Look, I made a carrd!
On April 8 we celebrate the death of Margaret Thatcher, and remember all the lives she destroyed.
Found several packs' worth of pokemon cards strewn across a target parking lot and took a pic to show my friends without realizing how much my outfit elevated the scene to "aftermath of a wizard duel"
order 66 didn’t happen if you au hard enough
Cody had nine cups of coffee that morning, and was vibrating into the fourth dimension so he stopped listening after “execute order six-” order six, CANONICALLY, is “get rid of your communicator as fast as possible”. So that’s what Cody hears, and that’s what Cody relays to the GAR. So Palpatine executes his master stroke and six million clones just YEET their communicators and keep going about their business.
Blessed post, save us from the dark times.
@deadcatwithaflamethrower you see this yet?
Which, ironically, outs Palpatine when all the Jedi Generals and Jedi Commanders ask their clones, in annoyance, why everyone ditched their communicators, we couldn’t contact you, wtf? And all of them explain that the Supreme Chancellor who is Supreme Commander of the Military told them to. Which leads to a quiet investigation of WHY, because that endangers everyone, oh wait it was actually Sixty-Six, it was misheard…
Wait, if Six was that disruptive, what does SIXTY-six do?
Meanwhile Palpatine quietly fucks off to SpaceAustralia to hide.
Isn’t Space Australia just called Tattooine?
I was all like “I don’t THINK it’d be Tatooine. Does Tatooine even HAVE deadly spiders?” so I googled Fauna of Tatooine.
“Brain spiders were predatory arachnids native to Tatooine. These creatures were known for their ability to burrow into the skull of a mammal
and feed on the brain tissue for sustenance. Local rumor spread that
brain spiders could acquire the knowledge and intellect of the creature
they attacked, be it Human or otherwise; this was eventually disproved by scientists.
“
D: D: D:
HOWEVER that was the only spider I found, and I don’t think that’s enough spiders for Space Australia to have.
@ialreadyreadthatfanfic have you seen this?
Pffffffft omg this is brilliant
Anakin tries to contact the 501st because “hey whatup, we’re all gonna storm the Temple, Palpatine’s orders” and he gets like… no replies. At all. So he tracks them down and is like “guys what the kriff why did yoU NOT ANSWER” and they’re like “‘cuz Order 6 went out :D”
Anakin: Do–di-did you not hear it properly???
501st: Sure did, sir! Commander Cody specifically said “Order Six!”
Anakin: …what is Order Six, again?
501st: It’s the order to get rid of our communicators, sir!
Anakin: (sighs) No, someone must not have heard right. Palpatine said Order Sixty-Six. (gets blank looks) You know, where the Jedi are traitors and the clones are supposed to execute them?
501st: (reacting in a mixture of shock, outrage, and hurt) BUT SIR! We’ve fought alongside you guys for the whole war! We know you’d never betray the Republic! What the hell is Palpatine thinking?! Don’t worry, General, you’re safe with us!
Cue an increasingly flummoxed Anakin explaining the situation, which includes telling them that yeah, he’s married to Senator Amidala who’s apparently supposed to die in childbirth and Palpatine will help save her because he’s the Sith Lord and master of the Dark Side but only if Anakin goes and mows down his fellow Jedi. The clones stare on at him in growing disappointment and protectiveness, flat-out refusing to carry out Order 66 and basically piling onto him to prevent him from Doing a Big Force-Damned Stupid.
Anakin just… gives up on the assault on the Temple out of sheer embarrassment. Mostly because his own legion has kidnapped both him and his wife and is currently playing keep-away with them from a clearly mentally-kriffed-up Supreme Chancellor.
why are dudes in fanfic always getting hit with freight train orgasms. why not an orient express orgasm, classy and romantic. where are the shinkansen train orgasms? his orgasm hit him like the TGV atlantique breaking the passenger rail speed record. like the shanghai maglev, his orgasm was a feat of engineering but something of a commercial disappointment.
Don’t tell me delayed orgasms aren’t a thing
learning new things about the german rail system today
My favourite harmless prank I've heard of was done by this girl whose dad was a geologist, and they'd go on day hikes with his geologist friends/co-workers and when she got bored on them she'd habitually pick up a random rock and go ask him what it is, and one of them would explain what kind of a rock that is, how it probably got here, and usually some notions of the more unusual features the rock had, if any.
