Wie kann man als Schulleiter effektiv mit schwierigen Eltern umgehen?

My 2 cents: 1. Parenting is not easy, with many struggles, stress and temptations. The new generation is struggling due to the perilous times we live in. Thus we need to empathise with them. 2. Understand their perspective and expectations. 3. Schools need to educate not only the students but their parents too. Parenting is a 24 × 7 responsibility and everyone is not good at it. We need to be patient with them. 4. Don't be aggressive or defensive. No arguments. Be calm and respectful. 5. Communicate effectively and maintain absolute transparency and clarity on the rules/ regulations and policies of the school. 6. Be a Servant Leader and a GIVER who believes in serving people. Love NEVER EVER fails. 7. Listen more, speak less.

Allow them to advocate for their child/ren and accept that they will be emotional and subjective. Listen and really hear what they are telling you, don't judge or assume. Allow, accept and acknowledge their perspective. Offer support where appropriate and work in partnership where possible. Be as transparent and honest as you can about situations, admitting mistakes where appropriate and redirecting or reframing when needed. Above all else remember there is a child at the centre of everything and your duty of care and professional responsibility is to work with all stakeholders to enable the holistic wellbeing and education of that young person.

What many teachers and leaders don't consider is that parents have their own 'school traumas' as well. In my experience, young people who have had difficulties with school have often had parents who have experienced the same thing. This breeds distrust, fear and anger towards the school, which is seen as 'the enemy.' The most important message that you must make sure the parents receive from you is: We are on the same team. You both want what is best for their child and must work TOGETHER to achieve that desired outcome. Gently walk parents through the processes, listen to their concerns and remove any barriers that hinder the child's success. If you do that well, chances are you will make progress.

More than anything difficult parents are most difficult when they feel disrespected and unheard. Parents want the best for their children and many will rush to defend them whenever they feel under attack or uncomfortable, which is completely understandable. The key to communication is developing a relationship with open and frequent communication that lowers the parent’s defenses. Using supportive language is also important so that parents feel that resolution is desired not just punishment.

Handling challenging parents as a school principal is not that easy at most times but I believe that staying calm, practicing active listening, and fostering trust through transparent communication helps a lot to encourage collaborative problem-solving and ensure consistency in decision-making. Approach each interaction with empathy and a commitment to a positive school environment.

Handling difficult parents comes with the job. Open communication is a critical key, so it helps to have a clear channel of two-way communication between home and centre. We need to listen to their source of distress, and respond accordingly with respect, acting always in the best interest of the child. Parental education is essential, and we should establish expectations and boundaries right from the start, and involve the parents (and children of course) as we review these expectations and boundaries when necessary. Step into the shoes of the parents, but maintain professionalism at all times. Centre and home must collaborate to bring out the full potential of the child from the early years.

Listen to understand rather than just hear. Calm them and provide an assurance you are there to solve the situation or the problem. Most of the time the required solutions are in the problems raised. Their concerns are generally due to fear of missing or traditional thoughts. They are condescending because they fear losing value, importance or developing pressure to get importance. The key is to listen to them carefully and act on it swiftly.

It is truly important for parents to feel heard and respected. If parents feel the school is a partnership for them as they work together in the best interests of their child, this will help reduce their anxiety or concerns. Showing empathy and being a good listener is vital to develop a relationship of trust. Once trust is established, common ground and shared goals can be established.

In my career, I have met very few "difficult" parents. I've met some upset, angry, frustrated, disenfranchised, disrespected, afraid/terrified and underserved parents, but very few "difficult ones." To agree with Denise Munoz, its in about how we think about parents. If we understand that parents entrust us daily with their most precious gifts, anytime they show up it is because they believe their most precious one has been wronged, short changed, harmed etc. in some way. If I listen actively for what they need and consider ways to solve it, conversations go fairly well. Sometimes that means I have to sit/sift through the yelling or possible belligerence or empty threats to hear their hearts but once I do, I usually have the solution.

Share with them some of your own personal struggles with your own kids. I have raised four and am now grandparent to 10. One of my kids did not do well in school. It helps parents to realize that they are not the ones being judged. Four kids raised similarly - one made poor choices for awhile.

Clear communication is so important! What may seem minor to you as an educator, can be a big deal for a parent. When in doubt, overcommunication is always better than no communication.

