other did so, puling his gun out of the waistband of his pants as if sensing a danger, but all the man with the ponytail said was, “Keep her company, will you?”

“No.” Tom said. “She goes alone, or she stays in here.”

“He goes with her,” The man said, “Or I kill you both right now.”

“It’s fine.” She said, “It’s just tea, Tom.”

The man followed her into the kitchen.

“Now,” He started, placatingly, his hair was brown and he was younger than the other man, his fringe falling across his forehead, stubbornly refusing to stay the way he had obviously styled it. “You gotta know no harm is coming to you, right?” She looked at him. “This is between the men. You don’t need to worry about a thing.”

“And Tom?” She asked, turning the kettle on. 

“Well, your husband and his associated have gotten involved in matters that do not concern them.” He said lightly, condescendingly, “They will have to answer for it.”

“Of course,” She agreed. Tom would have plenty to answer for. “And why did you need to bring this to my house?”

He paused. “Excuse me?”

“My home.” She reiterated. The kettle whistled, and she pulled it from the stove and pulled down two mugs. “Why did you bring it here?”

He hesitated again. “I’m not sure I appreciate the attitude.” He said. 

“Tea or coffee?” She asked, turning her eyes back on him. He looked bewildered, if not a bit annoyed.

“Coffee.” He said. She started readying it, and he continued, “You know, most women would’ve started crying right now. Or screaming. Or doing something stupid to try and save their husband.”

“Well, I’m not an idiot.” She said stiffly.

“Or maybe,” He said, lifting his gun to level it with her temple. She froze, her hand still wrapped around the handle of the french press, one hand poised above the filter ready to push it through. “You know more than you let on.”

She turned her eyes to him again. His face was all hard edges now, and it was fascinating how quickly he could lose all appearances of youth. Tom was the same. He looked so much older than she had ever seen him with those men walked into their home. She had only seen shades of it before, brief moments when his mind wandered before he focused back in on her and the tension around his eyes eased. 

But she didn’t feel afraid seeing it on this man’s face. “Please get that gun out of my face.” She intoned.

He paused for what felt like forever, just silence surrounding his gun in her face. Then he let out a short laugh, dropping the gun to his side. “God, you’re right. I’m sorry, it’s been a while since I’ve been out on a job. Guess I’m a bit paranoid.” 

She didn’t answer.

“Didn’t mean to upset you,” He continued, “I wouldn’t hurt a lady,” and then, laughing as if telling a joke, he continued “Not unless she deserved it–”

She threw the pot of hot coffee in his face. 

“You fucking bitch!” He screamed, but he dropped his fun and lifted his hands to his face, bending at the waist in agony. Her body reacted, her heart pounding in her chest and her fingers and toes tingling, blood rushing through her ears, but she kept calm.

She wasn’t an idiot. Not a thing went on in her home without her knowledge. She knew about the money, the men who worked for her husband, the blood on his shirt cuffs, the phone calls, the visitors. She knew where every gun and every knife was hidden in this godforsaken house–their house, her house–

She pulled open the drawer and reached underneath and up and pulled it out and shot him. 

The first one caught him in the shoulder. He reached for his gun on the floor but he was slowed by the pain and she kicked it away. Her heel caught on the handle of the gun and she nearly tripped but she righted herself enough to shoot him again, this one hitting him in the ribs. 

The third shot was in the head. 

There was commotion in the other room, but her ears were ringing too loudly to discern what was happening. She dropped the gun, pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes and took deep breath after deep breath after deep breath.

She didn’t feel guilty exactly. These men came into her home and held a gun to her husbands head and treated her like an ignorant, fucking idiot, but the weight of a human life that was lost still weighed on her like an elephant on her chest. She couldn’t stop her hands shaking so she curled them into fists and pressed them harder into her eyes.

The door to the kitchen slammed open. She took her hands away form her eyes and when the spots cleared saw Tom standing in the doorway with blood across his crisp white shirt. His dark eyes flitted between the body on the flood and her.

It was the closest she had ever seen him to panicked, and even still it only showed in his eyes.

She looked down at her dress. It was white once, now splattered with blood, not as much as his but still striking. She calmed her breaths before she spoke.

“There is blood on my kitchen floor.” She seethed, “There is a man shot in the head on my kitchen floor. A man help a gun to my head and is now bleeding out on my kitchen floor–”

“Hermione.” He said, his voice was wrecked and his eyes had darkened. He began crossing the kitchen toward her.

“There was a man in my library!” She snapped, “I don’t care if you want to keep secrets, I don’t care if you want to pretend I’m like all of your friend’s ignorant little housewives–”

“Hermione–” He said again.

“But do not bring that into our home, Tom Marvolo Riddle, or I will be the one holding a gun to your head–” 

His fingers threaded through the her hair before she could continue, his lips meeting hers with a fierceness and a desperation she hadn’t felt before. She lifted her arms to twine around his neck, losing herself momentarily in the familiarity of his embrace as his hands resituated themselves to curl around her waist and press her against the kitchen counter. She let out a shaky breath against his lips and his fingers dug into her waist. 

She pressed her hands into his cheeks and pushed him away, just far enough so she could look down between them. She hadn’t realized his hands were bloody until now, staring at the streaks of red on her dress. She looked up again to meet his eyes, breathless.

“You knew.” He said, and she supposed it was meant to be a question despite the fact it wasn’t one.

“You must think I am a complete imbecile.” She breathed, “How could I not have known?” He didn’t answer. “I want that out of my house.” She told him. “You get that fucking book out of my house and these men out of my house and I swear to God if it ever comes here again–”

“Hermione.” He breathed against her lips. 

“Go.” She ordered. “Do whatever it is you do when this happens and–”

“They won’t touch you again.” He promised her.

“No they won’t,” She agreed, “Because they’re dead.” And in a decidedly darker tone she added, “And now you’ll keep your mafia shit out of our house.”

He took her hand in his, his thumb running over the band of her wedding ring. He leaned forward until he could rest his forehead against her temple, taking a deep breath through his nose. She let her hands trail down her chest, jerking away when her palms came into contact with the dampness of the blood on his shirt.

“You should change your shirt.” She told him.

“You should keep the dress.” He said, his voice rough, wrecked with want, and she couldn’t even be surprised by the complete inappropriateness of his timing. 

“I am not speaking to you until you fix this,” She told him firmly. He pulled away to meet her eyes and looked as if he wanted to smile.


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