And she had a friend who had once gone on a tourist trip to Iceland and brought back a volcanic rock. So she borrowed the rock and took it with her on the hike, and after two randomly picked up "hey dad what rock is this", she presented the volcanic rock, in the same fashion as all the others.
3 minutes later there are five middle-aged and older men circled around this mysterious rock, all agreeing on what it is, but not why it is. They keep asking her questions, where did she find it? Were there any other rocks around there that looked like it? Was it like this on the ground? People walking past the group try to stretch their necks to see over the geologists' shoulders to see what's the source of such amazement.
And in the end she couldn't take it anymore, burst into laughter and confessed. The geologists agree that it was pretty clever.
Geologist enrichment
jedimasterjaina asked:
Something cute with Dogma and a Jedi?
thelostknee-deactivated20210422 answered:
I see a Jedi and raise you a bunch of soon-to-be Jedi.
***
Dogma doesn’t know what he expected when he went into the Jedi creché. It certainly wasn’t a herd of younglings painting diamonds onto his armor with their fingers, but that is exactly what is happening.
A little Rutian-skinned Twi'lek girl grins gaptoothedly at him as she dips her hand in bowl of yellow paint, and dabs a bright yellow angled square right where his heart would beneath his chestplate.
Another wookie boy with gobbets of paint in his dark fur paints two on each of his shoulder pieces.
By the time the younglings are done, and it takes a long time for them to finish up, there’s next to no white left on his armor. Dogma finds that he doesn’t mind, even if it’s horrendously beyond regulation.
When the younglings were sent to bed, Dogma shuffles over to the Jedi that had suggested he do this in the first place.
“Hey, uh, that really helped. Thank you, ma'am.”
Bant Eerin smiles at him. “I told you it would, Dogma. Next time, try to believe me.”
Does dogma change his name to Diamond Dogma and are all the vods hella jealous is my real question
I like to think there’s always a small contingent of clones that are assigned specifically to guard the youngling areas of the Jedi Temples (if I were Separatists or Palpatine looking to really rattle the Jedi/thin their numbers a little, that would be the place I would look at first) and every other clone in the galaxy is jealous because those clones? They’re the happiest clones in all of space.
And I wouldn’t be surprised if a few of the younglings banded together to start calling him Diamond Dogma! Though I think Dogma would prefer to keep his name how it is (don’t get me started on clone names, man, I’ll be here all day, but the ones they choose are basically as important as lightsaber crystals are to Jedi – it’s their history, who they are, and I don’t think they change them often), he would smile his awkward smile and let them get away with it.
Then there are the toddler younglings that can’t fully say Dogma, so they just call him “Ma” or “Ma-ma” and every Jedi working in the creche find it hilarious.
So Rex spends his time trying to stop his General from undertaking reckless plans without consulting General Kenobi.
And Cody is constantly trying to make his General look after himself without resorting to calling the healers or General Skywalker.
Meanwhile Wolffe has to stop his General from adopting all the things andPonds spends a lot of time trying to convince General Windu to let THEM do the protecting.
And we’ve just decided that whichever poor Clone Commander was assigned to Kit Fisto faces a constant battle to stop him fighting naked.
So what other bad habits do the Jedi have that the clones need to deal with? Does Vos constantly go AWOL? Why foibles does Aayla have that drive Bly nuts? What about Luminara?
well Vos def needs to be told to 1. just put on some sleeves, it’s better for him bc war and also psychometry and 2. stop dragging his friends to the Shadiest places
Ok, so Vos’ babysitter commander is constantly acting like a grandmother and telling him to put on a jacket and gloves. Fair enough. He probably spends his off hours with Kit’s commander wondering why they couldn’t have a General like Kenobi who always keeps his clothes on! (Cody laughs so hard when he hears and reminds himself to tell them about “cloak duty” the next time they catch up).
Yoda’s commander of course wishes he would stop relying on cryptic platitudes when it comes to non-vital instructions. Self discovery is all well and good, but he prefers not to have to contemplate their conversation for half an hour to work out his General’s breakfast order.
I would imagine Commander Bly spends all his time protecting Aayla from would-be suitors. I mean, she’s an attractive Twi'lek woman of a rare color (or at least that’s what Wookiepedia told me) so she probably has more than her fair share of locals throwing themselves at her (literally, Wolffe. Why are you laughing? That karking bugger launched himself out of a speeder! A speeder! If he wasn’t the planetary ruler I would have let the General cut him in half before she knew what was what!)