90% of parent issues that escalate to the principal's office are from parents feeling no-one is listening and so they assume no-one cares about their most beloved aspect of their life - their child. Apply 80-20 rule, listen 80%, talk 20%. Ears and body language open, and mouth zipped at first. Let the parent speak, then ask solution-focused questions. Be respectful and empathise, summarise key issues. Articulate next steps and do what you say you'll do.

I would turn this argument on its head. Firstly you won’t have difficult parents if the communication is transparent and regular. What tends to happen is that parents are contacted for the first time when a negative behaviour occurs from their child. Immediately your back is against the wall. My advice would be to have a standardised system where all parents are aware of their child’s attainment and behaviour in school. This can be done in several ways including the school platform where parents can access at home or on their phones via the app and / or a weekly newsletter. But remember these 4 but pivotal guidance points: - communication - transparency - regularity - empathy

One thing I've found helpful with difficult parents is to simply listen. Working in international schools means that many parents work hard to invest in their child's education and that is often accompanied with a high amount of expectation which quite often doesn't meet reality. Listening to parents allows them an opportunity to be heard (regardless of the issue) and provides you as the educator with all of the information to respond and manage expectations appropriately. Parents need reassurance and supporting just as much as students, and *most* of the time, difficult parents can be brought back to reason with a sensitive ear. By being a mirror we can reflect back to parents the reality of the situation and clarify our position.

My four key rules: How will you achieve this? - Be honest with yourself and the other person - Create value - Stick to the facts - Show empathy The facts are vital. If you deal in facts, they cannot be denied!

Sometimes people get so focused on their perspective and what they are thinking, right or wrong, that's it's hard to diffuse escalating anger or one-sided thinking. I like to use "If I understand you correctly ..." and restate what they said in a different way. Often, this will give people pause when they hear back what they've said or are expecting.

Communicating clearly on a regular basis is key for parents to be happy. Mostof the time, it is observed that parents who do not read mails or respond to teachers are the most difficult parents. If a teacher can track this data and share it with section Supervisors, it helps to connect with them over phone. This can reduce the gap. When talking to a parent, the communication should be precise, to the point and without any bias. No parent wants to hear anything about their child. Explaining how any action taken has a positive impacts helps parent understand. Communicate with compassion and any problem can be resolved.

A successful dialogue requires serious planning. Especially without much practical experience, the unpopular role play can help you not to lose sight of your goal, even in difficult conversations. The objective as such should be clearly considered by the school management in advance of the meeting. It also makes sense to think about a possible compromise to ensure that the discussion is successful. The basic principles of a successful dialogue (factual level, relationship level, appeal level and self-disclosure) can help in setting a goal and at the same time in thinking about a possible compromise.

Avoid engaging in long email exchanges. Invite them in for a meeting as soon as a concern is escalated to you as HT. Listen. Ask what will make a difference.

Lack of proper information between the school and parents can bring about concerns on the parents' part. So communication must be effective. At the point of enrolling a child, get adequate information about the child. Example, the health status, age, foods or other things the child is allergic to etc. Having proper information about a child helps you manage the child properly to avoid problems with the parents.

Even your posture during communication determines a lot. Avoid being the big boss in the room...climb down your ivory towers and lean in as to seek a solution not to prove a wrong. Use a persuasive language exalting relationships over policies. There are scenarios that you'd want to understand the causative factors rather that flying consequences to the infractions caused

I think the issue is better framed as “How do you build relationships with parents who have different expectations and culture norms than you?” The reference to “handling” does presume a “right and wrong” perspective and a very transactional approach. Building a learning-centred relationship often helps to set clear boundaries of the communication and expectations of mutual respect and open-to-learn conversations. Face-to-face conversations take time and effort but are usually the most effective way to achieve a successful connection.

Before accepting a child into school, the parents should be made to go through the school policies and the rules and regulations to avoid issues in the future. This will help in setting boundaries. Other than helping in setting boundaries, it will guide the parents' behaviours and actions.

As a School principal, understand that handling difficult parents can be challenging and stressful. It's important to remember that these situations can be emotionally charged, and it's natural to feel overwhelmed. I encourage you to approach each interaction with empathy and understanding, while setting clear boundaries and expectations. Communicate school policies and expectations with kindness and respect, ensuring parents are aware of the standards for behaviour and communication. Remember that cooperation within these established parameters is essential for the benefit of the students and the school community. Approach difficult situations with empathy and understanding, you can create a positive and supportive environment for all.

