Gather round kids! Momma Faye is gonna teach you about the platonic birds and bees! 🤣
Asexuality is often very misunderstood and reduced to “people who don’t like sex”, but it’s actually a spectrum just like pretty much everything else in life. Just like you said, it’s about not experiencing sexual attraction in a “convencional” way. And you don’t need sexual attraction in order to have sex with someone (and enjoy it).
Yes, there are sex-repulsed asexuals, absolutely. But there are also sex-favorable asexuals (actually some of the kinkiest people I know are asexuals!)
Some asexuals experience no sexual attraction at all. And there are asexuals who do experience it. Demisexuals, for example, can feel that in specific circumstances when they have a deep connection or bond with someone. Gray asexuals (it’s me!) sometimes feel it, sometimes don’t, it’s usually something rare or with very low intensity.
So here’s the thing. I know what sexual attraction feels like, even though I can probably count on the fingers of both hands how many times I’ve actually felt it, with some fingers to spare.
But even if I didn’t, the best way to learn about something you can’t experience yourself is to ask someone else. I’ve had multiple conversations with people from across the spectrum, specifically with allosexuals. That’s how I figured that what I felt (or didn’t feel) wasn’t quite the same.
I did the same with some of my trans friends, for example. Asked them how they knew they were trans, when they figured it out, what it feels like…
Or something as simple as snow. About fifteen years ago when I wanted to write about a character in the snow but my experience with snow was next to 0. It doesn’t snow where I live, and I’d only seen snow in rare occasions when I was a little kid. So I asked other people about it. What it feels like to be outside when it snows, how different it is from being in the rain, what’s like walking on it, what it sounds like, what it looks like…
Learning from people who have first-hand knowledge about something will always be the best option, if you ask me.
And READ. If you write, you should also be reading as much as you can. It’s like going to the gym for athletes. You can learn about what works for you and what doesn’t, you can be inspired, you can figure out what not to do… And yes, this includes reading smut/erotica too, if that’s the type of stories you write!
So that’s it. I draw from my own personal experience, from what I learned from other people, and from reading other authors. Hope I answered your question! 💚
