U-Haul lesbian
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The U-Haul lesbian or U-Haul syndrome is a stereotype of lesbian relationships[1] referring to the idea that lesbians tend to move in together after a short period of time (e.g., after the second date). It suggests an extreme inclination toward committed relationships. Depending on context, the term can be considered humorous, complimentary, or pejorative.[2][3]
Origin
[edit]A joke which references U-Haul (a brand of self-move rental trucks and trailers) became well known in lesbian culture.[4]
Question: What does a lesbian bring on a second date?
Answer: A U-Haul.
It is considered a staple of lesbian humor.[5] It is often attributed to comic Lea DeLaria,[6][7] who claimed in her 1997 comedy album, Box Lunch, that she had written it in 1989 — in the album, she gets the audience to yell back the punchline, showing it was already well-known at the time of recording.[8]
Reference to a U-Haul later became a stereotype of sexual identity in the gay community. It is sometimes followed or preceded by a standard joke about gay men:
Question: What does a gay man bring on a second date?
Answer: What second date?[9][8]
The joke is also popular outside the LGBTQ community.[9]
Relationships
[edit]Psychologists note that the U-Haul joke epitomizes the perceived phenomenon of lesbians to form intense emotional connections, referred to in gay slang as an "urge to merge".[10] Critics of this alleged tendency suggest that it is used by lesbians to avoid the risks involved with dating.[11] In their view, an aversion to the risks of dating is linked to a stunted development of intimate relationships during the teenage years when most gays and lesbians are in the closet. With the freedom of adulthood, lesbians become drawn to U-Haul relationships, appreciating their intensity and intimacy.[12]
Some psychologists also believe that this behavior can be unhealthy.[13] They argue that the short dating-span bypasses serious discussion on many relationship issues prior to moving in (such as sexual compatibility or future expectations) and this can manifest itself in various problems later on.[14]
See also
[edit]
References
[edit]- ^ Eliason, Michele J. (26 October 2010). "A New Classification System for Lesbians: The Dyke Diagnostic Manual". Journal of Lesbian Studies. 14 (4): 401–414. doi:10.1080/10894161003677133. PMID 20661801. S2CID 205754307.
- ^ Gordon, Liahna E. (April 2006). "Bringing the U-Haul: Embracing and Resisting Sexual Stereotypes in a Lesbian Community". Sexualities. 9 (2): 171–192. doi:10.1177/1363460706063118. S2CID 145353805.
- ^ Alexander, Christopher J., ed. (1996). Gay and Lesbian Mental Health: A Sourcebook for Practitioners (1st ed.). New York: Haworth Park Press. p. 98. ISBN 978-1560238799. LCCN 95043392. OCLC 33948761.
- ^ Queen, Robin (2005). ""How Many Lesbians Does It Take...": Jokes, Teasing, and the Negotiation of Stereotypes about Lesbians". Journal of Linguistic Anthropology. 15 (2): 239–257. doi:10.1525/jlin.2005.15.2.239. ISSN 1055-1360. JSTOR 43104051.
- ^ Bing, Janet; Heller, Dana (2003). "How many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?". International Journal of Humor Research. 16 (2): 157–182. doi:10.1515/humr.2003.009. ISSN 1613-3722.[permanent dead link]
- ^ Kelleher, Kathleen (January 31, 2000). "Couple's Emotional Bonding Can Take the Steam Out of Intimacy". LA Times.
- ^ Brown-Scott, Jo Ann (July 2007). Epiphany and Her Friends: Intuitive Realizations That Have Changed Women's Lives. BookSurge. p. 339.
- ^ a b Lea DeLaria (1997). ""Empty Bed Blues" (the not-so-straight-ahead version)". Box Lunch (Audio CD). Rising Star Records. 6:10 minutes in.
I had a girl, and I figured after seven days I could trust her, so I moved her into my house. Typical lesbian relationship, huh, women? As perfectly exemplified by the joke I wrote in 1989. Everybody: what does a lesbian bring on a second date? [audience yells back: A U-Haul!] What does a gay man bring on a second date? What second date?
- ^ a b Denizet-Lewis, Benoit (2008-04-27). "Young Gay Rites". The New York Times Magazine. Archived from the original on 2019-12-24. Retrieved 2008-04-28.
- ^ Alexander, Christopher J., ed. (1996). Gay and Lesbian Mental Health: A Sourcebook for Practitioners (1st ed.). New York: Haworth Park Press. p. 96. ISBN 978-1560238799. LCCN 95043392. OCLC 33948761.
- ^ Munro, Kali (1999). "Lesbian Dating: Life Before the U-Haul". Siren Magazine (April/May).
- ^ Hardin, K.; Hall, M.; Berzon, B. (2001). Queer Blues: The Lesbian and Gay Guide to Overcoming Depression. New Harbinger Publications. p. 31. ISBN 1-57224-244-2.
- ^ Shapiro, Nina (June 23, 2004). "Till Death Do They Part?". Seattle Weekly. Archived from the original on 2007-05-25.
- ^ Stevens, Tracey; Wunder, Katherine (2003). How to be a Happy Lesbian: A Coming Out Guide. Amazing Dreams Publishing. p. 49. ISBN 0-9719628-0-4.