The parents need to understand boundaries when it comes to their wards education. They need to know that the school has a part to play in preparing their child's future. These boundaries need to be communicated clearly with the parents even before admitting the child and must be consistently made clear whenever the parents put up an attitude.

It's important to support your teachers and staff. Make sure that you communicate to parents that disrespect towards school staff is not acceptable. It's beneficial for schools to have a set of core values that guide interactions between students, staff, administration, and parents. Share these publicly and reference them often. The culture will build upon itself and make challenging situations easier over time.

Insist on face-to-face meetings. These build rapport and strengthen the home-school partnership. Avoid addressing concerns over email.

This would need a culture to be in place...probably this won't be the first or last time a parent come. Let them understand your culture, routines and procedures of such discussions. It needs continuity and consistency on how you handle such conversations. Meet their expectations in the predictability of your reactions as you show a new unknown trait of bring firm and polite.

First and far most - The integrity of teachers and staff must be clearly defined and legally supported. There is much to be said about this. Staff would speak more openly about their experiences if they did not fear loss of employment. Parental approval is important but not to the extent of allowing them to display unauthorized authority over teachers & staff. Students will display the behavior of their parents and brag about how they will get a teacher fired. Strong organizations expect adversities and is ready to respond productively for success. More demands should be placed on parental participation and engagement. A willful - unengaged parent will not hesitate the opportunity to bring legal actions.

Documentation of communication and incidents is something to prioritize as well. In my opinion, policy changes for schools, public sector schools specifically, is needed. DESE and IDEA have restricted administrators ability to effectively support teachers and other students in extreme situations that have become commonplace in learning environments. While Inclusion and educational advocacy for special education has provided much needed attention to changes to alternative learning, a blind eye has been turned to what all members of a school need and experience. Parents often take the combative stance that is encouraged by advocates and resources that don’t have case specific, relevant information. Policy change, please.

Principals exist as leaders in a field comprised of nearly entirely women. The work of education & childcare is still viewed as women’s work. This sexism and misogyny means that your own social identities greatly impact your ability and your actions as a school principal. Of course, there’s many intersecting identities like race and class that also impact a leader. Carefully consider the systems and structures in place at the school. What are the policies around parent engagement? What training or onboarding is being done for new parents to understand boundaries, expectations, and their own social identities? Sometimes the best way to deal with a Karen is to hold up a mirror and ask if that’s who they want their child to be.

As pastoral coordinator, I believe it is essential other staff members are involved depending on the issue. So for example, the head of the school and the head of secondary can be involved, as well as other staff members involved in the issue. Meeting up to discuss the meeting the day beforehand is essential, so everyone is on the same page and they have an understanding of the situation and the reason why the parents, or staff, are asking for a meeting. Also, in international education, some parents do have a lot of influence e.g. wealthy or political families. If you believe that parents will try to abuse their power, it is essential you stick together as a team, stand by your principals and do not let them intimidate staff.

I'm not an 'expert' in this area, but I have been *that* parent, and the first thing I would say is I was not 'difficult'. My daughter started to refuse school a year ago - her mental health declined, she wasn't eating, sleeping, and personal care was out of the window. Yet if she was forced to go into school, she would appear 'fine'. She was compliant and didn't cause problems - yet she would explode at home. Our family life was turned upside-down and it affected everyone in our home. I wasn't being 'difficult', I was in need. My daughter was in need. My plea would be to listen and believe what the parents are saying, use empathy and understanding. And don't tell them to go on parenting courses!

In my experience, parents are pivotal stakeholders in the success of continuous improvement and achieving institutional vision and mission. Without parents’ involvement, schools cannot genuinely reflect the needs of this critical stakeholder for a quality education and service to their children. In effective schools, parents play an active role in various school committees, review of the school improvement plan and self evaluation, and providing feedback and review of curriculum adaptations. Parents are also teachers of their own children and their knowledge and expertise, which should not be underestimated, can be harnessed to supplement the efforts of school teachers. Schools and parents working together ensures the wellbeing of all.

Many years ago I worked with a collague from a major academics state. Excellent - High academic achievement! Parent's meeting participation / IEP school meetings were closely montored by financial social services institutions. $$$$$$$$$ speaks !!!!!!

As the school management, it is first important to clarify whether the class teacher/subject teacher has also been contacted by the parents/guardians in advance. As part of open communication, all those involved should also be given the opportunity to work on solving the problem. This strengthens the necessary trust within the school system, but it is also important for external communication to deal with problems in a transparent manner. From the perspective of the school management, the first step is to identify the real problem and then involve those involved.

