The Art of the Matter

Part one of a three-part comic: Stan as Odysseus is holding an infant Soos as Telemachus, looking at him with a starry, adoring gaze. He says, "I love my new son SO MUCH. It's a good thing I'm not going to war for TEN YEARS."

Part two of a three-part comic: Ford as Ctimine/Athena bursts into the room with a wide grin. She's shouting, "ODYSSTANUS!" Stan stares into the middle distance with a flat smile, still holding his son.

Part three of a three-part comic: Ford has her arm slung over Stan's shoulder, ruffling Soos' hair. She says in cursive, "Guess who just got drafted?" She's holding up a scroll that says, "WAR: You, Your Sister, Your Brother." Stan's smile is extremely strained and his eye twitches. Soos giggles.

do you ever wonder why ody decided to try dodging the draft by faking insanity? yeah, me neither

What’s an ersatz phantom limb, anyway?

Summary:

“There ain’t nothin’ wrong about your hands, Sixer,” Stanley proclaimed definitively as he laced their fingers together. “They’re just a little different from everyone else’s, and that ain’t a bad thing.”

Stanford knows it like he knows chlorophyll makes grass green, like he knows how light refraction makes the sky blue: his brother does not, has not, and never will think he’s a freak. What he doesn’t know is how deeply that belief runs.

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Page one of a four-part comic: Filbrick Pines as Poseidon looms as a giant in the water over a small fleet of sailboats. He's holding a trident threateningly above them as he says, "The line between naivete and hopefulness is almost invisible so-"

Page two of a four-part comic. Panel one shows Stan (as Odysstanus) cradling Dipper (as Eurylochus) as he stares up towards Posiedon, who continues to speak. "So close your heart, the world is dark and-" There's an interruption. "Wait, wait- hold on a second." Panel two shows Soos (as Soos) holding a stack of papers and smiling. "Huh? What is it, Mr. Pines?"

Part three of a four-part comic. Panel one shows Stan (as Stan) pensively hiding his mouth behind his folded hands. Stan says, "Not that I don't appreciate your weird Greek fan fiction about me, BUT." Panel two shows Stan gesturing and looking extremely bewildered as he says, "Why the HELL is Poseidon my DAD?" Soos responds from offscreen. "It's a metaphor!"

Part four of a four-part comic. Stan and Soos are sitting across from each other at a table. Stan says, "A metaphor. For what?" Soos replies, "Oh, you know." Stan says, "I don't, that's why I asked!"

let it be known that everyone in this au dresses appropriately for an ancient greek epic sans poseidon, who dresses like a 1950’s businessman but wet

Part one of a five-part comic; Stan as Odysseus and Mabel as Polites are surrounded by the lotus-eaters. They have their weapons drawn as the lotus-eaters say "Welcome!"

Part two of a five-part comic: Stan shouts "Stay back!" at the crowd while Mabel gets an idea.

Part three of a five-part comic: panel one has Mabel turn to tell Stan, "My friend, greet the world with open arms." Stan is wary. Panel two has him sheath his sword while Mabel remains armed. She looks at him with proud sparkles in her eyes while he tells the crowd, "We're only here for food. Six hundred men are waiting for us to show our faces."

Part four of a five-part comic: panel one has Stan shout, "STAY BACK, I'M WARNING YOU." Mabel remains armed but unworried as the lotus-eaters close in. Panel two has Stan say, "If we don't get back safely, our men will turn this place into blazes-" and the lotus eaters interrupt him with a bowl of lotus fruit. They say, "Here you go!"

Part five of a five-part comic: panel one has Stan and Mabel observe the bowl with opposite expressions. Stan seems skeptical, but Mabel is about to explode with excitement. Panel two has Mabel say, "See?" as she sheaths her weapons. Stan squints.

Mabelities!! she’s fun. Ol’ Ody’s not sure about these weird critters OR their hippy foods, but if his niece thinks it’s a good way to get free food without wasting time on a fight, he’s willing to try!

Bonus panel:

caninescreations:

ALT
ALT
The Horse and the Infant(?)
anyways i’ve been listening to EPIC: The Musical on constant repeat for like the past fortnight and i think i’ve gone insane. i cant stop drawing stan as odysseus [Odysstanus?] because there are so many FUCKING parallels with “i want to be safe at home with my family at literally any cost”

bonus round:

aka: “no i cant take this baby on a boat to sea for two weeks, do you know what happens to babies at sea???”

Part One of a two-page comic; Stanley is standing on a tower holding a swaddled baby; Fiddleford (as Zeus): You should yeet that baby. Stanley (as Odysseus): What. I am... not doing that? Fiddleford: I swear to me if you don't-

Part Two of a two-page comic; Stanley pretends to throw the baby off the tower; Stanley: OK FINE GEEZE. GIMME A SEC. See? Plenty of baby-yeeting. Fiddleford: What's with the lump? Stanley: Huh? Fiddleford: The lump in your cloak. Stanley: ...I am pregnant. Badly. Fiddleford: Oh ok.

The Horse and the Infant(?)

anyways i’ve been listening to EPIC: The Musical on constant repeat for like the past fortnight and i think i’ve gone insane. i cant stop drawing stan as odysseus [Odysstanus?] because there are so many FUCKING parallels with “i want to be safe at home with my family at literally any cost”

sometimes i think about the special kind of joy one gets from being “over the hill” after spending a lifetime in hardship and uncertainty

for so long there’s this struggle to make it to tomorrow with no guarantee you’ll see it, let alone enjoy it

and then it’s here, it’s today, and your joints are aching and your skin is wrinkled and sagging, and you are beautifully, wonderfully alive

and the people you love are still here, still alive

and you get to spend your time with them despite everything you’ve been through

and maybe you didnt get as much time as you wanted

but you are old and you are alive and there is still time all the same

i’m not nearly old enough to be there yet, but i’d like to try

curi0uscanine:

oasisbreakup:

“Stanley you’re making accusations with circumstantial evidence. Anyways I think you may need to cut back a bit on the smoking, your blood tastes- tested positive for high cholesterol.”

Happy Decemberween to @procrastinationau!!! 1000 pics of Salvador Cumo’s NY fit from various angles