And on top of that, I’m sure there’s been more than one attempt to capture her. Bly is quite skilled at ferreting out potential booby traps and ambushes, so much so the GAR asks him to teach a workshop for the other Clone Commanders. Even Rex is impressed and he has to babysit Skywalker.
Bly: “I’m not protecting her from those lunatics. I’m actually protecting those lunatics!”
Wolfie: “Wait, what did she do?”
Bly: “I swore a pledge that I’d never disclose what exactly happened to that poor man who had a blue twi’lek fetish, but let’s say it involved a funnel, a lightsaber, a pot of General Kenobi’s goulash and a one-hour-long recording of Gungan national anthem… So yes, I think it’s more preferable if I just punch them a little to teach them a lesson rather than let them fall into my general’s claws.”
The galaxy thinks that the clones protect the Jedi from everyone else but the clones actually protect everyone else from the Jedi. (Nobody ever wants to see General Kenobi after 5 days awake. Nobody.)
everyone THINKS they want to see Obi Wan no matter what, but you’re right, they definitely don’t. but also: the clone commanders compare notes on the kind of ridiculousness they’ve had to say ‘GENERAL PLS NO’ to
“I had to tell General Skywalker not to jump off a cliff with no backup last month”
“Ha! I had to ask General Kenobi to refrain from jumping off a cliff right onto a poisonous space dinosaur just this past week”
“I had to stop General Fisto from doing the same thing stark naked.”
“Again?”
“Yep.”
I’m imagining that Kit and his commander have an agreement - while he is on land the clothes stay on, no ifs ands or buts. When there is sufficient water that Kit’s Nautolan heritage may provide a tactical advantage then the boardshorts may be considered acceptable, as per Master Windu’s ruling on the matter.
(That was an… Interesting council meeting)
This of course meants that our poor clone Commander spends quite a bit of time arguing with his general about what can be considered wet enough to count as a potential advantage. Swamps, rivers and heavy rain must all be considered, and honestly, Cody and Rex never have to deal with this shit!
Also, General Fisto keeps “losing” his trunks or handing them in as “ too damaged, it is a rather flimsy material”. But just you wait. There’s a rumour going round about an improved armour weave for use in commando units and with any luck it shouldn’t be too hard to stitch together. At least this way SOME of his Jedi will be well protected…
My newest obsession is a rat girl made for Pathfinder2e. She's leucistic, with white hair and red eyes, and she dresses in all black just like a tiny, furry Elric of Melnoboné, but all she wants to do is teach you about maths.
She wrote which side of her shield should be facing up on the inside. Also she has a cheatsheet of notes about how to fight in there.
In large letters across the top it says, "if you are seeing this note, you are probably in a fight"
Perfectly normal day when your ratgirl sings a song about anatomical studies, you look at her journal and it's nothing but illustrations of dissected bodies with a bunch of alarmingly specific notes about how much torque humanoid anatomy can take and the tensile strength of various tendons.
Sad pathetic mew mew dresses like a cenobite because it hides the bloodstains.
"Why do you have a chart about how much tensile strength humanoid bones have, why did you write that information down?"
In my head, she's like the mousegirl version of Elric of Melniboné, but only by 20%, because the mouse versions are always kind of lighter and more fun. Despite my averagest efforts most of tumblr isn't familiar with this specific Elric. However, more of tumblr is aware of dramatic titty out fantasy book cover guy because it was a popular post
And that's a cover from one of the Elric of Melniboné books. So he is literally that bitch, but no single image captures just how absolutely dramatic and sorrowful he is, although this comic page sort of shows it
Look at that ridiculous face. Anyway, like transfer that to an adorable mouse girl who needs a label to tell which end of her shield is up, and who named her short sword "please stop trying to kill me," and that's her.
A rat is a type of girl
Her first outing went very well, the contrast between sweet innocent rat who is obsessed with architecture and keeps taking parts of dead things and messing with bones but turns into a combat demon worked as intended. I love it when a plan comes together.
I named her Octavia Decibelle for no other reason than it was funny to me, none of the players know her full name at all.
She is my most well adjusted character to date, a little weird and a little morbid, but fundamentally honest with herself and sincere about her intentions. Easily distracted but what's a little adhd among friends?