O Atendimento psicopedagógico é uma ferramenta indispensável nos dias de hoje, através delas Pais podem ser aproximados de uma realidade com seus filhos que ainda é desconhecida. Profissionais da psicologia e pedagocia podem ser dúvida ser úteis em diversos momentos em que os próprios pais não sabem lidar com o que está acontecendo.

This is one of the reasons I moved from the classroom to what I do. I believe schools need a lens shift in how they work with parents. Terminology like "difficult" is weighty. It interprets their behaviour through the school's lens rather than theirs which may well be based on reasons we find irrational or unfounded. Are we handing over our power by seeing their perspective before we put a label on it? No. Schools still need to maintain the limits and processes they want and need. But they can think more about how they work with parents. It's telling that schools are staffed by people trained to work with children but few boast staff trained in working with parents. There's professional support out there for those wanting to lead a change.

For me, the key is listening to parents - letting them express their fears, their concerns, their dreams for their children. Too often we try to address a particular issue without seeing the bigger picture, without hearing the emotions involved. Many times, parents have just needed to tell us what they are worried about, and feel reassured we have heard them.

There is always room for growth and reflection. Part of managing difficult parents is the skills around de-escalating, but a team must also reflect. Hence, provide your team a space and place for that reflection. What points were valid that the parent might of made? And if they were unreasonable—what coaching does your team need to help the parent cool down in order to be able to hear a different perspective?

There should be proper communication between parents and teachers. Then the involvement of principal won’t come. Communication is the key!

Keep asking them questions and find out about their perspective. One can learn a lot from consulting other people who are not experts in the field. Such insight creates wisdom and often once gained, it can act as a propeller in handling difficult situations with other concerned parents…

Once a decision has been made regarding a situation, follow up with the parent. This shows that you care about their child and family as individuals, and it also gives them a chance to voice their opinions on the decision made. Be open to change or suggestions they make.

Se preocupar com questões extrasala podem trazer mais lucidez durante o processo de decisão, ou mesmo de ensino. Refletir sobre como cada um de nós chegou até um ambiente acadêmico pode ajudar a evidenciar as diferenças nas formações culturais, sociais e religiosas, que formaram nosso caráter até ali. Entender que existem diversas formas de se ver o mundo é necessário e precisa de preparo. Muito preparo assim como aquele preparo acadêmico que buscamos com especializações e capacitações.

There is no such thing as a difficult parent. Rather, there are different parents with differing needs. The perception of a difficult parent is vey subjective and likely having to do with some educators discomfort to be challenged. Educators need to remember that parents have their own children’s best interest and have a right to question and seek convincing answers. At the same time, educators need to respond based on verifiable data and best practice to achieve parental understanding and positive rapport. Pursuing an open line of communications with parents and respecting their knowledge and experience, and above all according them the respect they deserve are the best options to work with parents whom we perceive as difficult.

Understand that the parent is not the problem. The parent is in fact an underserved customer who has entrusted your school with their most precious of things. They may unhappy, yes. Ask yourself why. Beyond that, it’s important to remember that everyone is a product of their journey. The way they behave is not just shaped by the context of the moment but also by their life experiences, which may have included a very negative personal experience of their own education.

As parents have many expectations with the school most of the time they come up with grievances. For an easy solution listen to them carefully and make them understand the process ,rules ,regulations of the controlling agencies and how nicely the students are doing the things then only the principal can elaborate the schools part to connect parents emotionally

One thing I have found helpful is to build relationships before uncomfortable conversations need to happen. When the majority of your communications focus on building community and celebrating the wins of the school community it makes it easier for all stakeholders to accept difficult truths from school leaders.

I do agree that using language and words themselves frame the conversations to take place. It is not that the parents are difficult, it is that the conversations to be had are difficult and require trust, empathy and putting oneself in the shoes of the other. It also requires are that participants in the conversation have an idea that they will hear stories which require listening rather than rebuttal. Having curosity and not closing the conversation may lead to a different outcome that is both surprising and not quite finished. Always remember stories and the feelings they arouse are valid but that the facts may be hard to reconcile. Blaming the other does not lead to a good outcome. A need for a facilitated conversation through maturity.

Check in with yourself before you meet to ensure you are feeling calm, grounded and prepared. Make sure you are talking adult to adult, without sense of hierarchy, and are clear from the outset that you are here to work together as a team. Avoid talking over a table. Sit down side by side. Listen. Agree action points together and share these after the meeting. Agree a time and date to check in.

