• i go to the shop and I ask if they have any raspberries. they say no, they used to sell raspberries, but they haven't had any in stock in the last 15 years. I ask if there's somewhere else I can go to buy raspberries. They say no, with confidence and pride, they're the only shop around who has ever sold or will ever sell raspberries. Other shops might sell other fruit, sure, but they have a monopoly on all raspberries forever. I ask if they're possibly planning on them selling them again in future? they say they can't tell me that.

    on the way home, I encounter someone eating raspberries. I ask and they tell me that they grow their own, they got some seeds from the shop back in The Raspberry Days and kept them. They take me to a field of many beautiful raspberry plants and invite me to pick my own, they're free for all the town to pick whenever they'd like.

    someone comes up behind us. It's the shop manager, President of Nintendo Shuntaro Furukawa. he hatefully throws a bob-omb that blows up and kills both of us instantly for stealing 200 trillion dollars worth of potential Raspberry Shop That Doesn't Do Raspberries Anymore profits that they weren't making and then he turns around to the camera with a big thumbs up and says don't do piracy or something ok please

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    YOU hate JK Rowling!

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  • when i say my gender changes to the tune of the bit i mean a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do and if he can’t then god forbid women do anything

  • jokerkind specibus ass

  • that joke can't stop me because i didn't read homestuckALT
  • But you still recognized that as a Homestuck reference.

  • What were YOU doing at the devil's sacrament?

  • i googled the words & got results from the homestuck wiki. that’s not attending the devil’s sacrament that’s investigating suspicious noises in the woods by lanternlight

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  • king

  • King

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  • “Pack it up boys we’ve made a social blunder” is the funniest sentence I’ve ever read 😭😭😭😭😭

  • like/reblog if u are:

    • a bitch
    • a bastard
    • an all around fool
    • an omnipresent all-powerful being
    • a sparrow
    • c̵͙̳͕̈͛ụ̷̔r̸̗͎̽̓͗͜s̴̨̈́̿͘e̸͍̰̜͊̈́d̵̛̫̙͍͝͝
    • capable of moving at immense, incomprehensible speeds
    • an eldritch being

    no one will know which one u chose! :D

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    "When a prison camp opens in your town…when a DREAMer is disappeared from your classroom…when the President destroys what’s left of the Constitution…They will all say they didn’t know this was coming. And I want the American people to know that they did.” AOC

  • imo sharing your art for free online for strangers to see it requires a lot of courage. A lot of mental strength. Im being serious rn i think if youve ever shared anything online and even if its not popular even if only a few people have seen it i think thats very very brave

  • captain afab is honestly a very relatable character because whomst among us does not have some great beast that has eluded us all our lives. mine, for instance, is a decent night's sleep.

  • Ahab. I meant fucking. captain Ahab.

  • y'all are gonna make this a whole thing aren't you

  • top 5 things people have said in the tags on this so far:

    • moby girldick
    • I mean, he is chasing dick
    • the real white whale was testosterone
    • assigned whaler at birth
    • captain afab and his trusty crewman cismale
  • Cismale is sending me.

  • ACTIVATING DEATH RAY

  • Your death will be quick and pineless

  • My life is now better with this pun in it.

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  • Absurd Item: Pinecone Death Ray, which inflicts a pineless death.

  • Me when I accientally sign an email ‘kid regards’ instead of 'kind regards’

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  • Dealing with 4chan/Reddit/Twitter trolls running our government is gonna be frustrating because getting angry is almost besides the point. Obviously anger is a very valid emotion to have to all this, and it's a powerful motivation for action, but they want you to be mad. They jerk off to that shit. "Lol u mad bro?"

    Perhaps we should just be pointing out the banality of it all. The banality of evil. Aren't you just tired of this shit?

  • "Trump removed mentions of Harriet Tubman from museums, lol u triggered libs?"

    Wow bro, that's so fucking edgy bro, sure seems like the master race is acting like a bunch of weak little pussies bro, why are you so scared of history bro, is it because you secretly feel ashamed of your ancestors bro, is it because you're ugly and unfuckable bro, what are you gonna do bro, tank the stock market again to own the libs bro, got any pronoun jokes you want to make bro?

  • they could have said, like, "we made a new wolf morph, which shows how far genetic science has advanced". they could have said, "we're calling them direwolves out of a love for the extinct species." maybe too much to ask for but would have loved it if they'd pointed out some kind of ecological niche they were theoretically intent on resolving - like, "wolves are having trouble adapting to human sprawl and we are hoping that our research into the past will help us save wolves in the present."

    but alas they did not do this. and see this sucks because i want to be hype about new bigass fantasy wolves. there is a 7th grade version of me that would be ecstatic about this. she would be obsessive.

    unfortunately, due to capitalism, now i gotta have beef with puppies. can you imagine.