“do you ever feel like a plastic bag?” I ask the plastic bag I am holding. “I think you might, but it is always good to be sure about these things. You know what they say about assumptions.”
I am promptly taken to a psychiatric ward where I will spend the rest of my days meowing like a cat
yeah it’s called Me. Witness me, fool. I am become Step-Dad, doer of moms.
gallium-31 asked:
how do you know you weren't replaced by a fake version of you at birth
*meows at you*
why do they call him Richard Nixon when he rich ard of the nix the on
“good morning america,” I say as I feast on the flesh of innocent young orphans. “I sure do love my morning cup o’ joe.” I add, sipping on the blood of an entirely different group of innocent young orphans
do you ever wonder what it would be like if we had like actual noodles for arms? That would be pretty terrible, I think.
So yeah, that’s why I would be a good fit for your company, sir.
dude what the flip is a snart? No, that was not an invitation to show me your snart. Bro I swear to god explaib to me what a snart is. Is this like another word for penis, bro? Are you trying to flash me right now? That’s messed up, bro
some people out there aren’t interested in John from Accounting, no… you have to be little freaks that are madly and uncontrollably in love with Scrimblio from Fuckshit, and for that, when the rapture comes, you shall be left behind. Or something.
so, you think you can fight me, huh kiddo? Heh, you wish… but since you think you’re *strong* (you’re actually super weak btw) I guess I’ll hit you with my final attack…
*pwns U w1th my m3g4 d34th l4z0r 4nd 1t 0bl1t3r4t35 u 3p1ct45t1c4lly*