I'm not a school principal, but I have been very fortunate to work in many varied institutions and see some of the best in their field. The one thing that was always present was the aura of calmness and nothing was ever exaggerated by the Principle nor overly loud. These are normally the parents that become anxious and loud, so keeping a calm and positive attitude at all times can only help to keep whatever the situation in a much clearer perspective.

@andy mcdowell and that, is why I love your work! All about the endgame...no judgement. X You're right, I think, for a carer to get to this degree they are distressed not challenging. What is the reason for the label? For the person throwing the blow to have justification for their actions. Its so bizarre. WE need to treat the whole family with kindness.

Body language and tone of voice are huge here. I like to take notes (pen and paper) during meetings with parents to ensure I remember specifics of the exchange.

I’d like to challenge the label “Difficult Parents.” Do we refer to our children that way? Our colleagues? Our leaders? Language matters. It informs dynamics, sets culture, directs mindset. In no other sector is anyone referred to in this way, so why parents? I became That Parent as a result of systemic and systematic failures by the systems that should’ve been there to offer information, advice, support, understanding, compassion, care. Institutional harms and the need to survive & protect my child from further decline necessitated Difficult Conversations. #AskWhy #ProfessionalCuriosity #EthicalLeadership #FliptheNarrative THINK is your view: Thoughtful? Helpful? Inclusive & Informed? Necessary? Kind? Choose Another Way #SquarePegs

Parents/Caregivers don't necessarily need to be handled. Mostly they need to be assured that you are willing to listen to them and to consider their input. Caregivers want to understand how things work in their student's classrooms and across campus. Having consistent school-wide expectations and demonstrating examples of those can ease defensiveness, and give each of you a common focal point to head toward. Ultimately, caregivers (and students) need to feel safe in their communication with you. To that end, holding high and realistic boundaries around communication and outcomes, and following through with agreements will often create a path toward grace, understanding and creative problem solving that you can travel on, together.

I agree language is important, using the word ‘difficult’ moves our mindset to one of judgement. Just like when we handle students that are struggling we need to be curious - why? Why now? What’s going on for them. In my experience these parents just want to be seen, heard and understood. Meeting them face to face and listening is key. However, understanding how other people’s behaviour can trigger our nervous systems to shift into a state of fight or flight is important as is the concept of limbic leakage. This is why I believe educators need to understand nervous systems, theirs and other people’s so that they can self-regulate - co-regulate- deescalate and empower parents and students to do this too. It takes a village!

I believe there are no inherently "difficult" parents. Every parent deserves undivided attention. Listen to their concerns, empathize, and work together on solutions. Be proactive, and follow up to ensure satisfaction with the solution you offered. Remember, every interaction is a chance to build trust and improve the educational experience of children.

Secure their buy-in as important stakeholders in the process of wanting the best outcomes for *their* ward. Once that happens, one doesn't have to work solo anymore.

Psychologically, if we position our bodies next to someone and have a third point of reference — like a document with notes or a picture — it helps to create an “us against the problem” mindset. Whenever possible, have a third point of reference on hand to be able to speak to the negativity elsewhere, rather than directly toward one another.

Start by reframing this whole question. A) Parents are not difficult- they are experiencing a problem with your organisation that has likely been going on for some time and which multiple people you employ have failed to address. B) Once you understand that you are difficult to work with, rather than ‘handling’ parents start thinking about what you need to and realistically can change to resolve the issue they are experiencing

💡✨ Absolutely! And I think understanding and empathizing with the feelings and issues of difficult parents is crucial in effectively handling the situation. By putting myself in their shoes and acknowledging their concerns, I can build trust and rapport. This empathetic approach allows me to better assess the situation and determine the appropriate course of action or assistance needed. It also demonstrates my commitment to addressing their needs and finding solutions together. So consider this effective communication and empathy go hand in hand when dealing with difficult parents. You will be successful.

Build good relationships. Establishing good relationships between a Head teacher and parents is crucial for fostering a supportive and collaborative school environment. It enhances trust, communication, and understanding, leading to improved student well-being, academic performance, and overall school success. Parents feel more engaged and involved, contributing to a positive school culture and reinforcing a sense of community.

Most "difficult parents" are not really difficult, much less mean. They are having a hard time or need support. But there are also nasty parents - thankfully few. But they can drive teachers and principals to near madness.